by Jillian Dodd
“You’re right, of course. I’m just really nervous about being on camera, and I would rather avoid it. I’m not trying to sound ungrateful, trust me.”
“Everybody’s nervous about being on camera the first time. I had a client back in the ’90s who threw up in a bucket between his feet not ten seconds before the show went live, and he ended up knocking it out of the park.”
“Ooh, who was it?”
“That’s not important—though you’d know the name if you heard it. My point is, you’ll do just fine. I’ll make sure to have a list of questions in front of me before the interview, so you can be prepared.”
I can breathe a little easier now. “Okay. That sounds pretty good actually.”
“Does that mean you feel better about this?” There’s a motherly tone in her voice that makes me smile even though I can’t help feeling like she’s patronizing me just a little.
“Yes, Lois.”
“Very nice. Now, I have to make a few phone calls on your behalf. You’ve certainly been making me earn my money lately.”
Rather than remind her of how easy I’ve made her job over the years and how she’s finally earning her keep, I thank her for her help and end the call. She’s great, and she got me my first deal with the publisher, so I can’t undervalue her contributions, but still, there have been times over the past year when I’ve wondered why she’s even around.
Whatever. I need to answer these questions and get back to my writing. I swear, with Matt as my muse, the writing is going very well.
The first few are beyond easy.
What made me want to become a writer?
I type out a response to that, explaining how I always loved to read and to write and how disappointment in my own love life led me to create my dream man in my first book.
Boy, I was young and naive then. Fresh-faced, hopeful, bright, and shiny.
How did I score a book deal so easily?
This one I’ll leave entirely up to the skill of my agent. Sure, I had to reach out and query her in the first place, but she was the one who did the work to find Maggie. I can’t take credit for that.
By early afternoon, I’m halfway through my immediate, off-the-cuff responses and wondering if I should go back now to edit, to smooth things out a little, when my phone rings.
Seeing Hayley’s name makes my heart leap into my throat.
“What’s wrong?” I blurt out the second the phone is against my ear.
She never calls me at this time of day.
The first thing I hear is sniffling, which ratchets my anxiety up another million degrees.
“They’re sending him back sooner than planned.”
I close my eyes. “Sweetie.”
“He wasn’t supposed to go back until after the holidays, but apparently, they need him for something out there. It’s so stupid.” Her voice has a strange, echoing quality, so I imagine she’s calling from the ladies’ room at work.
“That is so wrong! I mean, your relationship aside, how can they expect somebody to just go at a moment’s notice?”
“I don’t know, but he has to be back in the office on Monday morning.”
“I know you have vacation time saved up. Other than the wedding, you haven’t taken any. Maybe you can go out there with him.”
“Yeah, but then there’s family stuff. My brother, Brandon, is going to the trouble of coming back from his research trip, and I don’t want to miss seeing him. Plus, I know that would just cause a huge blowup with the family. I don’t feel like having to go through that.”
I’ve seen her family in action. I can only imagine the way they’d react if they found out she was skipping out on family holiday time to be with her boyfriend. Not that they would begrudge her the time spent with him, but they would definitely lay a big guilt trip on her.
“Sometimes, we have to make these uncomfortable decisions. Somebody’s bound to be disappointed, no matter what we decide.”
“Why can’t this just be easy? Why am I not allowed to be happy?”
I’ve never heard her talk this way before. “Nobody says you’re not allowed to be happy. You deserve it more than just about anybody I know.”
“Then, why is this happening? God, Kitty, I’m so tired.” She sounds like it too. Like she’s about a few moments away from giving up.
“Sweetie, what else is going on? Is there something you’re not telling me?”
Another few sniffles. “I think I’m burned out. I think that’s the problem. I’ve been working eighteen-hour days nearly seven days a week for how long now?”
“That’s true.”
“What for? I’m waiting for somebody to tell me whether I’m allowed to follow the man I really, really care about across the country. Like, he could be the one. I’ve never said that about anybody before.”
“I know. That’s pretty huge.”
“But here I am, dancing on their string. It’s like it doesn’t matter how much work I put into my job or how good I am at it. All they want to do is wring every last bit of energy out of me. I look at you, and I see the freedom you have …”
I have to bite my tongue since I know she’s not in any mood to be contradicted, but I don’t exactly have a ton of freedom. If I did, I would tell Maggie and Lois and whoever else was involved that they could take this interview thing and shove it.
“I just don’t know what to do.” She sounds so forlorn, so heartbroken, that it brings tears to my eyes. “And if all that isn’t bad enough, I just found out that I’m pregnant.”
“What? Oh my God. That’s amazing!”
“No, it’s not. I’m not married.”
“Who cares? It doesn’t have to be that way anymore.”
“My family is going to freak!” she counters.
“They might be surprised, but your mom is going to be so incredibly happy! Plus, you love him. You’re in love. It’s a love child. So romantic.”
“Until I’m stuck alone with the baby, jobless, because I followed him to California, only for him to break up with me.”
“Are you excited about the baby?”
“Of course I am. I’ve always wanted children. And Nicholas wants them too. But I’m not thrilled about the timing, and I don’t know how he’s going to react. Really, how much more can our relationship take?”
“I wish I were there, so I could give you a hug.”
“Just talking helps.” She sniffles and then seems to pull herself back together. “I’ll figure it out. I always do. Oh, and my sister, Kylie, wants to throw a good-bye party for Nicholas on Saturday night. She and Zack finally moved into their new place uptown. And since Nicholas probably won’t be here for the holidays, it’s holiday-themed. Will you come?”
“Of course. I’ll be there.”
“Thanks. And as soon as I come to terms with it myself, I’ll take a dozen more tests to make sure it wasn’t a false alarm, and then I’ll tell him. But please, don’t tell anyone. Promise me?”
“I promise. And you know, anything you need, I’m here.”
“Thanks. I’ll see you at the party.”
“Nothing could keep me away.” And I mean it.
Once we’re off the phone, I place an order for cupcakes to be sent to her office. Something tells me she could use some right about now.
I’m so excited for her, but I understand why she’s scared about all this. In my books, I’ve only had one unplanned pregnancy, and the hero in the story took the news well. He was thrilled. But seeing it play out in front of me with my best friend, I realize that life probably doesn’t always go that way. Because she and Nicholas are stressed as it is. They are making big decisions about their future together. And she is worried about her career. Now, throw in the responsibility of providing for a baby on her own, and I can see why’s she so worried.
The second I saw her name on the phone, I wanted to tell her about what had happened after the wedding, about my sexy Santa Matt, but I’m glad I didn’t blurt it out. There’s pl
enty of time to tell her all that.
And to ask her to look over my contract.
I think about Hayley’s problem. She’s brilliant and a hard worker. Dedicated and devoted. If her firm won’t let her transfer for the sake of her personal life, she should find another firm with people who appreciate her talent.
I guess I could say the same for myself.
If I don’t like the way they’re treating me, maybe it’s time for me to find another publisher.
I look down at the last question on the list.
How do you feel about opening up your creative process for the world to see?
I can’t help but chuckle darkly and think, Honey, you don’t want the honest answer to that question.
CHAPTER SIX
“Frankly, you have the leverage in this situation.”
Because Hayley still hasn’t told Nicholas, I decided talking to her about my contract might help distract her. And one of Hayley’s work friends overheard us talking and has inserted himself into the conversation. Normally, I would feel intruded upon, but right now, I’m feeling desperate for legal advice.
“How so?” I ask him.
He doesn’t look much older than either Hayley or me, and he’s a good-looking guy, but he’s wearing one of those old-fashioned sweaters with the leather patches on the elbows, like he sees himself as an academic. An academic, hipster lawyer. What a combination.
He shrugs and removes his horn-rimmed glasses. I swear, all he’s missing is a pipe dangling from his lips. It’s almost enough to make me giggle, and I want to write a character like him in one of my stories.
“You’re the name. Pretty soon, you’ll be the face. If they’re so eager to get you out there in front of the rest of the world, it means they need you. The more popular you become as you give these interviews, the more power you’ll have.”
I’m starting to understand. “So, what you’re saying is, if I want to get out of this arrangement, going along with the interviews and publicity is the smartest route to take.”
He taps a finger against the tip of his nose and says, “Absolutely.”
“It’s good advice,” Hayley agrees, nodding her head. “They need you more than you need them.”
We excuse ourselves, and I follow her into Kylie’s spacious, modern kitchen. Their apartment is gorgeous, and although I do tend to order takeout a lot, I’d love to learn to cook in a place like this.
“Can you help me with the appetizers?” Kylie hands me a pair of pot holders and jerks her chin toward one of the two ovens mounted against the wall as we walk into the kitchen.
“Double ovens,” I sigh. “I swear, if I had the time to bake, I would use the hell out of these.”
Kylie laughs while rummaging around in the cabinet over the sink. “Honestly, that was a huge selling point for me. That and the his-and-hers bathrooms. No offense to my husband, but if I had to work around his schedule, we’d have a big problem. I swear, he takes longer in there than I do.”
Zack overhears this as he enters the kitchen and grabs her by the waist. “I just want to look pretty for you.”
She rolls her eyes and slaps at his hands, but I can see the very obvious love between them.
So can Hayley, and I can tell it’s killing her. She’s smiling, but the lines etched across her forehead tell a different story.
“That and the three bedrooms,” Zack says. “If our parents had their way, we’d start filling this place with kids right away.”
My eyes get huge, and I glance at Hayley, trying not to be obvious.
“That’s true,” Kylie says, rolling her eyes. “Mom has been on us about that since our wedding day.”
“And now, you have the house to do it,” Hayley says flatly, looking around, and I know she’s wondering where in the world she’s going to live. She has a beautiful, well-appointed apartment, but it’s not big. But I guess babies aren’t big either.
“Babies do come with a lot of stuff. Cribs. Strollers. Toys. I read somewhere that to raise a child is something like over a million dollars,” Zack says. “I’m just not ready to sign up for that yet.”
Hayley starts to turn green, so I change the subject.
“My grandmother and Peter are still on their honeymoon,” I blurt out. “Spain currently.”
“I would love to move to Spain. The whole idea of taking a siesta every day because you’re sort of expected to?” Kylie crosses her hands over her chest and flutters her eyelashes. “The dream.”
Hayley barks out a disbelieving sort of laugh. “You? Little Miss Type A? Have you even taken a nap since kindergarten?”
“Excuse me, but I’ll have you know that I’ve been working on my life balance ever since the wedding.” Kylie gives me a meaningful look that brings to mind how she almost fell apart in the days leading up to the wedding, and it tells me she still values the advice I gave her then.
Honestly, I was only trying to help her enjoy her wedding and not be so stressed, but I guess if she’s carried it into the rest of her life, that’s really nice. And again, it reminds me that I should take my own advice more.
We all turn to the sound of someone letting out a loud laugh and see Nicholas by the Christmas tree.
“He has a great laugh, doesn’t he?” Hayley lets out a soft sigh as we stand there, watching him laugh over the conversation he’s having.
“He does and a good sense of humor to go along with it. That’s really important,” I say.
“There’s only one other person in the world who makes me laugh as much as he does, and that’s you.” She looks me up and down, arching an eyebrow. “And while you look pretty cute tonight …”
“Don’t worry. I won’t take it personally if you don’t hit on me tonight. Or ever for that matter.”
“I keep having to remind myself that he won’t be here for Christmas. Not that he was ever supposed to be, but I was kind of hoping …”
I put an arm around her shoulders and squeeze tight. “I know. You wanted to be out there.”
Kylie and Zack each grab food and take it out to the living room, leaving us a little privacy.
“I know it’s stupid.” Her voice is shaky, and I squeeze harder in response. “But I was hoping we could at least have the ball rolling with the transfer by then. That I could be looking for an apartment out there if we didn’t decide to live together right away. But I still haven’t heard anything. And I still haven’t told him. Even though all ten tests were positive. I’ve decided, regardless of his reaction or what it means for us, I’m having the baby. I’m actually coming around to the idea. I did well in law school and expect to have good recommendations from my firm. I’ll be fine.” She looks down at her stomach. “We’ll be fine.”
“Of course you will be. Don’t give up hope on the transfer just yet. I know it sucks when things don’t follow some timeline in our head, but that doesn’t mean it’s not going to happen.” I lean in and whisper in her ear, “And if you don’t mind some advice, don’t waste the time you have with him now, thinking about the way you want things to be. Go be with him. Make the most of the time you have. And you really need to tell him.”
Her shoulders slide back. Her chin lifts. “You’re right.” Then, she looks at me, and her smile slips. “What about you?”
“What about me? I think I can handle mingling alone.”
“All right. Just no sneaking out on me. You wouldn’t want to anyway; there’s a surprise coming later on.”
“Are you going to tell everyone now? Here?”
“Oh my God, no. Are you kidding me? It’s party-related. You know Kylie and Zack. You were at their wedding. They do everything big.”
She heads straight over to Nicholas and wraps her arms around his waist. He kisses her forehead—I swear, I am such a sucker for that—before looking down at her with an expression I can only describe as love.
Hayley deserves this. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted anything for somebody else quite so much in my life. Sure, I wanted G
randmother and Peter to be happy and was thrilled half to death when they decided to get married, but somehow, I want this even more.
Here’s the thing: I don’t really feel like walking around and mingling at this party. Nothing against anybody here. Far from it. They all seem like nice people, and Kylie is a very sweet sister for throwing a holiday event, especially for her sister’s boyfriend.
Still, I don’t really know anybody, and Kylie is way too busy, overseeing things, to have time for chitchat.
Which is why I decide to jump in and help her. There’s Christmas music playing, fresh cookies and other red and green goodies scattered around, and lots of spiked hot chocolate.
“You don’t have to do that!” Kylie catches up to me in the kitchen as I’m refilling a platter of sugar cookies.
“Please, let me do something. I want to help out.”
“If you insist.” She pulls a bag of ice from the freezer and pours it into a bucket. “Hayley tells me you have to start giving interviews.”
“Up until now, I’ve only had to do either the kind where they send in their questions and I email them back or phone interviews. But tomorrow, I’ll be on an actual television show. And I’m really nervous about it. I don’t want to make a fool of myself.”
“You don’t give yourself nearly enough credit. You’ll do fine. You’ll have to talk for, what, four or five minutes at the most?”
“Do you know how long four or five minutes can stretch out when you’re a deer in headlights?”
She winces. “Yeah, I see your point. But I still say you’ll do just great. You’re quite charming.”
I hand the platter of cookies off to somebody offering to take them out to the living room, laughing as I do. “Now, that is a word I don’t think anybody has ever used to describe me.”
“Then, nobody else knows you.” She gives me a playful nudge as she passes me. “I swear, you are so hard on yourself.”
“That’s something your sister accuses me of pretty much all the time.”
“Then, she’s even smarter than I thought, which is saying something.”
