But over the summer, Janine had discovered the torturous fact that her dear best friend and her beloved husband had been having an affair. When Nancy had first read about this in a tabloid, she’d struggled to find words, as she sensed the pain her daughter was wrapped up in. “How could Maxine do this to Janine?” she’d whispered to Elsa at the time.
Elsa, who hadn’t been in Brooklyn thirty years ago, hadn’t fully understood the drama of the question at hand. Instead, she had just gripped Nancy’s hand as Nancy had said, “It’s time for Janine to come back to me. It’s time for us to find forgiveness. Finally.”
“Maggie told Jack he couldn’t bring Maxine,” Janine explained. “But of course, he said he was the one paying for the wedding, and he would bring whoever he pleased. I suppose he’s right to some extent, but gosh. He should think about his daughter for once. I wouldn’t want such drama at my wedding.”
“You know I don’t know this man,” Nancy said tenderly. “I know you loved him for so many years. And I also know that I want to run him over with my car a few times.”
Janine’s laughter was vibrant. Nancy could feel the tears behind it. It wasn’t like you just got over your first love. It wasn’t like Janine would ever fully get over this enormous betrayal. Even Henry, Janine’s newfound documentarian boyfriend, whom Nancy and the others in the family adored, couldn’t take that pain away. It colored everything else.
“And Maxine?” Janine asked then.
Nancy had reached the doctor’s office. She parked in the lot and leaned her head against the seat, her eyes closed. There it was again: another wave of fatigue.
“I don’t want to run Maxine over with my car,” Nancy admitted then. “But I guess I wouldn’t mind chopping off all that hair of hers. And telling her just how little we believed her accent.”
“Right? I mean, she’s been in America for decades,” Janine said. “She must really lean into it to make it that strong.”
Nancy buzzed her lips. It was time for her to enter the office and face the music. In every way, she wanted to remain in that car, swapping half-insults with her dearest daughter—anything to take away the root of her pain.
“I have to go, honey,” she said finally.
“Ah. Right. I do, too. But I’ll see you at home later?”
“I’ll be the one with the Pinot Grigio,” Nancy told her.
“Noted,” Janine returned.
NANCY’S ENTIRE BODY quivered as she entered the receptionist area. The woman at the desk flashed a smile that showed her adult braces. Nancy greeted her as warmly as she could, then sat at the very edge of her chair and waited for Doctor Morgan to step out of his office. She half-expected him to pronounce her as having only six weeks to live the moment he spotted her. But instead, he just greeted her in that familiar friendly manner of his, asked about her daughters and the Lodge, and then questioned her about her emotional health in the wake of Neal’s death.
Doctor Morgan had been Neal’s doctor, too, for a while before he had transferred him over. Was Nancy meant to blame this man for Neal’s early death? Perhaps she should change doctors. This only occurred to her now, awkwardly in his presence. She brightened her smile and continued to answer his questions until he finally asked her why the heck she’d decided to arrange an appointment.
Nancy’s words were delicate. She described her headaches, the pains, the wave after wave of fatigue, and, of course, the anxiety that surrounded each episode.
“Is this something you’ve discussed with your daughters?” Doctor Morgan asked her, his brow furrowed.
“I want to keep it under wraps. Until we know for sure what any of this is.”
Doctor Morgan nodded and furrowed his brow more, which resulted in a big vein bulging out across the side of his forehead.
“Plus, you’ve probably heard about the wedding we’re about to have in the family.” Nancy forced her voice to brighten. “It’s all anyone can think about, including me. I just thought that maybe I should get these things checked out.”
Doctor Morgan nodded. “Of course. I’m glad you did.”
Nancy struggled reading his tone. Was he worried? Did he think she was overreacting? That was the last thing she wanted to do: make a big deal out of nothing. There was so much other stuff to think about.
“We should do a series of tests, I think,” Doctor Morgan continued. “I can arrange them as early as this Thursday.”
Nancy’s heart dropped slightly in her chest. “Wow, that soon.”
“Better to get ahead of anything,” he continued.
“What do you imagine it is?”
“It’s difficult to say. Your symptoms are representative of several ailments.”
Nancy felt herself nod as he continued to speak. He outlined the tests he wanted to put her through and what she needed to do prior to each one. He then brought out several pamphlets with instructions for the tests, which featured smiling people who seemed ill-prepared for such terrifying illnesses. Who were the models for these pamphlets? Did they know they were featured in doctor’s offices like this, probably all over the United States of America?
Nancy felt herself thank Doctor Morgan. She collected her purse and wandered out into the reception area to finalize the schedule for her tests. She then floated like a ghost back to her car, where she promptly burst into tears. Almost the minute she turned on her vehicle, the speaker system blared with a call from Janine.
“Hey, Mom! I wondered what happened to you.”
“I’m still out running errands.” Nancy’s voice wavered dangerously.
“Ugh. Well, I wanted to tell you what happened with the flower girls’ dresses because it’s a complete nightmare.”
Nancy said all the right things as she drove the car back to the Katama Lodge. She laughed and groaned and said, “That’s insane,” without ever feeling fully conscious of where the conversation had led her.
“Are you headed home soon, then?” Janine finally asked after the drama had petered out.
“Um. Yes.” Nancy blinked and realized she had no concept of which direction she had taken out of the doctor’s office parking lot. She now found herself headed straight toward Oak Bluffs, the opposite side of the island. “I just have to pick up a bottle of wine, and then I’ll be home.”
Nancy stopped at the grocery store in Oak Bluffs and waited for a long moment, her hands still on the steering wheel. It felt intentional to go to the grocery in Oak Bluffs, as though her lack of directional abilities at that moment had all been purposeful. Once inside, she stopped to smile and greet several Oak Bluffs residents, all of whom she’d gotten to know well over the years.
“Lola! It’s so wonderful to run into you.” Nancy’s heart fluttered at the sight of the beautiful late-thirties journalist, Lola Sheridan. She had her hand over the top of a bottle of Cote de Rhone; a trendy pair of sunglasses were positioned on her head. “That article you wrote about the Lodge changed everything for us. I thought we were goners after that awful write-up from that horrible man.”
Lola’s smile widened. “To be honest with you, I took real pleasure in writing that. I can’t imagine what kind of man would use someone like that to get to a story—especially one of the island girls. I hope Carmella wasn’t too broken up about it? The last time I saw her, she mentioned something about Cody, and well—”
“It seems like she finally realized she’s in love with him.”
“Beautiful. I love stories like that. When my sister got back together with her high school sweetheart, I thought my heart might just break in two,” Lola admitted.
“And you? Any wedding bells for you and Tommy?”
Lola’s eyelashes fluttered. “Tommy is a wild sailor boy with a chaotic heart. The fact that I got him to live with me is proof of something, I suppose. But a wedding ring? I don’t know. Maybe neither of us is entirely open to the idea.”
Nancy highly doubted that. No matter the wildness of a woman’s heart, or the bohemian nature of her soul, Nancy fe
lt sure that the union of marriage was a thing many, many women held dear. She knew this because she’d been a wild card for years, too— but Neal had given her the safety and love she had needed so much.
“Just keep me in the loop, dear,” Nancy said with a secretive smile. “I would love to help you celebrate if it comes to that.”
“If you want to tie him up at the altar, I’ll see you there.” Lola’s laughter echoed through the grocery store. “But what brings you over here? This is the wrong neck of the woods for you.”
“Ah, yes it is. I had an appointment over here. I told Janine I would bring wine home.”
“You’re a good mother,” Lola told her.
Nancy felt a strange stab of sorrow at the comment. After all, Lola’s mother had died when Lola had been only eleven years old— a boating accident when an older man named Stan Ellis had turned off the lights of their boat and crashed. The fact that Anna Sheridan had been having an affair with Stan Ellis was often whispered about. It was the kind of gossip the island of Martha’s Vineyard was built on.
“I’ll see you around, Lola,” Nancy said with a nod. “Always wonderful to see you.”
When Nancy arrived home, she found Janine, Elsa, Carmella, and Mallory around the back porch table, halfway through the first bottle of wine already. She kissed them each on the cheek, sat down next to them, and forced her mind to follow their words down the wild trajectory of the day’s stories. Still, every word was like water, and Nancy found them difficult to hold onto. When she peered back into her mind at the end of the night for some analysis of what had happened that evening, her memory was as empty as a dry well.
Chapter Three
Invasive.
It was the only appropriate word for the late morning and early afternoon that Thursday. Nancy forced her thoughts to hide away in a dark corner of her mind as she was poked and prodded and put through a series of official tests— each with a potentially deadly result. When the medical personnel explained the next step of a procedure, Nancy’s lips curved into a smile as she set herself up for the next big performance. Why did she do that? Why did she want to be so agreeable as she faced this horrific future? She half-imagined the medical staff thinking to themselves, Wow, what a kind woman! This woman doesn’t deserve whatever ailment we’re testing her for— not in the slightest.
Perhaps her kindness would mean she wouldn’t have cancer. Perhaps it would mean God would spare her and allow her an extra few years with the people she loved most.
This was a laughable thought. God didn’t work like that. If he did, Neal would still be alive, as he was the kindest and most endearing man on the planet. And assuredly, the medical staff who poked and prodded her had little thought for her personality. If she probed into their minds, she’d probably find thoughts about lunch or their children or their anxieties. She was just another patient, passing through.
“Where have you been?” Janine popped out from the kitchen as Nancy entered the house. Janine wore a beautiful linen cream-colored suit, cinched tight at the waist with a dark belt. Her hair was angelic, as though lifted by a perpetual breeze.
“Hi, honey.” Nancy’s voice cracked the slightest bit. “I just had to meet a friend.”
“You’ve been gone all day,” Janine noted as her brow furrowed.
A strange silence passed between them. Nancy blinked, then forced a smile. “The girls must have left Woods Hole by now?”
Janine’s healthy glow flowed off of her again. “The ferry is headed straight for the island. We’d better go pick them up.”
“Naw. Let’s let them hitchhike,” Nancy teased.
Janine and Nancy stepped into Janine’s car and drove toward the ferry dock along the northern edge of the island. Throughout, Janine chattered both nervously and anxiously about the upcoming events: that night’s dinner, held at the boutique hotel, the Hesson House. The dinner featured only close family and friends. The following evening was the rehearsal dinner, before Saturday’s main event: the marriage of Maggie to her dear love, Rex.
“I just can’t believe she’s getting married.” Janine breathed the words as she turned off the engine a block away from the ferry dock. “I remember so clearly when she learned to ride a tricycle.”
Nancy’s throat tightened. Had she taught Janine how to ride a trike back in the day? She supposed that was the sort of toy she hadn’t been able to afford. She had the strangest urge to ask Janine if she’d ever properly learned how to ride a bike but held it back. This weekend wasn’t about her and her past regrets; it was about Maggie. It was about Janine. And Nancy was just grateful she was along for the ride.
Prior to that weekend, Maggie had shipped several items to Martha’s Vineyard for the big event. Nancy had suspected this meant that Maggie and Alyssa wouldn’t have so much luggage. The moment her Manhattan socialite granddaughters stepped into view from the ferry, however, Nancy recognized just how laughable that thought truly was. Maggie and Alyssa instructed three ferry employees on the suitcases they required. Behind them, two broad-shouldered twenty-something men— Rex, the groom, along with another young man, probably Alyssa’s date, tip-toed along, careful not to say a word of ill will toward their girls’ desire for a seemingly endless array of material possessions.
“I see they travel light,” Nancy teased.
Janine flashed her mother a smile. “I tried my best not to spoil them.”
“They’re remarkable young women,” Nancy assured her. “With insatiable fashion appetites.”
The crowd of Vineyard guests swarmed the docks like bees. Nancy and Janine waded through to find their girls. Maggie flung her arms around her mother as the first of what would assuredly be many tears fled down her cheeks. Her fiancée looked on; his eyebrows were slightly crooked. Alyssa leaned toward him and asked, “Are you sure you want to marry this one? She’s pretty dramatic.”
Maggie swiped at her cheek and turned to give her sister a rueful look. “Can you keep your sarcasm to a low hum the next few days? You know, I’ve waited for this weekend my whole life.”
Alyssa rolled her eyes. “Rex, you should have seen her making me play dress-up back in the old days. I always had to play the groom of the wedding, and she was always the bride. It wasn’t fair.”
An introduction was made to Alyssa’s new boyfriend.
“This is Peter. Isn’t he handsome?” Alyssa beamed as Peter stretched a hand out to shake Janine and Nancy’s hands.
“How did you two meet?” Nancy asked.
“Grandma, everyone meets everyone on the internet these days,” Alyssa informed her.
Nancy shrugged and made eye contact with Janine. Their thought was the same: was romance completely dead? But Peter’s eyes glowed as he gazed at Alyssa; he seemed to cherish her.
“Can’t imagine what that would be like,” Nancy said as they headed back for Janine’s car. The ferry workers tugged the suitcases along behind them, following like sheep. “Meeting someone from the internet sounds a bit creepy. Were you scared?”
Alyssa arched an eyebrow toward her grandmother. “Grandma, I don’t know every story about your life, like your wild hitchhiking days and your life all over the world. I know you met Neal over in Bangkok, so I can only imagine the kind of things you got yourself into.”
Nancy’s heart sped up slightly. This was the first time she’d ever considered what her granddaughters thought of her. Did they have some kind of strange respect for her, based on her experiences?
“What I mean is, I don’t see how some stupid boy from the internet could scare you more than taking off to Bangkok by yourself,” Alyssa said mischievously. “Sure. I met a handsome boy. But you took on the world. I think you’re the brave one, here.”
Nancy’s heart swelled with pride. As the ferry workers stacked suitcases into the back of Janine’s car, Nancy drew her arms around her youngest granddaughter and exhaled deeply.
If the tests came back badly—
If her life had to come to some kind of
close—
She was so, so glad she had been allowed to know these women. She was so, so glad she’d been allowed to live as well as she had.
Rex and Peter lugged the suitcases back at the house and piled them across one side of the living area. Elsa padded down from upstairs and greeted everyone warmly.
“I have many bottles of wine chilling for you,” she said as she greeted Maggie and Alyssa with light kisses on the cheek. “Mallory is upstairs with little Zach. They’ll come down soon.”
“Wonderful!” Alyssa cried.
It warmed Nancy to see Alyssa, Maggie, and Elsa’s daughter, Mallory, together. Over the summer months, they had crafted a unique friendship. Despite the long, expansive hallways of Neal’s mansion, Nancy sometimes still heard the three of them up late at night, tossing gossip from one end of their bedroom to the other as though they were still teenagers, rather than twenty-something-year-old women.
Nancy stepped into the kitchen with Elsa to gather wine glasses. Elsa flipped her long hair across her shoulders as she pulled open the refrigerator.
“Going to be a wild few days,” she said as her eyes scanned the selection of rosée and white wines. “Haven’t had a wedding in the family since yours and Dad’s, I guess.”
Nancy’s heart cracked just the slightest at the memory. “Maggie looks so beautiful, doesn’t she?”
Elsa’s smile widened. “You’re a sucker for your granddaughters, aren’t you?” She placed several bottles of wine out on the counter, then selected several fine cheeses, along with a container of black and green olives. “I’m so glad you got to meet them this year. What a whirlwind it’s been! Imagine if Janine hadn’t come back into your life? This wedding would have happened someplace else. You might have not even known about it at all.”
Nancy splayed a hand across her heart at the thought. Her voice remained low. “I can’t even tell you how grateful I am—for all of it.”
Autumn Secrets Page 2
