“Really?” said June. “’Cause I also looked up chivalry, and it seems like there’s more to it than just not lying. Isn’t there a bunch of other stuff about standing up for the weak and fighting injustice and all that?”
Vela stared at June. “Yes. There is.”
“Well, just ’cause you messed up one part of it, you’re going to toss the rest of it out?” said June. “That’d be like throwing out your whole breakfast just because you burned the toast.”
Vela said nothing.
“Besides, making mistakes is the only way we learn anything, right?” said June. “And if I’m being honest, sometimes I just eat the burned toast anyway. I’m not proud.”
They had arrived at room 106. As Vela, Thromdurr, and Devis made their way to their desks, June held Albiorix back.
“Hey, what’s going on?” whispered June. “I thought you were going to tell them about the evil ghost guy.”
“I was going to,” said Albiorix. “Only . . . Flanagan seems to be fine. I don’t think he’s possessed at all.”
“Really?” said June.
“Yeah, I hid in his rosebushes and secretly watched him for a long time,” said Albiorix. “He’s completely normal.”
“Okay, but that story definitely makes it sound like you aren’t,” said June. “Anyway, I still think you should tell them. Right?”
“I will,” said Albiorix. “I will.”
The last of the stragglers took their seats. Ms. Chapman cleared her throat and addressed the class. “Well, instead of learning about the power of democracy, it appears that we’re getting an object lesson in electoral fraud. Needless to say, I am extremely unhappy with this outcome. It makes me reconsider the value of class elections at all.”
Olivia, who had been quietly sobbing the whole time, now started to wail loudly.
“Oh, suck it up, Olivia,” snapped Ms. Chapman.
Nicole Davenport raised her hand. “Ms. Chapman, personally I think it’s sick and unfair what she did,” said Nicole. “We all know who the real winner was. Hashtag stolen.”
A chorus of sympathetic popular kids, including Sorrowshade, seconded her.
“But I didn’t do it,” blubbered Olivia. “I have no idea how I got all those votes.”
“Uh-huh,” said Ms. Chapman. “And why don’t I believe you?”
“Please. I’m innocent,” said Olivia, putting her head down on her desk and continuing to sob.
“There will be a full investigation of this incident, and I have no doubt the truth will come out,” said Ms. Chapman. “For now, it’s past time we get back to those essays—”
Suddenly Vela leaped to her feet. “Ms. Chapman, I broke an oath, and to redeem myself, I must right a greater wrong through great personal sacrifice.”
“Hmm,” said Ms. Chapman. “Okay?”
“Olivia speaks the truth,” said Vela. “She is innocent of this crime.”
“Oh, no,” said Devis.
“She is?” said Ms. Chapman.
“Yes,” said Vela.
“And how are you sure of that, Valerie?” said Ms. Chapman.
“Because I know the identity of the true culprit,” said Vela.
“Then who was it?” said Ms. Chapman. “Who threw the election—very unconvincingly, I might add—to Olivia?”
“I think it was Evan Cunningham,” said Devis. “Yeah, probably Evan,” he said in a different, high-pitched voice.
“Shut up!” said Evan.
“It was not Evan Cunningham,” said Vela. “It was I, Valerie Stumpf-Turner, who committed this grave misdeed!”
Ms. Chapman blinked. “Valerie, that doesn’t sound like you at all. Is this some misguided attempt to be noble and spare someone else from punishment?”
“It is not misguided,” said Vela. “Olivia has been falsely accused. Even if I am an oath breaker, I have a duty to reverse this injustice.”
“Okay,” said Ms. Chapman. “Fair enough, Valerie.”
“Also, I owe an apology to Brent Sydlowski,” said Vela, turning toward Brent.
“What? Nah,” said Brent, with a nervous laugh. “That’s okay. I don’t know what you’re—”
“Brent, I am sorry I said your sister told me you secretly sleep with a stuffed bee named Mr. Buzzybottom,” said Vela. “That was a lie.”
“Wait . . . it was a lie that he does it, or it was a lie that that’s how you found out?” said Evan.
“A lie that that’s how I found out,” said Vela.
Brent buried his face in his palms as Evan and several other students started to laugh.
“Quiet! Everyone be quiet!” said Ms. Chapman. “Valerie, after hearing this I can only say that I am extremely disappointed in you.”
“Not half so disappointed as I am in myself,” said Vela. “Now, I await your judgment, Ms. Chapman.”
The paladin dropped to one knee.
Ms. Chapman sighed. “Get up,” she said. “Two weeks’ detention. And you are barred from participating in the makeup election next Monday.”
“A fair punishment. Thank you, Ms. Chapman!” said Vela, and she sat down, beaming.
After such a dramatic start, the rest of the class period passed uneventfully. When the bell rang, the adventurers and June caught up to one another in the hall.
“Wow, Vela,” said Albiorix. “You really stuck your neck out there. Two weeks’ detention is bad, but the punishment could have been much worse.”
“Yeah. Um, thanks,” said Devis, who stared at the ground. “For what it’s worth, I’m . . . uh . . . sorry I screwed up.”
“Wait,” said Albiorix. “Did Devis just apologize for something?”
“Ha!” said Thromdurr. “You owe me a silver piece!”
Albiorix produced a shiny coin from the barbarian’s ear and handed it to him.
“Hang on. Did you guys seriously have a wager about whether or not I’m capable of apologizing?” said Devis. “Because I would have wanted in on a bet like that!”
Vela put a hand on the thief’s shoulder. “You are who you are. And I understand the rest of you might have a more flexible relationship with the truth than I do. I cannot expect you to follow my code. But you are my friends, and perhaps I can be honest enough for all of us. I believe it is a burden I can shoulder.”
“Wow,” said Devis. “So does that mean you also want to confess for the locker thefts and the shoelaces thing?”
“I cannot take responsibility for all your transgressions, Devis,” said Vela. “After all, making mistakes is how we learn.” The paladin turned to June. “Thank you, June Westray, for reminding me of that.”
“I knew that was a good toast metaphor!” said June.
“Ugh! I cannot believe you people!”
The group turned to see Olivia Gorman standing behind them. She looked furious.
“Er,” said Albiorix. “Hi, Olivia.”
“You made me into a laughingstock,” said Olivia. “You ruined my reputation with Ms. Chapman. You nearly got me detention, which would have gone on my permanent record!”
“And we do feel bad about all of that,” said Albiorix. “But you did technically get elected president, which was technically what we agreed—”
“Nope,” said Olivia. “Nuh-uh. No more tutoring from me. So good luck passing math without my help, morons!”
She stomped off down the hall.
“She is right to be upset,” said Vela.
“Still,” said Albiorix. “What are we going to do? The big algebra test is tomorrow.”
Devis shook his head. “It truly pains me to say this, but . . . I think we’re going to have to study really hard.”
And so the heroes of Bríandalör made plans for an epic cram session, the likes of which they had never known.
Homerooms & Hall Passes characters periodically face epic academic challenges known as “tests,” which are weighted far more heavily than mere quizzes or homework when determining a student’s final grade (see pages 76–122 for more in
formation on calculating grade point averages). For each hour a player character spends studying for a test, add a +1 to their final skill check roll for the test. Once the test has begun, roll once on Table 178r: Random Classroom Distractions to determine if anything breaks their focus. . . .
—Excerpt from The Hall Master’s Guide
“UGH,” SAID SOPHIE SORRENTINO. “It’s New Kid.”
“C’mon, I have a name,” said Albiorix.
Albiorix stood at the popular girls’ table. Sophie and Madison rolled their eyes. Sorrowshade glared. Nicole Davenport studiously ignored him while favoriting dozens of social media posts on her phone.
“Look, I just want to talk to Melissa privately for a second,” said Albiorix.
“Um. Maybe Melissa doesn’t want to talk to you?” said Madison.
“How about you let her answer that question?” said Albiorix.
Sorrowshade narrowed her eyes, but before she could respond, Nicole spoke up.
“New Kid, weren’t you, like, the one who gave that weird pro-Olivia speech?” said Nicole.
“Yes, that was me,” said Albiorix.
“So you didn’t want me to be class president?” said Nicole.
“I mean, I wouldn’t say that,” said Albiorix. “I had very complicated personal reasons for—”
“It’s fine,” said Nicole. “But I am going to, like, ruin you or whatever.”
“Can I just talk to Melissa?” said Albiorix.
“Go ahead,” said Nicole, who was already looking at her phone again. “Melissa, just get this doofus away from our table. People are starting to stare.”
Sorrowshade and Albiorix found a relatively deserted corner of the cafeteria where they could speak privately. The gloom elf crossed her arms.
“What do you want, Albiorix?” said Sorrowshade. “To yell at me more?”
“Look,” said Albiorix, “I know we’ve had our differences recently. I’m sorry I got angry. I should leave the raging to Thromdurr.”
“And?” said Sorrowshade.
“And the rest of us are getting together tonight to study for the Algebra I test tomorrow. You should be there too.”
“Why?” said Sorrowshade.
“Because we don’t want you to fail the class,” said Albiorix.
“Is that all?” said Sorrowshade.
“Yeah,” said Albiorix. “I—I guess that’s all.”
Albiorix looked at his feet, and when he looked up again, the gloom elf had somehow vanished.
After school, Albiorix, Devis, Thromdurr, and Vela once again convened at June Westray’s house to prepare as best they could for the algebra test the next day. Building on what Olivia had taught them, they began a thorough review of the material. And to the surprise of three of the four adventurers, they largely understood it. Yet the fourth still floundered helplessly in a sea of variables and coefficients.
As the hours wore on, Thromdurr became more and more despondent. Each answer he got wrong, every concept he misunderstood, seemed to weaken the barbarian’s resolve. Around eight fifteen, after what was supposed to be a restorative milk-and-cookie break, Thromdurr gave up.
“I . . . cannot do it,” said Thromdurr.
“You can do it, Thromdurr,” said Vela. “And you will!”
“No,” said Thromdurr. “Growing up on the Steppes of Ursk, I was always the strongest, the bravest, the cleverest child in the Sky Bear clan.”
“Really?” said Devis. “The cleverest?”
“The elders said I was destined for great deeds,” said the barbarian. “But alas, I have met my doom. Thromdurr, son of Heimdurr, berserker of the Sky Bear clan, is defeated.”
He let out a dying animal wail and dramatically slumped to his knees.
“Maybe another cookie would help?” said June.
“Come on, big guy,” said Devis, trying (and failing) to pull him to his feet. “Get up and let’s get back to those equations.”
“You keep saying that word, but I don’t even understand what an equation is!” said Thromdurr. “I am past the limits of my comprehension. Algebra is anathema to a warrior from the Steppes of Ursk.”
Thromdurr would not move. And so the rest of the group left him on the floor and convened in the hall, where they spoke in hushed tones.
“This is bad,” said Albiorix.
“I’ve never seen him like this,” said Vela. “Like the lion brought down by a thorn in the paw.”
“It’s extremely depressing,” said Devis.
“What can we do?” said June. “I feel like we’re so close, but there’s just no more fight left in him.”
Albiorix blinked. “Wait, what did you just say?”
June cocked her head. “I said there’s no fight—”
“That’s it,” said Albiorix. “We’ve been going about this all wrong. It’s a fight. That’s how he sees it. It’s always been a fight!”
The wizard returned to Thromdurr, who still moaned pitifully on the Westrays’ living-room floor.
“Hey, Thromdurr, old buddy,” said Albiorix. “The rest of us were talking, and we were wondering: what’s the key to victory?”
Thromdurr stopped wailing and eyed his companions. “I will cease my powerful lamentations for a moment to answer you, for it is an interesting question and a welcome relief from the agony of math.”
“Great,” said Albiorix. “We’d really appreciate it.”
“Some would say superior strength is the key to victory. Others would argue ruthlessness,” said Thromdurr. “But the real answer is this: you must know your enemy.”
“Hmm. Interesting,” said Albiorix. “Please elaborate.”
“You must understand the true nature of what it is you are fighting,” said Thromdurr. “What is the size, and strength, and capability of your opponent? A clever foe will always try to conceal these things.”
“Ah, right,” said Albiorix, “Just like x is doing in this equation.”
“Eh?” said Thromdurr.
“Well, we have 2x + 3x – 8 = 37,” said Albiorix. “But we don’t know anything about x.”
“I follow not,” said Thromdurr. “I see two x’s written there.”
“Nope,” said Albiorix, “Just one x making it look like there are more.”
“Ah! A clever ruse, common in battle,” said Thromdurr. “Make your force appear greater than it really is.”
“Sure, so to get to the true nature or our enemy, x, we need to cut through the deception and simplify this equation,” said Albiorix. “We can add the 2x and 3x to get 5x. Then we add eight to both sides, so 5x equals 45. That’s a bit simpler. “
“Yet x still hides,” cried Thromdurr, leaping to his feet. “We divide both sides by five to see that x equals nine!”
“That’s exactly right,” said Albiorix. “Congratulations, Thromdurr, son of Heimdurr, you just did your first algebra.”
“Why, that was no challenge at all! Cowardly x shall elude me no longer,” said Thromdurr. “EVERY EQUATION SHALL FALL!”
“Honey? Is everything okay in there with the studying?” called June’s mom from down the hall.
“Yeah, Mom!” June called back. “Going great!”
And so June Westray and the adventurers studied onward into the night, with Thromdurr leading the way. As his companions managed to reframe each concept in barbarian terms—factoring, the order of operations, writing equations in slope-intercept form, and more—his enthusiasm grew, and so did his algebraic prowess.
It was nearing eleven when Ms. Westray politely informed the bold young heroes that it was a school night and definitely time for them to go home. Thromdurr did not want the algebra to stop, but his companions persuaded him a good night’s sleep would be invaluable before the big test.
And so four weary Bríandalörians called their parents and ate more cookies as they waited for them to arrive, while Albiorix prepared to return to JADMS on foot. And as the wizard gathered his things, something caught his eye: out the living-room windo
w, in the darkness beyond, he thought he saw the silhouette of someone close enough to have been listening in the whole time. Yet when he checked, there was no one to be found.
“Okay, pencils down,” said Mr. Botello.
Albiorix was in the midst of furiously factoring the polynomial 3h3– 6h2.
“Ahem,” said Mr. Botello. “Pencils down, Mr. Boort.”
“Okay, sorry,” said the wizard. He stopped writing, blew the stray eraser bits off his test, and passed it toward the front. Well, that was one question he was certain he had missed. The lunch bell rang, and the Bríandalörians converged on their way to the cafeteria.
“So how did my little math heroes do?” said June.
“I am not confident in my answers to questions nine and seven,” said Vela. “Yet I feel cautiously optimistic.”
“I think this about sums it up for me,” said Devis. He held up his phone to show a picture of a baby hedgehog wearing sunglasses with the words “MY BRAIN IS OWEE GIVE ME CHOCOLATE.”
June pulled a half-eaten candy bar out of her pocket and tossed it to him. “How about you, Albiorix?” she said. “You’re the smart one, right?”
“Well, there wasn’t anything I didn’t understand but . . . I couldn’t quite finish that last question,” said Albiorix. “Very annoying.”
“Oh. So you did not arrive at 3h2 (h – 2)?” Thromdurr asked.
“No, I didn’t!” said Albiorix, frowning. “But, for what it’s worth . . . I think I may have passed the test?”
“Me too,” said Devis.
“I’m starting to believe we can really do this, comrades!” said Vela, smiling.
“Yeah, you guys definitely aren’t the dumbest kids in class anymore,” said June. “I’d say you’re only, like, slightly below average at this point.”
“SLIGHTLY BELOW AVERAGE!” cried Thromdurr. “PRAISE THE GREAT SKY BEAR, WE ARE SLIGHTLY BELOW AVERAGE!”
The barbarian grabbed his four companions in a mighty hug.
“Excuse me, Armando,” said Ms. Roland, who stood up ahead in the hallway.
“Yes?” said Albiorix.
“Can you come with me, please?”
Albiorix split off from his friends, and Ms. Roland led the wizard into the school office, past the Inspire Leadership poster, and down the short hallway toward Vice Principal Flanagan’s office.
Homerooms and Hall Passes Page 16
