by Cathy Gaitan
Rebel Without a Clue
Chronicles of a Modern Zombie
Book 3
By Cathy Gaitan
This book is for my family. I love you. Always and always.
It’s also dedicated to all the outcasts, misfits, nerds and rebels fighting to be who you are in a world that isn’t always kind to those who are different. Be you.
And to those struggling with depression, anxiety or other mental disorders. Just keep breathing.
Contents
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Epilogue k12
Chapter One
Does an apocalypse have an MVP?
Because I’m pretty sure I’m it for this one.
-from the chaotic mind of Bibidee Bea
Mercy Mayhem
One week after returning to Happyville
Bibidee Bea says she has grade-A survival instincts. If that’s true, then they must be ringing like an alarm bell right about now. I’m pretty sure Julia Caesar is strategically plotting her demise. Pinkerton Floyd is racking his brain for a way to get the goods on her and trying to figure out how to use it to his advantage. Meanwhile, Titus Remington, that eternally twisted Zombie male is sitting back and having a laugh at everyone’s expense.
I think I’m the only one happy to have the Witch on our team. I’m confident they’ll come to see it my way soon. How could they not? She’s a badass like the rest of us. That’s right, I’m including myself on that list! So what? I’ve decided to embrace my inner ninja. If nobody else can see it then they just need to look closer. This Zombie is a survivor and that’s no joke. If that doesn’t define badass I don’t know what does.
Right now I’m visiting with some other kickass Zombies. Wendell, Devon and the other 9 members of our recruitment team were tortured last week by those sadistic Humans. The regeneration of their skin is still a work in progress. Our team is determined to make retaliation an epic event.
I don’t know what Bibidee Bea is up to but she is definitely cooking something up. She was beyond incensed about the brutalization of our members. I guess you could say she’s adopted us.
“My back itches so much right now,” complained Wendell.
“So, scratch it,” I tell him. I’d do it but I don’t want to hurt him.
“Bibidee Bea says I shouldn’t scratch it because the skin there is fragile,” he sighs.
“So don’t scratch it.” I know I’m not being helpful. I’m just not sure how to act around them. I think I’m supposed to be positive and happy but I’m not really sure how to do that. My smile feels like it’s been carved on.
“Mercy, relax,” Devon instructs. “Just be yourself.” I know he thinks that’s helpful but it’s really not.
“So, how much longer before you’re fully healed,” I ask.
Wendell shrugs and then winces. I guess his skin is sensitive to movement. “Bea says it could be tomorrow or it could be three days from now. Every Zombie is different.”
“Well, you look a lot better than you did a couple of days ago.” It’s the truth. His skin is returning in patches. Most of his face is filled in now at least. Devon is healing a little faster. The skin on his whole face and neck has returned with patchiness on his arms and upper chest.
“Thanks Mercy. We feel better. It beats trying to duck away from mirrors to avoid looking at ourselves,” he laughed.
Devon nods in agreement. “That’s the truth. It makes me wonder how Pinkerton manages. I mean, we only have to deal with this for a little while. He’s stuck with that face forever.”
“Ha-ha,” growls Pink from behind me. He hands Devon his laptop and Wendell a bag of items. “I’m out collecting items for you and your trashing me. What happened to brotherly love,” he asked in consternation. I have to admit I can relate. Sisterhoods can be trying also.
“Thanks for bringing our stuff,” Wendell tells him cheerfully. “I was really tired wearing this t-shirt.”
“And I was tired of seeing him in it,” jokes Devon. “Not that he doesn’t look good in it but he’s better than beige.” I have to agree. Everybody is better than beige.
“So, how long before you’re one hundred percent?” Pink goes to sit on the edge of Wendell’s bed then freezes. He awkwardly straightens and begins pacing. I think he’s as self-conscious around sick people as I am.
“Less than a week,” Wendell replies.
“If we’re really lucky, tomorrow,” Devin sighs.
“Can’t the wacky Witch do something to speed up the healing process,” Pink questions. I look around and make sure Bibidee Bea isn’t around to hear him. I don’t think she would appreciate being referred to in that way. As it is, Pink is not her favorite Zombie by a long shot.
“That is with Bibidee Bea’s assistance,” Wendell laughs. “Without her we’d be looking at months of recovery.”
Pink shrugs, “Okay, but she’s always bragging about being the greatest of all time. I figured, if that’s true, an instant cure isn’t too much to hope for.”
“She says perfection takes time,” and lots of errors but I’m not telling him that part. I mostly like Pink. I don’t want Witchy Bea to turn him into a Zombie toad. Although, I would be interested to see a toad with a Mohawk. That could be worth the price of admission.
“You gotta admit. We’re looking pretty good,” grinned Wendell with his half pieced together face.
Pink laughed, “You look a hell of a lot better than you did when we found you. That’s for damn sure!”
“Amen to that, “I cheer. I’m so damn happy to have them all back. Is it weird that I feel like we were violated right along with them? My soul actually aches if that’s possible which I guess it is because I feel it. My heart too but that was numb for a little while.
Now that the team is getting back to themselves I feel like I am too. I guess that’s the family effect. It’s kind of a one for all and all for one deal.
Despite the trauma of the torture endured everybody seems to be in good spirits. Witchy Bea says they hold their pain close to their hearts but are defiantly pushing it back down. Right now their memories of the events that took place are as patchy as their skin.
We do know there were two people in charge. Unfortunately, Bea doesn’t think either one of them was in the warehouse during the rescue. That means those Humans are somewhere out there most likely planning another attack. We need to make sure that doesn’t happen. Whatever it takes.
Pink and I visit with team for a couple of hours then leave to go meet the others. Julia called a group meeting to go over the plans for ‘Operation Strike Back’. It sounds promising. I may have some ideas myself. I haven’t told Pink yet. I’ve decided to hold my cards close to my chest for a change. Telling everybody my business just isn’t working out for me. Fingers crossed this works out better.
We arrive at the training center before most of the others. Torin and Molly are there and apparently brought a huge batch of blueberry muffins.
Bibidee Bea is trying to eat her body’s weight worth of the stuff. She’s even stuffing some in her bag. When she catches us staring at her she smiles and says, “What? Witches burn a mad amount of calories. I need to eat so I can refuel.”
Pink rolls his eyes and says, “Merc
y, you should try using that line. “
“Zombies don’t gain or lose weight,” I reply airily though I’m beginning to suspect that’s not altogether true.
Pink chuckles and tells me, “Come on, Mercy. Give it up.”
Of course my response is, “It’s the truth! Nobody can tell me otherwise.” No way am I admitting I’m wrong to him! I’m the captain of my own destiny and everyone knows the captain goes down with the ship but no worries. I’m a Zombie. We rise. Every single time.
“You tell him Mercy! You’ve got to let him know who is the boss in your relationship,” the Witch urges me on as she stuffs even more muffins in her bag.
Both Pink and I are staring at her like she’s lost he mind. “We’re not together,” I shout at her. We’ve had different variations of this same conversation since we all returned home.
“Oh, that’s right,” she winks at me pretending to lock her mouth with an invisible key. Pink reaches over and swipes one of her muffins then proceeds to stuff the entire thing into his mouth.
“Keep your hands off my muffins,” she growls at him just as Titus and Julia walk in.
Titus chuckles and says, “I don’t even want to know why Pinkerton had his hands on your muffin.”
Julia elbows him as Bibidee Bea extends a muffin to him. “I saved the best one for you,” she tells him with a grin and a flutter of eyelashes.
I thought Julia might try to take out the Witch but she just shook her head, pushed the muffin back and said, “You don’t have anything Titus wants.” Boom! That’s how Zombie’s do it!
Bibidee Bea laughed confidently. “Don’t kid yourself Queen Z. My treats are hard to resist.”
Julia didn’t take the bait. “Keep telling yourself that Witch, “she smirked and walked away. Julia didn’t bother looking to see if Titus was following. Which, in case you were wondering, he was. Can a Zombie be whipped? Titus is proof it’s possible. Just look at the huge tattoo of Julia’s face on his chest if you have doubt.
“Shut up, Mercy,” Titus growled over his shoulder. “I’m not whipped.”
“I didn’t even say anything,” I object. Thinking it is not the same thing as speaking it.
“You project loudly,” Pinkerton tells me. I shake my head in consternation. So what?
“That Zombie Queen should be happy I enjoy competition. If I didn’t she would be a messy spot on the floor right now,” sniffed Bibidee Bea nibbling on a muffin. I believe her. I’ve seen the Witch in action. Her skills are legit.
“I don’t think Julia’s worried about competition,” snickers Pinkerton. He must have forgotten that the Witch has no such reservations about frying his ass. Bibidee Bea reminds him with a pointer finger to the middle of his forehead. It was a pretty good blast. I move so Pink wouldn’t fall on me.
“You can do so much better than him,” the Witch says with a shake of her head. “Don’t worry there’s no permanent damage. He’ll be good as new in about five minutes.
“I told you. Pink and I are not…,”
“Save it,” Bibidee waves off my denial. Her finger was still sparking. “You can lie to each other but don’t make me a party to your deception.”
Before I can say anything Julia Caesar calls for the meeting to begin. She gives the Witch a hard look when she sees Pink lying on the ground before us. Bibidee Bea isn’t bothered in the least. She just steps over Pinkerton’s body to go find a seat. Abel and Caine come over to drag Pink to his own seat.
I sit down next to Pink. Stop judging me! It doesn’t mean anything. Really!! The Witch smirks at me and I want to toss a muffin at her head but I don’t. I’m too afraid she’ll light me up with a few thousand volts.
Julia Caesar thanks everyone for being here then says, “I called this meeting to discuss the details of Operation Strike Back. What was done to the recruitment team cannot be overlooked. We need to make sure those Human’s know Zombies are not weak. If they hit us we will hit back harder. The Human’s Task Force must be stopped.”
“With that in mind, we’ve decided to assemble our own task force,” she announces.
My hand flies up before she even stops speaking. “I vote for Zombie Ninja Assassins,” I have to say it before they decide on something lame like Super-Secret Zombie force. Actually, that sounds kind of cool. “Or Super-Secret Zombie Force!”
Bibidee Bea makes a gagging noise and I glare at her. One of these days that Witch is going to get a ninja kick to the head and a karate chop to her magic finger. On second thought I better lead with the finger thing.
Julia was in the middle of an eye roll but when the Witch started gagging she narrowed her eyes in her direction. “And what would you call it?” The sisterhood rides to the rescue. Go Julia!
“Well, Witch Hunters of course,” she sighs as though she’s offended that Julia would even have to ask that question.
“Isn’t that the name for people that hunt your kind down.” Apparently Pink is awake.
Bibidee Bea points her finger at him and sends an arrow shaped flame straight at his head. It stops in front of his face. “Humans created that lie in order to save face. Witches do the hunting. Humans couldn’t hope to find a Witch if she doesn’t choose to be found.”
“Put the flame away, Witch. This is a meeting. No weapons allowed,” Titus warns her. Because it’s Titus that asked, Bibidee Bea lets the flame drop to the table leaving an arrow shaped scorch mark pointing at Pinkerton.
She smiles at Pink. “Consider that a warning.”
“All he did was ask a question,” I tell her. “Why does that deserve a warning?”
“Because it offended me,” was her response.
“We’re Zombies we are not Witches. So, no to Witch Hunters,” was Julia’s no-nonsense reply.
“Oh, Queen Z, you lack foresight. No worries, though. It happens to be my specialty,” says the Witch with a grin. “That Human Task Force is expecting Zombies to come for them. That would be predictable but a Witch Hunt they couldn’t prepare for that in their wildest dreams.”
“This is a Zombie matter. We appreciate your offer but we can take care of our own,” was Julia’s firm answer.
“We’ve been over this before. Your team needs to come first. If you just give this some thought you’ll realize I’m right,” Bibidee Bea said through gritted teeth. “Your stubbornness will one day be your downfall.” Lights were swirling in her eyes making me wonder if that were actually a prediction and not just a random thought.
“I am putting my team first. We need to do this,” insisted Julia.
The Witch stared at her with swirling eyes for a moment longer then nodded. “Fine, but you won’t do it alone. You asked for a Wiccan alliance and you got it. I’ve called for reinforcements.”
That bit of news rattled Julia’s cage a little. “Wait, I never said we needed reinforcements,” stammered Julia. I’ve never actually heard her stammer before. It’s a little disconcerting. I’m not gonna lie.
“I did it on my own. No thanks necessary,” Bibidee Bea replied.
Julia’s eyes were bugging out of her head. It was kind of funny actually. “You’re insane! I wasn’t thanking you. This is Zombie business. You need to back off. I don’t know how to make it any clearer for you.”
“Chin up Queen Z. You’re doing great! Don’t go doubting yourself. You made yourself perfectly clear. I’m the one lacking clarity so let me spell it out for you in super simple terms. Your biz is my biz,” She enunciated the last part slowly so there could be no misunderstanding.
“What’s your plan Witch,” asked Titus getting straight to the point. He knew as well as I did that Julia was getting ready to flip her lid.
Bibidee Bea lit up under Titus’ attention. I mean that literally. Her skin looked like it had a million sparkle lights lit up under the surface. Cool trick. If I had that kind of magic this world would never be dark again.
“Thank you for asking Twisted T. My plan is to gather my posse, track down the baddies and go wicked on the
ir asses,” she informed him.
“Who’s your posse,” asks Carmony. Just as she asks the question, there’s a loud knock at the door to the training room.
“Come in,” Bibidee Bea calls out cheerfully. With a wave of her hand the door flies open. In walks Boom Hildie wearing a t-shirt that reads ‘I see dead people’. Beside her is a woman in a purple and white track suit with green sneakers. Her hair is curly and seems to point in every direction at once.
“Just in time,” Bibidee Bea tells them. To us she says, “This is Boom Hildie, whom some of you have already met, and that one is DaniElle otherwise known as Australian Witch.”
“Oh, are you the only Australian Witch,” asks Mary ditto.
“The only one that counts,” Australian Witch said with an air of disdain.
Bibidee Bea leans towards me and says in a loud whisper. “She’s got issues with the fam. Best to leave that can unopened.”
“I do not have issues with the family! They have issues with me. There’s a difference,” DaniElle denies loudly.
“Um, okay,” agrees Witchy Bea in a tone that said she didn’t buy it for a minute.
“Bibidee Bea I think you need to remember you begged me to come rescue your alliance. Show some respect,” Australian Witch advises her.
“Wow, that’s some kind of illusion you’re spinning, Aussie,” Bea laughs. “I have this alliance well in hand. I just thought I’d give you an opportunity to dust off your rusty magic. Consider it a favor. I’m generous like that.”
“No, that is truth. This is an illusion,” shouts DaniElle as a saber toothed tiger appears beside Bibidee Bea roaring so loud and fiercely her hair blows back off her face.
Witchy Bea rolls her eyes and with the wave of her hand changes the tiger to a kitten. She yawns and shakes her head in disappointment. “Seriously, what is going on with your magic? You should be thanking me for saving you from yourself.”
“That Witch is demented,” Julia mutters to Titus. “She thinks everybody owes her a thank you.”
“Crazy is as crazy does and you’re right. Everybody does owe me a thank you. I’m pretty much rescuing the world,” Bibidee Bea explains.
