“Jos…” My name was choked out, but it had more of an effect on me than if Tanner had shouted it. “Fontana knows you are important to me.”
I closed my eyes, wishing it were true. It was just another one of his hallucinations, though, or a ploy to keep me where he wanted me. Tears filled my eyes, so I kept my back to him. “Then he knows more than I do,” I said, my fists pressed to my chest, begging my heart to stop hurting. “I’m going back to my son.”
Chapter 8
Jos
I made it as far as the lobby downstairs before someone grabbed me from behind. I squealed before Jet’s voice reached my ears.
“Easy there, girl,” he grunted, covering my mouth with one of his hands. “No use in causing a scene. You want to go home or not?”
I bit into his palm, making him curse and drop his hand. Glaring up at him, I walked around him toward the entrance of the hospital. “That isn’t my home.” But it was now. Grandpa was dead, so someone had to run the business.
“Whatever, Miss Bitchy Pants. You want a ride, or you plan on walking?”
Seeing as his driving me was a hell of a lot faster, not to mention cheaper—meaning free—I followed him out to the SUV his sister left the last time she came for a visit and to check on everyone. I jumped into the front passenger seat and reclined the seat back enough so I could take a nap during the two-hour drive back to Creswell Springs.
But even as tired as my entire body and mind were, sleep eluded me the entire ride back.
Tanner had seemed really upset I was leaving. I didn’t know if he was just hallucinating again or if he really did care that something might happen to me. But I honestly didn’t know if I wanted to find out which it was.
Because I really, really wanted him to care, and if he didn’t, I knew it would shatter what was left of my stupid damn heart.
Finally back at the clubhouse, I rushed inside in search of my son.
Hearing his precious giggles coming from the main room, I followed the sound and stopped when my eyes landed on him. He was toddling around, chasing after Lexa, while Max crawled right behind him. The two Reid babies could have been brothers, they looked so similar. Dark hair, blue eyes, that damn cocky set to their chin and brows. It was maddening at times, but I adored that cockiness.
As I watched, I realized Quinn hadn’t just been trying to soothe my helicopter-mother feathers. Reid did seem to be having a good time without me. I put that down to all the women treating my son like their own. That was one of the things I’d always loved about my father’s MC. Everyone treated each other like they were all family. All the kids belonged to everyone. They were loved and looked after, no matter where the biological parents happened to be at any given time.
“Momma!” Reid screamed happily when he finally saw me and raced across the distance separating us.
I crouched down on my haunches and waited for him to throw himself into my arms. Wrapping my arms around him, I started kissing him everywhere as I stood, making him giggle happily.
“Oh, my little man. I missed you so, so, so much.” I rubbed my nose against his before kissing his cheek, inhaling the clean scent of his skin and hair. I probably smelled like week-old trash left out in the sun to rot compared to him.
“Momma,” he cooed, his chubby little arms clinging to me.
Tears burned my eyes, and I clutched him closer so he wouldn’t see that I was so close to an emotional breakdown. To him, I was the provider of applesauce and sippy cups. I’d never let him see me cry, and I would keep it that way for as long as I possibly could.
“Okay, wow.” Raven’s voice was right behind me, and I turned to face her. She put her hand to her nose. “Yeah, you were right to come back for a shower. Girl, you smell ripe.”
“Ah, you say the sweetest things.” I kissed Reid’s cheek one more time then pushed him into her arms. “Do you mind watching him while I get cleaned up?”
“No problem. You can use my room if you want. Throw those clothes into the bedroom, and I’ll put them in the washer while you shower.” She arranged Reid on her hip, fingering his curls. “By the way, an ambulance is transporting Tanner from Eureka to the hospital here right now. The guys will all be back by tonight.”
“That’s good news,” I muttered.
“Tanner is in a piss-poor mood too, from what Bash told me.”
I grunted, opening the door to her bedroom, not surprised when she followed. Shutting the door, she placed Reid on his feet and moved toward the bed to make it up. “Look, I don’t know what happened, but I know that Tanner is hard to handle even on a good day. It’s annoying and endearing all at the same time, and it can drive a saint to commit murder.”
“Glad you know that,” I told her as I walked into the bathroom and started stripping, tossing my dirty clothes into the bedroom as I pulled off each item.
“Jos, he seems to really care about you.”
Naked now, I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around my body before turning on the shower to let it warm up. Standing in the doorway between the two rooms, I watched my son crawl around on the carpet, playing with a few of Max’s toys he’d left scattered on the floor. “We all know Tanner doesn’t go for someone like me. Hell, I practically had to beg him to fuck me the first time. And the second time, that was only because he was jealous and pissed at me. I did a lot of flirting with some of the other brothers, and I played it up enough that I got a bit of a bad reputation. But I didn’t care about being called a cocktease as long as it got me what I wanted. Now I see it was all a mistake. We never should have hooked up. I was only deceiving myself thinking he would want more than a quick roll before he got bored with me. And he more than proved me right when it was over.”
“Then why was he so adamant about you staying beside him when he could barely lift his head?” she tossed out.
“Because he fucked up and gave my name to Fontana?” I shrugged, remember the fear in Tanner’s voice when he’d confessed. “I don’t know. Maybe he has some weird hero complex, and he wants to save me from the big, bad monsters. It doesn’t matter. Tanner can’t love me, and I’m not going to wear out my heart on him anymore.”
“But it’s not like you two won’t have anything to do with each other now. You have a child together. You can’t keep him from his son any longer.”
I would have to have been deaf not to hear the scold in her tone. Guilt slammed into me, and I nodded. “Yeah, I’m not going to keep them from each other now. And since Grandpa is gone, I’ll have to take over running Barker Construction, so it’s not like we are going anywhere.”
She fell back on her bed, relaxing for the moment. “I’m so sad Uncle Chaz is gone, but I’m glad you’re here, Jos,” she admitted. Turning her head, Raven locked her green eyes on mine. “You and Reid belong with us. You know that, right?”
A lump filled my throat, making it impossible to speak. Nodding, I turned away from the door and tossed the towel onto the sink before climbing into the shower. I’d always known I belonged here. If I’d had a choice, I would have lived with Dad and Grandpa instead of Mom. But I hadn’t been given that option.
The custody judge wouldn’t even think about giving the two one-percenters custody of me when they tried to take me away from Mom. They had records, weren’t fit to be full-time guardians in the court’s eyes. But the court didn’t know my mother. A pack of wild wolves would have been better parental supervision for me than that heinous cunt.
The tension in my body, along with the stickiness, was washed away by the jets, and the hot water felt like heaven. I needed to wash my hair twice before I could add conditioner, then made quick work of the rest of my body.
I didn’t linger in the shower. With everyone in the clubhouse showering periodically throughout the day, the hot water never lasted long, so I knew better than to take more than a few minutes of enjoyment from the hot spray. When I walked back into the bedroom, my dirty clothes were no longer in a pile on the floor, and Raven and Rei
d were gone.
A fresh set of my clothes, including underwear and a bra, were folded on the end of the bed, and I dressed quickly and finger-combed my hair since Raven didn’t have anything I could find that wouldn’t cause more harm than good to my curly hair. Not caring about my blond curls turning into a mop, I let them air-dry as I went in search of my son.
I found him in the kitchen, sitting in a high chair beside his cousin, eating a messy plate of spaghetti. My heart melted at the sight of him covered in marinara sauce, a noddle sticking to his cheek. I snapped a picture of the cuteness with my phone, then one of Max who was just as much of an adorable mess as Reid.
As I was taking their pictures, Reid offered a handful of pasta to his younger cousin. Max leaned forward in his chair, eating out of Reid’s hand. I snapped a picture of it and quickly sent a copy to Raven’s phone before she could ask. I hoped these two would always be like this, that they could be best friends as well as cousins.
“Eat,” Aggie commanded, pushing a plate loaded with spaghetti and crusty garlic bread into my hands. “Park your butt over there beside that baby and eat before I take this spoon to your behind, girl.”
Feeling loved by her motherly gruffness, I did as she ordered. Around me, there were at least a dozen other women making plates for the rest of the clubhouse. Some of them smiled at me, but they didn’t interrupt my dinner with questions about Tanner. Raven must have been keeping everyone up to date. I was glad, because I was pretty sure I would have done bodily harm to anyone who disturbed me while I inhaled the life-giving perfection of Aggie’s food.
Using the last bite of my bread to wipe my plate clean, I stuffed it into my mouth then licked my fingers.
“Raven, do you think Doc will let Tanner have some spaghetti once he’s settled at the hospital?” Aggie asked.
“I don’t think he’s being allowed solid food right now, Ag,” Raven informed her. “Right, Jos?”
I shook my head. “We couldn’t even get him to take broth yesterday.”
“Well, I’ll just make his favorites when he decides he’s hungry,” the old woman announced with determination.
“Good idea,” Flick agreed. “We’ll all help, won’t we, ladies?”
They all agreed, everyone seeming eager to help in any way they could.
My phone buzzing had everyone turning to look at me. Wiping my mouth with a napkin, I pulled it out of my pocket. Seeing it was Matt, I blew out a sigh and lifted it to my ear. “Yes, your highness?”
“We will be arriving at the hospital in about forty-five minutes. Jet and Colt will bring you. Don’t give them any lip.”
I used my napkin to wipe Reid as clean as I could get him, noticing the red sauce had already started to stain his face and hands. “I’m sure you can oversee getting him comfortable tonight.”
“Bring the boy,” he commanded, ignoring my comment.
“I’m not bringing him to the damn hospital. Any mother in this room will agree with me that the hospital is no place for a baby.” I looked at Raven, who was already nodding in agreement.
“Tanner wants both you and his son with him.” Matt’s voice held little room for argument.
Not that I would argue about it. That was just a waste of breath. I just point-blank wasn’t going to comply.
“Tanner can suck it up. I’ll think about coming to the hospital later, but I’m a little busy at the moment. Reid needs a bath and—”
“There are ten different women there who could give the kid a bath, Joslyn.” Matt’s voice rumbled.
My shoulders stiffened as I lifted my son from his high chair. “And oddly enough, I’m the only one who gave birth to him. Take good care of your brother, Matthew.” I hung up and carried Reid out of the kitchen.
“You can use my bathroom again,” Raven offered as she carried Max behind me. “These two seem to get along so well, and they love splashing in the bathtub together.”
While Raven ran the bath, I got both boys undressed down to their diapers, tickling their tummies as I spoke softly to them both. “You two are going to be just like your daddies, aren’t you?” I cooed, kissing each one of them. “You’re going to break both your mommies’ hearts.”
Reid thought it was funny, and I attacked his belly, blowing raspberries on it. “See? Already killing me, little man.”
Laughing at the boys’ mingled giggles, Raven picked up her son, carrying him into the bathroom. I lifted Reid, following them. Pulling off his diaper, I placed my son in the water beside Max, offering him one of the rubber bath toys floating around.
“I can handle this if you want to head over to the hospital, Jos,” Raven offered.
Using a soft washcloth, I washed Reid’s face and body. “Thanks, but I’ve missed doing this the last few nights. We have a routine, and I’d like to do that before I go over to the hospital and deal with Tanner’s bad mood.”
“So, you are going, then?”
I shrugged. “As much as he pisses me off and breaks my heart, I can’t stay away when he acts like he needs me.” It hurt my pride to admit it, but it seemed where Tanner Reid was concerned, that pride didn’t really exist. I could pretend all I wanted, but fuck, I was just glad he was alive. I would give him whatever the hell he wanted in the end.
Chapter 9
Tanner
I shifted blindly in the dark room, then jerked completely awake when I felt a soft, chilled hand. Heart pounding, I found the button on the bed rail that would turn on the overhead light. Blinking against the dim, yet harsh to my sensitive eyes light, I looked for the source of the hand.
Seeing the mop of blond curls on my blanket, I reached out, shifting Jos’s hair back from her face. She had dark circles under her eyes, but she wasn’t as pale as she’d been when I last saw her in the Eureka hospital.
A soft snore left her, and her mouth opened ever so slightly, letting out a sigh in her sleep. I brushed my thumb down her cheek, over her chin, then her full bottom lip. A tiny smile lifted at her lips, and she pressed a kiss to my thumb.
Fuck, she was beautiful.
The way I felt about her was like an obsession, one I’d tried to deny for many years. She’d been way too fucking young the first time I’d started feeling this for her. I was ten years older than her, a grown-ass man craving a girl.
I fought it—hard.
The thought of touching Jos back then made me break out in a cold sweat. Sixteen was too goddamn young for me to even contemplate looking at, let alone touching. So I stayed far, far away. I only fucked older women, scared what I was feeling for her was a sickness that would take root and become something more dangerous.
But when she turned eighteen and surprised her dad with a visit, I couldn’t fight what I felt for her any longer. I gave in, promising myself it was just going to be one time.
That first time with her had rocked me to my core, and I knew I was only fooling myself. I wanted that girl for a hell of a lot longer than one night. Forever wouldn’t have been long enough.
But she deserved more than I could give her. Jos was sweet and innocent. I wouldn’t be the one responsible for killing that in her.
It nearly destroyed me, but I made her leave after that first morning.
She was stubborn, though, and spent the next week flirting and going out with any brother who would give her the time of day. In a blind rage, I’d dragged her back to my house and fucked her until she couldn’t remember anyone but me…
Two years ago
Matt took his shot before lifting his beer. After swallowing half of it in a few gulps, he slammed down the brown glass bottle on the end of the pool table, causing the preppy college boy on the other side of the table to flinch.
Grinning over at me, my little brother lined up his next shot, sinking the ball easily before moving on to the next one.
“This is how it’s done, bitch.”
Bored out of my mind, I leaned back against the wall, watching Matt have a
ll the fun. Without my taking a single shot, Matt finished the game and then grinned wickedly, counting the money he’d just won.
Show-off.
I yawned, debating calling it a night. This place was mostly dead anyway, and I had to be up early to help Uncle Chaz pour a foundation for some guy’s new detached garage. Not everyone on his crew was an MC brother. I worked whenever I wasn’t on a run, and lately, I’d been staying close to home. With Matt’s head still not on straight after Rory leaving him, I was needed around to keep my little bro out of trouble.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a flash of blond curls and froze. Seconds later, I heard a giggle that went straight to my cock. Holding my breath, praying it wasn’t her, I turned slowly.
Motherfucker.
At the bar, Jos stood dressed in next to nothing. The jean shorts she wore left her ass cheeks hanging out, putting that perfect derriere on display for the entire bar to see as she bent forward, whispering into some douchebag’s ear. The shirt she wore couldn’t even be called that. It was shredded and knotted at her ribs, showing off the black bra she wore underneath.
All week she’d been showing up at the bar dressed like that, flirting and teasing any guy who looked twice at her.
Trying to grab my attention. Force my hand. Driving me so fucking crazy, I was about to implode from the pressure in my balls. Or explode with rage. Either would have caused a mess I wasn’t sure could ever be fully cleaned up.
Somehow, I’d kept my distance, not allowing myself to take even a step in her direction because I fucking knew if I so much as smelled her perfume, I would drag her away and fuck her until neither one of us could walk. But goddamn, it had been hard. I wanted her even more than before I’d taken her home the previous week. One night with her hadn’t cured me of this hunger that seemed to gnaw at my insides night and day.
The guy she was talking to put his hand at her waist, touching the skin I’d spent hours tasting and worshiping. His thumb skimmed under the top of her shorts, stayed there, and I knew I needed to leave before I ended killing the sonofabitch.
Angel's Halo: Forever Angel Page 5
