by Sarah Hope
‘Ask her yourself. I’m off.’
‘Don’t you talk about one of our children like that, Andrew!’ Scowling, she watched as he retreated quickly down the path, waving his hand out to her. That was it, she was dismissed. Slowly she closed the door. Obviously, something had happened.
‘SOPHIA, SWEETHEART. Let me in.’ Gently tapping on Sophia’s bedroom door, Chrissy raised her voice trying to be heard above the music. Shrugging, she turned away, maybe she just needed a bit of space to calm down and then she’d be ready to talk about it.
‘Evie, sweetheart, why is Sophia so upset?’ Back downstairs, she lowered herself next to Evie on the sofa.
‘Oh, she’s been really grumpy all weekend. And then she had an argument with Susan.’ Evie put the book down that she was reading and turned to face her mum.
‘I thought she was going to try to enjoy it?’
‘She was, but then when we got there she asked Daddy if she could go and get some things for her bedroom. You know, like the things I told you I got last time we went?’
‘Yes, I remember. Sophia had told me that she was going to ask.’
‘Well, Daddy said yes and then when we were putting our shoes on to go, Susan spoke to him in the other room and he came back out and told us she couldn’t get the stuff. He said that she had chosen not to get it all when he had offered and that she was being ungrateful.’
‘What happened next?’
‘Sophia cried and said that she was sorry but she hadn’t felt comfortable getting the stuff to make her room homely last time and that she felt more ready now. But he just said that he was the adult and went into the kitchen with Susan.’
‘Right, ok. And what did Sophia do then?’ Had he really listened to Susan’s parenting wisdom, or lack of it, and taken her side over his own daughter’s? After Sophia had poured her heart out to him explaining how she had been feeling? Sophia and Andrew had never been particularly close and it must have taken a lot for Sophia to have spoken to him so openly and that was how he repaid her? Chrissy bit down on her bottom lip. ‘And how was it for the rest of the weekend?’
‘Not nice. Sophia spent most of the Saturday up in her room, she didn’t even come down for breakfast or lunch on Saturday.’ Evie picked at a fingernail.
‘Did Daddy have to take it up to her then?’
‘No. He said that she had to come down for it and that she’d come out of her room if she was hungry.’
‘Oh.’ Starve her out. Yep, I’m sure that’s not neglect. Chrissy focused on a crack above the window. She knew she had to sit and listen, to find out what had happened, but all she wanted to do was get in the car and drive to Andrew’s place and give him a piece of her mind. And that was if she could control herself.
‘Don’t worry, Mummy. I took her up half of my sandwich and a carton of juice.’ Evie looked up at Chrissy.
‘You’re a good girl. Thank you for looking out for her.’
‘That’s what we do. At school, at clubs, wherever. We make sure the other ones ok. Sophia would never admit it, but I know she looks out for me too. Like that time I got pushed over at our old school? Sophia tripped the boy up who had pushed me. Though I don’t think he meant to hurt me but...Sophia looks after me and I look after her.’ Evie looked down at her hands.
‘You’re going to make me cry. I’m so proud of you. I’m so proud of the way you both look out for each other.’
‘You told us to.’
‘I did, didn’t I?’ Chrissy smiled, even though the twins always seemed to fight against each other, repelling to find their own identities, she guessed their twinness was still strong.
‘Anyway, she came down after lunch and we went to the park on our bikes.’
‘Ok, so everything was ok after that? Why did she come home in such a foul mood then?’ Something didn’t make sense. Unless, of course, Sophia was worried that Chrissy would tell her off for behaving the way she had at her father’s. She wouldn’t, obviously. The way Andrew had treated her by not letting her get some things to make her bedroom her own, especially after saying she could, was downright cruel. She didn’t blame Sophia for the way she had behaved, not at all.
‘Yes, things were ok until just before we left.’
‘Why? What happened?’
‘We were getting ready to come home, you know, packing our rucksacks up and Susan went into Sophia’s room. I crept out on the landing and sat outside listening. She told Sophia that she should show Daddy more respect and do as she’s told because Daddy was the adult and he’d gotten upset when Sophia had locked herself in her room.’
‘Really? She said that?’ Who the hell did Susan think she was? How dare she try to step into the parenting role? She was no one to the girls. Apart from, of course, being the woman who broke up their parents’ marriage. She had no right, no right whatsoever.
Evie nodded. ‘Are you cross?’
Clearing her throat, Chrissy tightened her arms around Evie and kissed the top of her head. ‘I’m glad you told me. How did Sophia react?’
‘She shouted at Susan.’ Evie drooped her head, a deep blush spreading across her cheeks. ‘She swore at her and told Susan that she had no right to talk to her about respect because she hadn’t respected you when she’d got together with Daddy.’
‘Oh.’ Was it bad that she felt touched by the way Sophia had stuck up for her? It probably was. ‘I bet that didn’t go down very well?’
‘No, Susan just walked out. I saw her come past me and she was crying. She then just left, slamming the door on her way out.’
‘Oh dear. Did Daddy tell Sophia off?’
‘No, he was just really really quiet all the way here.’
‘Ok. Thank you for telling me, sweetheart. I’m going to make you both a hot chocolate now and take Sophia’s up to her so I can have a chat with her, ok? Why don’t you pop the TV on and have some chill-out time?’
‘OK. I love you, Mummy.’
‘SOPHIA, I KNOW WHAT happened. Let me in.’ Holding a mug of hot chocolate in one hand Chrissy tapped on the door. ‘Ok, I’m letting myself in.’ Twisting the handle, Chrissy paused in the doorway, letting her eyes adjust to the darkness and her ears to the loud music blasting from Sophia’s iPod.
‘Go away.’ A muffled shout came from under the duvet.
‘Nope, I’m not going anywhere. We need to talk, sweetheart.’ Flicking the lights on and the music off, Chrissy then sat down on the bed.
‘Why can’t I get any privacy? Most people my age have locks on their doors so they can shut their parents out. I want a lock.’ Throwing the duvet aside, Sophia stared at her mum, her eyes swollen and red.
Chrissy shook her head, that argument could be stored for another day. ‘Hey, Evie told me what happened over the weekend. You could have rung me if you were upset you know.’
‘I didn’t want to ring you, I wanted you there. I wanted everything to be like it used to be, with you and Daddy getting along and being together. Us all being together.’
‘Oh, Sophia. Come here.’ Chrissy set the mug down on the bedside table before twisting herself round and sitting next to Sophia, her back against the headboard.
‘I missed you. I miss all of it.’ Wiping her eyes with the sleeves of her green hoodie, Sophia moved closer and leant against Chrissy’s side.
‘I know, but things weren’t so rosy when me and your dad were together. You must remember that?’ Pulling Sophia into a hug, she leant her chin on the top of Sophia’s head.
‘It was.’
‘Don’t you remember all the arguments and shouting that used to happen?’
‘Only when Daddy was home and he was always at work.’
‘There you go then. You’re right, your dad was out the majority of the time, so surely that should make this easier? You were used to not having both of us around.’
‘Yes, but I knew you were together. Whereas now, I know you’re not.’
‘But we were always arguing and that wasn’t right, arguing in front of you an
d your sister.’
‘So it was our fault you two split up.’
Chrissy felt Sophia’s shoulders stiffen. ‘What? No, not at all. It wasn’t. It wasn’t right that we argued in front of you both, but that wasn’t why we split up. We split up because we argued and because we’d grown apart. We just didn’t love each other in the end.’
‘Are you sure it wasn’t anything to do with me or Evie? Well, me, because it’s always me that loses my temper, Evie’s always good.’
‘Hey, you’re good too. No, it definitely, definitely was not to do with either of you. Grown-ups fall out of love sometimes and sometimes, well, there’s nothing that can be done to change that.’ That and the fact that your father was having an affair. Biting her tongue, Chrissy held her breath, she would not say that. She would not tell Sophia the truth about her father. She didn’t need to know what he had done to her, to them. Plus, Sophia was obviously upset that he had moved on so quickly, she didn’t need to know how long his relationship with Susan had really been going on.
‘I was a bit mean to Susan.’ Looking at the end of her sleeves, Sophia picked a loose thread.
‘It’s ok, we all get cross sometimes.’
‘It was her fault that Daddy changed his mind about letting me get some things for my room.’
‘Susan hasn’t got any children, has she?’
Shaking her head, Sophia took a sip of hot chocolate, immediately wiping the cream from her lips.
‘Well, I wonder if she just doesn’t know how to behave properly around you two yet. I wonder if she’s trying to come across as the parent, trying to teach you right from wrong but is coming over as too harsh. She’s probably just as worried about all the new changes as you are. I mean, she’s gone from having to only worry about herself to suddenly having you and Evie over every other weekend. She’s probably just finding it really tough to know how to behave in front of you both.’
‘Do you think?’
‘Yes, I do.’
‘Do you think I was too harsh on her then? She told me that I wasn’t showing Daddy any respect so I said that she wasn’t showing you any because she’d started going out with Daddy so soon after you both splitting up.’
‘No, I don’t think you were too harsh. I think you were probably cross at the way your dad and her had let you down about buying those things and you took it out on her.’
Sophia looked into her mug. ‘I think I shouted, like really loud, in her face.’
‘I’m sure it will all be forgotten about by the time you go again.’
‘It’s not really Susan that I’m angry with.’
‘No?’
‘It’s Daddy. I actually feel like throwing up when I think about what he’s done. When I’m there, at his new house, with her, my tummy hurts and I can’t stop feeling like I’m going to cry.’
‘Oh, sweetheart. It will get easier. It will all get easier. Just give it a bit of time and before you know it, going to Daddy and Susan’s house every other weekend will feel normal.’ Pulling her in tighter, Chrissy kissed the top of Sophia's head. Her hair smelt different, she must have showered using Susan’s shampoo. Straightening up, Chrissy used her other hand to squeeze at her temples.
‘It won’t. He’s gone and replaced us with a girlfriend and soon, you’ll do the same.’
‘He hasn’t replaced you. You’re his girl, he’ll never replace you. He’s just moved on from me, that’s all. And we want him to be happy, don’t we? He’d be rather lonely living most of the time by himself otherwise, wouldn’t he?’
‘I guess so.’
‘And what do you mean, I will too?’
‘You’ll get a new boyfriend and then things will change around here too. It won’t just be the three of us.’
‘Hey, if I do ever meet someone new, they wouldn’t change what we have. I might love them, but nowhere near what I feel for you and your sister. And I certainly wouldn’t move anyone in here, not until after a very long time.’
‘It would be weird if you met someone though, wouldn’t it? I mean, we’d end up living with a total stranger.’ Sophia looked up at Chrissy, her eyes glistening with tears. ‘You won’t, will you? You won’t meet someone else, not for a very long time at least, will you?’
‘Hey, nothing and nobody would ever come between us. We’re the three musketeers, remember?’
Nodding, Sophia rested her head against Chrissy’s side. ‘I don’t have to apologise, do I?’
‘No, by the sounds of it things were blown out of proportion and it wasn’t fair the way they both changed their minds about letting you get some things for your room. Don’t even give it all a second thought. Daddy and Susan have probably forgotten all about it already.’
‘Ok.’
‘But if you do get upset again, for any reason, just ring me. I’m always at the end of the phone, whether it’s during the day or three o’clock in the morning, I’m your mum and I’ll answer. And I can even come and pick you up if you want me to, ok?’
‘Ok.’
‘Now, why don’t you get in your pyjamas while I go downstairs and make you a fresh hot choccie and then we can snuggle down on the sofa and have a film night?’
WITH BOTH EVIE AND Sophia upstairs getting changed, Chrissy stepped out into the garden, pulling her cardie tight around her against the cold. Taking a deep breath, she pressed the call button.
Three rings and he picked up. ‘Chrissy. What do you want?’
‘I think you probably know exactly why I’ve rung, Andrew.’ Keeping her voice steady, she was determined not to get drawn into an argument.
‘Is this about Sophia? Honestly, I don’t know what’s wrong with that girl, she was out of control here. Her behaviour has really deteriorated since you’ve moved there.’
‘Seriously? She’s a ten-year-old child whose parents have recently split up and she’s been dragged from the only home she’s ever known and been made to join a new school away from a secure friendship group. To be honest, I think she’s coping pretty well.’
‘Yes, well, it’s no excuse. You can’t let her act out like this. She’ll turn into one of those unruly teenagers and then things will be even harder.’
‘She had an outburst, that’s all. And by the sounds of it, you asked for it. They’ve told me that you went back on a promise to take her out to buy some bits for her room.’
‘Yes, I admit I should never have said yes in the first place and, yes, I did go back on a promise but that was only because she should have got some things when I offered and when Evie got them. She’d been in a mood that weekend too.’
‘She’s a child. A child who is trying to get to grips with her new reality of having to have split homes. You’ve got to give her time to adjust. You might be settled and all happy with the situation, but then again, we all know that you’ve been planning this probably since you started your affair with Susan. The kids don’t know that you were seeing her behind my back, they think you’ve only just got together with her. You need to give them time to adjust.’ How many times did she have to say it?
‘Maybe.’
‘Maybe? Definitely. And the poor thing poured her heart out to you by telling you how she’d felt that first weekend. I just don’t understand how you could have been so callous, so uncaring, towards your own daughter.’
‘I am not callous or uncaring. I love them both very much.’
‘Then start showing it, Andrew, before you damage your relationship with them by trying to impress your mistress.’ Leaning her forehead against the glass of the back door, she let the icy cold begin to dull her throbbing head.
‘That’s not fair.’
‘Isn’t it?’ Why couldn’t he see what was happening? ‘I understand it must be difficult for you, and her, but you both need to show a bit more understanding towards the kids. They didn’t ask for this. They don’t deserve to be caught up in whatever is going on between you two.’
‘What do you mean by that?’
‘Lik
e I said, you trying to impress her and her trying to work out how to have two ten-year-olds around the place. Just sort it out before they come again and, for goodness sake, let poor Sophia get a few bits to make her bedroom at yours more homely. It’s not fair on her.’
‘For your information, Susan and I have already decided that we’ll take her shopping for some things next time they come, but it’s still no excuse for her shouting at Susan the way she did.’
‘Ok. I’m going to go now. I’m glad you’ve sorted it.’ Pressing the end call button, Chrissy drew in a sharp breath of icy cold air. What had happened to him? She shook her head, she could see why Sophia had felt that he was putting Susan before her. Chrissy wouldn’t let them get hurt. Well, any more hurt anyway.
Returning to the kitchen, she let the warmth envelope her and switched the kettle on. Her mobile pinged, announcing a text. Andrew always had had the habit of having to get the last word in. She supposed it made him feel as though he’d won the argument somehow.
Slowly, she spooned the hot chocolate powder into their mugs and watched as the boiling water poured from the kettle, dissolving the tiny granules and turning the water a rich, velvety brown. Only after she’d sprayed the cream on top, twirling the can around and around to make perfect little peaks did she relent and take her mobile out of her back pocket. She wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of replying, but a part of her wanted to know what he’d written.
Chrissy straightened her back and leant against the work surface. It wasn’t Andrew. It was Luke.
Luke: Fancy meeting for lunch tomo?
Pinching the bridge of her nose, she slumped her shoulders.
Chrissy: No. Sorry
She shook her head and joined the girls in the living room.
‘ALL READY?’ AFTER PULLING the throw up higher around them, Chrissy pressed play, the familiar Christmas tunes signifying the start of their favourite festive film. This was what life was about, her and her girls. No one else.
Luke had been a good distraction, and, yes, she had felt something for him, but she needed to focus on her girls now. They needed her, and by the way Sophia had spoken earlier, Chrissy getting a boyfriend would just make things harder for them.
