by A. M. Myers
“Maybe it’s what I deserve,” he mutters as he stands. “Let me go get your brother.”
“What did he do this time?”
Rodriguez rolls his eyes. “Got drunk and hit on the wrong dude’s girl. He’s got one hell of a shiner to go along with his hangover.”
“He wasn’t high?” I ask, stunned.
“Not when he was picked up.”
I nod as he turns to leave and slip a stack of cash under some of the files on his desk with a sigh. He’d never take it if I offered it to him outright but it’s the least I can do for all his help with my brother the past few years.
As I wait for them to come back, I rub my hand over my face. I’m not stupid enough to believe or even dare to hope that Clay being sober means anything more than they picked him up before he could shove a needle in his arm but it’s certainly different from all the other times I’ve dragged my ass down to the station to bail him out. It’s hard to remember a time when this wasn’t my life. Clay’s only been using for the past six years but it feels like forever and since I’ve built my life around trying to help him, I wouldn’t even know what to do with myself if he ever got clean.
“Thanks for the hospitality,” Clay says as he walks out of the back, followed by Rodriguez and I stand, rolling my eyes. Why the fuck does he always have to act like such a prick?
“I don’t want to see you in here again.”
Clay laughs. “Aw, but you’d miss me so much!”
“Hardly,” Rodriguez grumbles and Clay’s gaze meets mine.
“Shit, man. You called my brother?”
Rodriguez gives him a little shove, urging him forward. “Yeah, I called your damn brother. He’s the only reason you’re not behind bars on a permanent basis.”
“What the fuck ever.”
“Nice to see you, too, Clay,” I say, narrowing a glare at him and he rolls his eyes. I turn to Rodriguez. “Thanks again, man.”
He nods as he holds out a bag of Clay’s belongings. “No problem.”
I grab the bag out of his hand and grip Clay’s arm, pulling him out of the station.
“Get your fucking hand off me,” he growls as we step outside, ripping his arm out of my grasp and taking the bag. “What the hell is your problem?”
“My problem? My problem is that I had to bail you out of jail, yet again. What the hell are you doing with your life, Clay? You’ve got to stop doing this.”
He scoffs, backing away from me. “You don’t get to tell me what to do anymore. Remember what happened the last time you did that?”
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” I hiss, following him even though my bike is parked behind me.
“Never mind.” He spins around and stalks away from me. “Why don’t you just stay the hell out of my business?”
“Believe me, little brother, I’d love to but you can’t stay out of trouble for more than a few weeks. You need to get your life together.”
He sneers at me over his shoulder. “Aw, but then what would we talk about? We all know your favorite subject is what a fuck-up I am.”
“I’ve never once said that and I’m just trying to help. I’m worried about you, Clay.”
He stops and turns toward me. Track marks line his forearms and my stomach rolls just looking at them. “Well, don’t be. I’m fine.”
“We both know that’s not true.” My gaze drops to his arms and he crosses his arms over his chest.
“There’s something I wanted to ask you,” he murmurs after a moment, kicking at a pebble on the ground in front of him.
“What?”
“Tell me about that night.”
I scowl. “That night?”
“You know,” he urges with a nod and raised brows. “That night.”
Memories from years ago flash through my mind and I shake my head as I back away from him. “No. You already know what happened. There’s no use going over it all again and again.”
“Maybe you were wrong. Maybe you misunderstood the situation.”
“Misunderstood? No, there was no misunderstanding what I saw, Clay, and I’m not going to apologize for protecting you from seeing it, too.”
“I was just a kid and you ruined my life.”
“I ruined your life?” I whisper, looking around to make sure no one is listening to us. I can’t believe he would even say that. “I saved you that night.”
He throws his head back and laughs. “Oh, Saint Lucas, you’re so full of shit. You know what… now that I think about it, maybe she’s not even really dead.”
“Jesus, how many drugs are you on right now?”
He throws himself on a park bench. “That’s not an answer. We never should have left.”
I shake my head and sit down next to him. “Clay. Leaving was our only option. Why is that so fucking hard for you to believe?”
“I am fucking done with this,” he says as he stands. “Just leave me alone, Luke. I don’t want to see you and I sure as hell don’t need anymore of your help.” He turns and walks away from me. I follow after him.
“Rodriguez called me this morning for you, asshole, and don’t think for one goddamn second that I believe you won’t call again the next time you’re in trouble.”
He turns toward me, walking backward with his hands up. “It was a mistake. Just forget about it.”
“Clay!” I yell, stopping as he turns away from me and crosses the street without looking back. I sink onto the bench and drop my head into my hands. What the fuck is going on with him? He’s always had questions about that night but to go as far as to say that I ruined his life when all I was trying to do was protect him… I don’t know what to do with him anymore.
The door to the police station slams open and Rodriguez stomps down the stairs, his head down as he clutches a file to his chest. Fuck. He really shouldn’t be back at work already and I worry he’s going to lose it if he keeps obsessing over Laney’s case. He needs to find her killer and we all understand that but this isn’t healthy. Grabbing my phone, I dial Moose’s number and press the phone to my ear as I watch Rodriguez throw himself behind the wheel of his car and beat his fists against the steering wheel.
“What’s up, brother?”
“Hey. You doing anything today?”
There’s a pause on the line. “I was gonna go watch some fireworks but I can change plans. What’s up?”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I hear a woman shriek in the background and I wince.
“Sorry, dude. I can call someone else.”
“Naw, don’t worry about her. It’s not serious and she’ll get over it the next time she wants some dick.”
I laugh as I shake my head. “Yeah, okay. Listen, you mind checking up on Rodriguez later today? I’m at the station to bail Clay out and he’s not looking good.”
“You got it, man. How’s Clay?”
With a sigh, I run my hand over my face. “A pain in my goddamn ass.”
“Sorry.”
“Not your fault. Rodriguez is leaving the station now and I don’t know if he’s going back to the clubhouse or his place but I think someone needs to be with him.”
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll find him.”
We say good-bye and as I hang up the phone, I notice a text from Quinn.
Quinn:
Just wanted to say thank you
for all your help yesterday.
Me:
No problem. How are you feeling?
My knee shakes as I wait for her reply and I picture her as I carried her up to her bed last night as I fight back a smile. She’s just what I need to turn this fucked up day around.
Chapter Five
Quinn
“I don’t know,” Alice muses as her gaze rakes over me, lying on the couch. I sigh and roll my eyes.
“Well, I do. Go out with your friends.”
Her eyes flick to Brooklyn, who is sitting in the middle of the living room, smashing blocks together and laughing. “Are you sure?”
“Yes, Al. We’ll be fine.”
When she meets my eyes again, her teeth sink into her bottom lip and she looks even more unsure than she did just a second ago. “I really don’t have to go. If you are feeling sore or you need to rest, I can stay and take care of Brooke.”
“Alice, I love you so very much but you’re turning into a stick in the mud. Go out and have fun with your friends, for Christ’s sake. It’s the Fourth of July, you shouldn’t be cooped up with your injured sister and baby niece.”
She walks over to the couch and checks the blanket over my legs. “Are you still in pain?”
“Will you stop?” I tsk, batting her hands away. “I am sore but in case you forgot, I was hit by a truck so that’s normal.”
“You know what, I’m just going to stay home with you guys. We can rent movies or something.” She sits down next to me on the couch and tosses her purse to the other side. I swing my legs off the middle cushion and push myself off the couch as my body protests.
“Alice Ann Dawson,” I mutter, limping over to the other end of the couch before grabbing her purse and putting it in her hands. “You are going to go have fun and I forbid you from coming home until, at least, midnight.”
She sighs, staring up at me for a moment before she stands up and slings the strap of her purse over her shoulder. “Okay, but you call me if you need anything, you hear? I’ll have my phone on the whole time and I’ll text you to check in.”
“Oh, my little worry wort,” I sigh as I wrap her up in a hug. “Seriously, go have fun and don’t worry about us. We’ll be here when you get back.”
“As you pointed out, you were just hit by a truck so excuse me for being concerned about you.”
I release her with a smile. “I know but the doctor gave me the all clear and between school and helping me with Brooklyn, I can’t remember the last time you went out with your friends. You deserve a break and I don’t want to hear anymore arguments.”
She opens her mouth to protest and I cover her mouth with my hand.
“No. No arguments. Go have fun.”
We move toward the door and she sighs. “All right but I am going to text you and if you don’t answer me, I’m coming home.”
“If I get even one text from you when you’re supposed to be having fun like every other twenty-one-year-old on the planet, I’ll change the alarm code on you and pretend to not know you when the police show up.”
“Bitch,” she teases through the grin on her face.
“Nag,” I fire back and we both laugh.
“Fine. I’ll be here at midnight, on the dot so don’t be inviting any boys over.”
I roll my eyes and give her a gentle shove toward the door. “Oh, yeah, cause you really need to worry about that.”
“Go on,” I urge her as Brooklyn babbles from the living room and I peek over my shoulder to check on her. When I turn back to Alice, she waves and steps out of the door as I release a breath. I honestly don’t know how I’d do all this without her but my sister has paused her life enough for me. It’s time that she gets out a little more and lives her life.
“What should we do tonight, Brooklyn?” I call as I turn toward the living room. She sees me and pushes herself to her feet, wavering a little before she plops back down on her butt. In the last week or so, she’s shown signs of almost walking but she hasn’t taken that first step just yet. Despite the accident, it’s been amazing to be able to spend so much time with her since I’m usually working so much. Brooklyn babbles something as she stares up at me and I nod.
“Good idea, sweet girl! Beauty and the Beast, it is.”
Before I can get to the couch, my phone buzzes and I hobble back to my seat and sink into the cushion before grabbing it.
Lucas:
Any big plans tonight?
Just seeing his message on the screen sends a flutter through my belly and I shake my head as a smile stretches across my face. When I texted him earlier to thank him for everything, I told myself that’s all it was but the truth is, I want to see him again. As crazy as that is.
Me:
Yeah. Brooklyn and I have a date
planned with the DVD player.
Setting my phone down, I sigh. I would have loved to get a few little fireworks to set off for Brooklyn but with the accident, it just wasn’t possible. It’s not like she’ll ever remember tonight but I was really looking forward to it. Brooklyn babbles and I glance over at her as she pushes herself to her feet again and wobbles.
“Come on, baby girl. You can do it. Walk to Mama,” I encourage, holding my hands out in front of me. She meets my eyes and smiles before plopping down on her butt with a frustrated grunt as I laugh.
“It’s okay. You’ll figure it out soon enough.”
A sweet little sigh slips past her lips as she reaches for her block again and I grin, my heart bursting with love as I watch her. A memory from when I first found out I was pregnant pops into my head and my stomach turns as I think about the fact that I almost didn’t keep her. My life was such a mess back then and for a brief second, I considered terminating the pregnancy but all it took was one look at her on the sonogram machine and I knew I couldn’t do it. Despite everything, she was mine and I wanted her. Honestly, I don’t know where I’d be if it hadn’t been for her. She gave me the strength and the drive to get my life back together. She saved me.
Sighing, I shake my head to clear those thoughts from my mind as I grab the remote and turn on Brooklyn and my favorite movie. As soon as the opening song starts playing, she stops playing with the block and stares up at the screen for a second before rolling to her hands and knees and crawling over to the couch. She pulls herself to her feet and I scoop her up, arranging her in my lap so she can watch the movie. With a sleepy sigh, she shoves her thumb into her mouth and starts sucking on it.
By the time Gaston starts singing in the pub, she is drifting off in my arms, her eyes getting heavier and heavier with each second that passes. The doorbell rings and she jerks up before looking at me with a pout and watery eyes.
“Shh, sweetheart. It’s okay,” I assure her, rubbing my finger along her cheek to calm her as I pause the movie and stand up. Climbing off the couch, I secure Brooklyn against my hip and walk over to the door, my body protesting with each step. When I reach the door, I yank it open and Lucas glances up, flashing me a gorgeous smile that takes my breath away.
“Hey,” I whisper, my heart racing in my chest.
Stress lines his face but his smile is genuine as he holds up a plastic bag. “Hey. I hope you don’t mind that I stopped by but I thought you might want some dinner.”
“No. Not at all,” I whisper, fighting back a big, cheesy grin. Brooklyn coos at him and when we glance down at her, she’s smiling at Lucas around the thumb still in her mouth. He chuckles, reaching forward and nudging her cheek with his finger.
“Glad to know I have your approval as well, little lady.”
She squeals, her grin firmly in place and I laugh as I turn to let him in. “Come on in. I was just putting her to bed.”
“Oh, actually… before you do that, I brought a surprise for her.”
I stop, turning to stare at him. “You did?”
With a smile on his face, he pulls a thin box of sparklers out of the bag before holding them out in front of me. My smile feels like it might crack my face.
“You brought her sparklers?”
“Of course, we couldn’t skip Independence Day just because you’re laid up.”
My heart pounds against my rib cage and heat creeps up my cheeks. “This is really thoughtful, Lucas. Thank you.”
“No need to thank me,” he says, holding his hand out to me and I grab it, allowing him to lead Brooklyn and I out to the porch swing where he instructs me to sit.
“Do you need any help?”
He shakes his head as he holds his hands out for Brooklyn, who gladly reaches for him. “Nope. You just relax, sweetheart. I’ve got this.”
With Bro
oklyn securely against his hip, he grabs the bag and carries her down the steps, into the yard. My pulse races watching him interact with her so effortlessly and for a brief second, I imagine what it would be like to have a real family with a mom and a dad for Brooklyn before pushing those thoughts from my mind. Even if I was ready for something like that, it’s way too soon to be thinking that with a man I just met a few days ago.
Lucas sets Brooklyn on her feet in the grass and I wince as she makes a face. She hates the feeling of the grass on her feet and she’s going to start screaming any second. Before I can stand, Lucas scoops her back up and tickles her belly, distracting her. Oh, Jesus. If he keeps doing things like this, I’m doomed.
With Brooklyn still in his arms, he manages to maneuver one of the sparklers out of the box and lights it. Brooklyn’s face lights up, transformed by wonder, as Lucas twirls the sparkler in front of them. She claps her hands, laughing as the sparks fly and my heart aches with happiness at the bright smile on her face. Lucas laughs along with her and my cheeks heat. I can’t tear my eyes away from the two of them. He’s so patient and loving that my mind has no problem drifting into territory that should be left alone.
The entire time I was pregnant, I knew this kind of thing wasn’t in our future and it was my greatest regret - not because I’m incapable of taking care of Brooklyn by myself or because I need a man - but because my heart aches each time I think about the look on her face when she has her first daddy-daughter dance or every Father’s Day when she has no one to celebrate. It’s not her fault that everything worked out this way but she’s the one who will bear the burden and that kills me. Watching them together now - it’s the picture I always wanted but was too scared to dream of and truthfully, still am. It’s the one thing I want most in this world and the one thing I’m terrified I’m never going to get.
They burn through two more sparklers before Brooklyn lays her head down on Lucas’s shoulder and my eyes burn with unshed tears at just how beautiful it looks. I have no idea if we’ll ever truly have a real family like I always dreamed of but this moment is pretty damn special.
