by Alex Silver
“I’m watching my sister’s kids this weekend, but once she gets home, I’ll be on the next greyhound.”
“Promise?”
“Yeah, Daniel, I promise. I’ll be there, don’t do anything stupid without me.”
“Okay. I will hold you to that. It sounds ridiculous, but Vanessa seems empty without you here.”
Chad laughed at that, “I doubt that. But I must have gotten used to the close quarters because I feel like Kay’s house is way too freaking big these days. Like there’s something behind me, watching me.”
That caught my attention, “like there’s another presence there?”
Chad paused, his response was contemplative, “yeah, like that.”
“What if there is? You said you have things you wanted to tell your mom, maybe she needed to hear them?”
“Yeah, I suppose. I should go check on the kids, I’ll see you soon though, Daniel.”
“See you soon.” As I hung up, hope fizzed like champagne bubbles under my skin. Chad was giving me another chance. This time I refused to screw things up with him.
FORTY-SIX
Chad
The end of my conversation with Daniel kept replaying through my mind. What if another presence did inhabit Kay’s house? The strange noises, the stuff I kept misplacing. The sensation I wasn’t alone when Kay’s family left. Even the funky temperature fluctuations I’d noticed.
The door to the basement squeaked open to bump gently against the frame, like a breeze had caught it. The heater was on, and I had the bathroom vent running because I’d just taken a shower. Was it only air circulation causing the movement? It had to be, right?
I’d put the kids to sleep following pizza and a movie marathon. I was the only one on the main level.
“Mom?” I asked. Cold seemed to seep into the room, making me shiver, “If that’s you, give me a sign?”
The baby monitor my sister still had set up in Zoe’s room crackled on the counter at my elbow. I couldn’t interpret the noise into any discernible words, but when I looked at the image, my heart almost climbed out of my chest.
A figure stood in the middle of the night vision image. I ran up the stairs like my life depended on it, terrified that there was someone in Zoe’s room. Some threat to her safety.
I threw open her door, only to find my niece sleeping, peaceful in her bed. No sign of anyone else in the room. My heart still pounding with residual terror, I padded across the room to check on her.
Zoe was sound asleep. Her chest rose and fell in a soft, reassuring rhythm. I touched her cheek, to be sure. She snorted, flopped onto her belly and continued to sleep. She was fine.
I checked the room anyway, to be certain no one was hiding under the bed or in the closet. The windows remained locked, the curtains free of interlopers.
Reassured that I’d been imagining things, I went to check on Sadie too. She was also asleep. No monsters lurked in the shadows of her room.
Now I felt silly to have worried. I still checked to make sure Kay and Brad’s room was secure though. Then I checked the main floor to make sure I’d remembered to lock everything tight.
For good measure, I armed the alarm system even though I wasn’t going to bed yet. It would alert us if anyone tried to open a door or window.
Now my earlier panic seemed even more foolish. Better safe than sorry, even if I had spent the better part of an hour searching the house for a bogeyman.
At least the kids slept through my paranoia. Before Daniel, I would have dismissed the image on the monitor. Explained it away as radio interference from my laptop being too close or something.
The new me couldn’t shake the sense that the kids and I were not alone in the house. I returned to my computer, still trying to shake off my trepidation. I slid back into my seat.
On the screen, my cursor was blinking over a text file I did not recall opening. At the top of the new file, a single line of text had appeared. The laptop was cool to the touch. Strange, since it ran warm most of the time.
Words I didn’t remember typing made my heart beat fast again.
I heard you. I love you, no matter what, Chad. Son or daughter, you’ll always be my baby. I’m proud of you.
Even though I’d investigated the entire house, I looked around as though someone might be playing a trick on me. Did I expect to find Kay hiding behind the counter? My sister would never be so cruel.
“Mom?” I asked, my voice close to breaking. I shivered in the sudden chill. More noise crackled through the monitor. I could have sworn it sounded like a yes.
“Mom, if that’s you, I love you. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. If only we’d had more time. I miss you so much. So you know, I’m done playing it safe. I want to do what makes me happy. It’s what you wanted for us.”
Another burst of monitor static, and this time I was certain it was a yes.
“I’ve got a boyfriend now. Sort of. I guess you overheard us talking? He’s great. I know you’d love him. He gets me out of my comfort zone. He showed me ghosts are real, or we wouldn’t be having this conversation.
“Anyway, I don’t need you looking out for me anymore. You’ve waited long enough to find peace. I’m going to be okay, Mom. Kay and Brad have got their crap together and they are doing a fantastic job raising your grandkids. You know we’ll always love you, but it’s okay if you move on. I know Kay would agree. We’ll always miss you, but we’ve got this.”
The cursor on the screen blinked. A few more words appeared.
Goodbye, Chad. I am proud of you, my son.
The words I’d never thought I’d get to hear from her. A wash of icy cold moved over me, moving toward the urn on the bookshelf. The lights in the living room glowed too bright, a momentary blinding flash, before the chill dissipated. I saved the word file and waited a long time for anything else to happen. Nothing did. I suspected that nothing would.
My need for her had been what held my mother here and now that we’d gotten the closure I’d so desperately craved, she had left for good. I sent a text to Daniel about it, glad to have someone to talk to about the paranormal.
Kay wouldn’t understand how much this had weighed on me. And she was as skeptical about the paranormal as I’d been before working with Daniel. He messaged me back within moments.
We chatted online for a few hours after that. Ages passed before I calmed enough to go to bed. Daniel stayed up with me, late into the night.
I felt lighter with the certainty that my mother accepted me. As though the burden of being a perfect son to make up for never telling mom my truth had lifted. I was free to choose my path now instead of trying to earn approval that had always been mine.
FORTY-SEVEN
Dan
I was like a kid on Christmas morning waiting for Chad’s bus to arrive. It took all my limited self-restraint not to say screw it and drive straight to his sister’s house two days ago. Right after he agreed to give me a second chance.
If it weren’t for my broken leg still making long drives a problem, I’d have done it anyway. Although, it was just as well I’d held off on that. He was babysitting his nieces, and I wanted to do decidedly not PG things to him when I got him back in my clutches.
Thoughts of those things distracted me enough that I almost didn’t notice the giant commercial bus pulling up to the front of the gas station that doubled as a bus stop.
Chad got out along with a handful of other passengers. The driver pulled their bags out from the storage compartment that ran along the length of the bus. I was out of the van and crutching my way toward him before I could think about it.
He met me halfway, dropping his bags and hugging me like we’d been apart for years instead of weeks. I clung to him, reveling in the warmth of his body in my arms. He was here. Really here.
I would not screw this up again. I could act cool, follow his lead. Chad kissed me and it took my breath away. All the passion and pent up longing we’d both felt translated into lips and tongues an
d hands on bodies. Until a sharp wolf-whistle drew my attention back to the existence of a world outside of his embrace.
We were standing in a gas station parking lot, in full view of an audience. I’d been honest when I said the town seemed accepting, but assholes could be anywhere. I knew better than to get carried away and lose awareness of my surroundings.
Chad came to the same realization. He stepped back to gather his bags. We got him and his stuff inside Vanessa. I relinquished the driver’s seat to him, driving with my leg in a cast was a pain.
We headed back toward the Goodman place. We had time to kiss and touch when we reached more private surroundings.
“I missed you,” I said, putting a hand on his thigh while he drove. Okay, maybe I couldn’t wait to touch him.
“Missed you too. I can’t believe I’m doing this. You realize I’ve never made an impulsive decision in my life, right?”
“I guess I’m just that irresistible.”
“You are to me.”
“I hope you brought that dick collection you promised me, because as soon as you park Vanessa someplace private I want you to fuck me.”
Chad smiled at me, “Is that a fact? And here I thought you wanted me for more than my dick.”
“You know I do. I’ve missed you.”
“Right back at you.”
Chad didn’t waste any time parking Vanessa in our customary sport near the haunted barn. He hit the locks before turning to me. I had my seatbelt off as soon as we stopped moving. In seconds, my lips were on his and we were making our awkward way back toward the bed. I almost forgot to pull the privacy curtain over the cab.
We somehow wrestled our way up onto the bed without breaking our kiss for more than a second. Then we were laying together, kissing and touching. The urgency to get our hands on each other’s skin gave way to tender exploration.
He gasped when I kissed his neck. I jerked and shuddered when his fingers brushed my nipples. He thrust his hips against me when I stroked my hand along the small of his back.
“I love you,” I pulled back enough to look him in the eyes as I spoke.
We hadn’t said it to each other in person yet, and it occurred to me that I needed to put it out there. Make it real.
“Love you too,” he gave me a soft sweet smile. I kissed his nose. He laughed and pushed me away. “Okay, enough with the sweetness. Let’s ditch the clothes, because I have been dying to get you naked, Daniel.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
He didn’t have to ask twice. It took a bit of squirming and contorting to manage it without leaving the bed, but soon we were both naked. I’d learned my lesson from our date and worn my loosest sweats so the cast wouldn’t be too big an obstacle to getting naked.
If we hadn’t gotten distracted with long kisses and lingering touches, stripping might have taken less time.
“I love your ink,” I said, tracing the lion that adorned his chest. He had other tattoos too. The one I’d seen on his hip was a name, Maeve. I traced the script letters.
“Mom’s name,” Chad answered my unasked question, then changed the subject. “I love your muscles,” he ran his finger along my pecs and down my happy trail. Not like I had washboard abs or anything, but I tried to stay toned. I even had a gym membership that came in handy when we were filming near larger population centers. Not so much here.
“Can I touch your, uh, junk?”
“My dick. Yeah, and my chest just not my front hole.”
“Okay,” I reached between his legs to stroke him. He was bigger than I’d expected, not huge or anything, but he had a noticeable erection. I stroked it. He moaned and bucked his hips into my grip.
“Good?”
“Yeah, stop, I don’t want to come until I’m inside you.”
“I can get behind that plan.”
“I’m the one getting your behind,” he teased, slapping my ass cheek, “Now, let me grab my bag.”
I rolled over onto my side to let him get out of the bed. I liked the way his ass moved as he walked, and the view when he bent over to rummage through his bags. He returned to the bed with three silicone dicks cradled in his arms and straps dangling from his fingers. He didn’t climb back up yet, showing me the options.
“Okay, here we go, we can look into other options to suit your interests, I’m cool with whatever. This one’s your old standard, average size and girth. This one is your porn-star size queen option. And for the more adventurous, I’ve got one right out of tentacle porn. Never hurts to spice things up, right?”
“Right. Which is your favorite? I want you to enjoy it.”
“They all feel good. They have a textured bit that stimulates me. And I get to fuck you, so there’s that. Which would you prefer?” he bit his lip, like he was nervous about my answer.
“Are you going to judge me if I pick the tentacle one?” I teased.
Chad rolled his eyes, “Dude, have you met you? Of course you’d be the first to pick the tentacle one.”
“Hey, I’m an open-minded guy.”
“Yeah. You are,” he leaned in to peck me on the cheek, “To be honest, I’ve kind of been dying to find someone who would be into it, you sure?”
“Heck, yes.”
“Get yourself ready?” he suggested. I pulled the lube out from under my pillow and tried not to look sheepish.
“Um, would it be presumptuous to tell you I prepped before I came to pick you up?”
I watched as he set aside the other two prosthetics and got the neon purple and blue tentacle shaped one strapped into position.
“Nope, the word you are looking for there is hot. It would be super hot to know my schedule-phobic boyfriend thought ahead enough to prep himself for me to fuck him ASAP.”
He took a moment to roll a condom over his alien dick.
“Cool, now get up here and fuck me,” I rolled onto my front, presenting him with my ass.
I recognized the moment he noticed the bejeweled end of the plug I’d optimistically put in before driving over to pick him up. His amusement made the discomfort of sitting with the thing stuffed up my ass for the better part of an hour worthwhile. Chad laughed when he saw the sparkling fake gem. He tapped it then wiggled it from side to side.
“Aw, you got all fancy for me?”
“Hey, not every day I get to use the fancy toys, figured this was a special occasion.”
“It is,” Chad agreed, he wiggled the plug free, and I heard the thump when it hit the floor behind us. I arched toward him, hoping to entice him to get on with it already. Despite my eagerness, Chad added more lube to the condom before lining the narrow end of his prosthetic up with my hole and sinking in with a low moan. The narrow taper let him slide right in and I pushed back to meet him.
There was a thicker part near the base and it had a bit of a curve that rubbed me just right. He soon had me moaning and riding back against him.
“You okay?” Chad asked when he was all the way inside me.
“Yeah, better than okay,” I craned around, seeking his lips and he obliged me with a kiss.
“Fuck me with your big tentacle dick, babe.”
With a throaty chuckle, Chad pulled back, gripped my hips and did just that, his hand finding my dick and stroking me in time to his thrusts. I didn’t regret my choice of dicks—the prosthetic felt damn good sliding over just the right spot inside me until I couldn’t hold back.
“I’m going to come,” I gasped a warning.
“Yeah? I’m close too. Do it, come for me,” Chad’s hips snapped against my ass. He picked up the tempo that last bit more, driving me over the edge. I came in his fist.
He drove in deep and ground against my ass and his muscles tightened where his body pressed against mine as he let out a low cry of pleasure. He’d come too, from the sound of it.
When we’d both recovered from the high of orgasm, Chad withdrew from my body. He tossed the used condom and collapsed beside me in the bed.
“Was tha
t okay?” he sounded so unsure it made me wonder what kind of assholes he’d been with before. But then, he’d already told me.
“More than okay. Incredible,” I pulled him into my arms, I wanted to wipe away the insecurity in his voice. “You’re incredible.”
I kissed him. He kissed me back, desperate and needy. When we broke apart, I searched his expression.
“What about you, was it okay for you?”
Chad’s lips curved in a slow smile, “Incredible,” he echoed my words back to me, with the teasing edge I loved bringing out in him. We spent a long time losing ourselves in lazy kisses after that. Until he drifted to sleep wrapped in my embrace. Best sleep I’d had in ages.
FORTY-EIGHT
Chad
I woke the next morning hungry, but content to be pressed naked against Daniel and wrapped in warm blankets. Sex with Daniel was my new favorite activity. He was the first guy in a long time who didn’t make me feel weird about my body. I was just a guy he wanted sexual intimacy with. Not a novelty item to try out and set aside.
With him, I didn’t get self-conscious about using a prosthetic dick. Not even the tentacle model others had scoffed at. They assumed it was a weird kink, didn’t give me a chance to explain that on my bad dysphoria days, wearing something alien felt less bad than the cis-looking models.
Daniel accepted that quirk without demanding an explanation. His easy acceptance of everything else pertaining to my dysphoria gave me a certainty he would understand when I told him why I had it. He didn’t make stupid comments implying that he was a real man, and I wasn’t. Or act weird about touching my junk. He accepted me.
I didn’t worry that he would do anything to make me uncomfortable or touch me in ways I didn’t want. I felt safe. That made the whole experience wonderful.
No surprise there. Daniel had always offered acceptance and given me a haven, from our first real conversation as anything other than client and insurance adjuster.
