I froze. There it was. At least, I thought that there it was. I needed clarification before I freaked. “What are you…I don’t know what you’re saying.”
“Yes, you do. But I’ll spell it out if that makes you feel better.” He stood and took his dish to the sink as he spoke. When he returned, he remained standing, leaning against the breakfast bar behind him. He probably didn’t realize the impact of his towering presence. Or perhaps he did. Perhaps it was purposeful. He did know how to mold a situation to his favor.
“Yes, spell it out.” My voice squeaked, unsure whether to be excited or terrified.
“Why do you need your apartment? Your lease is almost up. Move in here.”
I didn’t even bother asking how he knew about my lease. If I thought about it too hard, I’d worry about the safety of my other secrets. Besides, I was too stunned by his statement to be able to think about anything but those three words: Move in here.
“I love that I can still shock you.” Hudson tilted his head, looking at me from a new angle. “But I’d prefer that this wasn’t one of the times that I did. What about that plan is shocking to you?”
Shaking, I set my spoon down. Even though I’d only eaten half of my fruit, there was no way I was eating more. I could barely formulate thought let alone think about chewing and swallowing. “Well, um, it’s just, it’s awfully soon.”
He frowned. “It is. It’s unfortunate that a lengthy time span is regarded as such an important element to appropriate landmarks in relationships. It shouldn’t be a factor.”
“But shouldn’t it?” I shifted on my chair to face him head-on.
“Not for me. As I said before, when I have a plan, I commit. I plan to be with you as much as possible. And not only in the carnal sense. Moving in is a logical way to make that happen.”
I stood, gathering my dishes to take to the sink. I had to clutch them against my body so he didn’t hear them rattle in my unsteady hands. “And that’s another reason it might not be a good idea. It seems a little like a business plan. Like this is the next step on a list. Not very romantic or anything.”
His voice tightened. “I didn’t realize you were in need of romance. You know that’s not in my nature.”
“Hey.” I waited until he turned to face me, the breakfast bar between us. “That’s bullshit. You say you aren’t romantic, but you really are very much so.” The things he’d said the night before, for example. “I wasn’t complaining about your romantic overtures.”
“Then what are you complaining about?” He seemed genuinely confused.
“Nothing! I’m complaining about nothing.”
“You were complaining about the way I asked you to move in with me.”
“No, I’m not.” I shifted my eyes. “Okay, yes, I was. A little, but that’s not why I’m saying no.”
This took him aback. “You’re saying no?”
“No.” Wait. “I mean, yes.” Except, I didn’t really want to say no. I wanted to be with Hudson all the time, like how he’d said he wanted to be with me. Still, the length of time we’d been together… “I mean, I don’t know.”
Hudson came around the bar and put a hand on each of my upper arms. “Alayna, do you know how you feel about me?”
“Yes. I love you. You know that.”
“Then move in with me.”
I bit my lip and tugged on his lavender tie. “I have to think.”
He put a finger under my chin and lifted my face so I was forced to meet his eyes. “Why?”
“I just do.” I pulled away, unable to concentrate with his hands on me. Unable to stand my ground with the electricity surging between us as it always did when we touched.
Turning back to the sink for distraction, I dumped the grapefruit shells into the garbage and ran water over our dishes. “This is big, and yes, it would make things easier and I can’t deny that I want to—”
“Then do it.”
“—but I don’t know if it’s the right thing to do.” I turned off the water and flicked my wet hands over the sink. Without facing him, I admitted the heart of my hesitation. “I’m falling for you too hard, Hudson. Too fast and that scares me.”
“Falling? Or fallen?”
Both. Every time I was certain I’d met my max capacity of love for him, that I’d fallen as far as I possibly could, he’d go and do or say something spectacular and I’d find I loved him even more. “Either way, does it matter?”
“If you’ve already fallen, then why are you worried anymore about whether it’s too hard or too fast? It’s already done. That’s how I’m approaching it.”
There it was again—an allusion to the way he felt about me without an actual declaration. That was a problem right there, wasn’t it? How could I live with a man who couldn’t even say he loved me?
I took a deep breath and turned to him once again. “Can I just have a little time to think about it? When I’m away from you?”
He stiffened. “Are you suggesting that I’m pressuring you?”
“I’m suggesting that you’re distracting. And yes, it’s pressure, whether you mean for it to be or not. And honestly, a tiny bit manipulative. And with your past, it does cross my mind that maybe you want to control me, and that this is the easiest way for you to do so.”
His expression hardened and I ran to him, wrapping my arms around his neck. “Now, don’t, don’t be upset, H. I’m not saying you are manipulating me or that you want to control me, I’m saying I need time to think. To be sure. Give it to me. Please?”
“If that’s what you need.” His tone was chilly, his arms remaining at his sides, even as I held him.
I curled my fingers into the hair at the back of his neck. “Hudson!”
“What?”
“Don’t be like this.”
He remained stiff. “I’m not being like anything.”
“Then are we okay?” I pressed kisses underneath his jaw, wanting—no, needing—him to yield to me, to give in to my embrace.
He exhaled, finally wrapping his arms around me. “Of course we are.” He kissed the top of my head. “Always.”
***
Hudson’s driver picked him up at the same time Jordan arrived for me. The minute I was alone in the backseat of the Maybach, I pulled out my phone to call Liesl. I had to talk to someone about Hudson’s move-in proposition, and she was the person I turned to when things got rough. I stopped before I dialed, however. Liesl had worked for me the night before. She’d likely still be sleeping. Besides, even though she knew me, she didn’t know Hudson. Not truly. Knowing Hudson was a vital part of helping me make a sound decision.
But there was someone who did know Hudson—knew Hudson very well. And I had her number.
When Celia didn’t answer, I hung up and redialed as she’d instructed. It took until the third call before I got through to her. I considered telling her my news on the phone but decided we might need something more personal. At least, I needed something more personal, so we arranged to meet for lunch at one.
Celia was already seated when I arrived at A Voce. I waited until after the waitress had taken my order for an iced tea and chicken and watercress salad before diving into conversation.
Though I’d planned to lead with Hudson’s invitation to move in, it was something else entirely that came out of my mouth. “What do you know about Norma Anders?” She’d invaded my thoughts several times since she’d put her hand on Hudson’s and he’d called her by her first name.
Celia’s brows rose. “Ah, you heard about the slut.”
“You mean, Hudson and—” My stomach churned. Maybe I shouldn’t have asked.
“Honestly, I don’t know for sure. It’s not like Hudson discusses his conquests with me. And if I had to guess, I’d say no because if he had fucked her—sorry, that was a bit coarse, but you know what I mean—if he had, then he’d be done with her and she certainly wouldn’t still be working with him.”
I wanted to grab on to Celia’s words like a lifeline an
d believe there was no way Hudson had been…intimate…with Norma Anders. But there were holes in her theory. “That’s if he slept with her when he was still, you know, messing with women. He hasn’t done any of that for a while, right? Like not in the last two years.”
Her forehead creased. “Uh, yeah. Of course.”
“So Hudson could have slept with her after he’d started therapy and then it wouldn’t have been such a big deal for him to keep her employed.”
Celia nodded. “I get you. But I still don’t think so. Here’s the thing. Norma’s always been after him. From way before he ever had therapy. And I can’t tell you how many functions I went to where I watched her try to seduce him, hence the reason I refer to her as the slut. Yet despite all her attempts, he never made any move to play her.”
“Which makes it all more likely that he’d go to her after therapy. Trust me, I know.” It made perfect sense. The people I’d dated since therapy had been the safe ones, the men I didn’t feel intensely about. If Hudson had never been interested in playing Norma, then she was similarly safe.
On the other hand, Hudson had told me more than once that he’d never wanted to play me either. Did he refrain from playing Norma for similar reasons? Because he felt something for her?
The idea made me sick with jealousy.
And it didn’t give me any answers as to whether or not she was special to him now or in the past. If I really wanted to know, I’d have to look closer at Norma. I made a mental note to do a Google search in my free time.
Then I deleted the mental note.
What the hell was I thinking? Internet-stalking was for the old Alayna Withers. I would not stoop to that level. Hudson wanted me with him. Always. What other proof did I need to know I was the important woman in his life?
We halted the conversation to let the waitress serve us. When we were alone again, I started up as if we’d never stopped. “You’re probably right. I don’t know why I’m worrying about it, really. I’m the one he asked to move in with him, not her.”
“Exactly.” Her smile vanished. “Wait, what? He asked you to move in? That’s awesome!”
It was awesome. Utterly awesome, and for the first time, I let myself truly feel the awesomeness of it rather than just the fear. I played it casually though, shrugging it off as no big deal. “I don’t know. It’s too soon. Isn’t it too soon?”
“Whatever. Are there rules about these things?” Celia talked around a forkful of salad. “When Hudson knows what he wants, he doesn’t hesitate.”
I tried not to let it bother me that Celia knew Hudson cold. “He told me pretty much the same thing.” I swallowed. “When I told him no.”
“You didn’t!” She gasped and her expression matched her surprised exclamation.
“I did. Well, I said I’d think about it.”
Celia was beyond excited. “And now you’ve thought about it and you’re going to say yes. You have to say yes. How can you not say yes? This is Hudson Pierce!”
“I don’t love him for that reason.” Not because he was world-renowned billionaire business mogul Hudson Pierce, anyway. But because he was who he was—unique and special in so many ways.
“All the more reason you have to say yes. And that’s exactly why you’re the one he wants. You aren’t caught up in the show that surrounds him. You can’t imagine how few people are.” She pulled her loose blonde hair to one side of her head. “Jesus, Alayna, you’re perfect for him. You have to move in. You’ll break his heart if you don’t. He so obviously loves you.”
Was it really that obvious? “He still hasn’t said it.”
“But didn’t he? Asking you to move in with him…that seems like saying it to me. In the only way Hudson can.”
Just like how he’d needed to show me the night before how he felt about me with his body since he couldn’t say it with words.
Okay. Maybe Celia had a point.
Or she simply understood my lover way better than I did.
“Damn it.” I had wanted to be responsible this time. Wanted to ride this relationship with caution, to not fuck any of it up like I usually did, and here both Hudson and Celia had compelling reasons to throw all caution to the wind. “I do need a new place to live.”
“Get out! This is perfect then. Like, fated or whatever.”
It had been convenient that I’d found Hudson just when Brian had decided to stop supporting me. I hadn’t ever bought into the idea of fate or destiny, but maybe there was something about being meant for each other that deserved to be credited. Or else Hudson merely had impeccable timing. Whatever the reason, we’d found each other, and thinking about the immensity of that made me choke up. “Ah, I can’t talk about this anymore. It’s making me all twitchy and emotional.”
Celia smiled with equally watery eyes. “But you’re going to say yes, right?”
I gave an almost imperceptible nod.
“You are!” Celia clapped her hands together. “I feel like I should hug you. I’m a hugger. But we’re eating and in a restaurant so maybe that would be weird. This will have to do.” She placed her hand over mine and squeezed.
I was beyond grateful that we were at a restaurant because I was not a hugger. The hand squeeze was a good compromise and actually sort of nice. It was good to have a friend that really understood the things I was going through. That’s what Celia was now to me—a friend.
She was still beaming when she took her hand off mine. “When are you going to tell him? Tonight?”
“No. I don’t think so. I have a meeting at eight-thirty so he’s taking me to an early dinner at six and I don’t want to tell him when we’re rushed.”
She frowned. “You have a meeting? Tonight?”
“Yeah. Why do you think that’s weird?” Or was I misreading her expression?
“Not weird. Just horrible that you have to work on a Friday evening. Doesn’t the fact that you’re sleeping with the boss award you certain privileges?”
I laughed. “You would think. It was Hudson that set it up for me, and I don’t want to look a gift horse in the mouth.”
“Oh. Interesting.” She smoothed her eyebrows with her index finger, as if they would have gotten out of place. “Who’s the meeting with anyway?”
“Aaron Trent.”
“Wow. Major score, Laynie.” For a minute I thought she might give me a high five. “I guess you can’t complain about landing a meeting with Aaron Trent. Even if it occupies your Friday night.”
“And that’s the privilege I get for sleeping with the boss. Good contacts. I owe Hudson big time.” I thought about what I’d said. “Except he hates being referred to as my boss.”
“Why doesn’t that surprise me?”
“So I’ll tell him I’ll move in tomorrow. No big deal. Then I can plan some way special to tell him.” Or at least make sure that there would be time for celebrating after, because there was no way I’d make it through that conversation without being mauled. Not that I was complaining.
“Hey, can I borrow your phone a minute?” Celia held her hand out expectantly.
“Uh, yeah.” I unlocked my screen and handed it over, curiosity lacing my tone.
“Thanks. Mine is acting so stupid. It doesn’t ring half the time, which I figure is part of the reason I never get to the phone.” She dialed some numbers on my phone and waited. “See? Not ringing.” She hit redial and tried again. “Nothing. I guess I need to take my phone in. Thanks.”
“No problem.” I took my phone back and stuck it in my bra. “Oh, I, um, I didn’t end up telling Hudson I saw you yesterday.”
“Decided it was too tricky of a convo?”
“It never came up. And then after today—”
“You aren’t going to tell him,” she finished for me. “I wouldn’t either. I mean, I really don’t want to encourage secrets, but this is really no big deal. And Hudson would make it a big deal.”
“A huge deal.” Especially considering the subject matter of our discussion. “So we’
re good keeping it on the down low?”
“I won’t say a word. Pinky swear.”
“Pinky swear.” I waved my little finger in the air, mimicking her.
Hopefully pinky swears actually counted for something in the rich, exotic world of Celia Werner and Hudson Pierce. Because things were going so well in my life, and that meant I had so much to lose. All it would take is a little slip of the tongue from one of us to knock down my beautiful house of cards.
Chapter Nine
The rest of the afternoon flew by as I finished up my marketing plan for my meeting with Aaron Trent. Then, an email from Julia with suggestions for package changes occupied me long enough that I had to put off going to my apartment for another time. All in all, it was a productive day, and by the time Hudson texted that he was on his way, I was famished and eager to see my man.
I stopped at the upstairs bar when I saw purple hair dancing behind the counter. “Liesl!” It hadn’t occurred to me how much I’d miss my co-worker when I changed my schedule to work days.
“Hey, girlfriend!” Liesl knew me well enough to know I preferred to keep my personal space. Instead of a hug, she offered a high five. “You’re looking hot.” She chomped her gum as she looked me up and down. “Things must still be good with Houston Piers.”
“Hudson Pierce,” I corrected. “Say it with me.”
She blew a big bubble and let it pop. “I know his name. Now. I just like dickin’ with you.” She grinned. “Tell me all about you and the psychotically hot one. And start with the sex.”
“That would take a while.” I suddenly wished I wasn’t on my way out, that I had time to sit and chat with my friend. I’d lied to her like I’d lied to everyone when the Hudson/Alayna coupledom was pretend, even though I’d ached to tell her the truth. And at the sight of her, I ached again to tell her how amazing things were going, but I’d have to give her the backstory to explain why things were different than the last time I’d said things were amazing. Given the chance, I’d tell her everything. But I didn’t have that chance at the moment, and a sadness settled over me at the realization of how far apart we’d grown over the last couple of weeks.
The Fixed Trilogy Page 37
