by Ivy Smoak
“I take it you’ve met Sally?” I gestured to the cookies.
“Yeah. I was questioning her this morning. She was one of the witnesses to that house fire.”
“How is that going by the way?” I hadn’t been questioned by anyone but Tucker. My worst fears had passed. There were no cops and dogs sniffing around in my woods. Everything had quieted down.
“The case?”
I nodded.
“I’m not really supposed to talk about it. But there isn’t really anything to talk about anyway. I’m done.”
“So…is it closed?”
“No, I’m just off it. The FBI took over.”
“The FBI?” My voice came out a little squeaky. I was relieved that there weren’t police dogs roaming the woods, but compared to the FBI, a few stupid animals and local officers were harmless.
He glanced over at me. “It’s fine. We both know you had nothing to do with that fire. I’m sorry I ever doubted you. It was a bad case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. I got a little obsessed with trying to figure out if you were linked because I needed to know that you weren’t guilty.”
“Right.” It was true, I had nothing to do with Adeline Bell or her house. I’d never even met the woman. But that didn’t mean I had nothing to hide. There were a lot of things I wanted to keep secret in the vicinity of the crime scene. “So you don’t know anything that’s going on with the case at all anymore?” I played with the zipper of my new jacket. Up down, up down, up down. At this rate I was going to break it before I even got home. I let go of the zipper and put my hands beneath my thighs so that I couldn’t fidget.
Tucker shook his head. “Nope. My captain took me off the case.”
“Then why were you questioning Sally?”
“There were just a few loose ends I needed to tie up on my end before I felt comfortable dropping it.” He kept his eyes on the road.
“It’s hard to know what’s true and what isn’t when it comes to Sally,” I said. I thought that maybe he was interested in me because he hadn’t heard the rumors. But if he had hung out with Sally all morning? He knew everything that people whispered behind my back. And what everyone said behind those people’s backs. And so on. She was a sweet lady, but an awful gossip. I wouldn’t have been surprised if she had been behind the initial rumors about me.
“So what actually happened to your jacket?” he asked.
The change of topic was a reprieve. But it was a little unsettling that he changed it. He knows. He knows exactly what they say. I cleared my throat. “Well, now that you’re off the case, it wouldn’t be as interesting to you. It’s kind of my alibi.”
He didn’t say anything, he just waited for me to continue.
I wondered if he was being truthful about being off the case. Or even believing that I wasn’t involved at all. I leaned my head against the headrest and stared at him for a moment. He didn’t look like a detective today. He just looked like…Tucker. The guy I was slowly getting to know despite my best efforts. Probably despite his as well. “I was out by the lake when I heard the explosion. It scared me and I fell in.” I remembered the feeling of my mother’s hands on top of my head, keeping me under. “My jacket was weighing me down and I had to ditch it in order to get back to the surface.” It had felt like someone was grabbing my ankle, trying to pull me deeper. Like all my secrets were trying to drown me. I took a deep breath. That feeling had been haunting me ever since.
Tucker laughed, unaware of my distress. “I thought you had just dyed your hair to get everyone off your tail.” He shook his head. “Makes sense now. Why you were so wet.”
Something about the way he said it made me swallow hard.
“No wonder you caught a cold. The lake was pretty icy when I was there this morning.”
My heart rate kicked up a notch. “You were at my lake?” Shit. I was worried about random cops and dogs poking around in my business. I thought I was done worrying about Tucker.
“Yours?” He smiled at me as he made the turn onto the road that led to my house. There were no other houses, so it was basically a super long driveway. “It’s public property, Violet.”
“I know. But no one ever goes out into these woods.”
“Because they’re scared of you?”
“Yeah, I guess.” What do you know that you’re not saying? I started fidgeting with my zipper again. Stop it.
“Well, you’re forgetting one important thing.” He pulled his car to a stop next to my truck and cut the engine. “I’m not scared of you, Violet.”
“Maybe you should be.” It was a warning I hadn’t even meant to say. But it was true. It wasn’t very wise to listen to the word of one person over dozens of others.
He lowered his eyebrows as he stared at me. “I thought we were done pushing each other away?”
“I don’t know how any of this works. I haven’t been on a date in six years, Tucker.”
“What are you so worried about?”
You seeing the real me. I shook my head. “I’m worried that I’ve become what they say I am.”
“And what is that?”
“A monster.” It came out as a whisper. For years I had wondered it myself. I had made some mistakes, just like everyone else. But they didn’t make me a monster. Everyone deserved a second chance. I knew that in my heart. But it was like I had been waiting this whole time for a flip to switch inside of Tucker. Why didn’t he see what everyone else saw? Sometimes I even saw it when I looked in the mirror. Sometimes I was worried that a similar switch would flip inside me and I’d repeat my mistakes. Again, and again, and again. The thought made me feel nauseous.
“You’re not a monster, Violet.”
“I know you’ve heard the rumors.” I turned in my seat to see him better. “Just rip the Band-Aid off. What have you heard?”
“Nothing nice.”
“You don’t have to sugarcoat it. I’ve heard them all. I just…need to know what you’ve heard.” Maybe I was wrong about Sally. Maybe she had learned to keep her big mouth shut after all the hurt she’d done.
“The basic consensus is that you cut up your family and ex-boyfriend into little pieces and hid them under your floorboards.”
Wow. “I actually hadn’t heard that last part.” I exhaled slowly. “That’s new.” And how utterly ridiculous. The smell would be horrible.
“When I still thought you were involved in my case, my first thought was that I had found something hidden in your floorboards.” He laughed it off. “But you’ve never even fired that gun you owned. I know you’re not capable of hurting anyone. Especially your own family.”
“Because that would make me a monster.” It came out as more of a question. I bit the inside of my cheek. Why did I ask him that? Of course murder made you a monster. Of course. Of course. Of course. The words echoed around in my head.
“Yes.” He laughed. “Murdering your family in cold blood would make you a monster.”
Of course, of course, of course.
“Violet.” He reached across the center console and grabbed my hand. “I don’t believe rumors. I believe you.”
My mouth formed a smile but it felt a lot more like a grimace. “We should probably eat before it gets cold.”
He nodded and let go of my hand. I sat there and watched as he unbuckled his seatbelt and stepped out of the car. I took a deep breath before I got out, in hopes of clearing my head. He believed me. For now. I needed to remain calm or else I’d start to look crazy. It was hard to trust a crazy person. I climbed out of the car.
“Seems like Zeke likes when I bring dessert.” Tucker grabbed the plate of cookies and balanced it on top of the plastic container holding Lizardopolous 2. “Maybe cookies will distract him from what this lizard looks like.”
I grabbed the takeout bag. “I hope so.”
***
I placed the last plate in the dishwasher and glanced back outside. Tucker was still standing next to Damien, who was leaning under the hood of my c
ar. Tucker was moving his hand around animatedly as he talked to his friend. It looked like he was arguing with him about something. I had clear tells for when I was upset. I started doing everything in threes. Most people could hide their mood a little easier than me. But Tucker didn’t know that anyone was watching him. And I had a feeling that he was upset right now. The only question was why.
I wiped my hands off on the front of my jeans and kicked the dishwasher closed with my foot. All I wanted to do was eavesdrop, but I was trying to do the whole trust thing. I tossed the dish towel on top of the dry rack.
Lizardopolous 2 was safe in his predecessor’s aquarium. Our fake story for how he came home was solid. Zeke would most certainly avoid the whole conversation about death for at least a little longer. The house was once again spotless. There was nothing else for me to do.
I glanced at Tucker out the window again. It was only nice to offer them a drink or something, right? Bringing them coffee on a cold day like this wasn’t eavesdropping. It was being polite.
I opened up my cupboard. Coffee made sense, but Zeke would be home soon. Maybe I could make hot chocolate for all three of them. Was that weird? I drank hot chocolate with Zeke all the time, but I wasn’t sure most grown-ups drank it. Especially those without children. Who cares. Tucker already liked me. He had made that pretty clear. Damien did not like me one bit. He had also made that very clear. A good cup of hot cocoa wasn’t going to change either of their opinions. I pulled out the mix.
When I had two cups with the perfect ratios of milk and chocolate, I dropped a handful of marshmallows on top of them. Who could resist a steaming cup of hot chocolate with marshmallows? Sure, murdering your whole family made you a monster, but not liking this beverage? Extra monstrous.
I opened up the front door while balancing the two piping hot mugs in my hands. Tucker and Damien’s conversation drifted to my ears and for some reason I froze instead of making my appearance known.
“It was foul play, I’m sure of it,” Damien said.
Were they talking about me? Or some random case? I held my breath.
Tucker placed his hand on the side of the truck. “And I think there’s more going on here than that. How has no one looked into this before?”
They could be talking about anything. Or anyone. Tucker had told me they were done investigating me. They were done with the case, period.
“You’ve been completed blinded by a nice pair of tits. I’ve arrested plenty of dimes. Just because she’s hot doesn’t mean she didn’t do it.”
I cleared my throat.
Damien jumped, slamming his head against the hood of the car. “Fuck.”
“Sorry. I’m sorry.” I quickly walked down my porch stairs. I didn’t know what else to do. I couldn’t just retreat back into my house without another word. They knew that I knew that they were talking about me. They had been, right? The best thing to do would be to pretend I didn’t hear. Besides, my motherly instinct had kicked in and I wanted to make sure he was alright. “Are you okay?” I thrust both of the mugs in Tucker’s hands and tried to examine Damien’s head. I was surprised when he didn’t pull away from my touch. There was already a welt forming at the base of his skull. “I’m so so sorry, Damien.” I stopped touching him when I realized I was being weird. I wasn’t this grown man’s mother.
He rubbed the back of his head where my hand had been. “Yeah, I’m fine. You just startled me. Never sneak up on a man underneath the hood of your truck.” He gave me a super charming smile. One that he probably only gave when he was trying to get a woman to forget he’d just done something stupid.
“You’ll probably have a nasty bruise if you don’t ice it right away. I have an ice pack inside I can grab. If you want.”
“I’m almost finished out here. But I might take you up on that when I’m done. Is that for us?” He nodded to the hot chocolate.
“Yes.” I smiled at Tucker as I took one of the cups back and handed it to Damien. I was actually getting along with his friend for once. It felt almost normal. Like we’d all been friends our whole lives.
“Is it spiked?” Damien waggled his eyebrows at me.
Never mind. We were most certainly not friends. Anyone who really knew me would know why I didn’t have any alcohol around. But no one really knew me. “I don’t actually keep any alcohol in the house.”
“Why is that?”
I shrugged. “It’s usually just me and Zeke. There’s no need.” That sounded better than the truth.
“Maybe the four of us could all have dinner tonight?” Damien asked. “I can bring the wine.”
“Oh.” I couldn’t exactly tell him no. I certainly owed him after he’d spent all afternoon working on my truck. “Yeah. Sure, that would be great. Making dinner for you is the least I can do to thank you.” What the hell was I doing? One detective in my house was bad enough. But two? Two? Had I lost my freaking mind?
“Perfect. I just need a few more minutes out here and then I’ll go get cleaned up. Need me to grab anything else for tonight?”
I glanced at Tucker.
“Maybe we should do it another night,” Tucker said.
“What? It’ll be fun,” Damien said. “Right?” He looked back at me.
“Absolutely.” I thought about what they’d been talking about when I had first stepped outside. Just because she’s hot doesn’t mean she didn’t do it. I’d need to keep a close eye on Damien tonight.
“This is delicious, Violet,” Damien said after he took a sip from his mug.
The way he said it made me feel uncomfortable. Like he wasn’t talking about the hot chocolate at all. Luckily the sound of Zeke’s bus coming down the lane gave me something else to focus on.
The bus slowed to a stop and the doors opened. Zeke was staring at the ground as he started walking down the steps.
A window near the back of the bus squeaked open. “See ya later, Zeke the freak!” one of the kids yelled out the window as Zeke stepped off the bus. “Zeke the freak!” another squeaky little voice yelled. Giggles exploded from inside the bus.
The sound of their laughter made me feel like I couldn’t breathe. God, why did kids have to be such dicks? All I wanted to do was storm up to the bus and unleash hell.
Zeke didn’t even turn to look at who had said it. He just slouched forward even more. The doors closed and the bus started to turn around.
“Zeke?” My voice was so soft that at first I thought he hadn’t heard me.
But then he looked up at me. For a second the sad expression on his face disappeared. Like I was the only one that could make him forget about his crappy day. Then he glanced at Tucker and Damien. He scrunched up his face like he was about to cry and ran straight to the house.
“If you’ll excuse me.” I ran after Zeke without waiting for a response. “Zeke!” I yelled when I opened up the front door. But there was no reason to yell. He was sitting in the foyer with one rain boot off, one on, and his coat and backpack thrown on the floor. His face was tucked into his knees and he was sniffling.
“Hey. Sweetie.” I sat down next to him on the floor and pulled him into my side. For a few minutes I didn’t say anything. I just held him until his tears slowed. “It’s okay. It’s going to be okay.” I ran my hand up and down his back.
He didn’t respond.
“Tell me what happened on the bus today.”
He slowly lifted his tear-stained face. “No one would let me sit with them. The bus driver had to make a kid move so that I’d have a seat all to myself in the front. They yelled Zeke the freak at me the whole way home.”
“And the bus driver didn’t tell them to stop?”
“He did a few times. They didn’t listen. And now Mr. Reed is going to think I’m a freak too. Just like everyone else. And we were friends.”
“There’s no way he’d think that. He’s a grown-up. Grown-ups know better than to listen to dumb kids.”
“But everyone else thinks I’m a freak. He will too.”
&
nbsp; “No, he’s your friend. Friends are forever, Zeke.”
“Is he your friend too?”
That question felt loaded. He was basically asking if Tucker would be in his life forever. How could I answer that? Instead, I just nodded and tried to change the subject. “And you know all those kids that pick on you? They’re going to have pimply faces well into their thirties and work for minimum wage the rest of their lives.”
“What’s minimum wage mean?”
“It means they’re stupid and won’t have good jobs. So the joke’s on them because you’ll be rich and successful and have beautiful skin.”
“But being a grown-up is far away. And I don’t want all those things if it means right now has to suck.”
That was a very fair point. “How about I start driving you to school?” The thought of doing that was dreadful. Leaving the house twice a day to face ridicule myself? Awful. But so worth it to save Zeke from one more second of it.
“Really?” He finally looked up at me.
“Really.” I tickled his side and he smiled. “It’ll be fun.”
“Will it make you do that thing?” He tapped my shoulder three times. “I don’t want you to do it if it’ll make you do that thing.”
“We’ll figure it out together, okay, little dude?”
He nodded. “Thanks, Mommy.” He hugged my side and now I tried not to cry.
I knew kids picked on him during recess. I had been to the school a few times about it already this year. But I hadn’t known about the bus. He hadn’t told me. I would have driven him sooner if I had known. And I couldn’t help but wonder if he hadn’t told me because he was worried about how I’d react. He was worried I’d get lost in my own mind. My issues were starting to weigh on my son, and I couldn’t have that. I needed to talk to someone. I glanced at the door. I needed to let someone in.
Chapter 20
Tucker
“Zeke the freak,” Damien said and shook his head. “Man, she should have named him something like Albert that rhymes with nothing.” He set his cup of hot chocolate down. “But then his name would be Albert, so…”
