“I’d like to ask a question.” Buzzard leans forward, then twists his head. “If we’re proposing to keep this woman safe, how long? When is the trial, Marshal?”
It’s a good question. I hadn’t thought to ask. I raise my chin toward the treasurer.
“Two months off. It’s been put back once, but prosecutors are determined it should go ahead this time.”
So we need to keep Stevie safe for eight weeks. Ideas start running through my head. Take her to Tucson? Take her somewhere completely different? I realise there’s no conflicting thought in my head, every suggestion I’m making to myself has her and I inextricably linked together. Two months isn’t a long time. I can put my life on hold for that. Okay, so it might be longer until I’m assured she can safely be left on her own or can go back to the bosom of her family.
There’s a conversation going on around me, but I’m focused on the one going on inside my head. I’m loathe for Stevie to walk off with Lennox, not just because I don’t think he can keep her safe, but because I don’t want to lose her, and I can’t see my views changing any time soon. She might not have been in my life long, but already I don’t like the idea of living without her. Like a lightbulb belatedly going off in my head, she’s not an example of the kind of woman I’m looking for in my life, she’s the one. I’m not going to let her slip through my fingers.
Of course, I don’t know what her answer would be, but if she’s prepared to have a place in my life, I’d be willing to claim her. Put my patch on her.
In doing so, I have to accept my offer to give up my own patch and my club might not be temporary but could be permanent. I’m proposing to put my life on hold, or change it for good, all to bring down an MC which, however much I don’t like that particular club, is part of the world I’ve bought into.
Is she worth that?
She’s worth that and more.
“You with us, Beef?”
I snap back to the meeting in hand and give Demon a sharp nod.
But it seems it’s drawing to a close in any event. We’ve achieved our objective. Lennox will be leaving with suspicions of how the Warped Jokers came to disappear, but no evidence. He’ll also know we weren’t the ones who traced Stevie to this town. If he’s dirty he’s found we know nothing that would point to him, no reason to try to take us down.
Lifting the gavel and turning it over in his hand, Demon looks first at Cad then down to the end of the table. “You go do what you have to do, Marshal. In the meantime, Stevie will stay here, and we’ll keep her safe.” He looks at me pointedly as he says it.
Lennox huffs, but must realise he’s beaten. At the end of the day, it’s Stevie’s choice and he knows it. If he wants her to testify, he needs her alive. Having put doubts in his head, he can’t trust his own organisation.
It must stick in his claw, I think, as he stands to leave, that the only people he can trust are an outlaw MC.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
“You want to be in on questioning the Jokers?” Demon asks as we leave the meeting.
“He wanted to kill her, Demon. Went to the cabin with that intention. Yes, I fuckin’ want to question them with my fists and leave nothing of him.”
The prez’s lips twitch. “Can’t get answers if he’s dead. I let you down there, you could kill him before he talks, not that I’d blame you.”
I nod. He’s suggesting I step back and let others lead. The way I’m feeling right now, I can see his point. “Okay. You know what I need, Prez. Any info about where and how the Jokers were getting their information.”
“Mace is a good enforcer, Beef. He’ll get every last thing that he knows out of him.”
I purse my lips thinking. Bloody my hands to do something that anyone here is capable of, or, pursue my woman who I’ve neglected for long enough. “Let Mace do it.”
Prez claps his hand on my shoulder as though I’ve come up with the right answer. “Trust us, Beef.”
To my surprise, trusting this new set of brothers isn’t as hard as I would have expected. I watch as Demon goes to confer with Mace, suddenly confident they’ll do the job as well, or perhaps better, than I could myself. They aren’t invested in the same way or have the desire to make the man hurt for personal reasons. Pain will be inflicted, yes, but in a clinical way designed to get all the information.
I let them walk off, knowing I can rely on them to get results, and go to find Stevie.
My own thoughts are now straight in my head, and I know I want to pursue a relationship with Stevie. I suppose I need to get her views on the idea as well. I want her in my life, but I need to consider she might not want me in hers. All very well for me to decide to take her away, she might have alternative ideas.
She’s where I left her, and it indeed seems like she’s been getting on well with the rest of the women. When I ask her to come with me, she takes a moment to say her goodbyes, while I wonder what her relationship was like with her family, and how many friends she had to leave behind. She’s not shy or awkward, in fact she seems to be outgoing. She holds up her hand to stay me for a second, while she leans in, and then laughs loudly at something Jayden says.
At last, her attention is on me. She takes my arm as I lead her across the clubroom.
“Stairs.” I place her hand on the banister. “Last one coming up.” I turn to watch Max who’s following. Unlike the rickety steps in the cabin, he seems to be managing these well. “Right along here.” I take her elbow and make sure she’s walking straight, noticing it’s become second nature to guide her. Doesn’t hurt that I love the connection, my skin to her flesh. What had I thought in the beginning? That she’d be a burden? Far from it. Just means adjusting some of my behaviour is all and remembering to use verbal not visual cues.
That also means ensuring she knows where I’ve brought her. “Bedroom.”
“Mine?” She sniffs the air. “Is it the same one I stayed in before?”
“There are no free rooms here, Stevie. This is mine. Last time I slept on the couch, but I can’t do that every night. You’ll be staying with me.”
Her face tilts up. “We’ll be sleeping together?” Her expression conveys neither disgust nor pleasure.
“I can keep my hands to myself.” I can, but it will be hard. I remind myself she doesn’t know of my decision to claim her. Ease her in gently? Yeah, I can do that.
She nods. Her hands stretch out in front of her. Guessing she’s heading for the bed, I guide her to it, placing her hand on the comforter.
“You’re tense, Beef. You want a discussion, don’t you? Want to set boundaries?” She sits down. “We’re staying in the same room. Sleeping in the same bed.” Her brow scrunches up. “You say you can keep your hands to yourself, but what if I can’t?”
I wonder if I need to say anything at all. Where’s she going with this?
“You were right, Beef. When we made love, it was perfect.”
It had been, but I wouldn’t have termed it quite like that. My eyes crease as I wonder where she’s going. Ask for a repeat performance, please? One I’d be happy to give her every day for the rest of our lives.
Her face falls. “I’d like nothing more than to make love with you again, problem is, I doubt I’d want to give you up if we did. I know you don’t want a woman, and I said I didn’t want a man…” The way she says it gives me hope she’s changed her mind. But then she adds, firmly, “Whatever either of us want, there’s no point starting anything between us. Lennox will sort out somewhere for me to go, and I’ll start all over again. I may never see you again, Beef.” Her voice catches.
I squat in front of her, taking both her hands in mine. “I’m not letting Lennox get in between us. Leave him out of it for now. Talk about us, Stevie. We make a good team, don’t we? We’re compatible in bed and out. What would you say, if I said I wanted to explore what we have between us? Take the next step?”
“You’re suggesting a relationship?”
I still can’t read what she thinks,. so
I make sure there’s no misunderstanding on my part. “That’s what I want.”
One of her hands leaves mine, and reaches up to touch my face, gently tracing the contours. “You’re frowning.”
“I’m holding my breath waiting for you to say yes.”
The movement of her finger changes, now she’s stroking simply to give me comfort. I lean into her touch. “I’d have been in your bed every night if it was that simple, Beef. I’d have ignored all the valid reasons you said for us keeping our distance and tried my hardest so you weren’t able to resist me. But you were right then, and wrong now.”
I believe it’s the other way around, but I’ll hear her out, then tell her why she’s moving in the wrong direction. “Why, Stevie?”
“Because what I’ve got to do and your life don’t mix. I need to present my evidence and get the bad guys the punishment they deserve. You live and breathe the club.”
“Does it worry you, me being a biker?”
“No. Your club is very different to theirs. You wear leather and ride a bike. Hell, even I know there are as many different types of clubs as makes of motorcycles, probably more. I was reading about one the other day for members of law enforcement, firefighters and the like. The Warped Jokers are a long way distant from you. If I hadn’t been convinced of it before, I learned a lot from listening to the old ladies.”
She seems to have learned a lot in a short space of time. “You were asking questions?”
“No, not me. Melissa. I gather she and Skull are quite new, and she was trying to learn what it was going to be like to be an old lady.”
“Yeah, he’s only recently claimed her. Any old lady needs to be able to handle the club.”
She giggles softly. “I may have learned the term, club business.”
“Yeah? Would you be alright with that?”
“Beef,” she sighs. “We deviated from our conversation. I’m okay with club business as it will never be mine. I’m moving on as soon as Lennox can arrange it.”
“Babe,” I start, knowing I’ve got to spell out some facts of life. “It’s not safe for Lennox to set you up somewhere else. You’ve been found once, maybe you’ll be traced again. Here you’ve got me, and my brothers, to protect you.”
“They found me because of Max’s tracker,” she says quickly and adamantly. “He’s not wearing that now.”
“Stevie,” I say her name in exasperation. “What you’re missing out is someone knew he had a tracker and could get into the database to trace it. It wasn’t some random person, they were trying to find you. Somewhere, somehow, someone’s resourceful as well as dirty. Maybe Lennox himself. Until we know who and why, there’s always a risk that they’ll just use another way to find you. If you’re intent on testifying, you won’t be any use if you’re dead.”
She stands, her body poised as if she’s about to pace, when her brain kicks into gear reminding her she doesn’t yet know the lay out of the room. I move myself, quickly lifting my duffle I’d left lying on the floor and kicking my boots under the bed. But she sits back down and bangs the cover with both hands in frustration.
“I have to testify, Beef.”
“Do you?” I suddenly challenge. “Is putting the Warped Jokers away, destroying their club, worth your life?”
“You don’t understand.” Her voice has grown louder. “It’s all I can do. I was the only one they left alive. Everyone else was killed because they’d seen their faces. I shouldn’t be here now. If it wasn’t for the fact I was blind, I’d already be dead. I have to do something. I have to. If that means taking a risk, trusting the people who should know best because we’ve both got the same end in mind—me turning up in court—then that’s what I’ll do.”
Suddenly words are circling around my head. Survivor’s guilt. “Oh, babe.” I can’t keep my hands off her. I pull her into me, holding her close as she begins to sob. I’ve spoken about it, know about it, damn, even diagnosed I suffer from it myself, but hadn’t deep down appreciated why she’d given up so much. She thinks she doesn’t deserve to be here. As her tears dampen my shirt, I try to think what I can say.
“Stevie, listen to me. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to live. You know what happened to me? I was as close to death as anyone could be. Hell, all my brothers had said their final goodbyes. Fuck knows how or why, but I woke up. I’ve been given another chance. Three times they’ve tried to kill you, and three times they’ve failed. You stop and think for a moment. Maybe there’s a reason for that. Maybe you are meant to testify, but your life doesn’t end after that. You deserve to be happy.”
“I’m glad you didn’t die, Beef.”
“Me too, babe, me too. But it has made me think about things differently. Maybe at first I made a mistake, grabbing my chance of happiness because, hey, I’d had a reminder life can be short. That’s why I leapt for the first woman that crossed my path. Now I think maybe I was pushed your way, to help you and save you.”
“I don’t need saving…”
“Yes you do.” I hug her again. “From those thoughts in your head if not from anything else. It’s a fuck of a thing you’re dealing with. That those bastards left you alive as a joke, because they thought your lack of sight made you useless. To my mind, your blindness saved you, just like something saved me. Miracles, both of us.”
“Another thing in common but doesn’t mean we should be together.” She inhales deeply. “Am I not just another Sally? Someone you think you were saved to look after? I don’t need you, Beef.”
“I know you don’t need me, and that’s why you’re nothing like Sally.” I let go of her, and put my head in my hands, wondering how I can explain it. “I can investigate Lennox, and if he comes up clean, let him take you somewhere no one can find you.” And threaten him with death if a hair of her head gets harmed. “That would be me doing my job and looking out for you. Max will soon be able to work again, I know you’ll find your way in a new town with him by your side. You don’t need me. But I need you.”
“Beef.” Her small arm hugs as much of me as she can.
“Listen. My sensible head tells me that’s what I should do, but inside I can’t let you go. How could I rest or settle, knowing you were out there, somewhere, and I could never see you? Never speak to you? Never watch you burn bacon…”
I duck her hand, then grab hold of it.
“I couldn’t Stevie. I can’t let you go. I didn’t need Sally. Didn’t need her to be in the room to be able to breathe.”
“That’s how you feel about me?” her voice sounds small.
“Yeah. Look. We can do this your way. You think the marshals are best placed to look after you. If that’s the case, I’ll come with you, Stevie. You’ll never be alone again. If you can put up with my ugly mug in your life, I’ll be by your side forever.”
She’s quiet. She looks stunned. “I don’t know what to say, Beef. I know how this works, you don’t. I’ll be given a new name, a new identity…”
“I’ll have one too.”
“You’d have to leave your club…”
“I’ll leave it.”
“No.” Pulling sharply away, she stands again. “I can’t ask you to do that. You have no idea how hard it is to leave behind everything you’ve ever known.”
“But I’ve got a fuckin’ good imagination, babe. Yeah, the hardest thing in the world. You did it because you wanted justice for those people you were with at the end of their lives. Don’t you think I’ve got just as strong a reason for changing my life too?”
“Why Beef? Why would you even consider doing something so drastic?”
I stand. My hands move to her biceps, and I grip, lightly. “Because I can’t stand to see you walk out of my life. Love my brothers, course I do. But I could also so easily love you, if you let me.”
“You don’t know me.”
“What don’t I know about you? I know you’re loyal. I know you’re brave. I know you love fiercely. I know the type of films you enjoy and those you
don’t, I know which foods you prefer. I know you’re hardworking—”
“Beef,” she stops me. “I’m blind.”
“So what? If you need me to do something, I’ll do it. Whether you can see or not.”
I’ve stumped her. But I should have known she’s got more.
“I won’t have children.”
“Stevie…”
“No, listen Beef. My blindness is hereditary. There’s a fifty percent chance of passing it on. And any child who inherited it could go deaf as well.”
I can’t argue with that, can’t offer platitudes. Can’t say it’s a risk worth taking. She’s clearly thought a lot about this, and the one who’s lived losing her sight. I don’t know how I’d feel about bringing a child into the world knowing there was a good chance they’d go blind and could lose their hearing too. Any life, as Stevie herself proves, is worth living. But she knows how hard it is, I don’t.
“Stevie, babe, I want you. I want what we could have together. If there are some things we can’t have, we’ll deal.” At that moment there’s a timely thump thump on the floor as Max wags his tail. It makes me grin. “We’ve already got someone to care for, Max.”
She chuckles as I meant her to.
“He needs to go outside.”
“I’ll take him.”
“Beef, I don’t need you…”
“I know you don’t need me to do shit for you. But you haven’t learned this place yet, you don’t have a stick, and Max can’t be in a harness right now. It’s easier for me to do it.”
“Easier, yes. But I don’t want to have to lean on you, Beef.”
I lean in, my words vibrating against her ear. “I know you don’t. But if we’re going to be together, we’ll be a partnership, babe. You don’t have to do everything yourself, and not doing it, doesn’t mean you’re not capable.”
There’s a small whine about my knee level. “Come on, Max. Let’s go get your business done.”
“I can’t give you an answer, Beef. I don’t know what the best thing to do is. I need to know it’s right, for me and for you. If I take you away from everything you love, you could come to hate me one day.”
Satan's Devils MC Colorado Boxset 1 Books 1 - 3 Page 96
