Harder was not an adjective I wished he would’ve used, but I let it go, mostly because I was busy processing what else he’d let slip. Fought her, meaning Lola had been the one to instigate it.
Whoever started it didn’t matter, that’s what I told myself, but hearing Viper say that made me feel differently. I was… hurt, I think, hearing it. Then again, after what I’d told her last night, could I truly blame her for wanting some form of validation and acceptance? I’d been so angry with my brother that I took it out on her, and she didn’t deserve it.
Lola Harding deserved a lot of things, but not that.
I said nothing, mostly because I was too lost in my own thoughts, wondering if I’d somehow pushed Lola into Viper’s arms… and onto his cock. Not a good thought, let me tell you. Fuck, things were so goddamned complicated when it came to that girl. Why couldn’t things be simple and easy? Why must everything be so difficult when it came to Lola?
Why’d she have to kill Mario and put herself into this position? How different things could’ve been if I’d stumbled upon her while out on the town, if she and I would’ve clicked under different circumstances.
Still, even with what happened, I couldn’t fight the way I felt about her. I cared about that girl, about that serial killer, more than words could ever describe, and a hell of a lot more than I should.
“Look,” Viper went on, keeping a good ten feet between us, which was smart, “I know nothing I say will make it better, and I’m willing to do whatever I have to to prove that I am loyal to you and your family.” He looked down at his chest, and I couldn’t help but wonder if he was remembering the time he’d spent with Lola.
He seemed genuine in his words, which was more than I’d thought he’d be. Viper wasn’t like Maddox or me in that respect. Viper wasn’t afraid to say what he was feeling. He was often quiet, much like Big Mike, but there was always an intensity behind everything he did, an automatic charisma that made everyone like him.
I was still furious, though. “You’re like a brother to me,” I started, frowning at him, “so give it to me straight. Have you been with her before, or was that the first time?”
There was a long sigh, an extremely long pause before Viper managed to say, “It wasn’t the first time.”
My jaw ground, my teeth clenching so hard together I thought they might crack and shatter. Hearing that… it wasn’t what I wanted to hear at all. Fuck. “When?” I was hardly able to speak the word, and it took every ounce of my self-control to remain where I stood, to continue clutching the edge of the counter and not lunge for Viper and wrap my hands around his neck.
I feared if I let myself do that, I wouldn’t be able to stop. Brother or not, it didn’t matter. When feelings of the heart were in the picture, you were blinded by everything. It certainly held true for me, especially in this moment.
Viper looked like he wanted to bolt, as if he knew he’d dug himself deeper in his grave. But, to his credit, he didn’t run. He lifted his stare off the floor and met my eyes as he said, “A while ago.”
A while ago. His words echoed in my head, and for a split-second, all I saw was red. Red, righteous fury. How easy it would be just then to take a page out of Maddox’s book and beat some sense into Viper, make him regret ever laying his hands on her and sticking his dick inside of her.
“And you decided to keep it to yourself, why?” I demanded, my voice rising in spite of my efforts to keep it down. The last thing I wanted to do was wake my brother. He would make this bloody. Although, I was at the point where I wouldn’t mind a little blood being spilled. Viper’s blood.
Call me psychotic. I don’t care. I was blinded by fury.
He didn’t answer, which was well enough, because there was no answer he could’ve come up with that would’ve made me feel better. I went on, “You had no right to be with her. You were supposed to watch her, not stick your fucking dick in her—”
“And that’s different than you and Maddox, how?” Viper cut in, taking an attitude with me for the first time during the argument. “You and Maddox act like you don’t care about her, and maybe you don’t. She did kill Mario. We should all fucking hate her, but do we? Do you? Does Maddox?” He paused before whispering, no longer shouting, “Do I? She puts on a show for you. She parades around, acting like she enjoys what she does—and maybe a part of her does—but we both know there’s more to Lola than that. She’s broken, Sylvester, and if you think the problem is me sleeping with her and not you and Maddox passing her around like a toy, then you’re not as smart as I gave you credit for.”
Now it was my turn to say nothing, because, to my utter surprise, his words rang true. So true, so defiant and real they nearly cut me to the bone. My brother and I… we didn’t treat her like a person. We could always blame our father, but in the end, we were the ones who were responsible for how we acted, what we said, what we did to her.
Last night I’d acted as if she was nothing but a tool, something my family was using. That was true to an extent, but not to me. Not anymore.
Were Maddox and I no better than her blood brother, than the motherfucker who’d abused her, hurt her, for years upon years? The mere thought that it could be true hurt me; I never wanted to be lumped together with that bastard.
“Even though there were times when I slipped up, times when I should’ve fought her harder, times when I failed to keep her at a distance,” Viper spoke, “there’ve been countless more times when I’ve held myself back. You wouldn’t know how hard it is to be around her and not be able to touch her whenever the hell you want, even though you’re dying to.”
I stared at him, still unable to say anything.
“I’m not a Luciano. I might be part of the family, but I’m not one of you. I never get to look at a girl and say, she’s mine. You, Maddox, your father… you can start a war over the girls you love, but me? I have to shut up and take what I’m given.”
The red fury inside of me had begun to die down, mostly due to the realization that everything Viper was saying was true. Totally true, horribly true. Even the most recent thing—me and Maddox, we weren’t the first Lucianos to fall for a girl we shouldn’t. We learned by example, after our father.
You’d think that, after everything that had happened with our mother, Maddox and I would have learned a lesson. Granted, we were young, too young to truly remember, but it should’ve stuck with us.
Love only brought ruin when you were a Luciano.
“Viper,” I began, finally able to push off the island, no longer needing to hold its edges to keep myself at bay.
“Don’t,” he said. “If you don’t trust me being with her, I understand, but don’t feed me some bullshit line. I’m the one that fucked up, and I’m prepared to deal with the consequences, whatever they may be. If, though, you want to hear me apologize, it’s not going to happen. She was distraught last night, after everything. She needed someone, and you and Maddox weren’t there.”
No, we weren’t. The strangely-talkative Viper was right about that. I’d been too busy letting myself drown in anger towards my brother and his stupidity to see what was right in front of me.
“She fought with Mina over Maddox.”
I had to glance at him in shock at hearing that. “What?”
Viper nodded. “Lola got into it with Mina. If I had to guess, she was probably trying to throw herself at Maddox, and Lola didn’t like it. You and your brother might not want to believe it, but that girl has feelings. She was marking her territory, just like you’re doing now.” He shut his eyes, a bitter smile gracing his lips, an expression he never wore. “She’s not as numb as she wants everyone to believe.”
Maybe it was foolish of me to ask, but I found my lips moving nonetheless, “Do you love her?” I shouldn’t have asked. A part of me knew it wasn’t any of my business what Viper felt, but at the same time, since I was pretty fucking sure I felt the same, it was my business.
If he loved her… what if Lola decided she liked Viper and
not me? Then again, the same worry could be put to the Maddox situation. Sharing a girl with my brother was one thing, but sharing her with Viper, knowing they might have something stronger than us? That was a different story.
“Do you want the truth, or should I tell you what you want to hear?” Viper posed two options. How thoughtful of him.
“The truth.” I practically grimaced when I said the two words, a part of me already knowing what the truth was. The way Viper spoke about her, the look in his eyes as he talked about her, the slightest hints of jealousy that rose up in his voice when he brought up how Maddox and I treated her… oh, yeah. I knew the truth. I just needed to be slapped in the face with it.
“I’m falling for her, yeah,” Viper muttered, frowning at himself. His eyebrows furrowed, his eyes narrowing somewhat. “Fuck. Sounds so cheesy.”
At that, I couldn’t help but laugh. It was a bitter laugh, a short chuckle more than anything else, but I couldn’t help it. Oh, the crazy situations we found ourselves in thanks to Lola. She certainly did not help us lead boring lives, but I supposed that was a good thing. Boring was boring. What was life if you weren’t having some fun, constantly being kept on your toes by the girl who both drove you crazy and made you want her above all else?
“Stay here,” I told him. “Mike should be here soon to relieve you. I’m… I need to go talk to her.” I started to walk out of the kitchen, away from Viper, but his voice stopped me.
“Wait. That’s it?”
I glanced back at him over my shoulder. There was so much I could’ve said in that moment, so many things I wanted to say, but I settled with: “For now.”
Viper looked as if he was expecting more, like he was waiting to be punished for what he’d done—and maybe he should be. Maybe I should teach him a lesson for fucking Lola behind my back, but everything he’d said was true. Lola was broken. She needed a lot of things, and those things… I might not be the best person to give them to her.
Let’s be honest, here. The Lucianos were as unlucky as the rest of the world when it came to love.
Within a few minutes, I stood just outside her room. I hesitated for only a moment before walking in, finding that she lay on her bed, staring at the ceiling, almost unblinking. From the door, it didn’t look like she was breathing. She looked quite dead—and then she stirred, sitting up and grinning at me as I moved towards her bed.
The same bed she’d been with Viper in. Not a thought I should let my mind have, but a thought that refused to go away.
“You didn’t hurt him, did you?” she asked, now dressed in tight leggings and a low-cut shirt that left almost nothing to the imagination, not even her bra color. Which was red, in case anyone was wondering. A deep red, the color of blood.
Her blue eyes were wide, giving off an air of innocence I knew she didn’t have. In that moment, she looked her age: twenty-two, still so young. A few years younger than Maddox and me, and yet she’d seen and done so much, things I was sure we couldn’t even imagine. We were a family of criminals, but she was a villainess of her own making, a killer by her own design, raised to be what she was but not born that way.
“No,” I slowly spoke, sitting beside her, keeping a foot between us lest I lose all trace of logical thought. “But I wanted to.” I added that last part as I studied her, as I looked at her hard, more intently than I had in quite a while. I guess… I guess I’d come to take her for granted, lately.
She wouldn’t be here forever. Once my father gave the word, she’d be gone. Forever. That wasn’t a good thought, and I hated that I’d have to do his bidding. I wanted to keep this girl here forever, not lose her. Never lose her.
Lola studied me almost as hard as I did her, pursing her lips together as she asked, “Why didn’t you?” The question of the hour, it was.
I thought on what Viper had said, everything he’d said—which was certainly a hell of a lot to process while I was enraged. Everything we’d done, everything we would do, how we were using her… I hated that Viper had hit the nail on the head so directly, and had done it so hard and unflinchingly.
“I need the truth from you,” I started, glancing at her. All it took was one glance and my breath was stolen out of my lungs. She was so beautiful, drop-dead gorgeous, and I wanted to shield her from the world, tuck her beneath my arms and never let go, even if sometimes I was an ass. “Do you care for me, for my brother? Are we… are we no better than the family you killed?”
Her expression hardened. “Where is this coming from?”
“Tell me the truth,” I spoke earnestly, resisting my urge to lean toward her, to take her hands in mine and pull her close. Touching her, feeling her soft skin on mine… it would lead to things that would cause this conversation to end abruptly. Physical things, like what she’d been doing with Viper earlier.
“No.”
The single word stung, and I nearly got up and stormed off, my fury having returned instantly—but then she kept talking, and I realized I’d misunderstood her initial response. She wasn’t talking about if she cared for us. She was answering my latter question first.
“No, I don’t think you’re like my family. You’re different. You’re crazy.” Lola let out a short giggle. “Believe it or not, I like it here, even though you guys are hot and cold. I like it here so much that I wish… I wish things were different. And as for whether or not I care about you and Maddox, I don’t know if I can really feel anything, but I do feel something. I like being near you. I don’t want other girls sniffing around you. You, or Maddox.”
I could not let her words totally disengage me. “And Viper?”
Lola stared at me then, perhaps wondering what it was I wanted to hear her say. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to know I wanted her to say she didn’t have any feelings for Viper, that fucking him had been a one-time thing done in anger over me and how I’d acted last night, over what I’d said to her.
But, on the flip side of that, it had to take a special kind of idiot to not see the light in her eyes when I brought him up, to not overhear the genuine concern in her voice when she’d asked me if I’d hurt him.
It took Lola far too long to say, “Viper, too.” She gave me a smile, but that smile was almost fake, like, as Viper had said, she was putting on a show for my benefit. I wished she wouldn’t. I wished she knew she could be herself.
Well, not her real self, because her real self was a serial killer who’d killed my brother. Maybe tone it down just a little bit from her real self.
“What can I say? I like the dangerous ones,” she purred out, her voice like velvet. A voice like that could seduce damn near anybody. Any man she turned her full power on didn’t have much time left. “The heart wants what it wants, Sylvester, and my heart is great at knowing the things it can never have.”
She had feelings for Viper. The truth hit me hard, but maybe I could train myself to focus on the other things she’d said: she cared for Maddox and me. She didn’t want other girls sniffing around us. She felt territorial over us, to the point where she’d made her presence known to Mina, one of Maddox’s favorite distractions.
I could only imagine how that encounter went down, but if I knew Lola and her skills, I’d bet it was something else. Hell, I bet my brother got off on it. Kind of wished I would’ve been there too, to see her mark her territory.
“When you say the things you can never have,” I started, meeting those big baby blues, feeling the need to reach for her and pull her onto my lap, “what do you mean?”
The smile she gave me right then was depreciating, to say the least. Depreciating and depressing, frankly. It was no longer a facade, a mask of a smile she wore to try to disarm me and disengage the situation; it was a smile that told me her true feelings. “Don’t play stupid,” she said, “it doesn’t suit you. We both know I can never have what I want because I killed your little brother. There’s no coming back from that. I can be of service to your family for as long as I’m alive, however long that is, but in the end,
I’m still going to die.”
Her words… they weren’t wrong, and I hated that I could not make her feel better, nor could I change the truthfulness of what she was saying. My father wanted her dead, and she would die. That was that. It was just a waiting game.
I hated her in the beginning, as we all did, I think, for how could I ever care for someone who’d killed a brother of mine? How could I ever let myself develop feelings for a girl who was quicker to the knife than I was? I would like to say I still hated her, but I was far beyond hatred, now. What I felt, the feelings I got when I was near her, when I felt her skin brushing against mine… hatred was the last thing on my mind.
As was killing her, because I never wanted her gone.
“You, your brother, your daddy—one of you is going to be the one who kills me. I just know it. After what I’ve done, I don’t get a happy ending. I don’t deserve one.” Lola paused, letting out a sigh as that sad smile faded away, disappearing into an expressionless face. “But that’s alright. I’d rather die at your hands than the electric chair.”
I wasn’t sure whether to take that as a compliment or not, for the thought of killing her was the most unpleasant one I could’ve had. Did Lola not realize what she meant to me? She felt possessive of my brother and I—and Viper—but it was obvious the street went two ways. With how Viper spoke to me earlier, he felt the same. And Maddox? While he might not ever admit it out loud, he had to feel the same, too.
I know I did.
Because I could no longer fight the urge to touch her, I grabbed her hand, my fingers snaking between hers. “I’m going to try my best to keep you around for as long as I can,” I whispered. “The day you’re no longer here is a day I don’t want to come.” I squeezed her hand harder. “What I said last night… it wasn’t true. I didn’t mean it. I lashed out at you because I was pissed at Maddox. I shouldn’t have said any of it. I should’ve saved all of my vitriol for him.”
“You don’t have to apologize,” she said.
“No, I do,” I spoke firmly. “And as for Viper… while I do not like seeing you two together, I understand it. You do spend a lot of time together, and I’ve never seen him defend someone like he just did you. You bring out a passion in him I don’t think I’ve ever seen. I do, however, think it might be wise to keep the fact that you and Viper are involved away from Maddox—”
Crooked Heart (A Death So Sweet Book 2) Page 16
