Chapter Nine
I woke the next morning relieved to hear the sound of my very much alive mother singing out of tune in the shower. A gentle yellow sun streamed in as I pulled apart my bedroom curtains. Life felt good again. But then I turned on my phone and froze in horror. There were three missed calls from Suki and two texts. The first text said: Had to cut date short - Gran and Max are missing. Can you and your mum help us look for them? The second text said: They’ve been gone over an hour now and it’s very cold outside. Hope you find your charger so you can see this. There were no further texts.
Hands trembling, I phoned her. The phone went to voicemail.
I left a brief message. “Oh Suki. So sorry. Have they been found yet?”
Five minutes went by and she didn’t reply. I hoped it was because all was well and she was now at work as scheduled. I just hoped her family weren’t sat down with police at this very moment receiving terrible news. I tried Kalisha’s line, but it was constantly engaged, so I took a shower, keeping my phone in the bathroom hoping Suki would phone with some good news. Straight after the shower, I tried Kalisha’s line again and was thankfully told Suki’s gran and Max had been found safe and well by the police not far from home. She said Suki was at work and in good spirits. As I was talking to her, Suki sent a text confirming the same thing. She said the pair had got out when her mum lay down in her reclining chair for a much needed rest and fell asleep, and that they were now at home being spoilt!
Later that day, Mum and I put on our very best make-up, jumped in the car, picked Suki up and travelled to Battersea for the Fun video shoot. I got my usual tight chest and sweaty hands as we sped along the motorway. At least Mum stayed in the slow lane as much as possible, but I still went stiff with terror every time I noticed cars about to join the motorway from the slip roads and Mum had to move to the middle lane to avoid them. I sat in the back which felt just a little better than being in the front, although I was frightened some idiot might get distracted and drive into the back of our car. Suki went on and on about her date with Cliff for most of the journey, which did nothing to calm my nerves. Being shut in the car with an incessant talker made me feel claustrophobic. We were glad the date had been cut short, otherwise she’d have had even more to say.
“He’s so funny!” she beamed. “There was never a dull moment on the date. I went to sprinkle salt on my chips and the bottom of the shaker fell out and I got a whole shaker full of salt on my plate and I had to scrape all the salt off. He’d unscrewed the bottom as a joke! When I went to the loo, a woman pointed out I had a ‘watch out - there’s a mad woman about’ sticker on my back. Then he put Tabasco sauce in my cola and I nearly died!”
“I’d have dumped him there and then,” Mum said. “He sounds awful.”
“He’s funny!” Suki giggled. “I really like him. It’s a new experience for me - I’ve never been out with a practical joker before.”
“You’re gonna be a nervous wreck by the end of that relationship,” I warned her.
Suki giggled as though I was joking. I was convinced she was only putting up with his vile antics because he was Dudley’s son and her mum and gran had been Dudley fans for many years.
“Did you ask about the Ferrari?” I asked keenly.
“Yes! Cliff said his dad failed his driving test twelve times before giving up. He has no car.”
“Lying leech!” I exclaimed, screwing up my face in disgust.
“Cliff mentioned his dad had an unscrupulous manager for a couple of years. He ripped Dudley off. He’s not badly off - but things could have been better for him. He likes to make out he’s better off than he is because he doesn’t want anyone to know what happened.”
Mum and I were very relieved to get out of the car when we arrived in Battersea. We stepped into the abandoned warehouse and were immediately greeted by Nutty and several of the production crew. Stood around were five young boys in baseball caps, plus a dozen girls. I expected Nutty to introduce me to everyone as his girlfriend. Instead, he just rubbed his hands together and said, “Right, I think that’s everyone now. Let’s get started!”
“OK guys,” said the director - a thirty-something male with long strawberry blonde hair and a cute little pointedgoatee beard. “I’m very proud to be the newest recruit to the Mingin Media group and thrilled to be directing Nutty’s Fun video. Let’s hope we all have fun making it, eh? Who’s already heard the song?” Nutty and I were the only two to raise our hands. The girls all narrowed their eyes bitchily at me. The director laughed. “Glad you know your own tune, Mr. Bonkers! Right we’re gonna play the tune now whilst Nutty hands out the masks.”
Suki, Mum and I exchanged horrified looks as another crew member handed a bunch of plastic masks to Nutty. So, we’d put on our most stunning make-up only to be told we had to cover our faces with masks? I was devastated. It seemed Nutty was still hiding me away from the world.
The first mask he picked was a leopard. Nutty looked around and decided to hand it to a tall blonde girl who’d been flaunting herself at him. I wasn’t sure whether he’d given her a mask first because he fancied her, or whether he was glad to cover her face - she had badly pencilled on eyebrows. If I was going to be stupid enough to shave my brows and replace them with drawn on ones, I hope I’d have at least done it properly. This girl had drawn two thin, straight black lines, giving her a highly comical appearance. It looked as though she’d balanced a ruler across her nose to get them dead straight. She must have been a few bars short of a symphony to do that to her face. Nutty considered each person carefully before he gave them their mask. As he handed them out, I felt like my heart was beating in my throat. We were amongst the last to receive our masks - a panda for Suki, a zebra for Mum and, to my absolute and utter horror, a scary clown mask for me! A few tears fell behind the mask as I put it on, but then I thought perhaps Nutty was very fond of scary clowns. Perhaps that mask was his favourite.
The strawberry blonde director spoke again. “OK folks! Now we’re gonna hand out the balloons.” Several crew members gave each cast member a couple of balloons each. “Right, we’re ready to begin. Who’s excited? Show of hands please!” I half-heartedly raised my right arm and quickly dropped it again. “OK,” the man continued. “Nutty’s gonna mime to the track and I want you all to play around with the balloons behind him - dancing and clowning around and stuff. You can hit each other lightly with them - try not to burst them.”
We all messed around, as instructed, as Nutty acted all silly for the camera, leaping around, pulling silly faces, standing in strange postures and generally acting like an idiot. I was so embarrassed I began to think it was just as well he hadn’t introduced me to anyone as his girlfriend. Someone whacked me on the head hard with a balloon. I turned around. It was Eyebrow Bitch’s friend - a silly little dark-haired girl in a green witch mask. I elbowed her in the shoulder.
The tune finished and the director spoke again. “Now I’d like you all to form a queue and then take it in turns to run towards the camera. Do whatever you like - blow the camera a kiss, wave, throw your arms wide open, jump in the air or whatever. No rude gestures though - or you’ll be thrown off the set!”
We all lined up. Our little group were about half way back. As our turns came, Suki blew the camera a kiss, Mum tripped, recovered herself, then put her hand to her zebra mask and giggled. My mind just went blank with nerves, so I zoomed up to the camera with aeroplane arms, stood there still for a moment and then walked off.
Then we were filmed all leaping in the air at the same time. Then everyone had to kick their legs up can-can style. Then we stood changing poses several times, looking as silly as possible, as instructed.
The last part was when the females were told to unmask. We were then filmed individually ballroom dancing with Nutty. It was a shame this part of the video hadn’t been filmed first as our make-up was no longer looking its best. Eyebrow Bitch’s eyebrows had been badly smudged by her mask. She made a right fool of herself, gazing into his
eyes the whole time she danced with him. Nutty somehow managed to gaze back at her without laughing at her face. Suki and Mum looked as though they had fun dancing with Nutty, but I was a bundle of nerves.
As filming finished, the director said, “That’s it folks! Thanks for coming and hopefully you’ll all enjoy watching yourselves in a few weeks’ time. Watch Nutty’s Twitter and Mingin Media’s Twitter or Facebook for details! Thank you all for coming - safe journey home!”
Nutty mingled with us all for a short time, giving our little group no special attention. Eyebrow Bitch and her friends kept hanging around him like an awful stink, giggling falsely every time he spoke.
“I think we’d better go,” Mum said. “We don’t want to be tired for work in the morning.” She was right, of course. She looked exhausted and she had to drive a fair distance in the dark to get us home. Nevertheless, I delayed the journey until Eyebrow Bitch and her friends had all gone.
I sulked all the way home. I was going out with my idol Nutty Bonkers and I’d just made a video with him. I should have been over the moon. Instead, all I could think about was the fact I was treated just like everyone else at that video shoot. He’d failed to introduce me as his girlfriend to the cast and crew. Why was he hiding me away from the world instead of proudly showing me off? I felt I was being treated like crap. At least these thoughts distracted me a little from the fact we were riding on a motorway.
When we reached home, Mum made beans on toast, but I wasn’t hungry. I was on one serious downer. I decided to text Suki: Hi. Feel crap. I know I should be thrilled to be with Nutty, but instead I’m depressed. He didn’t introduce me to anyone tonight and I don’t think I can trust him as far as I can throw him. That tune isn’t exactly his best, either - it keeps going through my head and giving me nausea. Sorry Suki but I’m just feeling so depressed. Can you phone for a quick chat?
I changed into my nightclothes and began to remove my make-up. Then the phone rang but it wasn’t Suki - it was Nutty. I almost let it go to answerphone, but then decided to pick up the call. At least he was phoning me and not Eyebrow Bitch.
“Hiya!” I said brightly.
He didn’t speak for a moment, but then he said, “Well, well, well …”
I froze. I could tell by the tone in his voice that I hadn’t sent that text to Suki - I’d sent it to him.
Crazy Mad Life Page 9
