by AJ Skelly
The morning passed in a blur, and by lunch, I wasn’t any better. Wolf was acting strangely, too. The bell was a few minutes away, and I raised my hand.
“Yes, Miss Carmichael?”
“May I use the restroom?”
The teacher nodded. I was a model student and never asked to leave class for any reason. I felt justified today. I gathered my things and trudged out the door to the bathroom.
Meet you in the cafeteria. Heading to the bathroom. I sent to Sam through our link. He didn’t immediately respond, but I didn’t worry much about it as the bell rang, and I was closing in on the hallway to the bathroom and students flooded out of classrooms.
Wolf was wobbly legged as I staggered past a few girls at the sinks and into a bathroom stall just in time to throw up in the black and white porcelain toilet. I spit the nasty taste out of my mouth and flushed it down, wiping my mouth on the back of my hand. Wolf lay down, her eyes closed, her fur dull and dingy, not glossy and shining as usual. Clearly there was something wrong with us.
I didn’t feel ill, just unsettled. Just…off. And obviously I ate something weird that didn’t agree with us. Shaking my head, I exited the stall and found two curious pairs of eyes belonging to two cheerleaders watching me, and Shelby Atwood staring at me from her view in the mirror.
Skylar, the captain of the cheer squad—the one Raven had said was hard to please, glanced at her red-haired friend and smirked.
“Morning sickness?” she shot at me before they giggled and left the bathroom. I was too shocked to say anything. Shelby whirled around and looked at me, an unreadable mask on her face.
“Are you pregnant?” she asked bluntly. My head snapped back, and Wolf looked up, snorting in disdain.
“Of course, I’m not pregnant,” I retorted. “But either way, it’s not really any of your business.”
Her lip rose in a silent snarl before she turned on her heel and stalked out of the bathroom. Belatedly, I remembered her fawning attention to Sam at the movie theater. Oops. I guessed that wondering if the object of your crush had impregnated his girlfriend could make a person irritable. I sighed as I methodically washed and dried my hands after rinsing my mouth out. I really hoped that my new nonexistent pregnancy wasn’t going to be the latest gossip headline. I blushed thinking about it.
I was not that sort of girl. I thought most people knew I was not that sort of girl. I hoped my previous reputation was upheld even though I’d been dating Sam and from all accounts we were pretty into each other.
Leaving the bathroom, my phone vibrated.
—Where are you???— From Sam.
Frowning, I quickly texted back. —In the bathroom. Didn’t you hear me?—
Wait there. Coming.
I huffed a little breath and adjusted my backpack and shoved my phone back into my pocket. Sam’s head broke through the sea of people thronging to the cafeteria. The look on his face was intense, and my anxiety rose.
I moved to meet him, and he grabbed my hand, weaving us through the hallway to an exit that led out to the courtyard. It was cold, so there was next to nobody there.
“I about had a heart attack when you weren’t waiting for me,” he said urgently, voice pitched low.
My forehead creased as I crossed my arms against the cold. “I told you I was going to the bathroom and would meet you at the cafeteria.”
He blinked. “When?”
Icy fingers slithered into my belly. “Right before I left class.”
“I never heard you. Did you not hear me—after the bell?”
I shivered and the icy fingers gripped me harder.
“No,” I whispered. “I didn’t hear you at all.”
Sam’s expression fell, and the color emptied from his face. He scrubbed his free hand down his jaw as his hand holding mine squeezed once.
“Okay,” he breathed.
“Sam, what’s wrong?” Panic tinged my voice.
He looked at me hard, sorrow bleeding from his eyes. “How’s your wolf?”
I gulped and shook my head. “I just threw up. She’s not very responsive.” The words forced themselves between my teeth as the icy hand clenching my gut grew claws and buried them in my midsection. Sucking in a lung-full of frigid air, I took a minute to try and process what I knew was the most likely culprit. The werewolf toxins were leaving my system. Humanity was winning.
I shook my head, denying the possibility. “I think it was something I ate. I’m sure after a nice run tonight, she’ll be back in tip-top shape. She’s probably needing a good stretch. She’s been holed up for a few days. Remember? I was too tired to shift last night…” I drifted off, recognizing my own rambling.
“Probably so.” Sam’s voice was hollow. “Do you want to try to eat something and stick it out, or are you feeling too sick?”
“Maybe some soda and crackers? I have a test this afternoon that I’d rather not miss.” I had felt worse and made it through a day of school. And the distraction from what might actually be happening inside me would be good. This was a good thing. This was my body telling me that I would have permanent skin, not fur. It was what I had wanted all along.
Chapter 45
Sam
She couldn’t hear me. And I couldn’t hear her. Wolf was tearing me up from the inside, and I relished the pain as it kept me grounded enough that I couldn’t fly into a thousand pieces. This was it. The beginning of the end. I clenched my fists and forced a swallow past the despair fighting its way up my throat. I was close. She was close. I knew it. But could she be close enough? Could she choose me? If we had time, I thought she could—would. But time was running out. Faster than ever.
I don’t remember much of the rest of the day. I was strung halfway out of my mind with worry over who might be after Megan and what might happen to her, especially since I couldn’t hear her thoughts regularly now, and what would happen to us, to the pack, to me, if she continued her way to returning human.
****
Dusk came early as it did this time of year. I was both eager with anticipation and loaded with dread. Anxiously I waited for Meg to come out of the bathroom in her robe so we could shift and enjoy some crisp fall air as the evening chill descended.
“Ready?” Meg asked as she clicked off the bathroom light behind her.
“I am. Weather should be good for a run. It’s cold enough your breath fogs. Wolf always enjoys this time of year. I bet yours will, too.” I tried not to roll my eyes at the way the end of my little speech came out higher than the beginning. I was nervous. I was anxious. Meg offered me a tight smile of her own.
Opening the door for her, we went down the steps. A few others were coming in the distance and figured it would be best to shift now without everyone as audience.
I nodded at her and in seconds was in my wolf form, silently urging her to take her animal form beside me. I blinked as I watched her forehead crease in concentration. There was a gentle ripple under her skin but no fur. Nothing broke the smooth flesh over her arms. She glanced at me, fear hiding in the depths of her eyes. A whine escaped my throat. I couldn’t help it. She closed her eyes and spread her fingers, willing them to change. Nothing happened. Not even the ripple. Her eyes opened wide, fear morphing into terror and shock.
“Sam, I…I can’t,” she breathed.
My heart hurt so bad I felt it had been torn out of my chest. I shifted back.
“Go wait inside. Give me a few minutes to let people know we aren’t coming.” Her head bobbed; her eyes still wide in her pale face.
I gathered my tattered emotions around me and braced myself to look nonchalant and as if my entire world weren’t coming apart with every breath I took.
Chapter 46
Megan
I closed the cabin door behind me, my fist shoved in my abdomen as I leaned against the polished wood. I sucked in a few ragged breaths and tried again to call up Wolf. She was there, moving sluggishly inside, but all attempts to bring her out, to shift our forms, were in vain. She wh
ined, and I think a similar noise escaped my throat. Night fell outside. With only the light on the end table by Sam’s bed to offer defiance against the darkness, long shadows cast themselves over the floor.
On autopilot, I slipped out of the robe and into my tank top and pajama bottoms. My mind was a swirl of worry, anguish, and confusion. I tried to bring to life the excitement I should have been experiencing at the revelation that I was morphing back into my human self. All human. No more split personality, no more coexisting wolf, no more hidden life…which would bring no more Sam. I swallowed thickly as I leaned my back against the kitchen counter.
The door opened, and a gust of air whooshed into the room, bringing in the crispness of the autumn night. Sam shut the door, and his stare burned into me. Something primal and unspoken flashed across his gaze, ratcheting up my own emotional turmoil. The kitchen counter pressed into my back as I leaned against it for support, gripping my hands against it like a lifeline. My heart was pounding in my ears, my chest rapidly going up and down. Anxiety rolled off me. My fingers twitched as my stomach heaved. I wanted Sam to hold me.
Without breaking eye contact, Sam snatched a pair of his sweatpants off the back of a kitchen chair. He turned quickly and slid them on under the heavy gray robe. As he turned, he let the robe slide off, and there he stood bare chested across the room, his eyes locked on my face.
I stayed rooted to the spot, unwilling to let my body betray the shred of rational thought left in my head. Part of me—my wolf—was in agony that I hadn’t been able to shift. My brain said this was confirmation I would stay human. Why did those two thoughts conflict so badly? Wasn’t this what I wanted? Sam moved slowly across the kitchen. I knew his gaze was riveted on my face even though my own stayed staring straight ahead.
Another step. Another. He was in my space. My eyes closed against the onslaught of emotions his nearness brought. I tried to swallow. His body hovered on my left, close enough that heat radiated off him but not touching me. Slowly he leaned his face down to mine, resting his forehead and nose against the side of my cheek, his arms bracing himself against the counter behind me.
His scent wrapped around me, the now-familiar tang of wolf, pine, outdoors, and Sam teasing my nose, calling to my wolf. She rose within me, pushing for release. I wanted to give it to her, to shift. I wanted to be a wolf in that moment more than ever. But I couldn’t. My body wouldn’t obey. My bones wouldn’t change their shape; my fur wouldn’t ripple along my arms, silky and soft.
I felt his inhale and knew he was scenting me, something that was now so much more intimate than a simple handshake.
He swallowed.
“Megan,” he whispered, his voice gravelly and breaking. Tears pricked at the back of my eye lids, still screwed shut. I could practically taste the emotions in that one word. What he’d meant was, don’t leave me.
His lips brushed across my cheek, once, twice, trailing white fire everywhere they touched. A choked noise clawed its way from my throat as his lips touched the corner of my jaw. With that noise, every wall between us came down.
I turned toward him even as he took one more step so that he was in front of me, pushing his body against mine, harder against the counter. His lips were on mine, tinged with desperation, tongue probing, finding no resistance as my mouth opened for him.
It was a far cry from the gentle kisses we’d shared in this kitchen that night after the movie. This kiss was hard and rough, wild and wanting. His hands gripped my waist, roaming from my hips to my sides and up my back, his body a lean, chiseled line of coiled muscle pressing against me. My hands gripped his biceps, tracing the ropy scar left by the arrow meant for me, then tracked up his shoulders and fisted into his hair, pulling his head from my mouth to my throat, gasping as his lips touched my skin.
My wolf rose within me, pushing me, fueling my already-heightened desire. Need seared through me. His lips broke away from the curve of my neck as he groaned. One hand gripped my hip, nearly too low to be decent, while his other stalked the curve of my spine, my shirt riding up at the hem, as he cupped the back of my head and his lips crushed mine.
I couldn’t stop the noises that rose up in my throat, but it didn’t matter. Sam kissed me harder, in a way I didn’t know was possible. Each kiss set my soul on fire. How could I have lived without this? How would I live without this?
My hands dragged down the front of his chest, feeling the hard planes of his muscles. I wasn’t the only one making noises now. His hands were hot fury, barely contained, as he grasped me even closer to him. They palmed my shoulder blades, his tongue sliding in and out of my mouth sending my senses reeling. I felt his thighs press up against mine. The counter was cutting into me in several places, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. My back arched farther, Sam’s body following me. His hands began their descent down my arched back and to my sides. Without uttering a word, I knew he was going to slide his hands all the way down to my waist, pick me up, and put me up on the counter. Butterflies swarmed in my belly but were quickly overcome by the lava coursing through my veins. I wanted Sam. Wanted him like I’d never wanted anything.
Images of what would be if we kept going sliced into my brain alongside the euphoria Sam’s touch brought. I was about thirty seconds away from throwing all caution to the wind and giving Sam exactly what I knew he wanted, what I wanted in that moment, when his hands, still sliding down my sides to my waist, found the raised hemline of my shirt, his hand landing on my bare skin.
I had never allowed a boy to touch any skin normally covered by a shirt and a pair of shorts. Sam’s hand on my naked flesh sent pinwheels of fire dancing over the spot. His tongue darted into my mouth again as his hand slid up under my shirt, caressing my side, his fingers reverently tracing their way up my body.
My lips broke away from his as I gasped from both shock and want at the feel of his hand on my flesh.
With a sound not quite human and not quite animal, Sam ripped his hand away. Shreds of sweatpants poofed around me, and Sam stood before me, a great silver-white wolf. His tongue was lolling out the side of his mouth, his sides heaving. Deep blue eyes found mine, and he whined once before turning and practically running into the bathroom.
I don’t know how long I stood there, my own chest heaving, looking at the closed bathroom door. A few minutes ticked by, and I heard the shower start. My hand came to my mouth, gingerly touching my kiss-swollen lips.
What had I done?
What had we almost done?
If Sam hadn’t stopped himself, I wasn’t sure I would have. I stood there, still frozen to the tile floor, just pondering that fact. What was wrong with me? If we had gone any further, there wouldn’t have been any going back. I’d be a wolf forever. I’d be mated to Sam forever. I was only seventeen! I wasn’t ready for that sort of commitment.
My head fell into my hands. I didn’t want to cry, but I felt the tears brimming over anyway. I was so confused. Half of me knew that it was best to remain human, unencumbered, unattached, unmarried, and unmated. But, the other half, and shockingly enough, not all of it my disappearing wolf half, wondered, seriously wondered, would it be worth it?
This was too much. My head was going to explode. I couldn’t figure this out on my own.
About twenty minutes after the wolf went in, Sam came quietly out of the bathroom. His wet hair made dark splotches on his light blue T-shirt. It stretched across his shoulders, straining a little over his biceps, pink scar still poking out from under his left sleeve. I felt my face flush as I met his gaze.
His eyes were dark in the pale light, his eyebrows drawn together, his mouth a grim line. He ran a hand through his damp hair, scattering more droplets down onto his shirt. His mouth opened, shut, then opened again.
“Megan, I’m so sorry.” His voice was hoarse. Those were not the words I was expecting.
Before I could reply, he raised his hand and cut me off. He snagged a chair from the table and slumped into it like a man defeated by the world.
> “When we first started this, you gave me a list of things that were not okay. I told you I was good with your boundaries because I respected you—do respect you. I crossed the line tonight. I broke my word, disrespected you, and you probably hate me now. I’m so sorry.”
I gaped at him. This was probably not the best time to tell him that I had been seconds shy of letting him have his way with me.
“I don’t hate you, Sam. I could never hate you.” I put as much conviction into the words as possible. As for the other things, well, what he said was true, but I was as much at fault as he was, probably more so. “And I’m sorry, too. I wasn’t exactly putting the brakes on. But your apology really means a lot.” And it did. Aside from my grandpa, I’d never met a man who kept his word as religiously as Sam did, and I could tell it bothered him like nothing else that he’d broken his word to me. I wanted to go to him, wrap my arms around him, comfort him. But in light of what we’d just done—and nearly done—I thought it would be wiser to keep my distance for the moment, though part of me railed at the decision. If I was going to stay human, I had to keep my distance. But if I stayed human that meant giving up Sam.
“Will you be able to trust me again?” His eyes pleaded with mine.
“Oh, Sam, of course I trust you.” I wasn’t sure I trusted myself with him though. There was a long pause. “Sam?”
“Yeah?”
“I think I need to talk to my grandpa after school tomorrow. Alone.”
“Okay. We’ll go over as soon as school is over. I…I’m going to head on to bed now. Good night.” With one last sparing look at me, he got up and shuffled to his bed across the cabin.
He did not try to kiss me goodnight.
****
Sam and I got ready the next morning making a lot less eye contact than usual, and there were no good morning hugs or kisses. I missed them but didn’t have the guts to initiate. I called Grandpa to let him know we’d be swinging by after school. Tammy rode to town with us that morning. Her dad’s truck died, and he needed to use her car. I was relieved that Tammy kept a noncommittal conversation going and remained oblivious to the tension radiating between Sam and me. The bus stop that would take her to campus was about two minutes from school, and I was thankful it was only two minutes of awkward silence.
