by A. M. Myers
Fuck.
Fuck.
What the hell am I doing?
I’m not ready for this.
“Alice!” I scream, blinking away tears as I flatten my shaking hands against the white lace of my dress. It is a little sexy, ending mid-thigh but with my cowboy boots, it doesn’t look quite so risqué and I’ve spent the last hour and a half curling my hair and doing my makeup but I don’t think I can do this. Alice runs into the room with Brooklyn on her hip.
“What’s wrong?”
I turn to look at her and she sighs before closing the bedroom door and setting Brooklyn down on the floor.
“I have to call and cancel.”
She shakes her head, a determined look on her face. “There’s no way in hell I’m letting you do that. You can do this, Sis.”
“I can’t,” I whisper, my hands shaking even harder. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking when I agreed to this date last night but I can’t actually go through with it. She plops down on the bed.
“Why not?”
I turn back to the mirror and inspect myself again. “I’m not ready.”
“That’s just fear, Quinn. It doesn’t mean that you’re not ready and if you cling to that excuse, you’ll never find love. Next.”
“It’s not good for Brooklyn for me to be going out…”
“Yeah, I’m calling bullshit right now,” she interrupts me, holding her hand up. “Brooklyn is a baby and will never remember this one date, if that’s all it is but if it’s more, I’m damn sure that having more people to love her will never be a bad thing. Next.”
I suck in a breath. “He won’t tell me anything about his past…”
“That’s the point of the date, big sister. You guys go out and eat or see a movie and you get to know each other. Besides, I highly doubt you’ve spilled everything about yourself.”
“I told him about Grams and Mom and Dad.”
She scoffs. “That’s the easy stuff and you know it.”
“I am scared, Al.”
Alice crosses her legs on the bed and nods like she knew that all along. I sigh and turn to face her again.
“What are you scared of, Quinn?”
“Showing him all the broken pieces,” I answer, staring down at my hands.
“No, that’s not it…”
Sucking in a breath, I meet her eyes and glare because damn her for being right all the time. “I’m scared that he won’t accept all the broken pieces.”
“Because?”
“Because I really like him - more than anyone else I’ve ever met.”
Smiling, she points at me. “And there it is.”
“You’re annoying.”
“But effective,” she replies and I laugh despite the urge to stay mad at her. “Feeling better?”
I shrug. “I suppose.”
“Seriously, Quinn. It’s just one date. Go out and have fun with Lucas - who, by the way, I happen to think is someone special.”
“You do?” I don’t know why I need her validation but hearing her say that he seems different than any other guy I’ve brought home makes a difference to me. She nods.
“Definitely. The man sat in a hospital for hours just to make sure you were okay. I know you’ve been out of the dating game for a while but dudes like him don’t come around all that often.”
The doorbell rings, pulling both of our gazes toward the door and Alice hops off the bed before scooping Brooklyn up in her arms.
“I’ll stall him for a few minutes. Take a breath, get yourself together, and then make a stunning entrance, ‘kay?”
I laugh and nod. “Okay.”
She kisses my cheek and ducks out of the room as I turn back to the mirror and suck in a breath.
It is just one date.
I repeat that mantra in my head a few times before touching up my makeup and running a hand gently through my hair to break up the curls. When I’m feeling steadier, I grab my bag and walk out of my bedroom. Lucas’s voice drifts up from the foyer and I stop at the top of the stairs, listening to his conversation with Alice.
“You’d better treat my sister right,” Alice warns and I smile, shaking my head. “She’s been through a lot and she deserves the world.”
“You have nothing to worry about,” he assures her, his warm voice drifting up the stairs, sending goose bumps across my skin. Butterflies stir in my belly as I start down the stairs.
“You’re damn right I don’t,” Alice adds. “I meant what I said about burying you in the yard.”
He laughs. “Noted.”
“Alice, stop threatening him,” I say as I reach the bottom of the steps and they both turn to me. Alice grins as Lucas’s gaze slowly drops down my body and back up again before we start moving toward each other, meeting in the middle of the foyer.
“These are for you.” He holds out a bouquet of red roses and I take them, burying my nose in them as I hum in approval.
“Thank you,” I reply, peeking up at him. “They’re gorgeous.”
“No, sweetheart. I’m pretty sure that’s you.”
Heat rises to my cheeks as our gazes connect and I suck in a breath as my heart gallops wildly in my chest. His lips part and my gaze drops to his mouth as his tongue darts out and runs along his bottom lip. Lord, I don’t think anything has ever looked so obscene and so innocent at the same time. My legs feel like Jell-O and I fight the urge to lean into him as I remember how good it felt to have his arms around me yesterday.
“I’ll just take these,” Alice sings, snapping us both out of a daze as she plucks the flowers from my hand and winks at me. “You two have fun.”
We watch her disappear into the kitchen with Brooklyn on her hip before Lucas turns back to me with a bemused smirk on his face.
“Uh… you ready to go?”
I nod. “Yeah. Where are we going?”
“That’s a surprise.”
I wrinkle my nose and glance down at my dress. “Well, am I dressed okay?”
“Babe, even if your outfit was wildly inappropriate for our date, I wouldn’t tell you because I’m enjoying the view too damn much.”
“Don’t try and sweet talk me, Lucas,” I tease, rolling my eyes as he laughs and pulls me into his arms.
“Would it be bad form to kiss you at the beginning of the date?” His nose brushes against mine, stealing the air from my lungs as I grip his arms and nod.
“Yes.”
“What if I can’t resist?” he asks, his minty breath hitting my face as my body floods with warmth and my heart hammers against my rib cage.
“Try harder. Besides, it will give you something to look forward to.”
“Are y’all still here?” Alice yells and I jump back as Lucas shakes his head, holding his hand out to me.
“We were just on our way out.” My nerves melt away as he laces our fingers together and I shoot a look over my shoulder at my annoying little sister. She grins back at me.
“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!”
Lucas laughs as we step out onto the porch. “Why do I get the feeling there isn’t much she wouldn’t do?”
“She’s full of it since I practically had to force her out of the house on the Fourth.”
“Ah, I see,” he muses. “So she’s just messing with you?”
I shrug. “I think she was trying to make me think about something other than how nervous I am.”
He stops next to his truck and pulls me into his arms again with a scowl. “I’m making you nervous?”
“Not you, really… It’s just that… Well, do you remember when I told you I knew a thing or two about dark and complicated?”
He nods, his expression growing more concerned. “Yeah.”
“The truth is it’s been a really long time since I’ve done this and I’m a different person than I was then.”
“I understand. But, for what it’s worth, I like who you are now.”
I drop my gaze to his chest as his arms tighten around me. “You didn’t know me then
.”
“Doesn’t matter. It’s not like you can go back and if we’re going to move forward, this is the girl I’d like to move forward with,” he says, brushing his thumb over my cheek and I peek up at him as my heart melts.
“All right, then.”
He grins. “Are you ready to go out on our date now?”
“Yes,” I answer with a nod and he opens the passenger door for me before helping me climb up. I smile as he rounds the front of the truck and as he slips behind the wheel, I realize that my nerves are mostly gone. The excited butterflies remain but the outright panic that I was feeling before he showed up is gone. I don’t know if it was Alice’s distraction or just Lucas himself that makes my fears flee but I’m glad that I can just focus on having a good time with him tonight.
“Hey,” he says, pulling my attention to him as we pull out onto the road and I glance over at him.
“Yeah?”
“There’s something I need to ask you…” He leaves the statement hanging in the air and my belly does a little flip as I nod.
“Okay.”
“When you said you hadn’t done this in a really long time… how long are we talking?”
I suck in a breath. “Two years, give or take, since my last relationship.”
“Did it end badly?”
“No,” I answer, shaking my head. “The breakup was just the start of a lot of bad things in my life.”
“Were y’all together for a long time?”
I glance across the truck and meet his gaze. “You really want to know?”
“Yeah.”
“Danny and I were together for three years and we were engaged.”
It’s clear from the look on his face that I’ve stunned him so I wait, biting my lip while I give him a minute to process.
“Is he Brooklyn’s dad?”
I shake my head, fighting back memories. “No.”
He nods, staring out at the road again for a second and in the same way that thunder always follows lightning, I know what question is coming next.
“Is her dad in the picture?”
“Nope. Are we getting dinner first? I’m starving.”
He stares at me for a second before, thankfully, ignoring my change of topic and nodding. “Dinner may be included in my plans for the evening.”
“Well, that’s cryptic,” I mutter and he laughs, reaching across the cab to grab my hand.
“I’m sorry if I pushed too hard.”
I shake my head, meeting his gaze. “I want to tell you all about myself but I just need to do it in my own time. There are things that I’ve never told anyone besides Alice and my therapist so opening up isn’t always the easiest thing for me.”
“So, what you’re saying is that you need to take this slow?”
“Yes,” I answer, relief washing through me as I nod. “I need to take this slow.”
He nods. “Okay.”
“That easy, huh?”
We pull into a parking lot and he parks the truck toward the back of the lot before turning to me. “Yeah, Quinn, that easy.”
Before I can say anything else, he jumps out, rounds the back of the truck, and opens my door. He helps me down and as I turn around, I gasp at the Ferris wheel towering above us from the fairgrounds.
“You brought me to the fair?”
He nods, a shy smile replacing his usual cocky grin. “Yeah, I thought it seemed like fun but we can go somewhere else if you want.”
“No, this is perfect. Actually, the first concert I ever went to was a Garth Brooks concert here with my dad.”
“Yeah? How old were you?”
“Oh, gosh,” I reply as we walk toward the front gate hand in hand. “Five, maybe. I haven’t been back here since they died.”
“How come?”
I shrug. “It was just sad for me. I don’t think I even realized how much I missed it until I saw the Ferris wheel.”
“We can go somewhere else…”
“No!” I exclaim, cutting him off. “I don’t want to go. Besides, I think it’s way past time for me to make new memories.”
He grins, giving my hand a squeeze as we step up to the gate. “I like the sound of that.”
“How many?” the attendant asks.
“Two,” Lucas answers, sneaking glances back at me as he pulls his wallet out of his pocket. After he pays, he takes my hand again and leads me past the gate before throwing his arm over my shoulders.
“So, what first? Food or dancing?”
I sputter out a surprised laugh. “You dance?”
“You’ll just have to wait and see,” he teases with a wiggle of his eyebrows and I laugh again.
“Well, as tempting as that is, food first because my stomach is currently in the process of digesting itself.”
“We can’t have that,” he says, nodding to the path in front of us. “Any preference?”
I stare up at the rows of different food trucks, my mind blank. “Uh…no?”
He laughs, pulling me closer and I relish in the feeling of being tucked into his side. “Okay, what did you always get when you used to come with your parents?”
“Corn dogs,” I answer. “But I think I’m a little too old for that.”
“Bullshit. Let’s go find corn dogs.”
I giggle as he pulls me along, intent on finding me my childhood favorite. We pass by so many trucks I lose count before he stops at a pizza truck.
“What can I get you guys?” the guy manning the truck asks.
“Yeah, can you tell me where I could find some corn dogs?”
He shoots us a glare. “Man, do you want pizza or not?”
“Lucas,” I whisper, poking his side. “It’s fine. We can just get pizza.”
“Naw, we’re good,” he says, ignoring my comment and I roll my eyes as we set off again. We pass a few more trucks before I spot a kettle corn stand and let out a squeal before pulling Lucas to it.
“Hey, can I get two bags?” I ask when the woman at the register looks up at me. She smiles and turns to scoop two large bags of popcorn as I release Lucas’s hand to dig in my wallet for money.
“I got it,” he cuts in, laying some money on the counter and I turn to him with a scowl.
“I can pay for my own food.”
Shaking his head, he pulls me into his arms as his gaze drops to my lips for a second before meeting my eyes. “Not when you’re with me, you don’t. Besides, I’d buy the whole damn stand just to hear that cute little squeal again.”
“Shut up.” I laugh, shoving him away as the lady behind the counter hands us the kettle corn. I flash her a smile. “Thank you.”
“Have a nice day,” she chirps.
“You, too,” I call over my shoulder as we turn away and set off down the path again. We make it a few more stands down before my stomach growls loudly and I turn to Lucas. “I don’t know that we’re going to find corn dogs.”
He scoffs. “It’s like a fair staple so they’ve got to be around here somewhere.”
“I appreciate the effort but I don’t need corn dogs. We can just find something else. Look, there’s a Mexican place.”
“Who said anything about you?” he asks as he pulls me off to the side of the path by a little picnic area and wraps his arms around me. “I want corn dogs.”
“Oh, well then, by all means, let’s keep searching.”
He glances down the path before turning back to me. “Why don’t you sit down and eat some kettle corn and I’ll hunt down our dinner?”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah,” he answers, leading me over to one of the tables and setting the bag of kettle corn in his hand down. “I’ll be right back, okay?”
I nod. “Okay.”
His fingers dive into my hair and he pulls me closer, pressing his lips against my forehead and I melt into him, my heart fluttering at the sweet gesture and when he pulls away, I have to fight the urge to yank him back to me.
“Sit,” he orders, gesturing to the picni
c table. “I’ll be right back.”
Nodding, I sit down and watch him as he strides away from me, unable to wipe the smile off my face. It’s crazy to think about how much has changed in the last five days. Even thinking that stuns me. No matter how much I think about it, it doesn’t feel like only five days. It feels like I’ve known Lucas for so much longer and if I try to imagine how I would feel if we get nothing more than tonight, there’s an ache in my chest that I’m too scared to investigate. I think I knew, before I ever agreed to this date, that I would agree to a second and third and however many he asks me for… which is scary. I don’t like letting him have that much power over my emotions but if there was any way to stop it, I would have done it by now. My fear was so potent earlier this evening that I was ready to sabotage everything.
My phone buzzes in my purse and I pull it out, laughing at the text from Alice.
Alice:
Are you two crazy kids hopelessly in love and
married yet?
Me:
No, but I am having a good time.
Thanks for talking me down.
Sighing, I turn to look out across the fairgrounds. There’s a pond next to the picnic area and a lift strung out in the air across it, carrying folks from one side of the park to the other and a memory of riding it with my parents hits me. They died when I was eight and Alice was Brooklyn’s age so she doesn’t have the same memories with them that I do but sometimes, I think that’s easier. You can’t miss what you never had, right?
My phone buzzes again.
Alice:
That’s what I’m here for.
Have fun.
She sends a second text with a kissy face emoji and I smile as I tuck my phone back into my purse and stare out at the rides as the sun begins to sink below the horizon.
“Victory,” Lucas calls and I turn to him, laughing as he holds up two containers full of mini corn dogs, fries, and a drink tray with two sodas. He sets one of the containers and a drink down in front of me before sitting across from me and I nod.
“I admire your dedication.”
He winks. “Thank you.”
“Your time is up, though.”
“Oh, yeah? My time is up for what?”
