Her eyes are red and swollen, tears still glistening where they hadn’t all dried, but it doesn’t detract from her ethereal beauty that remains visible underneath. When I’d carried her, she’d melded perfectly to my body. When I’d held her against me, it was all I could do to keep my cock under control. It’s getting harder and harder to remind myself she’s Nathan’s kid sister, someone completely off-limits. I suspect she’d be disgusted if she knew exactly how the man she looks up to really wants to comfort her. I’ll push all those selfish thoughts out of my mind, then do what I can to help her. After that I’ll send her on her way with a promise that I’ll be there as a big brother, be an uncle to her kid. Now she’s got no family to speak of, I can at least step up and do that.
But first I’ve got to know what I’m fighting. I wish she’d drink something stronger than water, it might help her get this painful memory out. That milk drying on her t-shirt, the reminder she’s ripe and fertile is not a turn off for some reason. In fact, it’s hard to keep my eyes on her face and not react like Theo would most likely do, and reveal my hunger for a taste. What the fuck is happening to me? A lactating woman with a kid attached has never attracted me in the least. I’d laugh if my mirth wasn’t sure to upset her; if she guessed the real reason, that is.
“Go on,” I encourage, croakily, having to cough to clear my throat.
“I went for the meeting.” Her eyes close. In memory? Or does she not want to see my expression? “I dressed smartly, nothing sexy. I was looking for employment, not preparing for a night on the town. I wore a suit jacket matched with a knee-length pencil skirt. It was grey, and my shirt was white.”
The unimportant details are either helping her focus or justifying what happened next wasn’t her fault. I have no doubt in the matter. Girl can walk around naked, but if she says she’s not interested, a man should take note. Even our sweet butts can refuse our attentions if they’re having an off night and are not in the mood. Though, too many refusals and they’d be out on their ass; we’re paying them to put out after all.
This time the pause is lengthy. “What happened?” I prompt.
“I accepted a small glass of wine, drank it slowly. He took me through business hours, the days I was expected to work. I asked a few details on what the job entailed, and that’s when he became a bit vague. It didn’t strike me as suspicious; he brushed it off as stuff I could learn on the job.”
“Were you attracted to him? Show him any interest?”
“No, I did not.” She sounds and looks adamant. “If you must know, I thought he was a sleaze. But beggars can’t be choosers, and no one needs to like their boss to go to work.” When I raise my chin in acknowledgement, she carries on, “I finished my wine. There didn’t seem anything more that needed to be said. I stood to go, he told me to wait there as he was going to the bathroom, and that he’d be back and see me out to my car. Just sounded like a gentleman. He was gone before I could tell him there was no need. He returned shortly after, carrying another two drinks. Again, it wasn’t a huge glass, and I knew I’d be alright to drive. I didn’t feel I could refuse. I’d just agreed to take the job after all. He said it was a celebratory gesture.”
A second drink which she hadn’t seen poured. “He roofied you.”
Her lips purse. “He did.”
“Do you remember any of it?”
The blood drains from her face. I feel a bastard for pushing her, but I can’t stop asking for details. “Vi, tell me.”
“I don’t remember. Not… not that part. I was sore the next morning. I, er, woke in his bed.” Her face has paled even further. “I guessed what had happened. I accused him of rape. He said I’d come onto him, and that he’d done me the favour of taking me to bed. He wasn’t bothered I’d accused him, he… he just laughed and said no one would ever believe it. That he hadn’t particularly enjoyed it, and that after all that, I wasn’t someone he wanted working for him and hadn’t got the job. Then he booted me out.”
He’s dead. He’s fucking dead. No two ways about it. I won’t do it fast, nah, I’ll take my time. When he’s begging for death, I’ll start all over again.
My fists clench and unclench, and I draw in a deep breath, then another, in a vain attempt to calm myself down. Eventually I can ask, keeping my tone even, “Did you report it?” If only I’d stayed close to her, we wouldn’t be having this conversation now. If I’d been around, the fucker would have been dead the next day.
“Not then, no. I was in shock. I believed him, you see, that I couldn’t back up my story. I was in a hell of a state. Vicki came the day after; I didn’t think she was working until the day after that. I was as confused as hell. Must have been walking around in a daydream. When I eventually pulled myself together and could think, I realised I’d heard Rohypnol, or whatever he used, doesn’t stick around in your system long. I was drinking with him voluntarily and left with him. No one knew I was interviewing for a job, there had been no other staff in the office. The bartender? What would he have seen? A girl who couldn’t hold her drink. I got tested, I was clean, I thanked my lucky stars for that and that I couldn’t remember the details, and promised myself never to get in that position again.” Her voice is trembling. She’d been affected much more than she’s letting on, but like she dealt with the death and otherwise loss of her parents, she’s struggling to be practical and strong. My heart bleeds for her, my brain has new respect for her.
Now her lips purse, this time in determination. Unable to stop myself, I reach for her hand. “It didn’t work, did it? However you tried to forget it, you couldn’t. Shit like that stays with you, Vi.” I’ve had my recent experience with Moira to realise it remains with you forever, that it never fades from your memory even after almost four decades have passed. The circumstances were different, but still the horror would be retained in the back of your mind. Especially with a constant reminder. Like I’d been there to remind Mom, Vi had Theo. I stare at her. “You weren’t a virgin, were you?” At the side-to-side motion of her head, I continue, “You weren’t a virgin, but you had sex against your will. By a man who should never have taken advantage of you. By someone who had to drug you to get you into bed.” I tap her forehead. “I’d bet good money you still have nightmares.”
Her eyes fix on me, surprised at my level of understanding. Perhaps a few months back I wouldn’t have been able to comprehend how being taken advantage of like that, used without giving her consent, would make a woman feel. But I did know; it had happened to my mom. Only recently I’d had to come to terms myself that I was a product of rape, had had to delve down deep inside me to examine whether I carry any traits of my true bloodline, dealing with the knowledge the man who’d sired me was a rapist.
Having had to do it myself, knowing that Theo might go through something similar when he’s older, briefly I wonder whether I could one day help her son come to terms with his background, then dismiss the notion immediately. Violet and Theo will probably be far away by then, living their own lives, having nothing to do with an outlaw biker. That’s the gift I aim to give them, a chance to be free from fear, and a leg up in life. I’ve got some money saved—what does a confirmed bachelor who lives in the compound have to spend it on? I’ve three bikes already, that’s more than enough when I can only ride one at a time.
A tear rolls down her cheek. My impulse is to wipe it away, but my fear is I wouldn’t stop there. I gentle my voice as I ask, “When did you find out you were pregnant? And more importantly, how did he find out? Why did you tell him?” I’m burning to know who it was, my brain already questioning which method to use when I take him out. Not a bullet, no, that would be far too easy. But I need to know the extent of his crimes first. Once she gives me a name, it will be hard to refrain from immediate action.
Her head moves again, this time, up-and-down. “As I said, I tried to blank it out, tried not to think about it, tried to forget what had happened. Obviously I stayed well away from that part of town. I didn’t want to risk seei
ng him, it would only have reminded me how stupid I’d been. Mom was getting steadily worse, even Vicky was having trouble dealing with her on the worst days, so I told myself I’d hold off on getting a job as she needed me. Vicky started to come in everyday whether I paid her or not. Dad had left some savings; I tightened my belt to eke out what I had. It wasn’t too bad.” A quick self-deprecating grin fleetingly appears. “I’d had enough experience of being a student, then struggling to maintain the apartment in New York on just my wage.”
A quick blast of anger. I should have been there to help her. Nathan wouldn’t have allowed her to struggle.
“I was so taken up by Mom. Taking her to doctor’s appointments, desperate to find something that could help her, but whatever they could do wasn’t enough. She continued that downward spiral. I was fit and well. When my next period was lighter I didn’t take notice, just thought it was the change in diet—I’d cut out a lot of meat to save money. I had a second too. There was no warning signs at all. It wasn’t until the third didn’t appear that I began to get worried. Even then, I didn’t consider I was pregnant, thought looking after Mom was stressing me out.” Her mouth opens and closes. I wonder how much she’s filtering, how much she doesn’t want to tell me. “By the time I admitted it could be a possibility, I was four months along. Sixteen weeks.” Her teeth worry her lip. Another feeling like a blow to my gut as I realise how much she’d gone through alone. “I didn’t know what to do. Because I’d been raped, my doctor explained my options to me. It wasn’t too late for an abortion, here it’s permissible up to twenty-six weeks, but Planned Parenthood has a limit of nineteen weeks. I was so close. I had the thought in my head I’d never be able to forget what had happened if I continued the pregnancy.” A small smile crosses her face. “Then I saw Theo on the ultrasound. He was a baby, not an alien growing inside me.”
Pausing, she picks up the water and drinks some. “I knew then, the only way forward was to suppress the memories of how he came into being. If I proceeded, Theo was going to be mine, no one else’s. I would be a single mom.” Another sip from the bottle, and a look of determination. “He carried my blood, his grandparents’, and Nathan’s. I was going to bring him up right. so nothing was there of his sperm donor. I told Vicky; she was great, really supportive.” A short mirthless laugh, “Of course I told Mom, but there were only brief periods when she acknowledged she was going to be a grandmother. My pregnancy was easy. The birth? Well, I’d rather not go into that. Not something I’d undertake again lightly.”
Why am I concerned at that? It’s my turn to narrow my lips as I search for an answer. Nathan would have wanted his sister to have children, that’s all. I’m looking out for her like a big brother.
“You told—him?”
“Of course I didn’t,” she snaps. “I wanted nothing from him. No money, no help, and definitely no involvement. It never crossed my mind. What woman would want such a monster to have any influence over their child?”
I can understand that. My mom certainly didn’t. Not that she had the chance. Hellfire had wasted no time killing the man who had raped her. But it’s not too much of a stretch to think had things been different, she’d have thought much the same way as Vi.
“But he knows now.” My brow creases as she nods. “How and when did he find out?”
A mirthless snort of laughter. “By accident. One day he saw me heavily pregnant and approached, and quickly put two and two together. He knew I wasn’t the kind of woman to sleep around, and, as part of the job interview process, I’d told him I hadn’t a partner.” Her cheeks grow red again, this time with pinpricks of anger. “I tried to lie, told him I was large for this stage in the pregnancy, that it was nothing to do with him. But he laughed it off. Said it was easy to prove with a simple blood test when the baby was born. I was so scared. The baby was mine, not his. Who’d want a man like that anywhere near a kid?”
Why the fuck hadn’t she sought help? Come to me? But why should she? I’d had no physical contact for nine years, didn’t even know she was in Pueblo. It follows she didn’t know where I was either, and, as I hadn’t followed up on my promise to Nathan, probably hadn’t thought I’d care. She’s so wrong. I care, too much. Her words are gutting me, and not just because of her relationship to my friend. What happened to her would be a nightmare for any woman.
“I went to the authorities then.”
Her comment surprises me. So does the look on her face.
She nods to confirm it. “I hired an attorney. Not that I could afford the best, but Vicky helped. The first attempt was to get him convicted of rape. In Colorado, all parental rights are blocked if there’s a rape conviction.”
“But he wasn’t convicted?” If he had been, she’d have nothing to worry about.
“No. His story against mine, just as I’d always thought. I had my whole personal history laid out in that courtroom. I’d been a student, Dave.” I let her use of my government name pass. “Yeah, I’d had one-night stands, and he had the money to investigate me thoroughly. There were snide glances exchanged with the judge, which led me to believe there was something between them. The case was dismissed.”
“With no conviction, you couldn’t deny him parental rights?” That doesn’t sound right to me. Okay, so if a man impregnates a woman he’s got some responsibility and should pay for his mistake, but to claim rights to a child as a result of putting his cock where it wasn’t wanted and where a pregnancy was never intended? Not only had he violated her body that night, but that violation continued for nine months as she’d carried his child. As it’s still continuing, the now drying t-shirt bearing witness to that.
“I could, but only if I could prove his involvement wasn’t in the best interest of the baby. It was easier to deny he was the father. With the background he’d concocted for me during the rape case, I thought it would work.”
One look at her face shows me it didn’t. “Who is he, Vi?”
She’s reluctant to tell me. “Someone no one in their right mind would want near a child. Even my attorney backed off when he started looking into him. Yeah, I took him back to court. He came over as a well-monied and connected man, I came over as a slut with loose morals. The judge believed him over me and awarded him rights.”
“With no proof he was the father? You have to share parenting with him?” My teeth grind together and it’s hard getting the words out.
She gives that laugh again, the one lacking humour. “Wednesday, before I met you, I was served with notice. I don’t understand why, but he’s going for full custody.”
I shudder at the look of total fear that crosses her face. Her teeth seem to clench before she continues, then the words tumble out one after the other.
“I couldn’t let him have Theo, and after my experiences in court, knew he would win if he took me back there. Somehow he’d got hold of the story of my mother burning Theo. He had access to the medical records.” Her eyes rise to mine. “He’s a monster, Demon. That’s what I’ve found out about him. Anyone else caring for Theo would be better than him.”
“That’s why you left Theo?” Her palpable terror had clearly led to her taking drastic action. What she’d done starts to make sense.
“I was in a hurry. Knew we both had to disappear, that Theo had to go somewhere where his parentage could never be traced. I researched on the internet, found a woman who’d take him; she knew a family who was having trouble finding a child through normal channels. A same-sex family. It seemed legit; we all know how difficult it is for people who live a different lifestyle to legally adopt. I didn’t hand over his birth certificate, she didn’t know his name. Once she’d taken him, even I would have had difficulty finding him again.”
Violet loves Theo. She’s assured me of that. I stare at her, unable to comprehend how scared she must have been. She’d give up her son, knowing that would be the last she’d see of him. Just who is this man that she’d risk the child’s future like that? Biting my tongue, knowing she doesn’
t need me to point out the holes in her plan, that anything could have happened to him. Any story could have been fabricated and Vi in her desperation would have believed it. Theo could have been trafficked. The thought makes me go cold.
“I’m supposed to arrange an unsupervised visitation. I’ve been putting it off, obviously. How could I take Theo to him and leave him there? I was terrified his father would swoop in and take him away. I had to do something and fast. I suspected I wouldn’t get him back.” Her hands wave uselessly. “There was nothing else I could do. Just hope that whoever adopted Theo would be a good parent.”
A cold feeling settles inside me. I’ve a feeling I don’t want to know, but am driven to ask, “What were you intending to do, Vi? Where were you going to go?”
She’s so quiet I don’t think she’s going to answer. Then when she speaks, I struggle to hear the answer.
“I was going to disappear and never come back.”
That cold feeling becomes ice. “He’d have looked for you, found you if he’d had the contacts you’re suggesting.”
There’s no attempt at evasion as she looks straight into my face. “I’d already got rid of my phone and got a new number. He wouldn’t have been able to track that I’d gone to Canon City; he’d have no clue as to where to start looking for Theo.”
“You, Vi. What were you going to do?”
She shrugs. “You can’t get information from a dead woman.”
If I’d felt cold before, now I’m completely frozen. This man cheated her, raped her, threatened to take her baby, and because of him, she was going to take her own life. My anger is so great I can hardly get the words out.
Satan's Devils MC Colorado Boxset 1 Books 1 - 3 Page 43
