“Dave?” Her voice shakes.
“Sit.” My hand, firm but not ungentle, pushes her into the room. Even through the light touch, I can feel her trembling.
She moves, but remains standing, her hands rubbing one wrist then the other. “Dave? I don’t understand…”
“Demon,” I correct her. “My name’s Demon.”
Her eyes, looking behind me, catch those of my father, who’s followed us down. They widen in recognition. “Mr Black? Please, why am I here?”
With a quick shake of his head he corrects her, “Hellfire.” His tone is devoid of emotion. Of course, when she was hanging around with Nathan and myself, she only knew him by his government name.
“I’m Mace.” He may have politely introduced himself, but there’s nothing welcoming about the expression on the enforcer’s face. He turns to me. “You want me go make her sit?”
I shrug. “Up to you.” My indifference seems to unnerve her. Behind me, Thunder chooses not to introduce himself. Her eyes flick to him warily before coming back. As I watch her I can’t help but take in she’s become a beautiful woman.
It won’t be the first time what’s on the outside covers a rotten core.
“Dave.” A look at my set features makes her correct herself. “Demon. Look, let me go. I don’t know why you’ve brought me here, but I’d like to leave. You and I have nothing to say to each other.”
She’s standing in the middle of the room. I distance myself further, moving to a workbench and leaning against it, my arms folded. “Where’s Theo?” I ask, lazily, as if I really couldn’t give a damn. As I expect she doesn’t.
A quick flash of emotion crosses her face, which is rapidly squashed. “Safe,” she replies quickly, her gaze looking from one to the other of us, as if trying to work out what we know.
“You sure about that?” I ask, keeping my incredulity hidden.
A pause, then a firm reply, “Yes.”
My fingers clench into fists, and I don’t miss the warning shake of Hellfire’s head. Mace and Thunder, even though they’d not been party to our discussion and know little more than she’d abandoned the baby, look like they are feeling about the same as I. Momentarily I loosen my hands before my fingers find my palms again, a sign that I’m taking the lead.
“You think that giving a baby to a stranger in a shopping mall is a good way to keep him safe?” I ask, almost holding my breath. This is her chance to deny it. Her chance to tell me it was only for a few moments, then she would be going back. That the woman she’d handed him to was a friend.
Her shoulders slump. A small sob, which I don’t believe for one moment, comes out of her mouth, then she admits it when she offers by way of explanation, “He’ll be safer with a stranger than with me.”
As I’m at a complete loss for words, Hellfire steps in to fill the void, his voice patient, kind. Fatherly. “You thought you couldn’t look after him? Were a danger to him perhaps?”
“No, no. I’ve never hurt him. Never.” Her voice, quiet until now, becomes forceful. “I just couldn’t protect him if I kept him with me.”
Hell sends me another look and moves closer to her. “This isn’t what I remember you being like as a little girl, Violet. You were the one who came running that time your brother found an injured critter and you thought he was just going to leave it in the barn. I remember driving you and the boys to the animal sanctuary, as you wanted to make sure it was healed and given a home. You were five years old, and I remember it clearly. That girl would never leave a baby alone.” He pauses. I recall the story. Hell, I lived it. I’d been there. But twenty years is a long time. Who can measure an adult by what they were like as a child? “Violet, have you been unwell since Theo was born? It affects many mothers. You shouldn’t be ashamed if you need help. It’s there if you want to reach out and take it.”
As Violet turns her blue eyes on him, I see from my position that the light has gone out of them. The prospect had been right. They look dead. “I’m in my right mind, Mr… er, Hellfire. I knew what I was doing, and why I was doing it. I had no choice. It was all I could do. I did the right thing.”
I can stay silent no longer. Stepping up, I push Hell out of the way and get right up into her face.
“In what universe is abandoning a kid the right thing to do? Tell me that, Violet. What can ever make that right? What do you know of the woman you handed him to? How can giving him to a stranger keep him safe? What the fuck were you thinkin’? What fuckin’ planet are you on, woman?”
Her eyes go wide, her cheeks two patches of red. Her mouth opens, then shuts. I wait for a justification that there’s no way I’ll be able to accept. After a moment, I see her hands curl into fists, see her start shaking, but this time, it’s with anger, not fear. When I’m that close, I feel spittle land on my face, as she shouts, “On the planet where I was fuckin’ raped.”
I can’t. I just can’t.
As I stand gaping, Hellfire and Mace grab hold of my arms and back me out of the room. I make no resistance, words flying around my head. Images slamming into me.
“You got him?”
“Yeah, Mace. You go keep an eye on the girl. I’ll talk to him, okay?” My father’s reassuring voice gives the enforcer his instructions while I seem unable to react to anything.
I’m pliant as Hell leads me up the stairs and into my office. Knowing exactly where I keep it—in the same place as he used to—he takes down the whisky and fills two glasses, then pushes one across to me.
“Drink.”
My hand cradles the glass, but I make no move to lift it. I stare into the smoky depths for a moment before raising my eyes.
“She was raped, Hell. Nathan told me to look after her. She was fucking raped.”
That’s the first thing I need to get my head around, that I let her down. But the next? Christ, I can’t see my way to be easy with what’s spinning in my brain.
I spit it out, “She hates the child as it was a result of a rape.”
“Not the words that she used.” Hell gazes intently at my face.
“She said he wasn’t safe with her.”
Hell nods, having to admit, “She implied that.”
“Why did she fuckin’ have it, Hell? If she was going to have so little regard for it? Or, if she’s a fuckin’ pro-lifer, why not put it up for adoption before it was born? Why the fuck keep it until it’s five months old, then pass it off under dubious circumstances to someone in a fuckin’ mall? How the fuck can a woman do that?”
“Jeez, Demon. Ask something hard, will ya?” Hell shakes his head. “I don’t know. Maybe he started looking like the man who assaulted her, maybe she’s seeing things in him now that weren’t there when he was born.”
“Did Mom?” My teeth are gritted as the words come out. “Do I look like him, Hell?” Three months. That’s all the time I’ve had to get around how I was brought into existence. Seems it hasn’t been long enough.
He laughs scornfully. “What d’you think? You look like me. I look like him, which means you resemble him too. We’re brothers, Demon. You know this.”
I know that. Yeah. My head sinks into my hands. Twelve weeks or so ago I found out Hell wasn’t my father. Now Violet’s brought feelings to the fore I never knew I had. My initial reaction had been overwhelming thankfulness that Hell and Mo had brought me up never letting me think for a moment I was anything other than their child. Even when my half-sister and half-brother came along, I was treated no different. I’d never have been told had I not stumbled on the truth by accident. Hell and Mo were going to take that secret to the grave.
What would have happened had Hellfire not stepped up and led everyone to believe I was their son? Alone, would Mo have gone through with that abortion? Or, would she have birthed me and had me adopted, or, as I grew to resemble the man who abused her, could she have acted the same way as Violet? Abandoned me to an unknown fate?
“One thing I’m certain of, is that we don’t know the whole story.”
<
br /> “You think?” I know that. I’m also not certain I want to know what happened to her. Despite having promised her brother I’d keep an eye on her, I all but forgot her existence. If I’d been there for her, acted in a brotherly role, would I had been able to stop it happening in the first place? Or been there to support her, so her only option wasn’t leaving the baby the way she had, but to go down the proper route to have him adopted?
Pushing aside my untouched whisky, abruptly I stand.
Hell does, too, his arm held out to stop me crossing to the door. “You’re not going back down there. Not until you calm down.”
“Not going to ask her any more questions, Hell. I don’t want to hear answers that might make me want to kill her. No, I’m going to visit her parents.”
I need to let her talk, listen to her. But I want facts from another’s mouth first. I don’t trust a woman who passes off a child in the way she has. Yeah, I’ve got questions for her loving mother and father. At the very least I’d like to ask where they thought their daughter and grandchild had been headed today. If, as Hell obviously still suspects, she’s having a hard time coping as a single mom, why didn’t they get her the help she so clearly needed?
Hell sighs tiredly. “I’m coming along. Don’t want you to go off half-cocked. You have got the Black temper.” So has he. He’s had longer to learn to control it.
I look at him wryly. He knows me too well.
It’s doesn’t take long to get to our destination; certainly not enough time for the ride to clear my head. The Palmers live on the edge of Pueblo in a decent enough ranch-style house on the edge of the desert. Returning today for the first time since Nathan’s death reminds me of when I knew this place as well as my own home. The old ramshackle buildings Nathan and I used to play in look even more run-down now. When was I last here? The day of Nathan’s funeral, that’s when. I now feel guilty for that. My own pain being so great, I couldn’t deal with anyone else’s. And Bill and Delilah, Nathan and Violet’s parents, had each other to help them grieve. I’d leaned on my club brothers and relied on keeping track of Violet through mutual friends.
The driveway is potholed, our bikes bumping even though we try to avoid the worst of the holes. When we eventually pull up and turn off our engines, the noise echoes around, mingling with the only other sound, birdsong. But from inside the house comes the hum of someone vacuuming.
I take the lead as we walk to the door. In days long past I’d have gone around the back and let myself in, but such familiarity is long in my rearview. Instead I press my finger to the doorbell and hold it until the sound of the housework ceases. Footsteps, then the door is opened.
The person who answers is younger than I expected; not much, but she can’t be more than forty or so. A relative? Maybe.
“Can I help you?” She’s holding the door only open a crack, her eyebrows knitted together in confusion.
“Is Bill or Delilah here?” Hell’s the one to ask, his rich baritone even and non-threatening.
“Bill? Oh my gosh, no. Were you a friend of his? Oh, I’m so sorry. If you don’t know... Oh my gosh. How can I tell you?” The confusion has gone, to be replaced by sadness instead.
“If we don’t know… what?” Hell asks, but her reaction has given me a good idea what we’re going to hear.
“Bill died. It was a sudden heart attack, let’s see, that was eighteen months ago. Right as rain one moment, dead the next. Mind you, if you ask me, his heart wasn’t in living since the death of his son…”
It seems like she’s going to continue. Rapidly I’ve worked it through and remembered that timing fits with when Violet said she’d come home. To live with her mother? Maybe. “Mrs Palmer? Is she in?”
The woman’s eyes narrow. “You really don’t have any idea, do you?”
Holding out my hands in supplication, I realise I’ll get more information if I offer some up myself. “My name’s Dave,” I tell her, “This is my father, Carter Black,” introducing Hell. “I used to spend half my life here with Nathan before he joined up. I sort of lost touch with the Palmers when Nathan was killed.”
“You’re David?” She beams. “In her more lucid moments, Delly used to talk about you and Nathan all the time.” Her eyes squint. “Yeah, I can see the resemblance now. She had all these photographs. Used to show them to me. I’m the caregiver, you see; I’ve been helping out a couple of times a week.” She steps back and opens the door wide. “You better come in. There’s a lot you don’t know, and it’s not to be discussed on a doorstep.”
Within moments we’re seated on a sofa but have declined any refreshment. The woman, still nameless, doesn’t waste time bringing us up to date. “Delly was going downhill long before Bill died. It was a blessing in a way, some days she hardly knew he was gone. She’d talk about him and Nathan, and you, David, as if you were all going to walk in the door. Other times, well, she’d be near-catatonic. When Violet came home for the funeral, she knew she had to stay. She wanted to be here for Delly’s more lucid moments, which we already knew would become fewer and fewer.”
“Violet had a baby…”
“Oh, yes. You know that?” Her lips purse, she looks either like she didn’t approve, or she knows the whole story which, as yet, I don’t. “Delly was quite good with the baby. Whatever she did was out of the goodness of her heart. But she’d get muddled you see. Once she ran a bath of nearly scalding water. Violet had thought Theo was asleep, so she’d gone to lay down for a nap herself. She heard screaming, ran in to find Delly putting him in the tub, already had his toes in the water.” Her eyes squeeze tight at the painful memory. “Took him to the hospital, he was fine. Fully recovered, but Vi? Vi near lost it. A second or two later…”
She’s shaking her head, her tight expression telling the story of what might have happened.
“Violet a good mother?” Hell asks.
“The best.” A vehement nod as emphasis.
So that might explain the reason for Violet leaving. Theo was in danger from her mother. Hang on, no, that doesn’t clarify it. What I’ve heard just raises more questions. “Miss, Mrs…?”
“Hounslow. Vicky Hounslow.”
“Ms Hounslow. Is that why Violet left?”
“Oh, goodness, no. After the bath incident Violet made sure Delly wasn’t around Theo unsupervised. Delly was deteriorating fast, going further and further downhill. It soon became that she didn’t recognise anyone and was becoming a danger to herself, as well as anyone else. In the past few weeks she got violent. I came in more often, but even with the two of us, she became harder to control. She wasn’t Delly, wasn’t Violet’s mom anymore. Just the shell. Violet couldn’t cope, not with a baby as well. It wasn’t an easy decision, but one that had to be made. Delly needed to be somewhere where she couldn’t hurt herself or others. She’s moved into a home. Unfortunately,” she breaks off and waves her hand around, “this house has to be sold to pay for it. I’m only here to do a final clean-up. You’re lucky you came today. Violet left, she’s got friends Theo and she can stay with until she could get herself sorted.” She sobs, then adds, “I wish it could have been different, but this is best all around.”
Hell’s eyes are upon me. He might know me well, but I can read him too. He doesn’t need words to let me know how much all this is for any woman to bear.
A child born out of violence, a woman quite possibly having problems having so recently given birth, and a mother who she can’t rely on and who doesn’t even recognise her. On top of that, having to sell her family home.
The reasons for Violet’s possible derangement render me speechless.
It’s Hell who bids Vicky farewell, and who herds me out of there. Violet would have been mad with grief and not thinking straight. I was right to come here. Although the answers weren’t what I’d expected, I’m enlightened as to Violet’s mental state and the reason behind it. I’m surprised she’s coping at all.
Before we start the bikes, I hear the sound of the hoover star
t up again and take a moment to look around the place that held so many happy childhood memories. I wouldn’t have wanted to hang around to see it being sold to strangers either. I don’t blame Violet for leaving when she did. But I do blame her for thinking she couldn’t look after Theo.
Why hadn’t she asked anyone for help? I might only have met her, but I’d been struck by the compassionate woman we’ve just been speaking too. I’m certain, if Vicky had known what she had planned, she would have stepped in and stopped her, and found some way to help.
Of course, I’m also guilty. Nathan would have expected the other person she’d have turned to would have been me.
Chapter Five
Violet
I should be scared, but the luxury of worrying about myself was something I’d given up a long time ago. First Dad’s sudden death, then having to deal with Mom and her rapidly-escalating deterioration. Then Theo. The fact I’ve been brought God knows where, am being held in something that resembles a torture chamber with two scary, non-talkative men glaring at me, barely registers. All my thoughts are on my son. My head is whirling. I walk across to the chair and this time, sit down.
Theo. The baby I love more than myself. What happens to me, I no longer care. I could die happy as long as I know that he’s safe, and no one will ever find him. I can’t allow myself to harbour thoughts that the way I went about it is wrong, Have to let myself believe in the inherent good in this world, and that even now he’s with a family who will care for him and love him. I did what I could.
I’d had barely any warning. No time to make official arrangements for his care. I wasn’t even able to do it legally; that would have left a paper trail. My leaving him with the woman at the mall had been an act of desperation. I’d had no choice, and no chance to reconsider. A check of her references, arrangements made, then the handoff. I’ll go crazy if I let myself think for a moment it was the wrong thing to do.
Satan's Devils MC Colorado Boxset 1 Books 1 - 3 Page 41
