by Tara Wimble
Then the routine starts. Jacque is watching Peter Petrelli go through his usual angst when Bella bangs her fist against the door. Jacque waits for a moment, before Bella realizes that the door is still open, to listen out for the clacking of heels and the slamming of the door behind her.
Bella doesn’t come straight through. Jacque isn’t even visible from the door, she’s slumped and stretched over the couch so it’s only ten minutes later; when Bella has tugged her hair down and changed into her pajamas, that she sees her. And their first interaction isn’t even Bella saying anything, it’s her lifting Jacque’s legs out of her seat so she can curl into her spot.
Her settling is hindered further. “Pizza is on the counter.”
“Shit.”
Bella repeats the last few steps and returns with the pizza Jacque had left for her.
“Sushi was small?”
“He looked a bit surprised that I wanted dessert.” Bella mumbles before taking a huge bite. “What episode is this?”
“Season finale.”
“I don’t like that guy.” Bella points Sylar out. Jacque taps her fingers over the remote but she waits for Bella to go on. “He was okay. A little dull. Liked to own the conversation too much.”
Jacque giggles. “Wouldn’t let you get a word in?”
Bella holds a finger up. “And he didn’t leave a tip.”
“Abort, abort.” Jacque cuts in straight away. Bella deflates and continues eating her pizza. Jacque kicks her gently. “Hey, better luck next time?”
Bella has sauce on her top lip and it makes her look exactly her age when she nods. “Yeah, I guess.”
Next time comes around sooner rather than later and once again Jacque is left watching Bella leaving their apartment, and her wedding ring, to meet her date outside. Jacque almost always orders food in on those nights because the idea of cooking becomes annoying when there’s no one in the kitchen criticizing everything she’s doing.
There’s the time Bella’s home before the food even arrives, crying, and Jacque tries to ask but Bella won’t say what happened and even when Jacque silently promises to kill the guy if he ever comes by again it doesn’t stop her from letting Bella have all of the fried rice and crying into her side while Legends of the Hidden Temple plays in the background.
But that was only once, the rest of the time is a little bit more routine.
She’s well aware that she’s putting too much stock in the fact that Bella seems to come home with more outlandish reasons not to see the same guy twice. One guy didn’t like soccer, another was allergic to dogs, the second guy she went out with harassed her with text message poetry the next day-
But even those were preferable to the few that Bella liked. On those nights Jacque grew increasingly antsy as the hours ticked on and Bella didn’t return. She’s had to lock the door twice in the few months they’ve been in and out of team camps. Both times Bella had taken a page out of her book, albeit subtly, and come home baring sugary breakfast treats as a thanks for waking up to Bella’s pounding on the door at hours before six in the morning.
That’s only been twice though. The rest of the time has become business as usual.
Bella comes in around eleven. Which means that the date was alright but either she was pushed into sticking around longer or they got drinks afterwards. Judging by the calmness in which she closes the front door and the fact that Jacque doesn’t hear her tripping over in the hall, she’d say the former.
“Tonight is Thai food.” She yells from her place on the couch. Bella cheers and Jacque hears her walk into the bedroom.
“You are a goddess.”
Jacque turns the volume down and mutters to herself. “Tell me something I don’t know.”
“What was that?”
Jacque sits up so her head pokes over the back of the couch. “Nothing. How’d it go?” She gets a prolonged groan in return. “That well, eh?”
Bella walks out as she’s pulling a baggy t-shirt over her head. She throws Jacque an exhausted look. “I couldn’t even slip out between the meal and drinks.” She explains. “He insisted on buying a round for the table next to us, who turned out to be his friends stalking him on the date, and then they wouldn’t, like, leave.”
Jacque bites her lip while Bella goes to retrieve the food Jacque left for her. “Sounds entertaining.”
Bella comes back with a plate and sits down next to her. There’s no communication between them but by now Jacque knows to sit up straight against the arm of the sofa so Bella can swing her legs up and lean her back against her side. She asks Jacque to hold the plate while she gets comfortable.
“Plus he had a beard issue.” Bella takes out her earrings on the couch and leans forward to put them on the coffee table.
Jacque maneuvers her arm so that it’s resting on the back of the sofa. She flicks Bella in the forehead, gesturing for her to take her plate. “He was gay?”
“No, like a physical beard issue.” Bella frowns and waves around her chin. “It was all bushy and ew.”
“Oh.” Jacque deflates, she thinks it’s subtle but Bella notices.
The TV playing a rerun of ‘Friends’ goes on in the background. “Did you want him to be gay?”
Jacque goes into damage mode and smirks, saving face. “Would have been a funnier story.”
Bella mixes up her food with her fork. “Oh sure, that’ll be a story to tell my sister’s children when I’m childless and you’re stuck with me for the rest of your life.”
Jacque’s heart thuds but she sees the funnier side of it. “Wait, this marriage thing was a lifetime deal? Shit.”
She hears a soft giggle from her girl and goes back to half watching the TV while Bella eats. They have a small fight over the remote once Friends ends, just enough of a struggle for Jacque to lose when she spots that Bella’s put her grandmother’s ring back on, before they settle in for the rest of the night.
“You not gonna see him again?”
Bella shakes her head. “Didn’t fit the bill.”
Jacque’s eyes feel heavy. “There’s a checklist.”
“Yeah.” Bella mumbles. She’s finished eating and is now slumped against her. Jacque’s arm has drooped enough for Bella to grab onto it like she’s hugging a pillow. “They have to like soccer, have good faith and character and they have to make me laugh.”
Jacque nods sleepily. “What did he fail on?”
Her arm is squeezed. “He wasn’t as funny as you.”
That makes her chest tighten. “Did you tell him that?”
Bella’s laugh rumbles through her body and into Jacque’s. “No. I should have though, huh? Hey man-” Bella puts on a tough sounding voice, pretending to talk to her former date. “My fake wife makes me laugh harder than you do-”
It’s slung out like a bad ‘yo momma’ joke and Jacque loses it the moment Bella stops. Bubbling laughter, the kind that has neighbors complaining when they next see you, rushes through them both, overpowering the TV volume easily. Jacque pokes her fingers against Bella’s ribs, spurning the humour on just enough for Bella to keel over into her lap and burn herself out until they’re both shaking with the aftermath of giggles and wiping happy tears from their eyes.
“Yeah, you can keep that one for the next guy.” Jacque jokes. She sighs and Bella grabs a pillow from behind her to place in Jacque’s lap before putting her head back again. “You alright there?”
“Tired. Laughing always takes it out of me.” Bella teases. “Plus, you’re comfy remember?”
She prods Jacque’s thigh and throws the ‘maple syrup’ comment at her again and Jacque messes up her hair on purpose until Bella falls still. Jacque fixes the mess, pulling Bella’s hair out of her face to Bella’s mocking ‘yeah you better do that’ and murmurs. “Do you want to go to bed or are you staying up?”
Bella burrows down in her place. “One more episode.”
Jacque’s hand lingers on the back of Bella’s neck and she knows she’s holding onto a cand
le that’s dripping hot wax all over her hand. She’s hoping and she knows there’ll be a time when the flame goes out and she’s left burnt.
“Alright,” She rests her elbow on the arm of the sofa, her head in her hand and puts the volume up again. “One more episode.”
*
Jacque slams the door and immediately feels bad about it. It very Canadian of her but she immediately apologizes to the door and that only enhances her feeling of idiocy.
It’s late October, getting colder than ever, and she’s had a shit day.
They couldn’t practice outside because of the cold and none of the girls had been on top form today. Trying to do strength and conditioning was like pulling teeth and it seemed like everyone came to practice with an attitude.
And then her head coach had the nerve to come down on her about it. Yeah, she’s need about a drink or five and maybe a vacation to someplace warm where none of her players can find her.
But instead of that vacation she comes home to Bella in her pajamas with a keyboard spread across her lap, absently pressing keys and tabbing through her computer looking at chords.
“Haven’t seen you dust that off since last year.” Jacque comments, breaking her own rule and sitting down on the coffee table across from Bella.
“Just felt like it today, I guess.” Bella says quietly, still mostly engrossed in her computer.
That catches Jacque’s ear and even with the day she’s had she still wants to ask about Bella’s. “Everything alright?”
Bella looks up, smiling radiantly. “Of course, like you said, I haven’t played in a while so I thought why not, right?”
Jacque nods and then an idea comes to her. “Play me something.”
“No.” Bella shakes her head. “I’m so rusty, there’s no way.”
“Come on, I don’t care about that.” Jacque argues gently. “It’s been a shit day, you could play anything and it would be better.”
“I don’t know.” Bella resigns. “Let me look through and see if I can think of something.”
“Okay.” Jacque agrees and leans forward, leaning her elbows on her knees, and waits. She’s enjoying watching Bella in such a deep focus that she could probably do this for the rest of the night and wouldn’t need the drinks.
“Okay.” Bella smirks and suddenly Jacque isn’t so sure this was a great idea. “This one is for you, my lovely wife.”
She stretches her hands, wiggling her fingers around to get them warmed up, and then starts in on the keyboard. The opening strains of Beyonce’s ‘Halo’ start and Jacque groans.
“Really, Bella?” Jacque ducks her head in embarrassment.
Bella keeps playing and shushes her. “Quiet, I’m serenading you.”
The whole time through Bella makes sure to emphasize the romantic lines, not without substantial giggling of course, and sells it like this is an actual serenade.
Jacque can’t help but fall into the game, fall into Bella’s trap of playfulness and levity, and for a few minutes she forgets about her shitty day and just plays along with it.
Then the music stops and the world comes rushing back.
“Did you like it?” Bella asks, barely able to contain her amusement.
“Beautiful.” Jacque can feel her heart being crammed full of a love she doesn’t want and a love that Bella doesn’t know about but certainly wouldn’t want and it’s too much to handle.
With the holidays coming up it’s only going to get worse. Family and travel and constant togetherness mean no reprieves. Nothing.
Jacque stands up from the coffee table. Clearing her throat she looks down at Bella, voice slightly straining to keep from showing her hand. “I just realized I forgot something at work.”
Bella frowns, looking at Jacque suspiciously. “Just get it tomorrow.”
“I--uh, I need it tonight. I’ll be back.” Jacque grabs her coat and keys, walking out before Bella can get another word in.
She drives around Toronto for a couple of hours, until she’s sure Bella will be asleep, and then comes back home.
But sleep doesn’t come easily.
*
The snow is in full swing by the time they make it to Jacque’s parents’ house. Driving at night hadn’t been a fun idea but arriving Christmas Eve morning hadn’t been all that appealing either. Bella is thankful that her decision to wear jeans instead of trying to impress Jacque’s family in a dress was the right one as she slips and slides down the driveway towards the door.
Jacque reminds her for the millionth time that she has nothing to worry about. The hard part was over. Which both referred to convincing Jacque’s family of their marriage through the wedding but also managing to get through Thanksgiving which was spent with Bella’s family this year. Getting through that was always going to be ten times are hard as this.
“Plus, by default they have to love you since they think I’m in love with you.” Jacque had explained.
All the same Bella had spent the weeks up to Christmas carefully choosing individual presents for Jacque’s parents and her sisters.
Jacque had tried to convince her that her family would be fine with Bella just showing up and being herself but she knew a trap when she saw one so it was time well spent.
Her hands are full so Jacque rings the doorbell after trying the handle and finding it locked.
The door opens and it’s like the presents are magically removed from her arms by one of Jacque’s sisters and she’s enveloped in a hug from her mom. Breathing becomes an issue for a quick second but then she’s released. She braces herself for the whole family to squeeze her to death before she makes it in the house but luckily Jacque takes the lead and at least gets them inside first.
Where Bella is then squeezed to death by everyone in the house. But at least the heater is on so it’s not like she’s an asphyxiated popsicle.
“What am I? Invisible?” Jacque stands off to the side, holding her arms out affronted. The attention gets turned on her and as the parade of hugs moves to her Bella mouths a relieved ‘thank you’. Jacque winks in reply.
There’s leftover food set aside for them and Jacque’s mom makes herself busy fixing their plates, Bella decides to go in the kitchen and hang around.
The food is in the microwave and Jacque’s mom turns to her. “Let me see it.”
She’s not specific but Bella knows exactly what she means.
Bella holds her hand out for Jacque’s mom, the ring is center of attention for a few minutes and Bella can see her tear up a little when she looks down at it. “Never gets old, does it?”
The question hits her with an unexpected and misplaced emotion. Bella doesn’t feel what Jacque’s mom does but seeing it move her so much, that Bella is wearing Jacque’s grandmother’s ring, she’s overcome with an impression of gratefulness.
“It’s a beautiful ring.” Bella sighs out. “I never did thank you.”
Jacque’s mom bundles back her tears and waves Bella’s thanks away. “It was always meant for Jacque. For whoever she married. Her grandmother would have been thrilled to welcome you into the family.”
It’s the first time Bella truly feels guilty for all of this. She’s being welcomed into Jacque’s home and her family and the ring on her finger was not meant for her. It was meant for someone Jacque actually loved. When Jacque’s mom busies off to get some more drinks for everyone Bella twists the ring on her finger, ashamed to be stealing this moment from someone who really deserved all of this.
When the microwave beeps she grabs the food plates and takes them out to the dining room where Jacque is already waiting.
There’s a sigh of relief when Bella sits down and she looks at Jacque suspiciously. “This is your family you don’t get to be all flustered.”
Jacque looks up with a disturbed look on her face. “You didn’t just have the conversation I had with my sister. You’d be flustered too.”
There’s a pointed look and Bella whispers a flustered ‘oh’ before digging into her
plate, unable to look Jacque straight in the eye.
The second they’re done with their food a switch flips and it’s party time in the Liresch household. Both Bella and Jacque are handed generous glasses of wine and the music gets cranked up a little higher.
Jacque ends up entrenched in a conversation with her brother about soccer and Bella manages to get herself caught between both of Jacque’s sisters in a continuation of the awkward conversation they must have been having with Jacque before.
The night wears on and the alcohol doesn’t stop flowing. Despite everything the Liresch’s definitely know how to have a good time and if this is going to be their Christmas holiday Bella thinks that would be alright.
Until it comes time to retire for the night and they realize that they’re expected to share a bedroom and thus a bed. And then everything falls to shit.
Bella insists that it’s fine but she’s drunk. And as drunk as she is Jacque is even drunker so while Bella takes the bed, Jacque locks the door and then stumbles around the room grabbing a pillow and a blanket mumbling something about a shower and halos and pizza.
Jacque haphazardly throws her gathered items on the floor and is passed out on top of them before Bella can even mount a serious protest.
She falls asleep soon after but resolves to figure this situation out in the morning. Though she can feel the pounding already starting in her head.
Maybe after a cup of coffee.
*
Bella wakes up about an hour before Jacque and takes the time to take a much needed shower, get dressed, and go down just in time to help Jacque’s dad make breakfast for everyone.
Family is scattered throughout the house so as the smell of bacon and waffles starts to fill the air people begin to pop out from wherever it is they’ve been hiding and assemble in the kitchen and at the dining room table.
Jacque slinks down the stairs right before everything is about to be served and she looks exactly like she drank as much as she did last night. Hair sticking out all over the place, drowned in an oversized hoodie and sweats, eyes hardly open leaning hard on the bannister to get down the stairs.
