by A. M. Myers
Chapter Nineteen
Piper
My feet sink into the cool sand with each step and a brisk morning breeze blows through my hair, making me pull my sweater tighter around my body as I walk along the beach, thinking over the past few days of our trip. Yesterday, after our little talk, Wyatt and I spent an hour lost in each other, which is quickly becoming a common theme for us, before we went to downtown Charleston to explore. Bill, the man who owns the bakery where I grabbed breakfast yesterday, recommended we check out the market so we walked through the open sheds and browsed all the vendors selling everything from soap to sweetgrass baskets to jewelry to art before we went on a horse drawn carriage ride around the city. Charleston is absolutely gorgeous and if I wasn’t “oohing” and “aching” over the scenery then I was gushing over the architecture and history. I was entranced and I really hope we can come back here often.
The sun isn’t up yet and the light is soft, making everything look and feel more peaceful but my belly flips as the nerves crash over me. I wish we didn’t have to say good-bye to this beautiful place but as soon as Wyatt wakes up, we will pack everything up and drive back to Baton Rouge to go back to our regular lives. We have been in this perfect little bubble for the past three days and I hate not knowing what is going to happen when we go back. Here, it is so easy to just be us without all the pain and drama of the past and as much as I hope that will carry over to our everyday lives, I just don’t know. Shit. I don’t even really know where he and I stand.
Are we back together officially?
Are we taking things slow and feeling it out?
Even after our talk yesterday and me telling him I wanted to take things slow, I still got the feeling that he was trying to push the issue as we were walking around yesterday. He kept picking up various decorations and asking me if I liked them. If I said yes, he would immediately buy it so I learned pretty quick to just shrug and move along. That makes me sound cold but it’s not even that I didn’t want him to buy me anything, it’s just that I don’t know what any of it means. He would show me a piece of art and I would wonder if he was asking because he wants us to live together now or he would ask if I liked a gorgeous necklace and I would wonder if he was trying to win me over to his side.
I reach the edge of the water and sigh as the water rushes around my feet before retreating back down the beach. Backing up a few steps, I sit down and stretch my feet out until the water just barely kisses them as I stare out at the horizon. Warring emotions rip through me and I shake my head. I don’t even know what I want when we get back so it is impossible to convey that to Wyatt. He wants us to be all in, I know that and there are moments when that is all I want, too, but I feel like I need to be responsible. The last thing I want is to jump in too quickly and put us in a bad place again just because I couldn’t be patient. Then again, the thought of going back to my apartment alone sounds just as bad. There is no middle ground here. I either have to risk it all or tell Wyatt to wait for me and neither of those options sound ideal if I’m being honest. My heart, the always wild and unpredictable part of me, tells me to jump in, to stop wasting time when I’ve already wasted ten years of our lives but my head reminds me of that dark awful place I was when I left last time. I shudder as the memories flood into my mind and shake my head.
I remember walking out of the house we shared on base so clearly, like I was in my right mind but I know I wasn’t because I was convinced that the man who killed my parents was coming for me and I had to run. The next thing that I can recall is pulling into Baton Rouge but I don’t remember any of the fourteen hour drive from North Carolina. All I know is that I was sure Clinton Woods was right behind me, ready to finish the job he started when he killed my parents. The next year passed in a blur. I was in survival mode, both in my head and in reality, and as more of the real world slipped away from me, the more I deteriorated. By the time Dr. Brewer found me, sleeping on a park bench during her morning run, I had lost thirty-five pounds and I hadn’t bathed in months.
Tears fill my eyes as I remember waking up in that hospital and being able to think clearly for the first time in over a year but that was soon taken over by fear. I had no idea where I was and all I wanted was Wyatt. Closing my eyes, I can still hear my echoed sobs as they bounced off the walls of my room late at night and the way my chest ached with the pain of his absence as I tried to deal with the trauma from my childhood. I suck in a stuttered breath, trying not to cry as my first session with Dr. Brewer comes back to me. She urged me to open up about what had happened to me but I just sat in silence, staring at the floor and wishing I could find a phone to call my husband. It was only when she told me that I needed to learn to talk about what happened and deal with the emotions associated with it before I could go back to him that I started to do the work I needed to do to get better.
“Piper?!” Wyatt’s panicked voice yells from behind me and I whip my head around as I frantically wipe the tears from my face. I can’t see him so he must still be back at the house, behind the dunes and I wave my hand in the air as I clear my throat.
“Over here.”
I hear him before I see him, his feet slapping against the wooden walkway to the beach as he runs at full speed in my direction. He appears over the dunes in his mesh shorts and a t-shirt and as soon as his gaze lands on me, his worried expression falls away and he stops, planting his hands on his legs as he bends over and lets out a breath. Once he has recovered enough to move, he walks over to me and plops down in the sand next to me, dropping his head into his hands.
“Jesus Christ. Don’t ever do that to me again.”
I arch a brow. “Do what?”
“Disappear,” he breathes, running his hand through his hair and my heart seizes in my chest. Reaching over, I grab his hand and wrap his arm around my shoulders as I cuddle into him.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t meant to scare you.”
Shaking his head, he hooks his arm around my neck and pulls me closer as he presses his lips to my head. “I thought you left me…”
“Wyatt,” I whisper, trying to pull away but he doesn’t let me go anywhere so I cuddle back into him and hope my presence is enough to calm his racing heart. We sit in silence for a few seconds before he reaches over and pulls me into his lap. I brace my hands on his shoulders as I straddle him and he presses his forehead to my chest as he takes another deep breath. Running my fingers through his hair, I try to get him to look at me but he just shakes his head. “Are you okay?”
He finally meets my gaze. “No, I’m not okay, Piper. I couldn’t fucking find you anywhere and all of my worst fucking fears were realized.”
“Baby… I’m sorry…”
He wraps both arms around me and pulls me closer as he sighs. “Just let me hold you for a minute.”
“Okay.”
“Why are you down here anyway?” he asks, his voice muffled by the fabric of my sweater. He pulls back to look up at me and he scowls when he gets a good look at my face. “Why have you been crying?”
I shake my head. “I was just thinking.”
“About what?” He reaches up and brushes his thumb over my cheek, concern filling his hazel eyes and I can feel his love surrounding me as I take a deep breath.
“The year I was homeless.”
Pain flicks across his face as he nods. “Will you tell me about it?”
My teeth sink into my bottom lip and I study him for a second before nodding. As I launch into the whole story, telling him about coming back to Baton Rouge and scrounging for every ounce of food I had. I tell him about sneaking into gas stations or restaurants to try and clean myself up before I got caught and I tell him about constantly moving so the man who killed my parents wouldn’t find me before explaining how bad it was when Dr. Brewer found me. His eyes are wide as he stares up at me and blows out a breath.
“God, Pip… I hate myself for not being there for you. I never should have left…”
Shaking my head, I press my hand to
his cheek. “No. It wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. It just was and yeah, it sucked but the only person we can blame is already rotting away in a jail cell.”
“Or dead,” he adds and I cock my head to the side as I scowl at him.
“Huh?”
“Your aunt, baby. She was a cold ass woman and she never did anything to help you deal with what had happened to you.”
“Don’t blame her. She was damn near fifty when she took me in and she never wanted children so to have me forced on her just sucked.”
He clenches his teeth and his body tenses underneath me. “No. You were just a kid and had a horrible thing happen to you. You didn’t deserve her apathy.”
“Wyatt, it could have been so much worse. Besides my parents dying, I was incredibly lucky that I didn’t end up with someone who wanted to hurt me more. Do you know what could have happened to me?”
“Of course, I do,” he growls. “But that still doesn’t make it okay. She barely even paid attention to you. Do you remember that time we both snuck out and slept in the treehouse? My parents were fucking frantic and Aunt Myra didn’t even realize you were gone.”
“It could have been worse,” I repeat. It’s the same thing I tell myself every time I think about what happened after that awful night. I got lucky with Aunt Myra.
“Whatever. I’m just glad my parents took you in after she died.” I shudder as the memory of coming home from school and finding my Aunt Myra dead on the floor from a heart attack fills my mind. Shaking my head, I try to clear the image from my mind as I meet his eyes.
“I got lucky then, too.”
He fights a smile as he shakes his head. “Naw, baby. That wasn’t luck. That was me begging my parents for days and promising them everything under the sun if they would let you come live with us.”
“What?” I ask, my jaw dropping in shock. “You did that for me? Why didn’t you ever tell me?”
“I made them promise they wouldn’t tell you because I wanted you to feel wanted. I wanted you to know that you were loved.”
“Baby,” I breathe, a smile stretching across my face as I lean down and press my lips to his. How in the hell did I get lucky enough to find this man not only once but twice? Pulling back, I flash him the biggest smile. “I love you.”
He wraps his arms around me again and steals another quick kiss before releasing me to lean back on his hands. “I love you, too, Pip. Speaking of which…”
“Yes?” I ask as I arch a brow. He sucks in a breath and my belly flips as I try to figure out what he’s going to say. It has to be big to put that nervous look in his eyes.
“I got you something at the market yesterday.”
I scowl as he reaches into his pocket. When in the hell did he have time to get me a present yesterday? I was always with him. My eyes widen as he pulls out a silver chain with a double infinity symbol on it and grabs my hand, dropping it into my palm.
“Wyatt,” I whisper as I pick it up and study the gem encrusted charm. “This is gorgeous.”
He nods. “It seemed perfect for us since we’re starting over. Or, at least, I hope we are…”
“Oh, Wyatt…”
“I know it’s scary for you and, baby, I'm here to support you and your recovery one hundred percent but please don’t make me do it at a distance.”
I chew on my bottom lip as I meet his eyes. “If we move too fast and I freak out again…”
“I won’t let that happen,” he says, cutting me off as he leans forward and wraps his arms around me again. “If you want me to go to therapy with you so I can learn how to help you or if you tell me you need space for a couple of hours, you got it. Whatever you need, I'll do it but I don’t want to live without you anymore.”
“Anything?”
He nods. “Anything, baby.”
“I don’t know,” I whisper, my heart thundering in my chest. “What if I start leaning on you again?”
“I think it’s okay to lean when you need support, sweetheart, just don’t forget how to stand all on your own.”
My belly flips as I stare back to him, my mind screaming for the right answer but I can’t come up with anything. I want so badly to agree to this but I can’t go back to that dark place, I won’t survive being stalked by the man who killed my parents again.
“Please, trust me, baby. Now that I know what you went through and why, I can be here for you the way I always should have been. I don’t want to take your strength. I just want to make you even stronger.”
I shake my head. “I’m not strong, Wyatt.”
“That’s where you’re wrong and I am really hoping you’ll give me a chance to prove it to you.” His eyes plead with me to give this a chance, trust him with not only my heart but my fragile mind and I suck in a breath as my belly flips again and my heart thuds in my chest.
“Okay.”
A brilliant smile stretches across his face. “Yeah?”
“Yeah, we’ll give this a real shot,” I answer with a nod and he laughs as he crushes me to his chest and slams his lips down on mine. My body relaxes in an instant, melting in his lap as my eyes close and we both spill everything we’re feeling into the kiss - pure joy with a little bit of fear mixed in. But I let it all go. There was a time in my life when I trusted Wyatt with every piece of me and I need to do that again. Now that he knows, now that there are no more secrets between us, he would never let me fall apart again. When he pulls away, he starts planting kisses all over my face and I giggle as I try to push him back and his answering laugh warms my very soul.
“Now that we’ve got that sorted out, there are two other things I wanted to talk to you about,” he says and I arch a brow, as I flash him an expectant look.
“Let’s hear ‘em.”
He stares up at me, his gaze so sure that the last of my worries disappear, ripped from me and pulled out to sea by the tide.
“First, I think we should back out of the leases on both of our apartments and find a place together.”
“Okay,” I agree, nodding my head. I’m not particularly attached to my apartment and I can’t wait to be living with Wyatt again. “What’s the second one?”
“How do you feel about having a baby?” he asks, a trace of nerves flitting across his face as my heart skips a beat. It’s everything I wanted, everything I have been hoping for but is it too much too soon? It occurs to me that up to this point, we haven’t used any protection and my heart start to beat a little faster as I consider the possibilities. He slips his hand into my hair and pulls my gaze to his as he offers me a reassuring smile. “Trust me, Pip. I’ve got you if this is what you want.”
“Oh, God,” I whisper, burying my face in my hands as my chest feels light as air and a smile stretches across my face. Am I really going to get everything I want? When I open my eyes again, I meet Wyatt’s gaze and after searching my face, he gives an encouraging nod that makes my belly flip. “Okay. Let’s do it.”
He flashes me that brilliant smile again and pulls me to him, surrounding me with his arms and crushing his lips to mine as he falls back into the sand, sweeping his tongue into my mouth. I moan into his kiss as I cling to his t-shirt, wishing I could rip it away and feel him against me. One of his hands slips down to my ass as I grind against him and he groans before pulling his lips from mine.
“You better get back up to the house before I just take you right here,” he growls in between desperate kisses and I shake my head, trying to climb off of him but he keeps pulling me back down.
“No way. Sand in places sand was never meant to go is not sexy.”
He finally releases me and I stumble to my feet as he jumps up behind me and throws me over his shoulder. His hand lands on my ass with a smack and I squeal as he starts walking back up the beach with determined steps. The smile on my face makes my cheeks hurt but I can’t stop it as I imagine our baby in Wyatt’s arms and I slap him back as butterflies flutter through my belly.
“Hurry up, Landry. Time to p
ut a baby in me.”
Chapter Twenty
Piper
“Happy?” Wyatt asks as he walks into the living room of the adorable little farmhouse we just closed on yesterday and I force a smile to my face as I nod. Ever since we got back from our trip to Charleston, he has been amazing about checking in with me and making sure I’m feeling okay and when I’m not, giving me the reassurance I need to let the fear go. In a lot of ways, it feels like we’re newlyweds again and I can’t imagine being any happier than I feel now but getting back together, buying a house, and trying for a baby is a lot to take on at once and there are moments when the part of me that always remembers the dark time in my life is screaming at me to be more careful. But that part gets quieter and quieter every single day because Wyatt and this new life that we’re building together makes me so damn happy that I’m running out of room to harbor that fear.
“Deliriously,” I answer, my smile feeling more and more real as he sets the box in his arms down and walks over to me. His arms wrap around my waist and he pulls me closer, searching my gaze to a lie but he won’t find any. It’s odd to how the two polar opposite emotions can exist within me simultaneously but it’s working and despite any moments of hesitation I have or any trepidation I feel, I can’t remember the last time I was this happy. When Wyatt and I were together before, there was always this darkness within me that our love could never quite banish because I didn’t know how to deal with what had happened to me. But now, with the new tools I’ve learned from Dr. Brewer, I can appreciate what we have and I can completely live in the little moments that bring me more happiness than I could have ever imagined.
“Good.” He flashes me a grin before leaning down and sealing his lips over mine. I sigh into his kiss and mold my body to his as I run my hands down his arms before going back up and playing with the hair at the base of his neck. He hums against my lips and a shiver runs down my spine as he pulls away. “Shit, babe. We’ve got people coming over soon.”
