by A. M. Myers
When she turns back to me, I can’t help but smile.
Ah, there it is - that fire I love so much.
“What the hell do you want from me, Noah? I think I’ve made myself pretty clear.”
I shrug. “I think you’ve made it clear that you’re a liar but beyond that, I’m not sure what you’re talking about.”
“Get out of my house,” she seethes, shoving me away from her. I tense up and hold steady, unwilling to let her out of my reach again. Leaning close, I hold her gaze and smile.
“No.”
She shrieks, shoving me again and my grin widens.
“Come on, Kady. Just tell the truth and admit that you still love me.”
“I do not,” she growls. Nodding, I lay my hand over her racing heart as I arch a brow.
“Really?”
Lifting her chin in defiance, she shoves my hand off her chest and meets my gaze. “Yes. Lots of other things can elevate heart rate, such as rage or hatred.”
“You don’t hate me, baby,” I whisper as I lean in, letting my mouth hover just above hers. Her nipples pebble against my chest and her hips tilt forward ever so slightly as I fight back a laugh.
“I do.”
I shake my head. “No, you don’t. Tell the truth. You still love me and you probably always will.”
“No.”
“Say the words, Kady,” I growl, irritation gnawing at me as my need for her builds. I grab her face in my hand and force her gaze back to me. I’m desperate for those words, to hear her say what we both know. I’ve spent seven long years without hearing it and I need it now. She tries to turn away but I force her gaze back to me again. “Tell me you love me.”
“I hate you.”
“No, you don’t,” I hiss, my top lip pulling back into a snarl just before I slam my lips to hers, pulling a gasp out of her. Her lips part and my tongue slips into her mouth, teasing and toying with hers as her hips press into me and she moans.
Fucking victory.
Pulling away, I gasp for air as I flash her a grin. “You hate that no matter how much you want to or how hard you try, you can’t bring yourself to hate me. You hate that after all these years, I still have a direct line to your stubborn heart. But most of all, you hate that no matter what you do, you can’t stop loving me. Same way I can’t ever stop loving you, baby.”
“You son of a bitch,” she growls, wrapping her hand around the back of my neck and pulling me to her again. This time, when our lips meet, I wrap my arms around her waist and pull her close, frantic for as much contact as I can manage. She tastes just like I remember, minty mixed with sweet chocolate and I’d be willing to bet if I looked around for a second, I’d find those little rectangular chocolate mints she loves so damn much. Groaning, I slip my hand under her shirt, skating my fingers across her back.
Fuck.
This is heaven.
“Stop,” she gasps, jerking away from me and in my surprise, I release her.
“Seriously? We’re going to do this again?” I growl. She shakes her head. “I thought we just worked through all this.”
Sighing, she shoves me back and walks past me to the table before dropping into a chair. “We haven’t worked through anything, Noah, and in case you’ve forgotten, I have a boyfriend.”
“He doesn’t matter.”
She scoffs and arches a brow. “He doesn’t matter? Really?”
“Yes, really!” I yell, running my hand through my hair as I start pacing through the kitchen. “Sure, I feel a little bad for the guy and everything but in the grand scheme of things, he doesn’t fucking matter because you and I are end game. I know it. You know it and I’m willing to bet Jason knows it.”
“His name is Mason,” she mutters, rolling her eyes and I kick a chair away from the table.
“I know his damn name.”
I sit down and she sighs, watching me closely.
“What do you want from me, Noah? You were gone, abandoned me actually, and I moved on with my life. You should, too.”
I shoot her a look as I run my fingers through my hair again, contemplating just pulling it out because of how crazy she makes me. “What don’t you get about this, Kady? There is no moving on with my life after you. There is no life after you for me, period. You are the love of my goddamn life, the other half of my soul, and I’m never going to walk away. I can’t.”
“Noah,” she murmurs, tears building in her eyes and I scoot my chair around the table until I’m in front of her. Taking her hands in mine, I meet her gaze.
“Please,” I plead. “Don’t walk away from me. Just give me another chance to prove to you that there is no one else on this earth that loves you more than I do.”
“There’s so much you don’t know - so much that could rip us apart.”
I shrug. “Then we fight it together. I’d face the devil himself as long as I have you by my side.”
Leaning back in her chair, she studies me for a second before sighing. “I’m not saying yes.”
“But you’re not saying no, either?” I ask, hope raining down on me for the first time since I got out of jail. She shakes her head.
“I don’t know what I’m saying yet. But I know I’m not a cheater and I need to talk to Mason after… that.” She points to the sink and I nod. “And I need you to go for right now.”
I stand up and squeeze her hand. “I’m not giving up.”
“I know.”
Pulling her hand up to my lips, I kiss it before dropping it back into her lap. “I love you.”
“Good-bye, Noah,” she says, turning away from me but I don’t miss the hint of a smile on her lips and that’s a win I’ll take all day long.
Chapter Ten
Kady
“Hold on, sweet baby,” I whisper, cradling the one-week-old lab puppy that was dropped off at the clinic with his sisters overnight. He squeaks and burrows around my hand, looking for his food. After placing the warm rice sock on my lap, I set him on top and hold him steady as I give him the bottle. He latches on quickly and begins eating as I lean back in the chair and sigh. With my free hand, I gently run my finger up his nose between his eyes as a yawn sneaks up on me.
“Tired?” Hannah asks, walking into the back room and I nod.
“Dr. Hebert called me in at five when he found these little babies in the box outside.”
She nods as she sits down next to me. “You going to be here all night?”
“No. He called Maggie in to take over for me since they have to be fed every two hours and I need a break.”
“So sweet,” she murmurs, petting the tiny little baby for a moment before she sighs. “How long do I have to wait before I ask how things went with Noah last night?”
I laugh. “I didn’t realize there was a time limit.”
“I was hoping you’d say that. Also, I brought you some lunch.” She sets a bag of fast food down on the table and my stomach growls.
“You might have to take over while I eat,” I tell her and she holds her hands out. We transfer the puppy over to Hannah’s lap despite his protests but he quiets down again as soon as the bottle is in his mouth and she meets my gaze as I pull a burger out of the bag.
“Spill it, woman. It took all my strength not to call you last night and demand answers.”
I arch a brow. “Wow. And you managed to wait until noon before you ambushed me. I’m impressed.”
“It wasn’t by choice. I had too much to do up front and we had back to back patients all morning. I thought I was going to die.”
“You poor thing,” I quip as I take a bite of my burger and she shoots me a glare.
“Start. Talking. Woman.”
I sigh. “Fine, but it wasn’t that interesting. We fought… like always.”
“Oh, hell no. Details, Kady. I need fucking details,” she growls and Lauren, one of the techs, glances over at us before turning back to her work.
“Fine,” I growl, lowering my voice. “After you left, he asked how he had hurt me in the past,
which led to this whole thing about how everything he did back then was for himself.”
She winces. “Ouch.”
“Yeah, maybe I was a little harsh on that one but the resentment I felt toward him, no matter how misguided it was, is hard to shake off.”
“Understandably,” she agrees.
“So, then he pins me to the counter and I was just too drained from our friend in the parking lot to fight him anymore and he started asking what happened to me.”
She nods and I can see the wheels turning in her head.
“What, Han? Just spit it out.”
“Well,” she muses, setting the empty bottle down on the table. “Go with me on this for a second but why can’t you tell him the truth? I mean, now that you’re certain Oliver has found you.”
I sigh. “You mean besides the fact that he would blame himself or it would hurt him?”
“I knew it.” She grins. “I knew you still had feelings for him.”
“Yeah, yeah. I feel like it was the worst kept secret of all time but back to the other topic. The main reason I can’t tell him is because if he knew, he’d get himself sent back to jail in a heartbeat. You remember what he was like back then if he thought anyone even looked at me sideways.”
“Maybe he’s matured over the past seven years.”
I shake my head. “And maybe he hasn’t.”
“Okay, fine,” she answers with a sigh. “I suppose those are good points but, at some point, you have to tell him, Kady. It involves him, too.”
Staring down at my lap, I nod. “I know.”
“Did anything else happen?” she asks after a few seconds and I nod as I take a deep breath. This part, I’m not proud of.
“He kissed me.”
“What?” she screeches, reaching out and grabbing my arm.
“And then I kissed him.”
Her eyes widen and she grins. “This is even better than I imagined.”
“Will you stop reveling in my misery?” I snap and she turns to me with a dramatic scowl.
“Oh, I’m sorry. Is it so hard for the love of your life to hunt you down and tell you that he’s still madly in love with you?”
I cross my arms over my chest and sink further into my chair. “He didn’t put it quite like that.”
“Ah,” she says, her grin returning. “But he did say those three magic words, didn’t he?”
“Yes! Okay? Yes, he did and in case you’ve forgotten, I still have a boyfriend. A boyfriend that I cheated on last night. I’m not a cheater, Hannah.”
She rubs the puppy’s back gently as she shrugs. “The word cheating sounds so minuscule when you use it to describe you and Noah. What the two of you have… it’s…”
“Okay, I think that’s enough of this conversation. I knew you were Team Noah but damn, girl.”
“What?” she asks. “I can’t help it. Noah looks at you like you personally make the sun rise and set in his world. Every morning that he wakes up, it’s for you, Kady. No one could compete with that, not even a great guy like Mason.”
“Yeah, well, I’m still not sure that it’s a good idea for me to get involved with him.”
She glares at me as she stands up and puts the puppy back in the kennel with his sisters. When she sits down again, she crosses her arms over her chest and studies me.
“So, you’re just going to keep dating Mason even though you don’t love him the way you love Noah?”
I chew on my bottom lip as I peek up at her. “Maybe I could love him. One day. It would be safer and easier all around.”
“Um, who the fuck are you and what have you done with my best friend? You never take the safe or easy route.”
“And look where that got me,” I quip and her face falls. After a few seconds, she shakes her head.
“Don’t let that rule your whole life, Kady. It was a terrible, awful thing that happened to you but don’t let it steal the rest of the years that you have left on this earth. And if you do decide to follow your heart and choose Noah, he’ll face down whatever comes your way with you. He’s not going anywhere this time.”
I study her for a second before nodding. “I love you, Han. You’re the best friend a girl could ask for.”
“Shit,” she says as she blushes. “You flatter me.”
I laugh and she nudges me with her shoulder.
“One thing, though. Whatever you decide with Noah, I think you need to end things with Mason. I’m fairly certain that the boy is falling in love with you and he’s too decent of a guy for you to string him along.”
I nod, remembering his confession of love the other night. She’s right. Mason and me are a separate issue than Noah and me - one that I need to deal with as soon as possible. Hell, maybe it’ll even give me some clarity.
A girl can hope, right?
* * * *
Wringing my hands together, I pace back and forth in front of the living room window as I watch the driveway, waiting for Mason to show up. After my talk with Hannah earlier, I spent the rest of my shift thinking about what I’m going to do about this mess that I’ve found myself in and there are a lot of things that I still don’t have answers for but when it comes to Mason, I know I have to end things. He’s such a good man and he’s been nothing but amazing to me, which is why it’s not fair for me to drag him along as I figure out what’s going on between Noah and me. Hannah was right there, too. I’ve never stopped loving Noah, no matter how much I lied to myself or pushed it down so I didn’t have to face the truth. But that doesn’t mean we’re a good idea.
As far as I can tell, I have two options. One, I accept that Noah and me are “end game” as he said and face whatever the consequences of that choice are together or I disappear. I’m not fond of the second option and leaving Hannah would kill me but I’ll do it if I have to. I’ll run far away from here with a new name and start a whole new life if that’s what it comes to. Anything to avoid the hell that I was in six years ago.
Mason’s Camaro pulls into the driveway, setting off the motion alarm, and I suck in a breath as I position myself in front of the window and watch him park. He steps out and I’m comforted by the fact that he can’t see me right now. I know it’s not much but I welcome a few more seconds to compose myself before I break this man’s heart. I remember the desperate look on his face as he begged me for assurance only a few nights ago and guilt eats away at me.
He steps up on the porch and knocks on the door. I run my hands down the front of my shirt as I turn toward the door. Almost mechanically, I walk over to it and pull it open. He grins.
“Hey, gorgeous. I was thrilled to get your text.”
I allow him to pull me into a hug but when he tries to kiss me, I artfully dodge him and turn toward the kitchen. “You hungry? I thought we could eat.”
“Sure,” he says with a scowl as he follows after me. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, just a long day at work. A few newborn puppies were left there last night and Dr. Hebert called me in at five this morning.”
He nods, studying me. “Is there something else?”
“Look, Mason,” I sigh. “Maybe we should just eat first.”
His blue eyes roam over my face, searching for answers and after a few seconds, his eyes widen and he shakes his head, stepping back. “You’re leaving me, aren’t you?”
“I’m so sorry,” I murmur, taking a step back and flinching as the accusation hits its mark. He runs a hand through his hair before he glances up at me with questioning eyes.
“Because of him?”
I shake my head. “No.”
“Bullshit.” He turns away from me and paces a few steps before turning back around. “I can’t believe this.”
“Honestly, Mason. I’m not leaving you for him. That’s not why I need to end things.”
He arches a brow. “Why then?”
My stomach does a little flip as I walk across the kitchen and lay my hand on his arm. “The other night you told me you love me and then last night
, Noah said the same thing.”
“I knew it.”
“No, I’m not finished. Just listen.”
After a beat, he nods.
“I’m not sure what’s going to happen between Noah and me or if us getting together is even a good idea but when he told me he loves me, it felt different than when you said it and that’s why I have to end this. You deserve a girl whose heart is going to beat a little harder when you say those three words to her.”
Our eyes meet and we stare at each other in silence for a few seconds before he sighs. “Fuck, this sucks. It might be easier if I just lost you to him. Instead, I’m losing you to the memory of him.”
“I know,” I whisper, nodding. “You can yell if you want.”
He sighs and brushes my hair out of my face. “I don’t want to yell at you, baby. And if I’m honest, I can’t say I’m surprised.”
“What?”
“As soon as he came back into your life, I saw a change in you and I’m a little surprised that I lasted this long.”
Tears form in my eyes and I reach up, placing my hand on his cheek. “You’re going to find an amazing girl, who loves you exactly the way you deserve to be loved. I just know it, Mason.”
“Good luck, whatever happens between you and him,” he says before leaning in and placing a sweet kiss against my lips. Tears slip down my cheeks and he wipes a few away before turning away from me and walking out of the cabin. I press my hand over my mouth as a sob spills out of me and I sink into the dining room chair.
God, why did he have to be so sweet about it?
It would have been far easier if he’d just gotten mad and yelled at me.
Even though it sucks and I feel so damn guilty right now, I know I made the right choice. Mason deserves so much more than I could give him and he’s free to find someone that can love him the way I couldn’t. Now, I just have one more issue to deal with.
The motion alarm goes off as Mason pulls out of the driveway and a minute later, it goes off again. I roll my eyes and stand up with a groan. Of course, he’s here. I’ve gotten so used to his truck parked outside lately that I don’t even notice anymore so I’m not surprised that he’s showing up as soon as Mason left. Gritting my teeth, I march over to the door and yank it open. He freezes with his hand raised to knock on the door and we stare at each other for a second before he drops it.
