by A. M. Myers
A scraping sound draws my attention back to the door. There’s a man by the door but he’s completely oblivious to me, staring at the sidewalk and smoking a cigarette so I turn back to the sky as a warm breeze brushes over my skin. I should get back inside before the girls come out looking for me. My head is still spinning though and I think I’m about ready to call it a night. I push off the wall and turn toward the door but before I can take a step, two large arms wrap around me and I scream.
“Shut up,” his voice hisses in my ear as a hand clamps down on my mouth and he starts pulling me away from the door. I search for the man that was smoking a cigarette, hoping he can help me, but the sidewalk is empty. I scream against the hand on my lips and kick my legs, trying desperately to escape. He’s too strong. My heart thunders against my rip cage as he pulls me into the alley on the side of the bar and tears sting my eyes.
“No!” I scream as soon as he uncovers my mouth. He lets out a grunt as I continue jerking against his hold. Pain explodes in my chest and my vision blurs as we fall to the ground. He pins me to the concrete with one hand around each of my wrists and my chest feels tight. “Help!”
“Shh,” he whispers, leaning down over me and taking a deep breath. “Mm, you smell so good.”
I buck my hips, trying to throw him off me. “Help!”
He shoves my dress up to my belly and a sob tears through me as I thrash and kick, my stomach rolling. No, this can’t be happening to me right now. As I stare up into his dull blue eyes, and the vacant expression on his face, a wave of icy coldness hits me right in my chest.
“Please don’t do this,” I beg, tears flowing freely down my cheeks. He smiles.
“Don’t worry. I’ll make it good for you.”
He moves my hands together and uses one hand to press them back against the concrete as he reaches behind him and pulls out a pocket knife. My stomach drops and my chest feels heavy as my pleas turns to sobs and I jerk against his hold. His gaze falls to my panties and the cold feeling that started in my chest is seeping into the rest of my body. I shake my head back and forth, silently begging for help. When he slices through one side of my panties with the knife, I sob again and my body stills as he slices the other side. He meets my eyes and smiles as he pulls the panties away from my body. His hand starts creeping down my stomach and I gag.
“No!” I scream, jerking forward in bed. Gasping for air, I grip the blanket as tears pour down my cheeks and images from that night continue playing in my mind.
“Breathe, Quinn. Just breathe,” I whisper to myself, focusing on each breath I draw into my lungs as my heart rate slowly returns to normal. Once my breathing returns to normal, I fall back to the pillow and release a breath, tears welling up in my eyes. It’s been three days since I told Lucas the truth and I haven’t heard from him once since. Not that I can blame him. I knew as soon as I found out who Clay was that we were in trouble but I guess I stupidly hoped that maybe he would choose me. God, how selfish is that though? Lucas and his brother have been all each other had for so long and then I just wanted him to choose me? I never stood a chance.
Brooklyn lets out a cry from her room and I sigh as I turn to the baby monitor and watch her stand up, bracing her hands on the edge of the crib. Sighing, I fling the covers off my legs and glance out of the window as I stand. Sunlight streaks across the floor and I wipe away my tears, shoving my emotions into a box so I can be bright and cheery for my little girl. Fake it ’til you make it and all that. Brooklyn yells from her room and I grab my silk robe off the end of the bed and pull it on as I leave my bedroom and walk down the hallway to Brooklyn’s room.
“Good morning, gorgeous girl,” I sing as I step into her room, trying desperately to hang on to my smile for Brooklyn. She lets out another yell when she sees me and rattles the side of her crib. “Well, you’re feisty this morning, aren’t you?”
She pushes her bottom lip out in a pout and rubs at her eyes with a closed fist as big, crocodile tears well up in her eyes. They slide slowly down her chubby little cheeks and my heart breaks. Picking her up out of her crib, I cuddle her in my arms as I turn toward the rocking chair in the corner of the room. As I rock her back and forth, I hum a song and she lays her head on my shoulder, letting out a heavy, tearful sigh. I rub my hand across her back.
“What’s wrong, sweet baby?”
“Dada,” she mumbles before shoving her thumb in her mouth and I suck in a breath, tears stinging my eyes. Lord, how did we end up here? Only last week, I was blissfully in love and planning such a grand future for Brooklyn, Lucas, and me. Now, I don’t even know if we’re together, let alone if we have a future. I mean, how the hell could we?
“I know, sweetie,” I whisper, pressing my lips to her soft blonde hair. “What do you say we change your diaper and go find Auntie Alice for breakfast, huh?”
She lets out another sigh and I fight back tears as I stand and carry her over to her changing table. The cute little dress I laid out for her last night is laying on top of her dresser and I grab it before peeling her out of her pajamas and changing her diaper.
“Dada,” she says again, reaching toward the door and I spin around, my heart jumping into my throat only to fall when I see the empty doorway. Sucking in a breath as I turn back to Brooklyn, I shake my head and wipe a tear from her cheek.
“You got my hopes up, little girl.”
She reaches toward the door again. “Dada.”
“I miss him, too, Brookie.”
“Seems he’s missing you, too, if the truck parked across the street everyday for the last few days is any indication,” Alice says, stepping into the room and leaning against the doorframe. “You’ve seen it, right?”
I glance over at her and nod. “I’ve seen it.”
For the past few days, I’ve noticed Lucas’s truck periodically parked outside the house but he hasn’t gotten out and I haven’t worked up the nerve to go talk to him.
“Have you tried to talk to him?”
“No,” I scoff, my lip wobbling as I look away from her. “Too afraid that I’ll go out there and he’ll tell me that we’re done.”
“I don’t think he’ll do that, Quinn,” she whispers and I shake my head as I meet her eyes.
“You didn’t see his face, Al. I don’t know how we get past this.”
She nods. “Time will tell. Are you ready to go to the police?”
“I don’t know,” I mutter. Ever since seeing Clay’s face in the clubhouse, I’ve been trying to force myself to go down to the police station and pass the information along to a detective but I can’t seem to do it even though I know it has to be done. If it were any other man, he’d already be behind bars but it’s not any other man and it kills me to think about Lucas’s heartbreak over this whole thing.
“You need to do it. Just get it over with.”
I shake my head with a sigh. “You don’t understand.”
“I understand perfectly but your love for Lucas doesn’t change the fact that his brother attacked you!”
“It changes everything, Alice.”
She sighs, shaking her head in disgust. “So, what? You’re just going to let him get away with what he did because you fell in love with his brother? I was here with you the whole time, Quinn, and I know how much this stuff still affects you. Don’t think I didn’t hear you yelling in your sleep just twenty minutes ago.”
“Just give me a little more time.”
“And what if he’s out there hurting some other poor girl?” she asks and I turn to glare at her.
“Don’t you think I’ve already thought of that? I know what’s at stake here, Alice, but it’s not as easy as you’re making it out to be.”
She throws her hands up with a sigh. “But it is, Quinn. And I’m almost certain that with a little time, Lucas will understand why you had to do it.”
Brooklyn lets out a cry and I sigh as I finish buttoning her dress and pull her into my arms. Maybe she’s right. Maybe he would understand but if he
doesn’t, if I lose him in this process, then turning my rapist over to the cops doesn’t feel like the victory that it should.
“I can’t talk about this any more right now.”
“Okay,” Alice sighs, holding her hands out for Brooklyn. “Pass her to me and I’ll get her some breakfast while you get ready for work but just know, that this conversation is not over.”
“I expected nothing less.”
She takes Brooklyn downstairs. I sigh as I go back to my room and rush through my morning routine all while trying to keep my mind off of Lucas and his brother. It’s not an easy task but I manage to shower and do my hair and makeup without tears welling up in my eyes. By the time I get dressed and walk downstairs, Brooklyn is playing in the living room with Alice watching over her.
“I’m sorry,” she says as I step into the room and I nod.
“I know.”
She wraps her arms around herself. “I just want justice for you, Sis. What happened to you… it can’t go unpunished.”
“I know that, too. None of this is as simple as it should be.”
“Yeah, I get that,” she sighs. “I left some eggs and hash browns on a plate for you in the kitchen if you’re hungry.”
I shake my head, grabbing my bag. “No. I’ll just grab something on my way.”
“You don’t have to leave so early on my account. I’ll shut up about this for now.”
Sighing, I glance toward the front door. “I just need some fresh air to clear my head.”
“Are you okay? I mean, obviously, this whole situation is fucked up on every level but are you really okay?”
“I don’t know how to answer that question, Alice. I was so happy, you know. So damn happy and I thought I had found the one person I could spend the rest of my life with and then we went to that baby shower. Now, I haven’t heard from him in days and I have to go down to the police station and send his brother to jail.” I let out a breath and brace my hands on the back of a chair as tears well up in my eyes. “This was supposed to be easy. I find the man who raped me and I go to the police so this all could finally be over. I just never expected the end of one nightmare to be the beginning of another.”
A tear slips down her cheek. She stands and wipes it away as she crosses the room and wraps her arms around me. A sob racks my body and I cling to her as the tears fall from both of our eyes.
“Have I told you lately how proud I am to be your sister?” she whispers. I shake my head.
“N-No, I don’t think you have.”
She pulls back and meets my eyes. “You’ve handled everything that’s been thrown at you with grace and so much strength. If it had been me, I think I would have just fallen apart but not you. You persevered when you had every reason to not to and I know you can do this, too, even though it feels impossible right now.”
“I don’t want to lose him,” I tell her, more tears falling as pain radiates from my chest and she nods.
“I know.”
My phone buzzes in my purse and I pull away from her as I suck in a breath and wipe the tears from my cheeks, clenching my teeth in an attempt to stop new ones from falling. “Ugh, God, I don’t have time for this right now. I have to get going.”
“Maybe you should take the day off. I’m sure Willa can handle everything for one day.”
“No,” I answer, shaking my head. “I can’t just sit here moping all day. I need a distraction. I’ll be home before you have to leave for class, though.”
She nods and I peek down at Brooklyn, who’s staring up at me with concerned eyes and I suck in a breath, forcing a smile to my face.
“Have a good day with Auntie Alice, baby.” I blow her a kiss but the scowl doesn’t leave her face as she watches me. My smart girl knows something serious is going on. Even at only fourteen months old, we can’t slip anything past her.
“I’ll put Beauty and the Beast on to try and cheer her up a little,” Alice assures me and I nod, hoping that her favorite movie will be able to distract her from the fact that Lucas is this giant gaping hole in our lives right now.
“Okay, I’m leaving, then.” I turn toward the door and pull my phone out of my purse. There’s a text from Willa and I read it as I open the door and step outside.
Willa:
Coming into work today, boss lady?
Me:
On my way now.
I sigh as I put my phone back in my purse and instead of walking down the steps to my car, I turn toward the swing on the far end of the porch. As I sink into the seat and sway back and forth, a few tears slip down my cheeks. Alice is right - I need to go to the police and finally put an end to this two year long nightmare. I’m just terrified that it’s going to cost me everything that I’ve been building for my life.
My mind drifts to the morning after being raped. Grams was by my side through the night as they administered the rape kit and she held me as I cried. I can still hear her telling me that I was too strong to let this beat me. As I suck in a breath, I feel a little bit of that strength returning and I know it’s time to handle this. Despite what happens between Lucas and me, I do deserve justice.
I pull my phone out of my purse and hesitate for a second before dialing Lucas’s number. His voice mail picks up and I close my eyes, summoning the courage I need to leave this message. When the beep sounds, I take a deep breath and open my eyes.
“Hi. It’s me. I just… I wanted to call you and let you know that I’ll be going to the police station tomorrow to give them the information on your brother.” My lip wobbles as tears form in my eyes again. “This is so hard for me and I know how hard it must be for you. Just know that whatever you decide, I don’t blame you for anything. I could never ask you to choose between the two of us and I understand your loyalty to him. If I don’t hear from you again, I want you to know that I love you and I’m so grateful for the time we had together. You taught me to trust and love again and you’re always going to hold a special place in my heart. I hope, one day, you can find happiness because that’s what I truly want for you, Lucas. I just want you to be happy and get the life you deserve.” I bite my lip to hold back the sob that desperately wants to break free. “Good-bye.”
Chapter Twenty
Quinn
“Are you sure you don’t want me to go with you?” Alice asks, bouncing Brooklyn on her hip and I shake my head, forcing a smile to my face. My stomach feels uneasy but I know that this has to be done. Even if a part of me still doesn’t want to.
“No. I don’t know how long it will take and I don’t want her there.”
She sighs, glancing toward the front door. “I’m not happy that you’re going alone. You should have someone there with you.”
“I’ll be okay, Al,” I whisper, thinking back to the message I left for Lucas yesterday as I fight back tears. When I called him, I truly meant what I said. I had no expectations but I can’t deny that not hearing from him hurts. I guess it’s time to come to terms with the fact that things are truly over between us.
“Maybe Willa could go with you or something. Or I could ask her to babysit Brooklyn and I’ll go with you.”
I shake my head and force a smile to my face. “I need to do this alone, Sis, but I appreciate the thought.”
“Well… if you’re sure.”
“I am,” I answer, nodding as I grab my purse and turn toward the front door, sucking in a breath.
“You’ve got this,” Alice calls as I grab the doorknob. “And call me if you need anything.”
I nod in response as I pull the door open and step outside.
“Quinn.”
I gasp as his voice melts over me like chocolate and tingles race up my spine. I turn to the swing on the other end of the porch where he’s sitting with his elbows propped on his knees with a ball cap on his head. My stomach rolls. My heart skips a beat.
Oh, God, he’s here to end it.
“Lucas,” I breathe, blinking back tears. He looks up and as soon as our eyes meet, it punches me
in the gut, stealing the air from my lungs as my heart thunders against my ribs. “What are you doing here?”
He stands. “I’m here for you.”
“I don’t understand,” I whisper, my mind completely blank as he walks toward me, looking just as fine as he did the first time I met him. Gripping the railing, I suck in a breath and fight the urge to close my eyes just to breathe in his familiar scent.
“I got your message last night and I’m going to the police station with you.”
“But what about your brother?”
He shakes his head. “What about him?”
“Are you really just going to turn your back on him? Just like that?”
“No,” he snaps, closing the distance between us and pulling me into his arms. “Not just like that. I’ve killed myself for years, trying to help him and now, to know that he was out there hurting people, hurting you.” He reaches up and brushes his thumb over my cheek. “The woman that I know with every ounce of my soul was made for me - it makes me sick to my stomach. I can’t protect him anymore.”
