“Are you all right?” Ben was beside her, leaning forward. He raised his hand as if to touch her arm, but dropped it again. His warm eyes stared down at her, and his soft smile calmed her despite all the noise. She squeezed her hands together and nodded.
“I’m fine,” she lied.
Ben chuckled. “A lot of noise here, I know. I’m sure you must be thinking you’d rather be somewhere quiet. Sally will appreciate your help while you’re staying here, no doubt.” He grinned smugly and leaned in closer to whisper what almost sounded like a challenge, “if you think you can handle it.”
Clara shook her head. “Maybe this was a bad idea,” she stammered.
“Bad idea? What’s a bad idea?” Sally came from the kitchen, wiping her hands on her apron. Her eyes went from Ben to Clara.
Ben stepped up to her. “I’m sorry to disrupt your family time, Sally. I came here, and brought Clara with me, because I have a favor to ask.”
Ethan emerged from one of the rooms holding a screaming infant. “I don’t think she’s gonna wait to let us eat supper in peace,” he said in a loud voice over the wails. He didn’t seem the least bit upset about all the chaos in the house.
Sally laughed and looked at Clara. “Ethan’s daughter has impeccable timing.”
“Oh, now she’s my daughter, when she’s not the perfect angel?” Ethan paced the floor with the baby, casting a smirk at his wife.
Clara held out her arms as if they had a mind of their own. “May I hold her?” she offered. “That way you can get your other children settled.” This was her chance to be helpful to Sally and Ethan Mallory, while also trying to soothe the upset baby.
Ethan handed the baby over into Clara’s arms. Rocking her softly, she whispered quiet words of comfort to the child. The baby looked up at her with wide eyes, flailing her little arms around.
“I know, little one,” Clara cooed. “I know how upsetting things can be sometimes, but there’s nothing to worry about. Everything’s going to be just fine in a few minutes.” Memories of her mother rocking her in her arms to soothe away the turmoil nearly brought tears to Clara’s eyes. She blinked rapidly and turned her back to the other people in the room. Holding the child, giving comfort to someone else, lessened her own unrest.
The little girl quieted and seemed to listen to Clara’s voice. The angry red color left her face, and her body relaxed. Clara continued to coo to the baby in a soothing voice while rocking her back and forth. Only when someone tapped her on the shoulder did she stop and look up.
“We can sit down to supper,” Ben whispered with a smile.
There was an intense glow to his eyes when he looked at her. Clara blinked. Why was he looking at her like that, as if he was mesmerized by her? She mentally shook her head. She was seeing things that weren’t there.
“I can wait and hold the baby while everyone else eats,” she offered. “I don’t want her to start crying again.”
“Sally said she’ll take her and feed her.” Ben’s hand was on her lower back again, guiding her toward the kitchen. “She and Ethan also said that they’d be more than happy to have you as a houseguest for a while.”
“That poor woman. I’m so glad you brought her here, Ben.”
Sally Mallory glanced over her shoulder at the front door of her home. She walked up to Ben, who stood on the porch, his hands clutching the railing as he stared off into the darkness. Crickets chirped around them, and a single cloud drifted in the sky to partially obscure the full moon. Several horses snorted in the nearby corral.
“I’m sorry to come to you and Ethan without asking first, but I didn’t know where else to go. Your brother and sister-in-law went to Kentucky, so I couldn’t ask them.”
“Trace and Katie would have been happy to take Clara in, too, but you have no reason to be sorry. Like you said, taking her home to your place would have the tongues wagging in town.”
“I don’t know Clara’s history, but I know she’s had to deal with a lot of things that aren’t easily seen on the outside. Folks tend to misread what they can’t see or understand. The important thing is that she feels safe and supported.”
“Getting her away from her horrible uncle and cousin is a step in the right direction, I’m sure. From what you’ve described, they sound absolutely awful. How can anyone treat a member of their own family with such disregard?” Sally’s voice rose in agitation.
Ben smiled. Trace Hawley’s sister was known to be a passionate woman when she got something in her head. She was also caring and acted like a mother hen whenever he’d seen her interact with her brother and their circle of friends. She was known to speak her mind, and she certainly wouldn’t take any bad-mouthing about Clara from anyone in town. His mind eased, knowing these things. Bringing Clara here had been the right decision.
“What do you plan to do after she’s had some time to adjust to a different life?”
Ben glanced at the woman. Sally stared up at him, a smug look on her face. He frowned and shook his head.
“I’m not sure,” he stammered. The question was unexpected. “I haven’t really thought about it.”
“Well, I suppose time will tell. I’m glad she’s settled and resting in the guest room. The children are sure taking to her dog, although I think he’ll need a bath in the morning.”
Ben chuckled. “I don’t think she would have stayed here if you hadn’t allowed her dog to stay, too. He’s her source of comfort.”
Sally nodded. “You’re not answering my question, Ben.”
Ben groaned. Sally was way too perceptive for her own good.
“I remember you saying something the other day at Lance and Ellie’s wedding about having no desire to court anyone. I can understand completely if that would involve Maureen or Frances, but maybe if you set your sights elsewhere . . .” She let that comment hang in the air.
Ben ran a hand through his hair. “Look, Sally. The truth is, I am drawn to Clara, and I’m not sure why. I had an experience when I nearly died a few months back in that poaching incident.” He paused. How much should he tell Sally? He’d better open up to her. He owed her at least that much for taking Clara into her home.
“You had an experience?” Her eyes widened, and she laughed softly. “I’d say you did. You almost died.”
“Yes, but while I was on death’s doorstep, I kept having visions and dreams of a blue-eyed woman. It was as if she tried to help me, and she saved my life somehow. It’s stayed with me all this time, as if she was my guardian angel. Clara reminds me of her. I’m not sure it’s anything more than that, but I feel a connection to her, and I had to help her.”
Sally, uncharacteristically, didn’t say anything immediately. They stood in silence for a few minutes, listening to the sounds of the evening. Finally, she turned to him, placed her hand on his arm, and said, “And now she’s found a guardian angel in you.”
Chapter 10
“Since Ethan is busy all day with rounding up horses, we can work on those new dresses. What do you say, Clara? Once the baby naps, we can get started.”
Clara turned from washing dishes at the water pump. Sally Mallory’s smiling face greeted her. The friendly woman sat at the kitchen table, feeding her infant daughter. Her two sons were somewhere outside, playing with Scamp. The boys had taken to the dog immediately, and Scamp enjoyed the constant attention he was receiving. There was no longer a need to worry about Max making threats to harm the dog in some way.
You don’t have to worry about him threatening you, either.
That was easier said than done. Thoughts plagued her relentlessly that Max and Uncle Eli would show up at any moment and demand she return with them. They would threaten her, as well as the nice family that had taken her in without question.
Today marked a week since she’d come to stay with the Mallorys. Clara had never lived in a real house before, with a real family. Ethan and Sally were a happy couple, and their love showed every time they were together. They tossed little glances at each ot
her whenever they were in the same room, or touched at every opportunity. Their children were a delight, and it was always a pleasure to hold the little baby.
Would she ever find that kind of happiness, or a family of her own? Not having any prior experience living like a normal family, she’d never even thought about it. Seeing Sally and Ethan together, however, and observing them with their children had resulted in a sudden desire for a home with a husband.
Inevitably, Ben Ferguson was the man she’d envisioned whenever her mind conjured images of a house with a husband and children. Uncle Eli’s voice, telling her she was worthless and that no one would ever want someone like her would creep in and shatter her perfect fantasy. He was right. Who would want to put up with a woman who was afraid of everything, and couldn’t lead a normal life because irrational thoughts and fears plagued her constantly?
Her first night away from Uncle Eli and Max had been the most difficult. She’d slept fitfully, waking several times in the night out of breath, with her heart racing. In the past, whenever the terrors had overtaken her in the middle of the night, she had screamed in her sleep. If that had happened since staying in this home, no one had said anything.
After a nice supper with the Mallorys the day she’d arrived, her anxiousness had returned when Ben had announced it was time for him to head to his own farm and had bid her a good night.
“I’ll be back in the morning to see how you’re doing.”
Clara had smiled at his reassuring words, swallowing back the fear of the unknown. She’d been left with strangers for the first time in her life. While they were wonderful people, she hadn’t been able to shake her irrational apprehension.
True to his word, Ben had been at the door bright and early. He’d eaten breakfast with the family but hadn’t lingered.
“I have to attend to some business, Clara.” He’d looked apologetic when it was time for him to leave. “I recently bought my farm, and I’ve got a lot of work to do to get it up and running. You’ll be safe here with Sally and Ethan. I’ll be by to visit in a week. You can send word if you need anything.”
A week? That seemed like a lifetime, but there was nothing she could do but nod. Asking him to stay or take her with him was out of the question. Ben had done so much for her already, and she trusted him. She wasn’t going to be a bother in his life. Besides, it was time she stood on her own two feet. She wasn’t in danger, and she certainly was better off with the Mallorys than she’d ever been with Uncle Eli. If only the unfounded feelings of doom would go away.
A week had come and gone, and Clara hadn’t seen Ben since that one and only day after he’d left her here. She’d made herself busy helping Sally with the household chores and looking after the children. As long as she kept her mind occupied, she didn’t slip into bouts of panic. In fact, she’d been completely fine during waking hours, but once darkness fell and she was alone in her room, fear and worry had consumed her on several occasions, and she’d hugged Scamp close to her.
During the long, dark hours of the night, her mind often raced and wouldn’t let her get any rest. Thoughts of where she would go and what she was going to do plagued her relentlessly. She couldn’t stay with the Mallorys forever. What if something happened to Ben, and Sally would tell her she had to find other accommodations? What if Eli and Max returned and demanded she come back to them? What if she dropped Sally’s baby? What if . . .? The thoughts went on forever until sleep finally overtook her late into the night.
It was during those times, when fear of the unknown led her down irrational paths, that she forced herself to remember what it had felt like when Ben had held her until her bout with panic had subsided. Pretending he was with her, holding her and keeping her safe, helped her relax.
Last night, tender thoughts of Ben as she drifted off to sleep had led to a nightmare, and she’d woken bathed in sweat with her heart racing. Ben had been lying by the Yellowstone hot spring, his legs, arms, and face scalded by the hot water. He’d come after her, accusing her of trying to kill him. She’d begged him not to be angry with her, that she’d tried to save him, but he hadn’t listened. When she’d startled awake, she’d barely been able to breathe.
Uncle Eli’s parting words had come back to her from when she’d packed her meager belongings.
“Just remember, Clara, you are as guilty as we are about what happened to that soldier. Don’t think for a minute that he’s going to be happy when he finds out you were with us when he got shot and burned. He’s going to haul you off to jail if he finds out, and I won’t be around to protect you. You remember that, and you’d best keep your mouth shut.”
As much as she hated listening to anything Uncle Eli said, he was right. Once Ben found out she’d been at the scene of the crime and hadn’t done anything to try and prevent it, he would take her to the sheriff in town, and he’d hate her for what she’d done.
Sally’s baby let out a soft cry, bringing Clara back to the present. She was drying a plate she’d just washed, but it appeared to be more than dry. Sally stood from the table, holding her daughter over her shoulder, patting her back.
“If I get the baby’s linens changed, I’m sure I can get her down for her nap. Then we can get started on our sewing.”
Clara blinked. She stared into the eager eyes of her hostess, struggling to remember what they’d been talking about. She’d been too lost in her own mind for the past several minutes, thinking about the last week, and about Ben.
Sally had asked if Clara would like to work on a new dress. A couple of days ago, she’d shown Clara some fabric that she’d been saving, and had offered it to her to make a new dress. She currently wore a borrowed gown Sally had given her.
“Of course, if you’d rather go outside and soak up the sunshine, I completely understand.” Sally’s face lit up in a wide smile. Clara blinked. How wonderful it must be to be this happy, without the constant dark cloud of fear and worry hanging over her head.
“In fact, we should take our sewing outside. Then we can enjoy the sun while we get our new dresses made.” Sally’s smile widened.
Clara stood at the counter, wringing a dishtowel between her hands after she’d set the plate in its place in the cupboard. The woman’s enthusiasm was infectious, but it was difficult to bring herself to show the same kind of exuberance, even though Sally’s idea was appealing.
“I don’t know how I can ever repay you for being so kind.” Clara blinked back the sting of tears.
Sally came up to her and placed her free hand on Clara’s shoulder. “There is no repayment needed. I’m just glad you’re here. I know Ben is relieved to know that you’ve got a safe place here with Ethan and me. Besides,” her smile brightened up her face. “You’ve been such a help to me with the household chores and the children. I don’t know what I’m going to do when you decide to leave.”
Clara shook her head. Did Sally really think she’d been an asset? Ben certainly seemed to have forgotten about her. No doubt he was glad that he was able to drop her off at the Mallorys so he could go about his own business. No. That wasn’t fair. He had been the one to finally get her away from her uncle and had brought her here because this was the best place for her, according to him. He cared, but did he think about her at all the way she constantly thought of him?
No one wants you, Clara. You’re worthless.
Clara straightened. She smiled at Sally. It was becoming easier as the days passed, especially since everyone in the house seemed to smile a lot. Sally nodded, then left the kitchen with the baby. Clara sighed, blowing air out of her mouth. She gathered the sewing they’d left in the main room the day before and headed out to the porch.
The sun blinded her momentarily, then her gaze went to the yard where Scamp ran around, barking and chasing after Sally’s boys. They were laughing and throwing sticks for the dog. Even Scamp seemed to feel more relaxed and at home here. Before, he’d lain under the wagon most of the time out of fear of getting yelled at or kicked by Max or Uncle Eli.
Now, as he happily chased after a stick, his wagging tail was up in the air, and his tongue was lolling out of his open mouth, almost like he was smiling like everyone else.
Clara’s lips twitched, and she raised the corners of her mouth. It wasn’t a forced smile like the ones she’d had to plaster on whenever she’d had to stand in front of a crowd, selling Uncle Eli’s elixir. Her face relaxed, and her smile widened. Inhaling a deep breath, she raised her head into the sunshine and closed her eyes. Today would be a good day.
When Sally appeared, Clara handed over the sewing material. Together, they sat on the porch swing and began to stitch.
“I’m glad the boys were able to give Scamp a bath. He looks a lot cleaner and sure smells better.” Clara glanced up to meet Sally’s gaze.
Sally laughed. “Yes, he sure needed it.” She paid attention to her stiches, then looked up. “You have beautiful hair, Clara. It shines so nice in the sunlight. The color of the dress is going to go well with your hair and your blue eyes.”
Self-conscious, and never having received such a compliment except from her mother, Clara ran her fingers over her hair. For the first time, she’d left it unbraided. She’d taken a long bath in a hot tub of water last evening at Sally’s coaxing, and her hair did feel much softer after a good scrubbing. Whether it was beautiful the way Sally made it sound was doubtful. Surely, she was only being nice.
They sat together for several hours sewing until Clara’s dress was finished. The baby only interrupted them once. Scamp lay sprawled out at her feet, exhausted from playing with the boys.
“You have to try it on. It’s going to look stunning.”
Sally clasped her hands together, smiling enthusiastically until Clara nodded. She took the dress to her room and changed out of the borrowed one from Sally. This new dress was also borrowed, since she hadn’t paid for the material. Sally had told her it was a gift, but it didn’t seem right that she took so much from this family and had so little to give back.
In His Thoughts Page 8
