by A. M. Myers
“You heard me. You need to leave. Now.”
“Oh my God,” she hisses as she stands up and shoves my shoulder. “You’re a real fucking asshole, Fuzz.”
I nod, watching her as she walks to the door. “Yeah, you’ll get over it.”
As the door slams behind her, I sink back into the chair and grab the papers off of the desk. My mind churns as I think about our date and Piper’s request but when I look down at the papers in my hand, I shake my head. What’s that old saying? Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me and I’m sure as hell not letting Piper pull me into her shit storm ever again.
Chapter Ten
Piper
“Piper,” Dr. Brewer calls as she pokes her head out of her office and I look up from my magazine, returning her smile as I set it down on the table next to me and standing up. She stands back to allow me to walk into the room before shutting the door behind me. Her smile is kind as she sits across from me and places her notebook on her lap. “How are you today?”
I nod. “I’m good.”
“We missed you at group last week,” she muses, studying me in that way she does as her pen hovers over the paper, ready to write any notes she feels are important. I nod.
“Yeah, I had a rough day and I couldn’t deal with the whole group so Lillian and I went to get some food and talk.”
“And that helped?”
I think back over that night and how bad my belly hurt from laughing so much as I nod. As unconventional as Dr. Brewer might think it is, it was exactly what I needed. “Yeah.”
“Do you want to talk about what put you in a bad headspace that day?” she asks, jotting down some notes before glancing up at me again.
“Sure.”
She nods for me to continue and I take a deep breath before nodding to myself. “I’ve been thinking a lot about what I want out of my life, you know… all the things I had planned before everything fell apart.”
“Mmhmm,” she hums, writing down some more notes as I take another deep breath. It doesn’t matter that I’ve been seeing Dr. Brewer for seven years, I still find it difficult to open up and talk about my feelings, especially from that time in my life.
“So Eden was encouraging me to go after the things I want…”
Dr. Brewer holds her hand up to interrupt me. “What exactly are we talking about here? Love?”
“No,” I whisper, shaking my head. “Love is… complicated and not my focus. I do still want the family, though and she’s been encouraging me to look into ways I could make that happen without a man in my life.”
“I see,” she answers with a nod, writing some more notes.
“Anyway, that day she came over with information and I realized how expensive it all was and I just felt so defeated. It wasn’t something I was ready to talk about in front of the whole group, though.”
Dr. Brewer finishes her notes and leans back in her chair, narrowing her eyes as she studies me. “You seem less defeated today, though. Has something changed?”
“Um,” I whisper, my mind slamming me back into a memory of seeing Wyatt yesterday as I shake my head. “I’m not sure.”
“Care to elaborate?”
Sucking in a breath, I nod. “I saw Wyatt yesterday.”
“Oh,” she breathes, dropping her gaze to her notepad as her pen scratches furiously across the paper. “Did you just run into him?”
I shake my head. “No. Eden found him on a dating site and she started talking to him. When she realized who he was, she set up a date but sent me instead.”
“And were you in on this deception?”
“No,” I scoff. “I didn’t know who I was meeting until I showed up and he was sitting at the table.”
She peeks up from her notes. “That must have been…”
“Yeah,” I answer, interrupting her. Whatever word she was going to use, seeing Wyatt again with no warning was exactly that. “It was a lot to deal with and I almost stood him up.”
“But you didn’t?”
I shake my head.
“Why not?” she asks and I shrug. Truthfully, maybe it would have been the smart thing to do but I just couldn’t force myself to get back in my car and drive away from him. Not again.
“I don’t know. I just… couldn’t.”
She hums to herself as she scribbles some more notes onto her notepad. “So you spoke to him for the first time in ten years?”
I nod.
“How did that go?”
“It was tense,” I admit, remembering the blanket of pain and anger that draped over us as we sat across from each other in that restaurant. I knew he would be hurt. I knew he would be angry but I still wasn’t prepared for it to smack me in the face as soon as I sat down. Closing my eyes, an image of him pops into my head and my chest aches.
“What are you thinking right now?” Dr. Brewer asks and my eyes open as I wipe away a sneaky tear and shake my head.
“Nothing.”
She holds up her finger in warning. “Remember, you’re not allowed to do that. If you don’t feel like talking about it, that’s fine but quit calling your emotions in this moment nothing.”
“Okay,” I whisper as I nod. One of Dr. Brewer’s biggest rules is not invalidating my feelings in any way and something I always struggle with but after a lifetime of telling everyone around me I was fine when I had chaos raging through me every day, it’s almost second nature. It’s one of the biggest things that got me in trouble in the past and something I always have to be careful about. “I just… I miss him so much and every day that I have to continue without him, feels impossible. I hate the mistakes I made and I wish, more than anything, that I could take them back. I want him back in my life.”
By the time I’m done, tears are streaming down my face and Dr. Brewer nods as she passes me a box of Kleenex with a sympathetic expression on her face.
“Did you tell him that?”
I shake my head. “No. He wouldn’t want to hear that. Not after what I did.”
“You mean what he thinks you did,” she points out, jotting down some more notes and I nod as I wipe my nose with the tissue.
“I don’t know that it matters that I never cheated on him now. He’s lived with that for ten years and it’s almost like it’s become a part of him.”
She glances up, tilting her head to the side. “Why do you say that?”
“It was obvious as soon as we started talking. He’s angrier now, rougher in a way he never used to be, and maybe it’s just because he was talking to me but I don’t think so. It feels like I ruined his life.”
“And you don’t think that is your own guilt talking?” She jots more notes down, glancing up at me as she writes as I think through my response. I know all too well the way your emotions can influence the way you see the world but something about the look on Wyatt’s face revealed to me the damage I’d done when I walked away from him. I could practically see the walls being erected around his heart as we talked…
I shake my head. “Yes and no. Maybe my guilt amplified it but he’s definitely closed himself off from the world and that blame lies with me.”
“So,” she muses as she finishes up some more notes and looks up at me. “If you didn’t talk about any of that, what did you talk about with him?”
“Oh, that…” My eyes widen as I drop them to my hands and fiddle with my thumbs as my mind drifts back to what I blurted out at the restaurant yesterday. I didn’t mean to ask him to help me have a baby but when he insisted I tell him what I wanted and the only thing screaming through my head was the word, “You”, I panicked. Sucking in a breath, I look up. “I asked him to help me have a baby.”
She jerks in her seat and her gaze snaps to mine. “What?”
“I asked him to help me have a baby,” I repeat, refusing to meet her eyes. I don’t have to see her look of disapproval to know it’s there. She’s quiet for a few seconds and my heart pounds as I glance up. With her mouth slack in shock, she stares back at
me before shaking her head.
“Piper, it’s been a hell of a long time since someone shocked me but I honestly don’t know what to say…”
I nod. “I know… I don’t even know why I did it except that when he asked me what I wanted, I panicked and blurted it out.”
“I see…” she muses, jotting down a few more notes before looking at me again. “But it’s not entirely a lie, is it?”
“Oh, God,” I groan, burying my face in my hands before shaking my head and leaning back into the couch. “I don’t know. It was just something Eden said when we were talking about the options for me to have a baby and then when he asked me what I wanted…”
“You had to tell him anything other than the truth?” she supplies and I nod. Sighing, she folds her hands over her notepad and pins me with a look.
“Okay, I have a couple of things.”
I nod.
“First off, I think you need to have a discussion with Eden about her over-stepping. While it’s good that you have someone who will push you out of your comfort zones and force you to grow, I’m concerned with the choices she’s making for you and the choices you’re making with her influence.”
“She means well,” I object, feeling the need to defend my friend. “She thinks there is still something between Wyatt and me…”
“She and I would agree on that point, at least from your perspective but it still doesn’t absolve her of tricking both of you into confronting each other again. Her methods are… irresponsible.”
I nod. As much as I love Eden, I am still upset over what she did. “I know.”
“And as far as having a baby with Wyatt, I hope I don’t have to tell you that it is a very bad idea. Especially considering that he still doesn’t know the truth. If the two of you reconciled and you told him everything, I would be happy to see you moving forward in your life but not like this. This isn’t a healthy way of dealing with things and I don’t want to see you slip back to where you were seven years ago.”
A shiver runs down my spine and I nod. “I don’t want that either.”
“I’m glad we’re in agreement, then,” she answers with a nod, tension seeping out of her shoulders as she leans back in her chair and looks over her notes. “Actually, before we close this topic of discussion, I would just urge you, again, to tell Wyatt the truth.”
“I can’t.”
She frowns. “Piper, if you truly want to move on with your life, whether that is with Wyatt or without him, this is an essential step. Those secrets you’re holding under lock and key, they’re keeping you prisoner and I worry that you’ll never be happy as long as you cling to them.”
“I can’t tell him,” I insist, shaking my head as I picture spilling my secrets to Wyatt in my head. God, he can never know. She sighs.
“I’ll drop this… for now.” She pins me with a look and I nod. I know we’ll be talking about this again but I just can’t ever imagine telling Wyatt the things that happened before I left him. I can’t let him see me that way. “Now, tell me, how have the nightmares been? The same or better lately?”
My head jerks up and I meet her eyes. “Better.”
“Good,” she answers with a smile, jotting down some more notes. The rest of the appointment goes by quickly as we go over the plan we have to help me deal when things get hard and she reinforces the fact that I can call her whenever I need her. She’s been having the same conversation with me once a week for seven years so I doubt I would forget it now but she always makes sure to end our sessions with those words. I suppose they do bring me a bit of comfort to know that she’s always there, standing behind me and ready to reach out if I start to fall.
My phone rings as I walk out of the office and I smile when I see Lillian’s name on the screen. “Hey, girl. What’s up?”
“Eden and I are out for drinks, come meet us!” she yells into the phone over the sound of music blaring in the background. I crinkle my nose as I step outside. Eden and I haven’t spoken since my date with Wyatt and I don’t know if I’m ready to face her yet.
“Oh, I don’t know, Lil…”
“Please, Pippy? It’s been so long since we’ve had a girls’ night,” she pleads and I blow out a breath as I stop next to my car and unlock the door before slipping behind the wheel.
“All right.” I flip down the visor and check my reflection in the mirror. Sometimes when I come out of Dr. Brewer’s office, I look like some kind of swamp thing but today, it is not so bad. “Send me the address and I’ll meet you guys over there in a few.”
“Yay!” she squeals before promising to send me the address and while I wait for her text, I pull out my compact and touch up my makeup before nodding and flipping the visor closed. As much as I’m not ready to face Eden, I suppose it is better to just get it over with. We will have it out and then we can move on because as angry as I am with her, I do know she was only trying to help in her unique Eden way.
My phone pings with a text and I plug the address into my GPS before pulling out of the parking lot and following the instructions to the little bar downtown that is a favorite of ours. After finding a place to park, I climb out of the car and step inside, weaving my way through the crowd and searching for their faces near the table we usually sit at. Eden and Lillian wave at me through the mass of bodies and I smile as I wave back at them and push through the cluster of people surrounding me.
“We got you a glass of wine,” Lillian says as I reach them, pushing the glass toward the empty seat at the table. Eden flashes me a nervous smile and I sit down, grabbing my glass and taking a sip.
“Thanks.”
“I know you’re mad,” Eden says, looking appropriately contrite and I lean back against my chair, crossing my arms over my chest.
“I am.”
“Did it not go well?”
I scoff, shaking my head. “No, it didn’t go well but even if it had, doing that to both Wyatt and me was not cool.”
“I know,” she whispers with a nod. “Wyatt messaged me, too, and chewed me out last night. I really didn’t mean any harm though. It’s just… the two of you…”
“Your heart was in the right place,” I say, reaching across the table and placing my hand on hers. “I know that but you did cross a line. The issues between Wyatt and me… they’re complicated and painful and not something that can be fixed during one lunch date.”
“Speaking of…” Lillian cuts in, leaning forward with a gleam in her eyes that makes me laugh. “How did the lunch date go?”
“Terrible.”
She rolls her eyes. “I know but I need details, woman!”
I glance over at Eden and flash her a small smile to let her know that she’s forgiven and her body deflates for a second before she sits up straighter, almost back to the Eden I’m used to as I launch into my story about my date with Wyatt. Lillian is enthralled, watching me with an arched brow as she sips her drink and Eden studies me closely.
“So, when he asked me what I wanted, I panicked and told him I wanted him to help me have a baby.”
Eden’s mouth pops open. “You did not.”
“I did,” I answer with a nod and she shakes her head as she buries her face in her hands.
“Oh my God.”
Lillian’s gaze bounces between the two of us before she turns back to me, her eyes wide and she’s practically hanging off of the edge of her seat. “Well, what did he say?”
“He told me I was insane, rightly so I might add, and stormed out.”
“And you didn’t tell him the truth about anything?” Eden asks and I shake my head. I just can’t imagine ever telling Wyatt the real reason why I walked away from him. He wouldn’t understand and he certainly wouldn’t see me the same ever again. Although, at this point, I don’t know what it matters. “Well, he sure was fired up when he messaged me last night.”
“What did he say?” I ask, my heart pounding.
Shit.
Maybe I don’t want to know what he said…
WyattL23:
I don’t know what kind of fucking game you think you’re playing but
ambushing me with my whore of an ex-wife is fucking low.
Which is a shame since you seemed like such a cool girl.
Tears well up in my eyes and I flinch as I read the message again, the words “my whore of an ex-wife” echoing through my head.
EdiePB09:
I know. I’m so sorry…
I just thought it would help.
WyattL23:
Help what?
EdiePB09:
All I can say is that you don’t know everything about why
Piper left you and she still loves you.
“Eden,” I hiss, staring at her last message in horror before I look up at her and she sheepishly flashes me a smile.
“I’m sorry…”
My muscles tense as anger pulses through me and I don’t even know what to say to her right now so I glance back at the phone and continue reading.
WyattL23:
What the hell is that supposed to mean?
EdiePB09:
I can’t say anything else. I’m sorry.
If you want to know the truth, ask Piper.
I stare at the message, reading it three times as my heart pounds in my ears and anger races through my veins. My head snaps up and I lock eyes with Eden as she holds her hands up in surrender.
“I know, Pip, I know and I’m sorry. I was just still trying to help.”
“This is help?” I ask through clenched teeth, whipping the phone around to show her the same messages I just read as the reality of the situation crashes down on me.
Holy fuck.
What has she done?
Chapter Eleven
Wyatt
