by Cathy Gaitan
I tried on my dress. Not bad. I brought back the sequin dress. Awful yet fascinating at the same time. I brought back the ball gown. Then I brought in a crown. Glenda the Good Witch with blue hair. One fantasy checked off my bucket list.
By the time Oz opens the door the bathroom looked like RuPaul’s closet. If I could have actually brought in RuPaul I would have. To be honest, I tried to get him but I ended up with a handful of rubles instead.
Oz takes a look at the mess of clothes, shoes, makeup and other stuff laying around and shakes his head. “Those Witches really should exercise more caution before handing out magic like mints.”
“You’re just angry because I fried your circuits…twice.” It’s the truth. He gave me hard time for it but it was worth it. His whimper of pain the last time I did it was more than I could have hoped for.
“You’re a menace,” he pouts. I’ve got to admit. It looks good on him. He may be a jackass but he’s a pretty one.
Hmm. “Mercy Mayhem the Mad Menace,” I try it on for size and find I like the sound of it. “That’s kind of awesome! It sounds like the name of a super-villain.”
He runs a frustrated hand through his hair. Of course if falls perfectly back into place. Ugh. “The more time I spend with you the less respect I have for Pink,” Oz declares.
“That’s only because you’re not strong enough to deal with me one-on-one. What can I say? It takes a Zombie.” Honestly, I’m not totally convinced Pink can either but that’s just between me, you and the moon. Do not tell Pink!
I must have hit a nerve because he glares at me and hisses,” I am not weak!”
I shrug, “If you say so.” I grab my dancing dress, my bedazzled shoes, and yep, my tiara. Go ahead and judge me! I shove Oz out of my way and exit the bathroom with my head held high. I should know better than that by now because I immediately trip over my own feet and hit the ground hard.
Does Oz help me up? No! He laughs! Then immediately pulls out his phone and snaps a picture. “Another one for Pink’s photo album.”
I grab his foot and yank him down to my level. I could have zapped him but sometimes there is nothing like an actual physical take down. It’s especially sweet with a Warlock. He’s all magic all the time. He doesn’t know the first thing about physical combat. It’s almost too easy.
I grab his phone and snap a pic of my own. I sigh in happiness. Precious! “There’s one for Bibidee Bea. You know, to show her how strong you’re not!” Before I can send it to her, Oz tackles me for it.
I let him have the thing. Honestly, the picture wasn’t great. it was mostly a close up of his nostrils and part of his left eye.
I sit up and Oz rises beside me. He’s breathing heavily like he’s just run a marathon. He really needs to work on that.
“You’re annoying as hell,” he mumbles. “I just don’t get why Pink finds that attractive.”
“You’re no prize yourself.” Magic only goes so far and pretty isn’t everything.
He stands and holds out a hand to help me up. I take it warily expecting him to dump me back on my ass. Surprisingly, he has no tricks up his Warlock sleeve.
“Do you want something to eat or drink?” He’s actually being hospitable! Why?
I’m still feeling a little full from the pizza I ate in the bathtub but a drink would be nice. “Hot chocolate would be good,” I tell him. “With extra marshmallows. Toasted.”
What can I say? Pinkerton’s hot chocolate kind of ruined other hot chocolates for me forever I think to myself. Oz grins crookedly. “Pink would be happy to know that.”
I glare at him. “Are you in my mind again?” I hate when he does that. I wish Pink were here to pull down that curtain.
“You think about him a lot.” He completely ignores my protests. Ugh! Warlocks suck!!
Oz chuckles. “Yeah, well, Zombies are hardly a joy ride.” Why does he talk like that? “You blow chunks,” he corrects. I reach out and high-five him. Now if only we could find a way to make his hair less perfect.
He shakes his head making those perfect locks dance beautifully. “That’s not going to happen. My hair doesn’t do grunge.”
Oz reaches into the air and grabs my cup of hot chocolate and personally toasts the marshmallows just perfectly. I give him the thumbs up and take a sip. Wow! It’s really good. Almost as good as Pink’s.
“So, why haven’t you made your move with Bea yet,” I ask him. Might as well get to know him a little.
“Who says I haven’t,” he volleys back.
“The fact that you’re here says it all. I doubt she would even know how to let you down gently. And you are not the type to hang around after a gut job.” No lie. They’d likely end up in some kind of magic stand-off.
He shrugs and smiles sadly. “You just answered your own question. I don’t want to give her the opportunity to cut me down but I’m really not ready to throw in the towel.” Well, that’s actually pretty sad. I’d like to think Bibidee Bea would give the Warlock a chance but right now she’s still hung up on Titus for some reason.
I need to think on this. There has got to be a way to make her see reason. Chasing Titus is an endless void of wasted time! Geez, am I on Oz’s side now? I don’t know. Maybe or maybe this is just some mad form of Stockholm Syndrome. I think about it a moment. Nah, this is just me feeling a kindred nerdship with the Warlock. He may look perfect but he is layer upon layer of messed up.
“You’re in luck, Warlock,” I announce. “I’ve decided to help you bag Bea. Believe me, you’re going to need all the help you can get. I’m pretty sure she’s going to resist all the way. No offense.”
“None taken.” Well, that’s a first. “That Witch’s mind is a vortex. She’s making me crazy!”
“Now your speaking my language. Crazy is where I live.” No joke. It’s home to me.
Oz snorts derisively. “I know and if I ever have any doubts about it all I have to do is look at that,” he brings up the picture he took a few hours ago. My hair a tangled mess, chocolate in my teeth and on my chin, my clothes filthy and torn.
I wave it off. “Whatever. I’ve had worse photos.” Not really. I’m usually better at avoiding them. He just caught me at a bad moment. Really!
Oz looks horrified. He stares at the photo again and back at me. “Worse than this?”
“It’s not that bad!” There’s an art to being that much imperfect at once. He’s just too perfect to understand. On the positive side, if we can unite on a common goal surely world peace can’t be that far behind.
Oz rolls his eyes. “Sometimes you are such a nerd. You make my brain hurt.”
“That’s what you get for tapping my mind. Keep doing it and I promise there will be more to come.” I have much weirder thoughts than that and I’m not ashamed to admit it.
“How exactly is someone like you supposed to help me get Bibidee Bea?” He’s looking at me skeptically.
“What, because I’m a Zombie? Let me remind you. You have some Zombie DNA swimming around in your Wizard blood pool now.” Honestly, I’m a little surprised his body didn’t reject it.
“Not because you’re a Zombie. Because you’re you. You’ve been ducking out on Pink for over a week. How are you gonna help me win Bea?”
I can see why he’d question it but he’s wrong. “I’m the perfect person to help you. I know all the best evasion tactics. You could say I’m an expert.” I really am. Front door, back door, window, bathroom window.
He still looks doubtful. “I think we need to concentrate on you and Pink first. I’ve got a bet to win. And you have,” he looks at his watch. “Just under 14 hours to ditch your chicken suit and seal the deal with Pinkerton.”
“Don’t rush me!” This Warlock needs to quit talking. He’s making me anxious. “I just need a few hours of sleep and then I’ll get right on that.”
“Maybe you should just get to it and save the sleep for later,” He suggests. “Dragging it out will just raise your anxiety.”
Ah, look h
ow considerate he is. Not! That selfish Wizard is only thinking of the bottom line. But me, I’ve got a lot more on the line. I mean, Pink is my best friend. If I muck this up I have a lot more to lose than a stupid bet! If I take that step everything changes between us. Oz thinks I’m a mess but he doesn’t even know the half of it. I’m bound to mess this up. Right?
With anything else I’d just do it and worry about the fallout later. No harm no foul. If I break it, then I fix it, glue it or ignore it. But that’s now how relationships work. At least not with Pink. No way would he let me get away with ignoring our problems.
Oz covers my face with his hand. “Stop it! You’re starting to make me anxious. Just breath,” he orders. I take a deep breath. This is good. Breathing is good.
“Now, tell me. What are you really afraid of? What is the worst thing that can happen?” He speaks in a soft soothing voice. I like it. It’s really comforting.
“That I’ll go through with this relationship with Pink and mess everything up between us. That he’ll hate me forever and never speak to me again.” Anxiety is coming over me in waves. Just thinking about it makes me want to vomit.
“Okay. That’s good.” No. Not really. In fact, it’s the complete opposite of good. “So what is the best thing that can happen?” He smiles at me. Oz has a nice smile. His teeth are incredibly straight. Perfect. Like his hair and his face. Let’s face it, his everything.
“I could go through with this and our relationship is strong and happy and perfect. We never fight. He never gets angry. I do whatever I want and he does whatever I want,” I answer. It was probably more truth than he was looking for from his expression.
He nods thoughtfully. “Well, somewhere in between your two scenarios is what it will really be. It won’t be perfect but then nothing is. Except me of course,” he grins. Still picking my brain I see. “You’ll fight he’ll get angry but he won’t hate you. You’ll try to do whatever you want but he will probably never do what you want.”
I tilt my head as I listen to him. I smile to myself. His description sounds nice. If that’s the way it ends up between me and Pink I could be okay with that.
“Is that what you really think,” I ask him. “Or are you just saying that because you want to win a bet?”
“It’s what I really think,” he tells me. He seems sincere for once.
“How do you know?” I need more reassurance. So what?
“Because I’ve been in both your heads. I know that you’re both crazy,” he chuckles. “And I also know you’re both crazy about each other. It sounds like a win-win to me.”
Wait. “You’ve been in Pinks head?” What I wouldn’t give to take a dive in there. I’m sure he’s got secrets upon secrets locked in that vault. “What’s it like?” I think of the pink curtain he dropped over mine to block Oz. “Wall to wall pink?”
Oz shakes his head. “Not one drop of pink. Controlled chaos is the best way to describe it.”
I chew on my lip as I think about that. Controlled chaos. Finally, I nod my head. “Yeah, that sounds like him.” That’s not me though.
“You’re right,” Oz agrees. I sigh because there’s just no point in reprimanding him anymore. “Your chaos is completely unleashed.”
I shrug. “Control isn’t everything.”
“That’s why you and Pink work so well together. You help balance each other.” Okay, he has pretty good observations.
I take a deep breath. “I’ll call Pink in the morning.”
I feel like I’m being brave until Oz says, “Why wait until morning? I’ll text him right now.” I know my eyes are bugging as he quickly types a message and presses send. “Done!” He grins like the evil Warlock he is.
Damn this Magic Man! One heart to heart conversation and he thinks he can run my life. Well, he’s wrong! I choose what I do and when I do it. “I said I’d do it in the morning!” I can feel the itch in my legs telling me to run. Run fast and far. Now, now, now!
Oz grabs my arm. “Calm down. Deep breaths. Remember?” I take a huge gulp of air. Then another. Then one more just so I don’t pass out. “All I did was send him that awful picture of you. No big deal.”
No big deal? I zap him and watch as he falls then turn and drop down onto his white couch. I lie down and rub my feet all over. I turn to inspect it but I’m still clean so not even a smudge. That’s when I realize I’m still wearing my Glenda the Good Witch dress.
I run and pick up my dancing dress from where I dropped it earlier. Rats! I must have torn it when I fell. It’s all Oz’s fault. I turn to zap him again but he’s still twitching so I don’t bother.
I need another dress and I need it now! I try to picture the dress I want before attempting to summon it. I must have lost something in translation because the dress I end up with is not at all what I envisioned. This one is yellow with lots of feathers. I glare at Oz’s now still form. His eyes are closed but his lips are twitching.
“You are a jackass,” I yell.
He’s chuckling in his fake sleep. “And you are a chicken.” He opens his eyes and grins at me. “I’m sure you’ll look lovely in your dress.”
Pinkerton Floyd
I feel like I’m chasing my own tail. I can’t find Mercy anywhere. Of course nobody is being cooperative. The clock is counting down and they can see victory on the horizon. I hit all the soft-touches Mary Mary, Molly, Kailani, Carmony but they’re hanging tough today.
So, I circled back and went to Julia and Titus. I thought I could try to guilt Julia into dropping some info but no such luck. She’s either heartless or she doesn’t know anything. It could go either way.
Attempting to get anything from Titus is like trying to draw water from an empty well. Frustrating as hell. He’s downing beer like there’s no tomorrow and trying to get me to go bottle for bottle. No chance. I’ve been emptying mine into the grass for the last hour and he hasn’t caught on yet. He’s not the sharpest tool in the shed and adding alcohol to the mix doesn’t improve the situation.
“Tough luck about the nerd,” he rumbles. He’s grinning so I don’t think he’s feeling too bad about it. “I guess that chicken’s flown the coop.”
I cross my leg and ‘accidentally’ catch the leg of his chair with my foot sending Titus sprawling to the ground. “Hey, sorry about that,” I mumble also grinning because the bastard deserved it. Not sorry!
Titus lies there for a while staring up at the stars. He’s still grinning so I guess it didn’t hurt. Too bad. “You probably won’t find her for at least another,” he looks at his watch squinting because it’s dark and he’s drunk as hell. “14 hours and change.”
“Oh, I’ll find her,” I grit through clenched teeth. And when I find that ninja nerd…well, let’s just say we’ll have words. Lots and lots of words.
Titus snickers, “Only if she wants you to and I think by now we both know she doesn’t want you to.”
Okay, fun time is over. I lean over and grab him by the beard. “What do you want to bet she does?” I make sure to give it an extra hard yank.
“Ouch, what the hell Pink,” he kicks out at me but misses because, yeah, still drunk. He gives up on the kicking and instead grabs my hand in his giant fist and squeezes. Drunk or not his grip is strong and painful. He’s angry when he taunts, “I already placed my bet and I’m still solid on it. That nerd leans more towards yellow than Pink. She’s bailing on you! Sorry, but the truth hurts sometimes.”
Personally, all I’m seeing is red right now. “Yeah, it does. Doesn’t it,” I agree as I take my chances and stomp his knee with my biker boot. He lets out a shout of pain. I yank my hand free and walk away. “But I’m pretty sure it hurt you more than it hurt me,” I holler over my shoulder.
I might end up paying for that later but for tonight it was worth it. I’m not sure where to go from here. I’m pretty sure I’ve talked to everyone today. Twice. I just kind of wander until I end up at the Witch’s house.
“You better be here to tell me you’ve found
her,” Bibidee Bea orders.
“Not yet.” I don’t wait for an invite. She’s not that kind of Witch. You know, the good kind. “I was hoping you might be able to do a locating spell or something.” I saw that on one of Mercy’s shows when she stayed with me. It had something to do with Witches.
“Good thinking,” Boom Hildie praises from her seat on the couch. “but I already tried. I got nothing. She must be somewhere with a pretty good shield.”
“Who knew the nerd could be this good at hide-and-seek,” complains DaniElle. She looks at me, “No offense. I know you’re into her but she does not strike me as wickedly adept at, well frankly, anything.”
“Somebody has to be helping her,” mutters Bea, pacing. “but who?”
I shake my head. I thought the same thing but I just can’t figure it out.”
“Somebody with good shields,” Hildie reminds us. “Somebody like…,”
“OZ!” We all shout at the same time.
“That lousy,” hisses Bea.
“no good,” adds DaniElle.
“magic wielding,” Boom Hildie jumps in.
“asshole!” I growl.
I pull out my phone to call him when it dings with a text message. It’s from Oz. When I open it there’s a picture of Mercy looking, let’s just say, not her best. For some reason that alone sets my blood boiling. I should be the only one seeing her looking so gross! All her messiness should be for me. Not Oz!!
The text message reads:
You’re a lucky Zombie LOL
If you want her, you better come quick.
I’m pretty sure she’s getting ready to run.
“She’s with Oz. He thinks she’s might be planning to run. I gotta go,” I head for the door.
“Not without us,” insists Bibidee Bea right on my heels. “I’m gonna need some digital proof for the Zombies. Face it, nobody’s going to believe you caught her without it.”
Right. The bet. I keep forgetting to give a damn.
It’s a short trip to Oz’s house but only because Boom Hildie was driving. Her car has a souped-up engine that, I’m pretty sure, is magically enhanced. She could make a killing with NASCAR.
