Contents
Dedication
Introduction : Please read.
Crunchy - Chapter 1
Crunchy - Chapter 2
Crunchy - Chapter 3
Crunchy - Chapter 4
Non-Crunchy Introduction
Non-Crunchy - Chapter 1
Non-Crunchy - Chapter 2
Non-Crunchy - Chapter 3
Non-Crunchy - Chapter 4
Further Reading / Author Information
To my fellow gamers, may we commiserate together our failures, and celebrate our nat 20’s.
Thank you for your interest in my story. Before you read further, I want to inform you, there is two versions of the same story included in this. The first is the Crunchy version, which has notable game rolls and skill tests included in the text. This information is presented to the reader and immediately visible to the characters in the story.
The second version is the Non-Crunchy version in which that information is ommitted. I hope one or both versions entertain you.
Crunchy - Chapter 1
I Hate This System
Name: Todd Longfellow, Race: Human
Height: 5’6”, Weight: 130, Sex: Male
Archetype: None
HP: 4 / 4, Mana: 0 / 0
Stats:
Physical: 2, Moxie: 2, Spiritual: 2, Luck: 2
Agility: 2, Magic: 2, Mental: 2, Energy: 2.
Relevant Skills: Concentration - Contemplate Football, Knowledge - Lawyering Demonic, Physical - Weapon Flourish.
_________________
Bright light burrowed its way into Todd’s skull. ‘How much did I drink?’ Todd mumbled to himself as he slowly opened his eyes. None of the queasiness or thirst from a hangover. The feeling grass against his skin, cool soft earth against bare ass, and an open sky above greeted him.
‘Did I go streaking?’ Ran through his mind as he sat up and covered up his genitals. Something didn’t feel right, and Todd looked down. His hairy chest now wispy and with a few dark hairs. His tanned skin, now darker more bronze than he remembered. The scar from his appendix removal was also missing.
“The fuck!” a male voice said from behind Todd.
Todd turned toward the voice, a young naked man with both hands covering his groin, standing a few feet away Todd didn’t recognize where he was, in the middle of a clearing surrounded by trees. The faint rushing of water was off in the distance, like a stream. The white bark was unfamiliar.
Doing a double take of the stranger, who had same dark skin as what Todd now had. Muscle definition visible, similar to Todd’s football team mates. He guessed they were eighteen like Todd or maybe a few years older.
Glancing away to make sure his eyes didn’t noticeably linger, Todd glanced over the two other men and a young woman lying on the grass. All the guys almost looked the same, as if they were brothers or clones of each other, each with average physiques and wispy brown hair on their chests. The woman was in shape as well, breasts small mounds on her sleeping form. Looking away from the sleeping forms, he stood up and faced the stranger.
“Where am I?” Todd said, making sure his eyes were focused on the guy’s head which was a couple of inches higher than his. He focused on remembering football plays to distract himself: ‘Right 32b, QB fakes to RB, looks right, then throws left’.
Success! Mental roll 2d10; 2, 9. One Success; Skill Concentration - Contemplate Football gained 1 Experience.
Skill Concentration - Contemplate Football has reached Rank 1! Skill points to next level, 10.
“Fuckity fuck, fuck,” the man said, his head turning around quickly as if he was trying to look everywhere.
The phrasing reminded Todd of a friend. He focused on the stranger’s face. “Mark?” Todd said.
As soon as he said it, the stranger turned directly to Todd.
“Who are you? Where am I?” Mark said.
“It’s me, Todd,” Todd said. A shiver ran through him as he looked up into Mark’s eyes.
“Can’t be, he’s taller,” Mark said as he took a step backward and tripped over one of the other naked men. His hand went down to brace his fall, and he grabbed the man's right thigh.
“No, don’t touch me!” the figure called out. The newly awakened person started swinging his balled up hands. Hitting Mark repeatedly in the chest, a few hits even landing on Mark’s face.
“Fuck!” Mark yelled as he rolled away from the storm of fists.
“Where are my clothes? I swear to God I’m going to the cops, and they’ll listen this time.” The strange man stood up, fists at chest level, his nakedness forgotten.
“Dude, we’re all wondering the same,” Todd said, taking a step back and raising his hands in the air. “Todd, and he is Mark.” He pointed a thumb at himself, then a finger at Mark still lying on the ground.
“Lying won't keep you out of jail. Todd’s six-three louzer,” the guy said stringing out the word loser.
“Six-four,” Todd corrected, “Jax?” Todd lowered his hands and took a step forward.
“Believe it, Jax,” a female voice said a few feet from Todd. Todd turned around to see the naked woman, standing. Her skin was darker than everyone else, her features shapely, one arm covering her breasts, a mass of public hair covering the other bits. Todd looked her in the eyes and raised an eyebrow.
“Hunter you’re in this crazy dream?” Todd said.
“Well, if this is a dream, I wonder why I didn’t include some beer?”
“Prove you’re Hunter,” Mark said, slowly standing up and circling around Jax.
“Remember when I showed you the old TSR ‘Women of Fantasy’ calendar of my dad’s?”
“No fucking way,” Mark said. He glanced around, pausing to meet everyone's eyes. “What is the last thing people remember?”
“I remember being black. Seriously, what is going on?” another male voice said, stepping closer. Todd moved back a little to allow the new person a place in their circle.
“Reggie?” Todd said, glancing at the man; he was built the same as the other guys as well. They all could be brothers and sister.
“Yes. Can someone please explain what is going on?” Reggie said.
“Gonna sound crazy, but please allow me to finish,” Mark said, looking at everyone, meeting their eyes one by one. “I think we are in the game.”
“That’s impossible numbnuts,” Jax interrupted, and Mark held up a fist.
“One, Reggie is the same color as us.” Mark raised a finger with each point. “Two, Hunter is female. Three, Todd doesn’t tower over us. Four, I don’t need my glasses.”
“The fifth point?” Jax said. He relaxed and a hand moved to cover up his manhood.
“Don’t have one, at the moment.” Mark lowered his hand.
“Alright, joke is done, I need to go home.” Reggie glanced at everyone, his eyes lingering on Hunter before looking around the clearing.
“I don’t know how to do that. Fuck,” Mark shrugged. “but I’d end this if I could.”
Todd tried looking for the mountains, to get his bearings, at least he would know where east was. At the edge of the clearing, a pale old man with long white hair and a beard was walking towards them. He held a pitchfork in one hand and was dressed in worn leather pants and a jacket. No shirt was under the jacket, and little white hairs on his chest stuck out.
“Guys, someone is coming,” Todd pointed towards the approaching old man with one hand. He switched hands, covering with his left, leaving his right hand free if they were attacked.
The group immediately shut up and turned to stare at the old man. Each taking a stance similar to Todd as they waited for him to walk up to them.
“Greetings, my name is Sir Furcas,” the old man said. Mark and Todd
stepped forward, standing between the group and the old man.
“Where are we?” Todd said. The old man smiled and cleared his throat. The sky darkened as if a thundercloud had rolled in. A shadow rolled through the clearing, as it hit Todd, he shivered..
“Once I shall speak, may too the truths be told, thrice you may beseech, go forth if you are bold. Five demands I’ll accept.”
A fire burned in the old man's eyes. His skin looked almost a dark red in the shadows. As he smiled, the sun reappeared and the world returned to normal. He held up his left hand with five fingers outstretched on it.
“Why can’t I remember anything?” Mark said.
“Alas, to prevent meta-gaming, each beginning, the memories of the previous sessions are withheld,” Furcas said. He held up a hand with only four fingers on it.
“Fuckity fuck,” Mark said.
“If that is the demand,” Furcas said, taking a step forward.
Mark shook his head and threw up both hands in front of him. Todd moved between them.
“How do we get back home and to our normal lives?” Todd said.
“Five weeks to the east, for if you are bold, three kings, you’ll seek, two have grown old; one is the ticket home,” Furcas said, lowering another finger.
Todd allowed the words to run around his head. Reviewing them over and over, working on some hidden meaning. Small amount of pressure behind his eyes. The feeling of being stupid, was replaced with anger.
Success! Mental roll 2d10; 9, 1. One Success; Skill Knowledge - Lawyering Demonic gained 1 Experience.
Skill Knowledge - Lawyering Demonic has reached Rank 1! Skill points to next level, 10.
“Can’t you just tell us in plain English and not some sing-songy crap that doesn’t even rhyme very well?” Todd said, taking a step toward the old man. Furcas lowered a finger and nodded his head.
“Is this a game, and what are the rules?” Mark said, taking a step forward.
“The game is the game you guys wanted to play. Character sheets will be provided, and you can choose your archetype, but skills you will have to gain in person.” Furcas lowered another finger, leaving one left. With his other hand, he cast it toward the grass in the middle of everyone. Five backpacks and five sheets of paper appeared on the ground.
“What do you mean by previous sessions?” Mark said after he glanced at the appearing backpacks.
“Each time you die, you are brought back here. Your memories are withheld until completion of the game.” Slowly, Furcas lowered the last finger and bowed to the group. “Good luck.” The old man turned around and started walking away.
Mark took a step toward him, but Todd placed a hand on his shoulder. Todd looked up into Mark’s eyes.
“I believe you now tell us everything you remember about the game,” Todd said.
Mark nodded his head and turned back toward the group. One of his hands resuming it’s place covering up his crotch.
“Remember a few months ago when I started talking about Skills, Archetypes, and Demons?” Mark waited for a couple of people to nod. “My complaint with other systems is I felt you shouldn’t magically gain power after killing someone or something. This system doesn’t reward killing; it rewards using skills. So, if you want to get better with a sword, you practice with it for hours and hours.”
“How many hours?” Hunter said. She stood near Mark and Todd, both arms wrapped around her chest covering up her breasts.
“Remember the adage it takes ten thousand hours to master a skill?” Mark said.
“I don’t want to be in here for years,” Todd scratched his chin after speaking, maintaining eye contact. “What about archetypes? Is it in the name—is that like classes?”
“Yeah, each archetype has a set of stats they are more apt to, like Fighter is Physical, Wizards are Mental.”
“Yeah, yeah, what does that mean? In game terms?”
“Game works on numbers of successes. Each roll you do, the successes matter. If your skill uses a favored attribute of your class, your success is any roll 7 or above. Non-favored attribute is a roll of 8 or above.”
“Guys, I think these bricks are edible!” Reggie said; he had been digging through the backpack as Todd and Mark were talking. Everyone else took a remaining pack and dug through it.
The leather packs were larger on the inside than they should have been. Each bag contained fifty feet of rope, some woolen clothes, seven little rectangle squares of dried fruit and oats that could double as bricks, two water skins, four torches, flint, and tinder. A sword held inside a wooden sheath was impossibly nestled in the bottom of Todd’s pack.
Todd grabbed the sword and pulled it out. Tossing the sheath aside, he held it up into the air.
“By the power of Greyskull!” Everyone laughed except Mark, who was staring at one of the sheets of paper.
Todd swung the sword around several times. It was heavy but not unwieldy. A scene from the movie ‘Willow’ came to mind. Todd tossed the blade, flinging the hint out and away from him.
Success! Physical Roll 2d10; 9, 8. Two Successes; Skill Physical - Weapon Flourish gained 2 Experience.
Skill Physical - Weapon Flourish has reached Rank 1! Skill points to next level, 9.
The sword did a 360 in the air, and by some miracle, he caught the hilt.
“Holy fucking shit, guys! This was awesome, check it out!” Todd said, amazed he had caught the sword and repeating his actions, throwing the sword up with the hilt out, then as it did a three-sixty, reaching to grab the hilt.
Critical Failure! Physical Roll 2d10; 1, 1. Zero Successes; Skill Physical - Weapon Flourish Critically Failed!
Attack! 4 Damage from Melee Weapon - Long Sword.
Thump! Todd reached for the weapon a little too soon. The tip of the sword sliced deep into his wrist, lopping his hand completely off.
“AAAHHH!!!” he screamed.
Everyone else stood there unmoving, as blood pumped out of Todd’s arm. Todd stared at the stump as he screamed, more out of panic than pain. Modesty forgotten as he grabbed the bleeding limb and tried to stop the blood flow.
“Fuckity fuck fuck,” Mark said as he quickly dug into his backpack. Reggie ran toward Todd and tried to get him to sit down. Todd gasped for breaths between screams, his face pale as he had one hand cradle the other.
“Need something to stop the bleeding,” Reggie called out as he helped Todd lower to the ground.
“Got rope from a backpack,” Mark said, rushing over, holding a coil of rope.
Pain, as they pulled the bloody stump from his chest and wrapped a rope around it. The fibers of the rope bit into the skin and squeezed more blood out as it tightened. Todd tried to pull his arm away, thrashing as Reggie tried to hold him down. Todd began breathing faster as panic rose, and he lost more blood. The edges of his vision grew darker, his voice growing hoarse as he screamed.
Stabilization failed! Bleed damage 1.
“I fucking hate this game!” Todd screamed out. Reggie and Mark were able to hold him down to the ground and tie the rope around his right forearm. Todd’s world slowly went black.
Crunchy - Chapter 2
Character Creation
Name: Todd Longfellow, Race: Human
Height: 5’6”, Weight: 130, Sex: Male
Archetype: None
HP: 4 / 4, Mana: 0 / 0
Stats:
Physical: 2, Moxie: 2, Spiritual: 2, Luck: 2
Agility: 2, Magic: 2, Mental: 2, Energy: 2.
Relevant Skills:Agility - Dodge, Physical - Intimidate, Physical – Pull
_________________
Bright light tried to burrow its way into Todd’s skull. ‘How much did I drink?’ Todd thought as he slowly opened his eyes, the cool grass against his naked skin and a blue sky above bringing panic. Bringing a hand to his eyes to block the bright sky, he froze as he looked at his hand. Dark skin, much darker than the tan he got from football, covered his arm. Quickly, he rubbed one hand with the other, both arms were
the same dark tone.
“Fuck!” Todd said as he sat up. Looking down, all of his body was the same skin color. Chest hair, now a wispy with a few dark hairs. He was sitting in the middle of a clearing surrounded by white barked trees. At the edge of the clearing, four people standing in a small circle, dressed in gray clothing, and wearing backpacks. He noticed his skin was much darker,
Standing up with one hand covering his manhood he took a few steps toward the group. Briefly glancing around for clothing, a dark stain on the ground a few feet away gave him pause. A small trail went in the direction of the group. He could smell the blood, so much of it covered the ground. A tail of flattened grass and dark splotches lead away toward the circle of people. Todd turned and walked away from the group, toward the trees while ignoring his modesty.
“No fucking way,” a voice from behind Todd. Fearing he’d been seen; Todd ran for the trees. The soft grass didn’t hurt his bare feet. As the turf gave away to dirt and fallen branches, he slowed. At the edge of the clearing, he didn’t recognize anything or see a road. Glancing around, some small rocks, branches, and more unrecognizable trees.
Picking up the largest branch, he stripped some of the leaves from it. Standing sideways next to a tree for cover, he stood with both hands on the stick pointing toward the group as they approached. The lower branches of the tree prevented any overhead swings, he swung the branch left to right at chest height.
“Don’t come closer,” Todd yelled, pointing it toward the closest person. The group consisted of four people, one woman, and three guys. The guys all looked like brothers, darkly tanned skin, almost bronze, and the gray sweaters and sweats. Two of the guys chests were covered in blood.
“Dude, we’re not going to hurt you,” the woman said.
Todd swung his branch threateningly.
Success! Physical roll 2d10; 4, 10. One Success; Skill Physical - Intimidate gained 1 Experience.
Highly Unbearable Page 1
