by Salsbury, JB
This one is bigger than the last with a separate living room, dining room, and bedroom. I go straight to the window and admire the view, taking in the experience of a new city even if I’ll only really see it from the window. I wonder where Hailey is now, if she’s called and cried to her friends or made the call to her father to rat Chris out. I wonder if last night meant more to her than just a fun romp with a rock star or if she really has feelings for the cheater.
“What are you thinking about?” Ryder asks from his position on the couch behind me.
“Nothing.”
He sighs, the sound of exhaustion or irritation. Possibly both. “I guess it’s safe to assume your last boyfriend was a cheating prick.”
I can hardly remember all I confessed back on the bus when the wave of repressed anger came bubbling from my throat. I’m grateful he can’t see how embarrassed I am by my outburst. “That’s an accurate assessment, yes.”
“What happened?” His question is asked softly, timidly, seeking rather than demanding.
I shrug, keeping my eyes on the gray city landscape that matches the gray sky. “He made me believe one day we’d get married.” I suck in a deep breath and turn around. “Turns out, he already was.”
Ryder’s blue eyes seem to glow in the overcast light as they flicker with anger. “How long?”
“Were we together? Ten months.”
He leans forward, his gaze never leaving mine. “I’m sorry he hurt you, but I’m not sorry he lost you.”
I’m the first to look away because Ryder doesn’t even know the half of it, and I’d like to keep it that way. “I didn’t mean to lay into Chris the way I did.”
“Why not? He deserved it.”
“One man shouldn’t have to pay for another man’s mistakes.”
He stares at me for a long time, thoughtfully and purposefully until I’m squirming under his stare. “You’re right, and yet, you don’t trust me.” He stands and crosses the room toward me. His hands grip my waist, and he pulls me flush to his front. His lips are so close, his soft eyes cast downward, and he tilts his head. “I’m not him, Jade. I’m not going to hurt you.”
Of course he won’t. I’ll never get close enough to let him. “Are you not afraid I’ll hurt you?”
“I’m fucking terrified.”
“Ryder.” I slide my hands up and rest my palms on his chest, feeling his heartbeat pound under my touch. “I went from begging for food and sleeping in shelters to five-star hotels and sleeping with a rock star. This is not my life.”
“If not yours, then whose?”
“Someone more... like you.”
His grip on me tightens. “What does that mean?”
“You know what it means. Regardless of chemistry, we don’t work. We both have secrets neither of us trust the other enough to tell. Your life is on one path, and mine is on another. Just because we intersect for a moment in time doesn’t mean we’re not still headed in different directions.”
“Sounds to me like you’re preparing for the end when we’ve barely got started.”
Of course he’s right, but what’s wrong with that? Self-preservation is not a crime.
“Can we just live in the now and not think too far ahead?”
We may trust each other enough to have sex, but it’ll take time before either of us truly lets the other in. And after the tour is up, we go our separate ways, so it’s time we don’t have.
He nuzzles the top of my head, breathing me in. “I’ll accept that for now.”
I tilt my chin up until my lips meet his jaw and pepper him with soft, deliberate kisses to his ear. “Right now, I need to take a shower.”
He groans and takes two fistfuls of my ass. “Let me dirty you up first.”
I grin as our lips come together in the sweetest kiss. He scoops me into his arms and carries me to the bedroom, lowers me on the bed, and crawls over me. His strong arms hold him up as he looks down at me. His gaze moves from my hair to my lips, my neck, chest, eyes as if he’s drinking in every inch.
“Are you going to kiss me, or what?”
“I just need a second to look at you.”
Seconds tick by and he still studies me, his body held over mine even though I crave his weight. I love the feeling of his hips between my thighs and his chest pressed to mine. I dip my fingers into the waistband of his jeans, beneath his boxer briefs where I find him hard and straining. He closes his eyes and moans as I fist and stroke his hardness.
“Fuck.” He drops his weight, and my legs wrap around him. “You win.”
“You surrender?” I say against his lips.
“Like I could resist?” He slides his tongue into my mouth, his strong lips pliant against mine. With a hand in my hair, he whispers, “I never stood a chance.”
Ryder
“You weren’t kidding when you said you wanted to dirty me up,” Jade says, her eyes bright from the orgasm I gave her with my hand.
I stare down at my handiwork, her bare chest glistening with the orgasm she gave me with her mouth. “What can I say? I’m a man of my word.” I hop off the bed and scoop her into my arms, carrying her to the huge walk-in shower.
“I can walk, ya know?”
I shrug. “Where’s the fun in that?” I set her down inside the shower and angle the spray down while the water heats.
She slips underneath the warm spray. I soap my hands and run them over her breasts, slick with soap and water, unreasonably disappointed to be washing myself from her skin. I brush her nipples, and she moans and drops her head back, her back arching as she presses into my touch.
If I thought she’d let me, I’d ask to photograph her like this, her darker skin flushed pink with desire, her heavy breasts tipped with pebbled nipples as she presses them into my hands, and water sliding down every delectable curve of her body, disappearing into places I want to explore.
I grab more soap and work it to suds in my hands, running my palms down her curves, around to her ass and squeezing. She moans when I lick a path from her collarbone to her jaw, drinking in water flavored by her sweet skin.
“You’re so beautiful.” The words pour from my lips once I drink from the slope of her shoulder. “It’s impossible not to touch you when we’re together.”
She grips my arms to hold herself upright as I bend her backward, licking down her chest to suck her nipple. She gasps, and her nails bite into my skin. I drop to my knees, lick water from her thighs, and her hands slip through my hair and pull.
“What do you need, Jade? Whatever it is, just tell me and it’s yours.”
“Your mouth.”
I smile against her skin. “You sure you can stay upright?”
Her wet hair, dark and heavy with water, frames her beautiful face as she peers at me down her slick, naked body. “I can try.”
I hook her leg over my shoulder. “Good enough.”
My intention is to take a teasing taste, one tentative lick, but when I do, all my plans go to shit with a rush of her flavor in my mouth. I groan and lick deep, thrusting my tongue and devouring her sensitive flesh. Her thighs shake and I grip her hips, press her back to the tile, and pin her in place while I fuck her with my tongue. Every sigh that falls from her lips—moan that bubbles from her throat—is a drug, and I’m a junkie working harder to hear more.
My dick throbs. My own orgasm coils at the base of my spine as I pull my own pleasure from hers. How is it possible to be this close without her even touching me? Her hands rip through my hair, her nails rake along my scalp. I groan long and hard, then suck.
She swallows a choked breath and works herself against my tongue. My name falls from her lips when she whispers for me not to stop. Like I could if I tried. Her leg at my back squeezes me closer, and she gasps as she comes. I back off on the pressure, but continue to feast until she releases my head and goes slack against my palms.
“Don’t fall.” I jump up and catch her before her leg gives out. Her eyes are glazed over, her cheeks flushed. We stan
d there holding each other under the warm spray of the shower, and I wonder if I’ve ever been so content with a woman in all my life.
“That was the best shower I’ve ever taken,” she says sleepily against my chest.
“You know.” I pull back enough to see her face. “We could make this a regular thing, conserve water. It would be the environmentally conscious thing to do.”
She tilts her head. “I didn’t realize you were an environmentalist.”
I push strands of wet hair off her face and kiss her forehead. “Oh, I am. Matter of fact, we should stop wearing clothes too.”
Her relaxed laughter echoes off the walls. “Because clothes are bad for the environment?”
“They sure are. It’s the, uh… the manufacturer emissions.”
She leans back even farther and squints one eye. “I think you’re more concerned about your regular emissions.”
I laugh and pull her back to my chest. “Two birds. One stone, baby.”
23
Ryder
The next week is a whirlwind.
Portland, Sacramento, San Francisco, San Diego, and Phoenix with only one day off in between. I had hopes of taking Jade away from it all for a day, sightseeing or catching a movie, but long nights followed by short days left us exhausted. We spent our free day sleeping, renting movies, and living off of room service.
Chris has been a zombie since he fucked up with Hailey. A shell of the man he used to be, walking around with a blank stare and hardly speaking. I have to give him credit. He is ever the professional on stage and performs like he always has. As soon as he walks out from under the stage lights, he’s back to being dead again, sleeping away the days but faking it for his family and his fans.
Backstage at Talking Stick Arena in Phoenix, I watch Chris as he FaceTimes with Dina. I wonder if he’d been lying when he said Dina wanted a divorce. Things seem okay between them now. He smiles, makes jokes, and says I love you with sincerity. It’s no wonder Jade’s ex was able to string her along for as long as he did. It would seem when a man’s family is at stake, he becomes a master manipulator.
Chris hits End and drops his phone to the couch and along with it his fake smile. He turns and scowls. “Fuck you, dude. Stop looking at me like that. You’re not married. So stop with the judgment.”
My hand freezes in Jade’s hair, a long curl intertwined in my fingers. “Wait, are you saying I have no room to judge you because I’m not married?”
Jesse’s eyes whip toward me, and Ethan must sense something going down because he lowers his earphones slowly from his head.
Jade flips the pages of her magazine in her lap, pretending not to pay attention, but I feel her muscles stiffen at my side.
I settle deeper into the couch and fix my eyes on Chris. “How about I judge you for screwing us all over by fucking Mark Arenfield’s daughter, asshole. Am I allowed to judge you for that?”
“Shut the fuck up,” Chris hisses, his gaze darting to the door.
“Oh, so… you’re afraid everyone will find out? Forget the fact that you were all over her at the party and she walked out of our bus the next morning in front of everyone.”
He cups his head and groans.
“Ryder.” Jesse shakes his head.
I laugh humorlessly. The guy who fucked his ex-drummer’s fiancé is the voice of reason now. How fucking poetic.
“Ha!” Chris says. “Who are you to talk? You wanted to fuck Jade when you were still with Rachel.”
Jade levels Chris with a glare. Her mouth opens, but I beat her to it.
“But I didn’t, did I? It’s called self-control, prick.”
He pushes up, stomps to the bathroom, and slams the door behind him.
I have to let this go. We have tonight’s show and then we’re back to Los Angeles for one more. Then it’s two months off before we go back to the studio to record a new album. I knew living with the same three guys for months was going to grate on my nerves. If it weren’t for Jade being here for the last three and a half weeks grounding me, keeping my head in the game and giving me someone to vent to, I’d probably have thrown a punch by now.
Not that she’s holding me back from my anger at Chris.
Hell, a lot of my irritation comes from knowing the same thing was done to her.
Showtime comes and goes, and we were able to set our shit aside and give our fans the kind of performance they paid for.
We load up for the six-hour drive to LA, and I can’t wait to get off this fucking bus and back into my own bed. I curl up on my side behind Jade, my arm slung over her waist. She’s been quiet ever since the show ended.
“You okay?” I whisper into the dark, limited space of my bunk.
“We’ll be in LA before sunrise.”
I squeeze her against me. “That’s right. What, uh… what’s your plan?”
“I’ll stay for the show, ya know, finish out my important duties as water girl.”
“Then what? Will you go straight to your mom’s?” When she doesn’t answer right away, I speak into the dark. “Come home with me, Jade.”
“Ryder, we’ve known each other for three weeks,” she says, as if it’s a bad thing.
“Almost four weeks, actually. Look I know you’ve come all this way for your mom, but I’ll arrange for you to have a car, and you can go see her whenever you want.”
“You’ll arrange for me to have a car? I don’t need you taking care of me.”
“Fine, then come stay with me, get a job, and go spend weekends with your mom or whatever—”
“It’s not like that—”
“I have plenty of space. You can even have your own room if you want.”
“You don’t understand.” Her voice is louder now.
“Then explain it. What don’t I understand? I want to be with you. That’s all that matters. Don’t you want to be with me?”
She sucks in a shuddering breath. “Go to sleep. We’ll figure this out after tomorrow’s show.”
I know this whole thing with Chris spooked her. She’s seen firsthand how fame works out for even the happiest couples. I never would’ve imagined Chris would cheat, and Bethany attends as much of Jesse’s tours as possible so he won’t be alone. Does Jade think I’d expect her to do the same for me?
With her warm body pressed to mine and the gentle sound of her breathing, I fall asleep, hoping when we get to LA she’ll give us a chance.
* * *
I wake to the sound of a bomb exploding near my head.
I open my eyes. It’s too dark to see. My body crashes into something hard. Pain shoots down my legs, explodes in my skull. Metal screeches. Wood crunches.
Darkness smacks me in the face.
Silence.
24
Jade
Someone is crying.
No, not crying.
Groaning.
I open my eyes, convinced I’m dreaming, but the sound becomes clearer.
The sound is coming from me.
Adrenaline bursts through me. I struggle to move, to get upright, to seek out the sound. My head spins, and warm tears slip down my cheeks. But I’m not crying. The tacky substance on my face, the tinny scent in the air…
Blood.
My stomach flips over on itself, pinching painfully, and I cough with gut-wrenching heaves.
The bunk. I’m in the bunk, but I don’t sense Ryder behind me.
I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand and try to kick my feet, but one of them is stuck. Pinned down.
A stabbing heat radiates up my leg. Ryder’s name is in my mouth, but when I open my lips to speak, only a groan bursts free. This isn’t right.
I reach for the bunk light, but it’s gone. I fumble around the space, wondering how it’s gotten tighter, more cramped. And then I smell it.
Smoke.
I scramble to get out of the bunk, wrench my leg free, and cry out as I fall to the floor. It’s dark, smoky. I wipe my eyes, and—oh God.
A light cas
t from the open refrigerator door reveals the broken and twisted wreckage. The bus is upside down.
“Ryder.” I yell his name, but it comes out a hoarse whisper. I try to stand, but my left leg falls uselessly beneath me. “Ryder!”
I crawl along the ceiling, registering pain in my bare legs as they slice on broken glass. I need more light. I can’t see.
“Ethan? Chris?” The only sound is the hiss of the engine as smoke continues to fill the space.
I cough, pull myself up using an open pantry door, and search high for a light switch. My ankle’s broken. I can’t jump. I reach for a splintered piece of flooring and use it to flip the switch. It takes three tries before the lights at my feet flicker and come to life.
I cough and squint through a haze of smoke when I see what looks like a hand. I scramble toward it, groaning through the pain in my leg, and grasp the hand like a lifeline. Still warm. I shove off broken cupboards to reveal a face. “Ryder!” My training takes over, and without hardly thinking, I assess his status.
Pulse.
He’s breathing.
I scramble up next to him, running my hands over his chest, searching for wounds. “Ryder, wake up.” His face is cut up. A large gash sits near his temple, and blood seeps through parts of his shirt. “Come on, stay with me.”
Nothing.
“Dammit!” I bury my face in his neck. “Wake up!”
He groans. His eyebrows pinch together.
A laugh bursts from my lips. “Yes, come on. Wake up. We have to get you out of here.”
He coughs and rolls to his side with a groan and reaches for his head.
“Ryder, listen to me. What hurts?”
He blinks at me, and the disorientation in his eyes clears. “Jade.”
