by A. M. Myers
“What the fuck do you want?”
“Gosh.” He chuckles. “So hostile. I was just calling to chat. I noticed that you got my little present and before you say anything, I know Christmas was two days ago but I’ve been so busy, you know?”
Scanning my room, I wonder how in the hell he’s watching me - something else I haven’t been able to figure out despite my relentless digging but nothing has turned up.
“Travis, you still there?”
“You enjoying yourself?” I snarl before shaking my head. My head is still so fucking fuzzy and it’s making me ask him dumb questions. Shaking my head in an attempt to clear it, I suck in a breath and turn back to the computer.
Jesus, get it together, Broussard.
He laughs again. “Oh, immensely. So… do you like my present? I know it’s not as nice the one you gave Rowan on Christmas Eve but I really tried.”
“Go fuck yourself.”
He tsks before releasing a heavy sigh into the phone. “Are you okay, Travis? You don’t quite sound like yourself. Have you been getting enough sleep?”
“Shut up,” I snap, that all too familiar feeling of wanting to put my fist through a wall flooding my body as I grip the arm of my office chair until my hands ache.
“That’s no way to talk to the man who holds all of your friends’ lives in his hand,” he murmurs, sounding disappointed and my stomach rolls at his ability to sound completely sincere no matter what emotion he’s portraying. “You do remember what will happen if you reveal any of this information to your brothers, right?”
I nod. “I remember.”
“Excellent. I’m glad we’re on the same page… although, I would love any excuse to finally get my hands on our little Rowan. I’ve been dreaming about her every night, you know, and the anticipation is just killing me.”
I want to fucking rage at him, scream and tell him to stay the hell away from her but that hasn’t worked in the past and as I think about him actually laying his hands on her, I struggle to take a breath. I need to find something else, a way to discourage him from going after her but what can I do? As I rake my hand through my hair, I wonder if he is only focused on her because of me and if I reacted with disinterest, he would lose interest. Sucking in a breath, I try to calm my frazzled nerves as I shrug.
“Go ahead. She is just another in a long line of women I’ve fucked and honestly, I’ll get bored with her soon enough.”
He roars with laughter and my chest feels like it’s going to explode. “Did you really think that would work? My infatuation with Rowan has absolutely nothing to do with you, Travis. I want her. I have from the moment I watched you press her perky tits up against your window, putting her on display for me. Torturing you with it all is just an added bonus.”
There is a pounding in my ears and spots flash in my vision as I think about him watching us that first night we were together. He would have had to been outside the clubhouse to see what we did and knowing he was right there makes my blood boil. How many other signs have we missed?
“Nothing to say to that, old friend?” he asks and I shake my head. “Fine, then. I’d better get going anyway. There is so much work left to do before we end this but I’ll talk to you soon.”
He hangs up before I can say anything - not that I had anything else to say to him - and I toss my phone on the desk before dropping my head into my hands and releasing a breath.
Dread.
Rage.
Pain.
And fear.
It all swirls around inside me, each emotion pulling the life from my veins and feeding another as I desperately try to stay afloat and I don’t know how much longer I can hold all of this together. Sooner or later - and I’m leaning toward sooner more with each day that passes - I’m going to break and the thought terrifies me more than anything else.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Rowan
“Go ahead. She is just another in a long line of women I’ve fucked,” Travis says, stopping me in my tracks just outside his room. The door is wide open and he’s in his office chair, facing away from me with his phone pressed to his ear. “And honestly, I’ll get bored with her soon enough.”
Pain blooms in my chest and I blink, frozen in place as I try to wrap my mind around the words he just said but it’s like trying to wade through mud.
She is just another in a long line…
I’ll get bored with her soon enough…
Tears sting my eyes as the pain only intensifies, spreading through my body like poison, and I take a step back as my lip wobbles. I shake my head. The words repeat themselves over and over again in my mind, tainting me, tormenting me, and on each trip around, they lash out, inflicting another wound as the ache in my chest continues to grow until it’s so intense that it’s difficult to even take a breath. Turning away from his room, I lift my chin and press my lips into a thin line, trying to look strong and put together as I hurry down the hallway, desperate to get somewhere private. The only upside of this situation is that everyone else is outside, watching the news crew that pulled up awhile ago, so there will be no one to see me totally lose my mind over this boy.
I descend the stairs as quietly as possible before breathing a sigh of relief at the empty bar. A smashing sound echoes through the clubhouse, coming from upstairs, and I flinch as I slip down the hallway, running now as the tears threaten to fall. As soon as I’m in my room, I shut the door behind me and make sure it’s locked before turning and pressing my back against it. Hot tears fall down my cheeks and something between a gasp and sob escapes me as I sink to my ass and clamp my hand over my mouth. The pain in my chest is so overpowering that I want to claw at my own chest, like I’m trying to physically rip my heart out so there is a valid reason for this pain I’m feeling and I reach over to my bed, grabbing my pillow and burying my face into it as I cry.
Memories from the last three weeks rush through my mind on a loop - that first night Travis and I had together, our breakfast at the cafe the morning after, the way he hauled me out of the diner over his shoulder, the night I danced for him, our food truck date, the night he took me up on the roof to look at the stars, the night in when he told me I was worth more than a quick fuck in the back…
Did it all mean absolutely nothing?
God, I’m so fucking stupid. From the very beginning, he told me it would never be anything more and I was happy with that arrangement. I never wanted or expected anything more but somewhere along the way things obviously changed. The problem is, I didn’t realize just how much our relationship had changed until two minutes ago when I overheard him calling me “another in a long line”. The idea of him with another woman pops into my mind, unbidden and completely unwelcome but my subconscious doesn’t seem to care and I drop my head back against the door as the tears continue to fall.
I love him.
There is no other explanation. Somewhere along the way, while he and I were “just having fun”, I fell head over heels in love with Travis Broussard. It should be a happy revelation or maybe a scary one but all I can feel is the pain of his words as they rip through me again, like I can’t resist punishing myself with my own stupidity.
How could I fall in love with him?
He made things so clear to me and not once, did I ever think that there could be more for us so how did I let this happen? I remember what I said to him that first night, that sex didn’t equal love to me but what I never planned for was the fact that our physical connection would pale in comparison to the emotional one we’ve built in the last twenty-one days. Travis is my person, the one I always look for in a crowd and the one who makes me feel safe when I’m feeling out of control and chaotic. He makes me feel seen and cherished.
My body shakes with my sobs as I grab the star pendant hanging around my neck and squeeze until the points of the star dig into my skin. It distracts me from my shattered heart but only for a fraction of a second before I remember the way he held me after Warren chased us through the mall
and on the night of Fuzz and Piper’s wedding. I felt something different then, something new but I dismissed it as stress. It wasn’t and I should have known then. Travis has always been my sanctuary and despite the chaos raging around us, when we’re together, nothing else exists. It’s been that way from the beginning and I ball my fist before slamming it against the wall next to me.
So, so stupid.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve had walls up around my heart and as I look back, I don’t think anyone has ever been able to scale them… not fully. Not even Travis but that’s because he smashed them down with that first look and I didn’t even notice. All of my hang-ups in my previous relationships didn’t matter with him and I should have seen that it was more than just the “casual” nature of our relationship. Scoffing, I shake my head. We were never casual… or, at least, I wasn’t. I just wish I would have realized that before I got my heart broken into a million pieces. Thinking back to my attitude when I first got here, I hit the wall again.
I didn’t want this.
I wasn’t looking for it and yet, here I am, sitting on the floor of my room, crying my eyes out over a man who makes me feel wanted and needed and seen, a man who stole my heart with his intense eyes and crooked grin, a man who ravaged me at every opportunity but also, somehow still made me feel cherished and a man who will never love me back. His words flicker through my mind again as anger and pain creep through me, twisting together so tightly that I can’t even tell where one ends and the other begins but I’m not mad at Travis. He hasn’t done a single thing wrong so I can’t be mad at him. I wish I could be but the blame lies on me. I let myself fall for him even knowing that there could never be more than this.
My breathing stutters and I close my eyes again, taking a deep breath as I run through my options. On the one hand, I could completely cut things off with him and end it all right here and now but as I try to imagine that conversation, I don’t think I can bring myself to do it. I could tell him I love him but there is no doubt in my mind where that would lead and then I would be back to option number one. Or… I could just keep going. But could I keep my feelings to myself while he and I continue our relationship? Could I really be the same with him knowing that a time will come when he will end it with me? It will suck but will it hurt any worse than breaking up now? Will my heart be anymore broken?
My tears slow as I open my eyes and stare up at the ceiling again as my mind races but the more I think about it, the more I know there is only one thing I can’t do and that is walk away from him. I love him and there is a big part of me that feels like I might just love him for the rest of my life and I would rather spend every moment I can with him than walk away now and wonder how many moments I could have had. Plus, my heart just can’t take it. I’m going into this knowing full well that it will end, that someday he will tell me that it’s time to let go and move on but I can’t be the one to do it.
Wiping the tears from my face, I suck in a breath and my body shudders with the aftermath of my meltdown as I turn to look at my bed. I have barely spent any time in this room but tonight, I think I need to sleep here. It’s still too raw but maybe after a good night’s sleep, I’ll feel more equipped to face the reality of my situation tomorrow. Dragging myself off of the floor, I wipe my eyes again and take a deep breath as I sink into the mattress and lie back. As I pull the blanket up over my head, I turn on my side and snuggle into my pillow, my mind still going over everything that has happened with Travis over the past three weeks as tears threaten to fall again.
“Hell no, you need to go!”
Jerking up in bed, I scowl as the angry chanting pierces through the clubhouse walls, growing louder and louder with each second. What the hell is that? I throw the blanket off of my legs and sit up in bed before turning to look at the exterior wall. The chanting remains consistent, nagging at me to look for answers but there are no windows in the theater so to sate my curiosity, I will have to go out and interact with people. Turning, I glance at my face in the mirror before groaning and desperately trying to wipe the tears from my face. Not only do I not want Travis to see me crying and have to have that awful conversation but if Lincoln sees my tears, he’ll rip Travis’s throat out and ask questions later.
“Shit,” I whisper as I stare at my red, puffy eyes in the mirror. This is a lost fucking cause. Looking around the room, I spot my giant sunglasses and decide “fuck it” as I grab them and slip them on before grabbing a hoodie and pulling it over my head. I put the hood up and open the door before shoving my hands in my pockets as I walk out. The clubhouse is empty and the chanting is louder out here so I peek out through the window at the bottom of the stairs. Protestors line the street out front, signs in their hands that tell us to leave Baton Rouge and that we’re all going to jail and my brow furrows.
What the fuck is going on?
Turning away from the window, I cross the clubhouse to the front door and step outside. Everyone is congregated by the bikes, watching the people in the street scream with a mixture of fear, sadness, and anger flashing across their faces. Joining them, I step up next to Tate and she glances over at me, frowning at my sunglasses before she sighs and wraps her arm around my shoulders.
“What’s going on?”
She shakes her head. “Your guess is as good as mine. What’s with the sunglasses?”
“Sun’s bright,” I answer, refusing to look at her as I point to the setting sun. It’s barely peeking over the horizon now and there is no way in hell she bought that but I don’t care. The clubhouse door opens and we all turn as Travis walks out. At first glance, his green eyes appear hard and cold but beyond that, there is fear and more pain than I’ve ever seen in him before. He stops when he sees us all huddled together and searches the group until his gaze lands on me and one corner of his mouth kicks up in a half smile. It’s my smile - the one he always gives me when we’re in a room full of people and pain ripples through my chest at the gesture. My heart pounds and tears sting my eyes. Even though I know he can’t see it because of the sunglasses, I still feel like he’s looking right through me and I turn away before he sees the one thing I’m desperately trying to hide from him.
“Streak,” Blaze calls, turning to watch Streak as he tilts his head toward the crowd. “You got any fucking idea what’s going on here? Or what the hell that reporter was talking about?”
I sneak a peek over at him as he drops his gaze to the ground and runs a hand through his hair, nodding. When he glances up again, a range of emotions flicker through his eyes.
“Yeah… I went upstairs and did some research after she showed up and asked us about our website…”
“We don’t have a website,” Chance says and Travis nods, shifting from one foot to the other before crossing his arms over his chest. I’ve never seen him so out of sorts and despite the ache I feel, I want to comfort him.
“That’s the thing,” he replies, shaking his head. “We do now and it’s a pretty safe bet that Warren made it for us.”
Moose scowls, cocking his head to the side. “Okay, but how does that explain this?”
“Storm’s fake video is on there… as well as seven others, one from each of us. We’re all spewing the same hate the fake Storm did and saying that we’re going to come after the city of Baton Rouge.”
Oh, shit.
This is bad.
“Fuck,” Blaze whispers, horror in his voice as he turns back to the crowd and shakes his head. The white news van is still out front with a professional looking woman interviewing protestors as the rest of the crowd screams their hate at us. The thing is, I can’t blame them. If I was in their position and I saw videos like the one of Storm that was posted, I can see how easily it would be to get enraged and demand justice or take matters into your own hands.
“How could you have missed this?” Storm asks and I glance over at him as he shoots a glare at Travis and my muscles tighten. Every part of me wants to surge forward, get in his face, and defend my man but
if I get too close to Travis, if he touches me, I’ll break. I will fall apart right here in front of everyone and I can’t have that so instead, I cross my arms over my chest and rock back on my heels as I drop my gaze to the ground.
“I…”
“You were looking into my video so why didn’t you think to look for others, Streak?” Storm rages, cutting him off and I blow out a breath and keep my gaze fixed on the ground. When silence blankets the group, I peek up. Travis sighs and grabs the back of his neck with a grimace.
“I didn’t think of it.”
Storm clenches his fist. “Goddamn it, Streak!”
“Hey,” Blaze barks, turning back to all of us and commanding our attention as his gaze flicks over all of us. “We are not going to do this. This is a family and we have all been working our asses off to figure this out, including Streak, so knock it the fuck off. That’s an order.”
His words leave no room for argument and we all nod before turning to Storm. He stares at Travis with disappointment in his eyes but eventually, he nods also.
“I’m sorry, guys,” Travis whispers and the pain in his voice breaks my fucking heart. The weight of the world is resting on his shoulder and most of the time he carries the burden without complaint but tonight, he looks like he’s going to break. My chest hurts, this time for the man I love with every fiber of my being and tears fill my eyes as my body aches to close the distance between us and wrap him up in a hug. When he glances up and looks right at me, our connection sparks through the air like electricity and I can’t stop myself any longer.
It will hurt.
It might even kill me but I won’t leave him standing out in the cold.
Chapter Twenty-Five
