by Zoe Dawson
She wasn’t even doing anything particularly remarkable or cute at the moment. She was just digging into her food, sipping at her iced tea from a bottle. He’d guessed correctly that she didn’t drink soda. Dressed in faded jeans now, along with a light green T-shirt and an oversized sweater that refused to stay on both shoulders at the same time. Her hair was loose, spilling over her shoulders in a long, inky fall, no makeup on her face, her cheeks a little flushed from their encounter in the bathroom.
He took a spoonful of the chili, trying not to think about what he’d wanted to do just a few moments ago in the bathroom.
The mere thought brought his body leaping to life. He’d stayed away from her all day on purpose, trying to get his head around what exactly he was doing. This compromised him. Compromised his professionalism. He wasn’t proud of that. But was it just skin deep? Was it about the physical and sex? She was a beautiful woman. That was evident just from looking at her. But the complications and the complexity of her intrigued him more.
He drew his eyes away so that she wouldn’t catch him staring at her with a sappy look on his face.
It was getting close to her that had triggered it. He could overcome it.
Exactly after he’d had her like, maybe, a hundred more times.
Yeah, maybe.
She reached up and tucked her hair behind her ear. “Oh, I made garlic bread. I’ll get it.” She pushed away from the table, and he watched her graceful moves as she grabbed a napkin-covered basket off the counter.
“That sounds good.”
“It’s nothing to get excited about. Might be a little cold. Do you want me to warm them up?”
“It’s all good,” he said as she offered him the basket. He reached out and snagged a piece of garlic bread. “I appreciate you taking the time to make it.” If she was aware of how she turned him on, she’d run and keep running the hell away from him.
It was both relaxed and amazingly awkward between them. He was pretty sure he knew why; they weren’t sure where things stood between them or where they wanted them to stand. At least he wasn’t, anyway. They both dug into the food, neither speaking for several long moments.
“It looks like the snow is finally letting up. More wet than anything else. I won’t even have to shovel the driveway.”
Taking a sip of her tea, she said, “How long do you think we’ll have to stay here?”
“Until we find out if there’s a leak at NCIS or we catch the Russians, neutralize the threat to you.”
“Do you think it would be possible to get my laptop?” She held his gaze steadily because she had to be aware this was going to rile him up. “At the very least I could keep working.”
The threat to her was real. Giving away their location because she wanted to work seemed like a foolish idea. “I’d prefer to lay low for a bit longer. But I’ll consider it.”
She gave him a quelling look. “You’ll consider it? I knew you’d react this way.” Her voice rose slightly. “Don’t I have any say in this?”
She had said that her work was her life, had confessed that she really hadn’t lived much.
“You have a say to a certain extent. I will be the one to assess risk. I don’t care if you get mad about it. I say we keep a low profile for now. I haven’t even checked in yet.” His voice had gone flat.
She set her spoon down. This time her look was peeved and concerned. “Vin, I don’t want you to jeopardize your job for me. Isn’t there an alternative? A middle ground?”
He bristled. “There is no middle ground when it comes to your freedom or your life, Sky. And, I’m not worried about jeopardizing my job. Two NCIS agents were killed to get to you. There was a very short list of who knew your location. I don't trust anyone right now. I was assigned as your bodyguard and I’m damn well going to do my job my way.”
“Everything else be damned?” Her eyes went stormy.
He rose and walked over to her, realizing that she was being driven by her own need to keep working, keep busy.
“I know this is scary and you want some kind of normalcy, but not at the expense of your life.”
He braced one hand on the table and the other on her chair back, his thumb caressing the soft skin of her neck. His anger was sparked by the thought of losing her.
She was quiet for so long, he didn’t think she was going to respond. He’d been tough with her more than once in this conversation, not giving an inch on her safety, and if she didn’t like that, too damn bad. But bulldozing over her feelings wasn't right either.
“I’m sorry I got angry,” he said, his voice rough. “I’m…concerned about keeping you safe. It’s all I care about right now.”
She made a soft sound in her throat, her expression going pained, her eyes softening. She surged off the chair, wrapping her arms around his neck. His arms came around her immediately, crushing her close. She held on to him as the pressure increased in his throat. Her chest expanded raggedly, and he smoothed his hand up the back of her neck. “Dammit, Sky. I’ll keep you safe, sweetheart. Just let me…do my job.”
She huffed out an impatient sigh. “This is a pretty good tactic you got going.”
“What?”
“You know what. Using emotion to manage me.”
“If it’s working, I’ll use it. Anything to keep you from falling into their hands. But let’s get something straight. I’m only managing you because there’s a threat to your safety. I’m not a controlling jerk.”
“I get it. I do. I don’t want to be in this situation, but I am. I want you to keep me safe. I just want my laptop, Vin. I need it to stay sane.”
“I get that, and I’ll think about it. Trust me in this. I’m a cop and a Marine, Sky. That’s what I do.”
“And before that?” The tension seemed to have drained out of her. His honest admission about keeping her safe had soothed her.
His lips tightened and he eased his hold. She folded back down into the chair and he returned to his seat.
“You don’t want to talk about that?”
“About my affluent family in Boston? No. Not really.” All that he had to say about that was how much he’d let his father down. Vin had quite literally escaped by going into the service.
“Boston? That’s where you’re from?”
Leaning back, he said, “Yes. My family is well off and paragons of the city. I could have had that life if I had wanted it. Could still have it,” he said, the words sounding bitter even to his own ears. “Then I would be my daddy’s best boy all over again.”
“At least you have a family.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sound insensitive. But when you have these expectations hanging over you, it leads to a lot of disappointment. I’m just setting the record straight.”
“I know about expectations. I have the ghosts of my parents haunting me. But you're talking about disappointment? In choosing NCIS over?”
“The family business.”
“Oh, that is tough. Where I come from, family is everything. It’s something to sacrifice for. But you’re such a good NCIS agent, can’t they see that makes you happy and fulfilled?”
This was so different than the conversation he’d had with Brittany. She’d urged him to give up NCIS and go back to Boston, take up the corporate life and embrace his responsibilities, as if by working for the agency, he was shirking his duties. Damn, she so hadn’t understood him or even accepted him for the kind of man he was. No way to build any kind of lasting relationship.
“I don't think my father wants to acknowledge my accomplishments at NCIS because he wants me back on board. Are you happy with your choices?”
She bit her lip and looked away. “Sometimes there aren’t choices, especially when you have talents and abilities others don’t have. Sometimes there’s just a choice, a promise.” There was an unnatural tenseness in every line of her body, such a tormented look in her eyes. She was fighting something that was intensely personal. Something that was eating her alive.
“You are the only one who can shape your own life. Relying on expectations and absolutes doesn’t really work well. It certainly doesn’t make us happy with our choices…particularly if they’re not our own.”
“I know it can’t be easy. I know your work is important to you on a personal level. I need to use my gift and try to do justice to my parents’ sacrifice. Aren’t those worthwhile goals?”
“Yes, they are worthwhile, but life isn’t just about that. Keeping things in perspective goes a long way to making us not only happy but fulfilled with what we’re doing.”
“I guess my upbringing and culture plays a big part in how I see it. I can’t make it make sense any other way. Because of my intelligence, I lost my mother and, last year, my father. I’m sure that I’m not telling you anything you haven’t read in my background, so this isn’t anything new to you. They protected me with their very lives. That’s what scares me about you, I don’t want anyone else to have to die for me.”
“You lost your parents because the Chinese murdered them, not because of you,” he said pointedly.
Her shoulders relaxed and she nodded.
“Yes, I know your background. It was my job to read your file, but I didn’t know you then. You were just a designated target then. Now it’s different. I care what you went through and feel for you that you lost your parents under such terrible circumstances. It also makes me look at my relationship with my family differently. Sometimes we take things for granted because we really don’t know anything else. I’m just trying to point out that people have to make their own choices and not buckle under the pressure of expectations.”
She nodded and toyed with her chili. “I try not to take anything for granted. Maybe I have isolated myself in a lab, and you think that’s wrong. But my parents were very protective of me after I was kidnapped. Fear does that to you. It altered them, and we were never the same as a family. It was always about that damn fear. Sometimes I cursed my intelligence. But, like your parents, they too wanted the best for me. After my mother was killed, my father became increasingly paranoid. When he realized that he was being methodically framed for my mother’s death, he knew he had to get me out of the country. The government wanted me, and with my mother and father out of the picture, they would have no impediment to their plans. I wonder if the Chinese…”
“Are after you? That this is just an attempt to bring you back into service for them?”
“Do you think that’s far-fetched?” Her mouth tensed up, and her shoulders froze.
“I wouldn’t discount your fear, Sky, but it’s unlikely. I would wonder why after all this time. Surely, they must realize that you’ve been Americanized. You now value freedom over captivity. You’re not brainwashed into thinking that it’s all about service to your government. Even here you have the choice on whether or not to serve your country or go into the private sector.”
Her shoulders and mouth eased some. His gut instinct told him that they were after her for something she possessed in her Navy scientist brain and had nothing to do with her past.
“I would find working for the Chinese government nothing but aiding the enemy. The United States has my heart and my loyalty. They also really have nothing to hold over me. I can’t be coerced into doing what they want.”
“Threat of imprisonment or even death is not beyond the tactics they’d use, Sky.”
She frowned. “I know. I’m not naïve when it comes to that, but I won’t betray my country, not even to save my life.”
“Your father got you out of China and away from becoming a slave for the government. His death must have really been difficult to handle.”
“It was.” She rose and grabbed her bowl and headed for the kitchen.
He should give her some space. He really should, but he was observant enough to realize that she was hurting, and she was scared. He couldn’t turn away from her.
He set his bowl in the sink as she rinsed hers out. “Sky, I can’t imagine what you must have gone through. I also can’t imagine what it was like for you to grow up in an unconventional way. Always being too young and too smart in a world of people older than you. I’m sure there was a lot of sacrifice, a lot of awkward and embarrassing moments, but I can imagine quite fully that your parents wouldn’t want you to give up any kind of pursuit that would bring you joy. My father didn’t care about my aspirations but look at the lengths to which your father went to get you out.”
She turned to him. “You don’t understand. I have been told my whole life that it’s my responsibility to make sure their sacrifice meant something. So, it’s by choice that I have dedicated my life to making sure that I make a difference, no matter the personal cost. I’m honoring their sacrifice.”
“By giving up your life, too? Isn’t there something that you would love to do? Something that does give you joy?”
She pressed her hand to his chest. “Being with you brings me joy, Vin. Regardless of the circumstances, I care about you, and it’s not caused by an adrenaline rush. But I have to be honest. My life is dedicated to science. There’s no room for anything else. I need you now, and this thing between us is so potent. I’m not sure how to handle it.”
She was such a contradiction. Here she was admitting she needed him, that she was grateful for his help, the same woman who’d just about undone him in the bathroom, had unraveled him last night. But she seemed cautious, and he had to wonder what it was going to take to get her to open up to him.
Which was insanity. Because winning her over was not the objective here. Solving her problem was the only goal, and when that was accomplished, he’d go back to NCIS and she’d go back to her sterile lab.
He’d be lying if he said he had any regret about what had happened between them. Most likely it wasn’t going to be easy to end it. Shit happened in life, and some of it was no damn fun. But being with her was giving him something he’d never had or felt before.
He covered her hand and squeezed, slipped his arm around her waist and drew her close to him. “So, wanna hear the plan with an open mind?”
She rested her head on his chest, and he felt like such a besotted fool.
“We do have a plan?”
He smiled at her wry tone. “Several. I have contingency plans.”
“That does sound comforting.”
“For tonight, we’re going to relax, and I’ll call in. Tomorrow, I’ll lay everything out for you.”
She looked up at him with a slight smile on her face. “Will I get to at least make comments?”
“You may put your comments in the suggestion box.”
She snorted. “Right. Come on, Vin. Be serious.”
He smiled, then did get serious. “You can comment, but that doesn’t mean I’ll change the plan. Remember, I’m the risk guy.”
“Okay,” she said with a bit more confidence and a little less wary resignation. “Are you going to call in now?”
He nodded. “I am. Chris is going to tear me a new one, but I know I was right in getting you out of DC and Maryland. This was a good move, whether he can see it or not.”
She nodded again, but her gaze was more intent on him, her thoughts seemingly not as inward now.
“What?” he asked, when she continued to regard him in silence.
“Nothing. I just…” She trailed off, lifted a shoulder. “You’re so focused in all this, clearly in your comfort zone, very confident and methodical. On the one hand, it reassures me, makes me feel like I can trust you.”
“You can,” he said automatically. “Always.”
She nodded right away, and it was almost ridiculous how good that made him feel.
“I know that for a fact. You’ve already proven it more than once.” She held his gaze, then looked away.
“Good,” he said, trying like hell to keep it business. Which was hard to do when his heart was celebrating what felt like an important milestone in their relationship. A relationship that didn’t exist, because it had nowhere to go, he reminded h
imself.
“On the other hand,” she went on, “it scares me. You so clearly see this threat to me and are willing to do anything….” She swallowed and met his gaze.
He was sure she was remembering him in that shadowed hallway, the men he’d killed in a heartbeat to keep her safe.
“Anything,” she said again. “I’m worried about you.”
“I can take care of myself, Sky. Believe me.”
“I do. It’s that anything part that worries me.”
“I’m not going to lie to you. They have an agenda and they want you alive. I don’t think they’re going to leverage you for political gain or ransom you. I think they have a job for you to do.”
“I won’t do it.”
Her defiance made him smile.
“I’m going to do my best to make that an impossibility, and you won’t be placed in that position.”
He released her and picked up one of the burner phones he’d bought. After ripping open the package, he dialed Chris’s number.
Five minutes later, after a seething Chris had chewed him out, he’d calmed down enough to issue orders.
“Now that I’ve read you the riot act, get your ass in the car and get back to DC with Dr. Baang.”
“No.”
“I don’t think I heard you correctly.”
“She’s in danger there. We’re safer here.”
Chris swore for a few seconds. “Convince me.”
“Someone knew where she was. They are responsible for killing Strong and Miller. They would have killed me if they could. I barely got out of there alive with her. Do you want a repeat performance?”
“No. I don’t.”
“Do you want my badge?”
“No. I don’t.”
“Can you trust me on this? Pretend this is a safe house? Let me keep her here until every clue is investigated thoroughly. They’re not going to stop coming for her. My gut tells me they want her for something specific. Something that has to do with her research.”
“Speaking of that, her boss called. He needs to talk to her.”
