by J. R. Ward
"What?" he repeated.
"Like I said, they came over because Peyton wasn't feeling right about it all. He thought that you were being unfairly maligned by me."
Axe blinked. Then just shrugged. "So...?"
"So, yeah, um..." She shook her head. "Can you just tell me why...you didn't explain to me about the key?"
"And you'll believe me now?"
"Yes, I think I will."
He dragged a hand through his hair and relived himself standing in that closet of a dead female he didn't know, Elise holding that piece of metal out to him. "I thought...I thought you wouldn't understand. You know, that you'd write me off or something. I don't know. I gave up the drugs, but in a lot of ways, I was still self-medicating with sex, you know? Just trying to get out of my head."
"Did you ever hurt anyone? At, the, ah...club?"
"Like Anslam, you mean? No. Never. And I was never with Allishon. I didn't even know her, to be honest. A lot of people go there." He threw up his hands. "Whatever, I just wanted you to believe in me, okay? I wanted to be the male that I saw you thought I was. And a sex addict was not part of that picture."
"Do you feel any need to...go back there?"
"Not since I met you. When I took Novo to The Keys, none of it interested me anymore. I just didn't get juiced like I used to. I wanted to be with you and only you."
"Is that still true?" she whispered.
Axe crossed his arms over his chest. "What do you want from me, Elise? Why did you come here?"
"I'm just...I'm so sorry. I jumped to conclusions and I leveled a lot of things at you. And I'm really sorry. My emotions got the best of me, I guess."
"It's okay," he muttered. "I mean, it's cool."
"It's really not." She seemed so sad. "I guess the truth is...well, as you said, I'm a better professor than I am a student. I decided everything, and you're right, I didn't let you even defend yourself."
As a silence stretched out, Axe wanted to pace around, but, hello. Ass naked.
"I'll ask you again," he said. "Why are you here?"
"Because...I love you. That's why."
It took a while for the words to sink in. And what do you know, he went good and speechless when they did. In his most pathetic fantasies, he had wanted--hell, prayed for--this turnaround on her part. Had hoped against hope it would be the one miracle he would ever receive. Was this even real?
Overcome, and highly emotional, all Axe could do was...well, he leaned to the side and got something off the sofa cushions.
Elise came forward as he held out his hand. "What is..."
As he gave her the wooden object, he muttered, "It was supposed to be a bird. I don't know what it really turned out to be. Anyway, I love you, too."
Her head snapped up, her eyes popping wide.
Axe just shrugged. And then started to smile. "What? Do you want me to get on your case for wronging me? You're clearly already doing that yourself--and as someone who can beat himself up a lot, we'll always be harder on ourselves than we will be on anyone else. And come on, I've bonded with you. So you could pretty much run me over with a car, light me on fire, and pitch me off a bridge, and I'll still take you back. Not that I'm recommending that approach to reconciliation--"
Elise threw herself at him and hung on to his neck so hard, he couldn't breathe. But he was good with that. Just having her against him and smelling her hair and her skin...feeling her close, not just physically, but right in his heart?
Who the hell needed oxygen, anyway.
"I love you," he said again as he began to shake. "God, I love you...."
--
It was not at all how Elise thought it was going to go. Not even close.
She had braced herself for all kinds of recriminations. Was pretty sure that she was going to be kicked out of the cottage on her butt, and how could she blame him? She had jumped to a whole lot of conclusions because she'd been hurting and feeling so paranoid and betrayed. Heck, she had hit him where it counted, reducing him to a grief strategy.
And yes, that might have been where things had started on her side, but it certainly had evolved into so much more: If Axe had only been a psychological crutch, she wouldn't have missed him as much as she had. As in every second, each heartbeat, and all the breaths in between.
"I love you," she said. "I love you so much, and I almost blew it, and--"
"Shh...we don't need to think like that."
"But I have to make amends, and I have to re-earn your trust, and I need to--"
He put her down on her two feet--um, okay, wow. He was oh, so naked and, yes, responding to her presence. And...yup, she was responding to his.
"Elise." He brushed her hair back out of her face. "Listen, I'm not going to condemn you for protecting yourself. The truth is, we don't really know each other very well, and trust...it comes with time. You were emotional. I was emotional. And...shit happens. I don't know about you, but I'd much rather focus on the future than a couple of crossed wires that are really just part of the process."
"Except what if Peyton hadn't said anything?"
"He did, though."
"What if you hadn't let me in the door?"
"I did, though."
"But what if you didn't believe me--"
He put his forefinger gently on her lips, stopping her ramble. "So I'm thinking right now about something Rhage said to me a while ago."
"Was it about professors being idiots in their own subject matter?"
"You're not an idiot. And no, it was about...well, that night I saved him in the alley? Afterward? I was freaking out just like you are now. I was all, like, what if I didn't make it in time, or what if this, or that...and he said something about there being no reason to beat yourself up over something that was fated to occur. On that theory? Even if Peyton hadn't said something, we would have ended up back together because that just is what's supposed to happen."
"But...but..."
"Elise. Don't you understand? My door was always going to be open to you. It is always going to be open to you."
And then he was kissing her, and laying her out in front of the fire.
Elise was soaring with him even before she was naked, her heart free, the tangle untangled, the path astray now back on course.
Just before they were joined, she inched back. "So your door is always open, huh?"
"Always."
"Really..." She smiled at him, thinking if she were any happier, her heart would burst. "Because I happen to be moving out of my house."
His brows lifted. "You are? You don't say...."
"It makes me sad, but it's just not the right place for me."
"You know...I could use a roommate. In fact, I was just thinking I was looking for a beautiful, intelligent female who's good with a comeback and a gun."
Elise started to nod. "And I'm looking for a place to stay that's safe, secure, private...heated by an open hearth--and that has fireworks every night thanks to a guy who has tattooed half of himself and doesn't mind females who jump to conclusions."
"I'd say we're a perfect match, then."
On that note, he arched his back and filled her deeply. And as she gasped, he gave the knowing smile of a male was who well aware of the effect he had on his female.
"We are a perfect match," she moaned. "But there's just one thing."
"What's that?"
"I don't..." She glanced at the hunk of wood he'd given her. "I don't think you're much of an artist."
Axe started to laugh. "I know, right? What the hell is that? I tried to give my dad's thing a shot and I sucked at it--"
"You're sure it's a bird--"
"I don't know--"
As they talked over each other, midnight came and went, a new year beginning, a fresh start happening for both of them.
A fresh start...that was going to last two lifetimes.
ait, this one's for L.W.!"
As Mary sat back in the library with a cup of hot cocoa in her hand and a candy cane in h
er mouth, she smiled as Bitty rushed over to the First Family with a foil-wrapped present. The girl was dressed in a red taffeta gown that had a green sash, and she looked picture perfect. Except for one thing: She was also wearing, tragically, Lassiter's baseball hat with the reindeer antlers. Which would almost have been okay.
Except it read "The Grinch Can Elf Off."
At least, Mary decided, there wasn't an actual "f-bomb" in there.
The entire household had crammed in around the Christmas tree--well, everyone except the angel, and God only knew where Lassiter was. For the last hour, presents had been passed out, the human holiday being celebrated on New Year's Eve instead of the correct date because, hello, there had been a lot going on.
Rhage leaned in close. "So...can you and I play find-my-mistletoe today after the kid goes to sleep?"
Mary felt her body warm up. "Absolutely."
Her hellren let out a purr. "And I know just where to put it."
She elbowed him. "Shh, stop thinking like that. We still have a party to get through."
"There's always the bathroom. The pantry. The great outdoors--"
"It's freezing!"
"I'll warm you up, female."
Mary threw her head back and laughed just as Wrath said, "What is it?"
"A Tonka truck!" Beth smiled at Bitty as she put the toy in her son's lap. "Did you buy this with your own money?"
"I did." The little girl was very proud. "You said you thought he'd like one."
George, Wrath's seeing-eye dog, sniffed the thing and gave it a lick.
"L.W.'s going to love--" Beth laughed. "Yup, right in his mouth."
As the King's firstborn started gumming the tires, Bitty danced back to the tree and hunted around. "The last present is for you, Uncle."
Ruhn was two armchairs away, sitting in the self-contained way that Mary was coming to associate with him. He wasn't aloof--on the contrary, he was always open and warm--he just seemed a little overwhelmed by all the people and the shouting and the laughter and the never-ending rotation of inside jokes between the Brothers.
"Thank you," he said quietly.
Everyone went silent as the large flat box was delivered into his lap.
"It's from all of us!" Bitty exclaimed. "I put some of my money into it, too."
"Y'all have been too generous already." The male looked down at the pile of clothes next to his chair. "I don't know how to thank you--"
V cut in. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just open it, will ya?"
"Vishous!" Jane hissed over in the corner. "Seriously--"
"What! Come on, I seriously spent, like, hours trying to help Rhage find the right one--"
Butch chimed in. "He totally did. I mean, it was intense, the two of them--"
Rhage shrugged. "But hey, you know, this is an important gift...you want to get the color right."
"Is it another sweater?" Ruhn asked. "I have two now already?"
"You should open the box," Rhage said. "G'head, son."
It was funny, Ruhn had been taken under Rhage's wing within a night of coming here, and the two were really sweet together. Ruhn took all his cues from Rhage, learned from him, spent a lot of time with him.
Turned out Ruhn had gone through his transition only fifteen years before.
And Rhage would probably not admit it, at least not anytime soon, but Ruhn was quickly becoming a son to him.
Yup, that was Rhage's boy: Each time Ruhn mastered something else, like working out in the weight room with the Brothers, or signing up for an English-as-a-second-language course to learn to read, or watching another of Rhage and Bitty's god-awful movies, there was pride on Rhage's face.
The universe had given them a BOGO, in essence--
Ruhn opened the top of the box and rifled through the tissue paper. Then he frowned. "Wait, what is this?"
He held up a key fob.
Rhage jumped out of his seat. "Come on, son, you gotta meet her!"
Bitty squealed and started yanking on her uncle's arm. "She's out back--right here!"
"Here, hit the button on the fob--"
"Wait, what--"
As Rhage threw open a set of French doors, the whole household exploded out of their seats and jammed the exit....
To see the most beautiful heavy-duty Ford truck with a blah-blah-something or another for an engine and double cab blah-blah with eight gazillion horses under the hood and yada, yada, yada, suspension, gear-shifting whatever--
All that stuff.
Mary hung back and let them all go, the security lights coming on and giving her a great view of Ruhn's total shock and then tentative excitement.
And then the male was turning to Rhage and not looking him in the face. Rhage knew what he was doing, though, and wrapped Ruhn up in a big bear hug--while Bitty danced around like a firefly.
Yes, Mary thought, this was the best Christmas she'd ever--
"Mary."
Turning at the soft sound of her name, she glanced behind herself. Then frowned. "Lassiter?"
"I'm over here."
"Where?" She looked all around. "Why is your voice echoing?"
"Chimney."
"What?"
"I'm stuck in the fucking chimney."
She raced over to the fireplace and got on her hands and knees. Looking up into the dark flue, she shook her head. "Lass? What the hell are you doing up there?"
His voice emanated from somewhere above her. "Don't tell anyone, okay?"
"What are you--"
An arm came down. A very sooty arm that was encased in a red sleeve that had white trim. Or what had been white trim and which was now smudged with ash.
"You're stuck!" she exclaimed. "And thank God no one lit this fire!"
"You're telling me," he muttered in his disembodied voice. "I had to blow out Fritz's match like a hundred times before he gave up. Fuck, that sounds dirty. Anyway, just remind me never to try to be Santa for your kid, okay? I'm not doing this again, even for her."
Mary stretched a little farther in, but the logs on the hearth stopped her. "Lassiter. Why can't you free yourself by dematerializing--"
"I'm impaled on a hook that's iron. I can't go ghost. And will you just take this?"
"What?"
"This."
He turned his hand toward her and there was...a box...in it? A small navy blue box.
"Open it. And before you ask, I already cleared it with your pinheaded hellren. He's not jel or anything."
Mary sat back and shook her head. "I'm more worried about you--"
"Justopenthefuckingthingalready."
Taking off the top, she found a slightly smaller box inside. That was velvet. "What is this?"
As she lifted the lid, she...gasped.
It was a pair of diamond earrings. A pair of perfectly matched, sparkly, diamond...
"A mother's tears," Lassiter's slightly echo-y voice said softly. "So hard, so beautiful. I told you everything was going to be all right. And those are to remind you of how strong you are, how strong your love for your daughter is...how, even in the worst of times, things have a way of working out as they should."
Blinking away tears, she thought of her crying in the foyer in front of the angel, crying because all had been lost.
"They're just beautiful," she said hoarsely.
Slipping one out of its box, she took out the pearl in her lobe and replaced it with the diamond. Then did the same on the other side.
"Mary!" Rhage said from the open door. "You gotta come see--"
He stopped and then smiled. "So he gave them to you, huh."
"He did." She put the box aside. "But, Rhage, we have a problem--"
"You weren't supposed to tell him!" Lassiter barked.
Rhage frowned. "Lassiter?"
"Fuck you!" came the muffled response.
Mary pointed to the hearth. "Lassiter is in a Santa suit, stuck in the chimney, impaled on something that means he can't dematerialize. So we've got a problem."
Rhage blinked once. An
d then threw his head back and laughed so loudly the windows shook. "This is the best fucking Christmas present ever!"
"Fuck you, Hollywood!" Lassiter yelled from inside the chimney. "Fuck you so hard--"
Brothers started filing in, and Rhage was all over it, reporting the situation--while nearly wetting his pants laughing.
Then Rhage marched over, put his hands on his knees, and hollered up, "How's it feel to be a proctologist, angel! You like that tight squeeze? I'd call you something else but my daughter's in earshot. Starts with 'd' and ends with an 'o,' though!"
"I'm gonna kill you as soon as I'm out of here!"
"You want a Little Mermaid doll to keep you company? Or, wait, I'll send that stuffed tarpon up--"
"Eat me!"
As the two exchanged festive holiday cheer, and the rest of the household gathered around and laughed until they were hoarse, and V decided that maybe they could run a chain from the back of Ruhn's new truck, Mary stepped out of the way and just watched her family.
"Mom?"
Focusing on Bitty, she smiled and stroked the girl's long dark hair. "What, my love?"
"Merry Christmas, Mom." The little girl came in for a hug. "This was the best Christmas ever, don't you think? I mean, I know it's my first, but I don't think it gets any better than this."
Mary tucked her daughter in close, looked at the load of opened presents and the acres of crushed wrapping paper and the utter and complete chaos...and found herself filled with such joy, her body and soul became a happy balloon, bouncing in the air even as she stayed with her feet on the ground.
"No, Bitty, Christmas doesn't get any better than this."
Bitty frowned. "Are they ever going to get him out?"
Mary laughed. "Yes. But they're never, ever going to let him forget this one. Ever. Yes indeed, this is one holiday everybody's going to remember!"
Dedicated to:
my Tatson, Dee.
With all my love,
xxx mummy
With immense gratitude to the readers of the Black Dagger Brotherhood!
Thank you so very much for all the support and guidance: Steven Axelrod and Kara Welsh. With love to Team Waud--you know who you are. This simply could not happen without you.
None of this would be possible without my loving husband, who is my adviser and caretaker and visionary; my wonderful mother, who has given me so much love I couldn't possibly ever repay her; my family (both those of blood and those by adoption); and my dearest friends.
Oh, and my WriterDog, Naamah!
BY J. R. WARD
THE BLACK DAGGER BROTHERHOOD SERIES
