“Stay here as long as you need. Exactly how long, you’ll have to work out with Demon.” A friendly, paternal hand rests briefly on my shoulder, while I bristle, thinking what I do is none of his son’s business. But I can’t be annoyed with Hellfire, especially when he says, “You can relax here, Vi. You and the kid. We’ll keep you safe.”
It’s tempting, but I can’t impose. And a biker club is no place to bring up a child.
“There you are!” Demon’s deep voice booms out from the other end of the corridor.
“I’ll leave you two to it.” With that, Hellfire turns abruptly, leaving us alone.
God, but Demon’s a handsome man, I think, and not for the first time today. Tall, dark brown eyes which look sinful, his hair long enough for me to run my fingers through. High, well-defined cheekbones. The only thing marring it is a slight crookedness of his nose when you look at it right, suggesting it’s been broken at some time. It gives his face character and stops him being pretty. An intentional five o’clock shadow, which has fascinating possibilities… My hand covers my face as I feel my cheeks burning again. I should not be thinking about what he could do with that scruff on his chin.
There’s a clonking and banging sound, accompanied by swearing, coming up the stairs. Peering around Demon, I see a man struggling with the crib, which while not heavy, is awkward.
“Er, it’s collapsible,” I tell him, trying to smother my laugh.
“Well, I didn’t know that, did I? Hey, we haven’t been introduced.” He puts down the crib and stretches out his hand. “I’m Ink.” So he might be, but where he might be tattooed I’ve no idea. His skin looks completely unmarked to me.
“Thank you, Ink.”
After eyeing the crib for a moment, with a smirk Demon flicks the catches, folds it, and easily manoeuvres it through the door. Then he reverses the process and sets the crib up. Ink huffs and walks away with his nose in the air.
“You gonna be okay here?” Demon examines the room with a critical eye.
I cross to the large king-size bed which dominates the room and sit on the cover, taking a moment to look around me. It has everything I need. A television to keep me amused while Theo’s sleeping, a closet, drawers. “It’s great, D. Thank you.”
“D?” he asks, sounding amused.
I could go into an explanation, I don’t bother. I’ll use it unless he calls me out on it.
“Be a bit like the old days, you having a sleepover. Fuck, you were a pain in the ass when you insisted on tagging along with Nathan. Spoilt rotten as I remember, twisting your parents around your little finger.”
The reminder is like a slap in the face. He still sees me as an extension of Nathan, not as a person in my own right. This isn’t a favour to me, but a debt owed to my brother. I lower my eyes. Whenever I look at him carnal feelings arise. It’s unflattering my reaction is no way reciprocated.
Of course, he misunderstands my dejection. “I know I’ll never fill the hole left by Nathan, Vi, but look to me as you would him, okay? Whatever you need, I’ll help you get it.”
He wants me to treat him as I would my big brother. Problem is, I’m not quite sure how I can look at him that way. Not now I’m grown, and have the desires of a woman. As Demon walks around, occupying himself by checking that the drawers are empty, I take a second to wonder what my relationship with Nathan would be now, had he lived. Last time I saw him I was fifteen. He hadn’t grown out of the habit of pulling my pigtails and teasing me; in retaliation, I’d pull up his sweat pants when he wasn’t expecting it and give him a wedgy. A small smile curves my lips at the memory, somehow doubting if I were to treat Demon the same as I’d acted toward Nathan it would be the way to get on Demon’s good side. There are much more adult things I’d prefer to be doing with him, but I expect, if he knew that, he’d be horrified.
Having completed his inspection, Demon pinches the bridge of his nose. “Jay mentioned you needed feeding.”
That’s a safe enough topic. “Yeah, I could eat.” My stomach, which earlier had rolled at the thought of food, now reminds me again that I’m hungry and that I hadn’t eaten at all today. “I need to go get Theo and feed him first though.” I drop my eyes to my breasts which have become full once again, threatening to dampen the borrowed t-shirt Jayden had found for me earlier.
It’s like he snaps to attention. “I’ll get him for you.”
“There’s no need…” I’m not an invalid or helpless. I don’t need him doing things for me. He starts to protest when a figure makes a timely appearance in the doorway.
“Hey, Violet. Theo woke and started fussing so I brought him up. Do you want to feed him, or shall I do a bottle?”
I’m full of relief Jayden has saved me from a conversation I was finding awkward. Having had to cope mostly alone, I’m used to doing everything for myself. Demon offering to get my son for me had been blown up out of proportion in my mind, an indication he’d thought that after the bad decisions I’d made today, I couldn’t do anything for myself. Gratefully I take Theo from her, nuzzling his head and breathing in the baby smell that’s even more precious after I’d come so close to losing him. “I’m going to feed him myself, thanks, Jay.”
The borrowed t-shirt is a bit tighter than the clothes I usually wear. As I work out the best way to manage this, I notice Jay has disappeared, and while Demon has stayed, he’s averting his eyes. I shrug. To me feeding my baby is the most natural thing in the world, nothing dirty or disgusting about it. I’ve fed Theo in public before, discreetly covered with a blanket; the snide looks and comments have never bothered me. So why should I feel awkward giving him sustenance in front of Demon?
Because I feel maternal, decidedly non-sexy. Feeding another man’s baby is no way to attract a man.
“How about I go get you a plate of something for you?” Demon offers, his back turned toward me.
An escape for us both. I jump at it. “Yes, please.”
I suspect he was in no hurry to return. A good half-hour passes, during which I’ve fed and changed Theo, and there’s still no sign of him or the promised food. I’ve started to wonder whether to stay in this room, or go to find him. The main thing which keeps me rooted is his men, and their differing moods as they came out of church. Sympathy, I can handle. Curiosity too. But those smirks, half-smiles, or outright laughing? Why am I the butt of a joke I don’t understand?
Perhaps if I got to know them, I’d find they weren’t so unnerving. But maybe leave it; I won’t be here long enough to need to make friends, and tonight, well, I just want to enjoy being close to my son.
Laying Theo on the bed, I go sort out the portable crib, then pull it close to me and settle him down. Then, tired, I lean against the pillow, thinking over the terrible day I’ve had, and the emotional wringer I’ve been through.
Lying on my side, I watch Theo sleeping. It’s hard to think when I awoke this morning, I never expected to have him with me tonight. I might have been rescued by Devils, but God must have had a hand in it. Maybe Nathan’s watching over us and had sent his best friend to help. Now at least there’s someone on my side to keep Theo hidden from his sperm donor. It’s a comforting thought that, for tonight at least, we’re safe.
I call out when a knock comes at the door, “Yeah, come in.”
Demon walks in carrying a tray. On it there’s a delicious smelling plate of food. Some kind of stew, but as my stomach growls once again, I couldn’t give a damn what sort. Sitting up, I waggle my fingers in a ‘give me’ gesture.
He laughs. “Fuck, Vi, I remember you doing that when you wanted our candy.”
I roll my eyes as he defines our relationship yet again. To him I’ll never be more than Nathan’s little sister.
I dig in and eat as though I haven’t eaten all day, which is the truth. I’m so hungry, and the food so good, I’m unaware of Demon watching me eat every mouthful until I’m almost finished. Then I notice his eyes transfixed on my spoon as I move it between plate and lips. To test h
im, I take time over the next morsel, making a show of sucking it into my mouth, then licking the utensil.
His eyes catch mine. Swiftly he turns his back. Hmm. Perhaps not so immune to me as he’d like to think.
“That was great, D. I’m stuffed now.”
There’s a slight groan, then a chuckle. “Christ, Vi, you’ve emptied the plate.”
“So?” I shrug. “I was hungry.”
I’d like nothing more than to go to sleep, but having eaten so much, I need to let the digestion process start to work. Putting the plate to one side, I sit up, propping pillows behind me. They’ll have discussed my situation in their meeting, and I want to know what conclusions they’ve made.
“What’s going to happen? Where do I go from here?”
The last is a metaphorical question, but he answers literally. “You go nowhere, for now,” he says sharply. “You and Theo, you’ll be staying here.”
I don’t bother protesting. He must know we can’t stay forever.
“Can I get our things?”
I’d packed a few things in the suitcase, so Vicky wouldn’t become suspicious. Going to visit my fictional friend without taking anything with me would certainly have aroused some misgivings. Distraught, I’d not put much thought to what I’d thrown in. Most of my stuff I’d left behind. Theo has no toys, and I’d like him to have them.
“I’ll get the suitcase brought up from your car; should have thought of that earlier. But if you’re referring to shit from your home, no, Vi. Can’t rule out someone will be looking for you, and the house is the first place they’d go. Have to tell you now, you’re not going to be leaving the compound, so don’t even ask. The only way to keep you safe is to make sure that no one knows you’re here.”
He’s being so heavy-handed. I’m an independent woman, used to doing stuff for myself. He might be right, but his arrogant attitude is annoying.
“But…” I start to protest for the sake of making a protestation.
“No, Vi. The girls can go buy whatever you need.”
I don’t have enough money to replace everything Theo requires. “I can’t afford—”
I was going to say ‘much’ but he interrupts, “Vi! For fuck’s sake. I told you, I’m stepping into Nathan’s shoes. Anything you need, I’ll pay for it. I’m good for that, I promise you.”
My cheeks flame. “I can’t ask you‒”
Again he cuts me off before I’ve finished. “You’re not asking. I’m telling. Nathan would never have let you go wanting…”
Suddenly I’ve pulled myself up on my knees, my finger prodding him in the ribs, my voice as angry as I can make it without risking interrupting Theo sleeping.
“Look here,” I hiss. “I’m a grown woman. I can look after myself. Whether Nathan is here or not, whether you somehow think you’re his proxy, I’ll make my own way in life. I’ve done well enough on my own so far.”
He’s there. His hand captures my fingers, he pushes both our joined fists against my chest, pressing me back against the pillows. His temper has risen as fast as my own.
“And you make some great fuckin’ choices, don’t you? You say you don’t need looking after? You’re a single mom with a kid and without a penny to your name. Not to say, without me, you don’t have a place to stay, either.”
The words ring in the air.
A movement, a snuffle, we both freeze, then I sigh as Theo goes silent.
“Remind me,” Demon hisses. “Where would you be without me, Vi? Where would you fuckin’ be right now?”
He knows the answer. I’d be somewhere where I wouldn’t care about anything, content my son would be well looked after. Dying inside, if not physically. Maybe already dead. I wonder if I’d have had the guts to go through with it, driven by despair.
He backs away, stands and starts pacing the room. Suddenly he turns my way.
“Tell me, Vi. Would you prefer that? Get back in contact with the woman again, hand Theo over? Is there a way to restart that process if you absolutely think that’s in his best interest? Tell me Vi.” He runs his hands back through his hair, his head moving side-to-side. “How the fuck do I know what’s best for you and the kid?”
“D?” My voice sounds small, weak, as if I’ve reverted back nine years, and oh, how I wish I could. Nathan home on leave, back at the house, me sneaking in and trying to flirt with Dave. Both men rolling their eyes. I’m sure Dave found my naïve teenage attraction to him amusing. I’d give anything to turn back time, to tell Nathan not to go on that final tour, or to keep out of the path of that bullet. But I can’t go back. I need to deal with the present.
“D.” I repeat his name. “I haven’t said thank you, and I should have. I want Theo with me. I got so caught up in getting him out of his father’s hands, I couldn’t see any other way out. I just need a minute to get my head around things I never expected to be; a chance I didn’t expect to have. I am grateful to you letting me stay until I get sorted.”
There’s a strange look on his face as he turns. His voice is gravelly as he says the last thing I expected him to say.
“Never, ever refer to that fucker as Theo’s father again, you hear me?” His eyes flare as they fix on mine. “You fuckin’ got me, Vi?”
I can’t remember ever seeing him so serious. Not even earlier when he’d started questioning me.
Why should it mean so much to him?
Then it dawns: he’s schooling me. Giving me a lesson I should take to heart. If I’m going to stop Angel getting custody, or any rights at all, I have to deny his parentage, even out of his hearing. That starts today.
“Got you, D.”
Chapter Eleven
Demon
Fuck! I shouldn’t have lost my temper with Violet. After the day she’s had, I should back off and give her space to realise what I’m offering her, the chance for her and Theo to stay together. My support to enable that. How long is it since she’s been able to rely on anyone but herself? It’s been well over a year since her father died, and while her mom was there physically, mentally she’d have been no help at all, only adding to her burden. Christ, I can’t believe how the little girl I remember has grown up to be such a strong woman. Just half of her problems would leave most women reeling, but she stood up straight and handled everything life threw at her. She’d done the best that she could, and that includes the actions that had shocked me today.
She’d had to deal with the aftermath of being raped, is probably still doing that. Had to cope with giving birth alone, raising a child as a single mother, caring for her mom who was losing her mind. Topping all that off, facing being homeless and penniless. And all that’s without considering the court cases and that Theo’s sperm donor had been making threats. Under the circumstances, with no home, no money, and with records of the hospital visit when Theo had gotten burned, Angel could very well have been awarded custody.
Even I’d have found all that hard to deal with, but I wouldn’t have had to go through it alone. I’d have had my brothers behind me. Well, she might not yet appreciate it yet, but from this point forward, so has she.
When I’d brought her dinner, I’d wanted to have a conversation, but things hadn’t gone the way I’d planned. I wasn’t going to share all our discussions at church with her, especially not some of the more far-fetched suggestions, but I had been planning a longer talk about her expectations now. I’d been going to explain our offer of hospitality to her, that we’d be there to support her trying to get the millstone of Angel off her back.
My plans had gone awry. She’d been in no mood to listen. Why doesn’t she understand I’m gladly stepping into the role her brother would have played were he still alive? Nathan would have expected nothing less. Of course, I should have stepped up earlier, but too wrapped up in my own life, I admit, Violet had been put to the furthest recesses of my mind.
I’d taken her empty plate back downstairs and had left her, giving her time to herself. Tonight, I can give her the luxury of being with h
er kid and not having to worry about where her next meal’s coming from, or where to lay her head. Hopefully she’ll relax and get the sleep she’s probably not had for weeks.
Now, she needs the help I can give her, and I’m going to step up to the plate. As a brother. I don’t have it in me to be anything else. There’s no way in hell I’m going to marry her. Why Hell had come up with that suggestion, I’ve no idea. Except… that’s what he’d done, wasn’t it?
But my feelings for Vi don’t come close to resembling what he felt for my mother. Fuck Vi? See her naked?
I could have gotten a glimpse of her tits when she’d been feeding Theo if I’d turned around…
Nah, the thought makes me think of seeing Kennedy, my own sister, naked. Nope, no way. Never want to do that. Eww. Well, that’s what that idea should make me feel. Unfortunately, it doesn’t.
What would Vi look like under her clothes? Would her body bear the marks of the miracle of childbirth? Would her ass feel as good in my hands as my eyes suspect? Would her tits…
Fuck it. That’s why I have to keep reminding myself that she sees me only as a Nathan substitute.
She’s not helping. Mentioning my brotherly concern seems to be some kind of a trigger. Leaving aside my unwanted sexual attraction to her, her predicament has rekindled the affection I’d had for her as a kid. Sure, she’d been annoying, but Nathan had loved her despite all that. And I, as his friend, had copied his example, treating her much as I’d treated my own little sister. But Vi seems to hate any reminder of our relationship in the past. I can’t read her at all.
Maybe it’s that I don’t understand women, and that’s why I’m a happy single man.
Satan's Devils MC Colorado Boxset 1 Books 1 - 3 Page 48
