Lost without You: A Single Dad Small Town Romance (Annapolis Harbor Book 2)

by Lea Coll

  He looked out the window. “I like Avery.”

  “Me too, buddy.”

  “She likes planes and boats too.”

  I laughed, glancing at him in the rearview mirror. “Is that all it takes with you?”

  “She’s fun.”

  I was glad he felt that way about Avery. It made pursuing her easier. “She is.”

  As soon as we were home, I pulled chicken from the freezer, chopping veggies, before I took a quick shower. I told Declan he could play a video game while I got ready.

  In the shower, I thought back to this morning when I’d approached Avery from behind. She was relaxed, her face tilted up to the sun, her lips tipped up in a smile. I wanted to see her like that more often, open and vulnerable, sweet and soft. She wore a sundress with a cardigan to protect against the breeze over the water. I’d been able to hold her close on the narrow bench of the boat, breathing in her tropical scent, pulling back one layer at a time.

  Was she taking a shower before she came over? Was she naked in the shower now? I gripped the base of my cock, squeezing at the memory of her breasts under her dress, the idea of touching her waist, pulling her hips into mine, pressing my erection against her belly, telling her everything I was thinking and feeling. She was lovable, beautiful inside and out. I wanted her with a ferocity I hadn’t wanted anyone with before.

  I stroked my cock, thinking I’d take the edge off before this evening. As much as I wanted her, she wasn’t ready for that level of intimacy. I didn’t know much about her, whether she was able to withdraw emotionally during sex, or if she avoided it because she couldn’t. But when we went there, I wanted her to be there physically and emotionally.

  I braced my hand on the wall, still gripping my cock, giving myself over to the fantasy of her bare legs wrapped around my waist, her back against the cold tiles, as I entered her bare, my mouth on her nipples. It was too much. I stroked harder, faster, chasing the seemingly impossible image until I groaned my release, lowering my head against the tiles.

  Fuck, what was this woman doing to me? I quickly finished washing myself with shaky hands, turning off the water, and toweling off. I left the scruff on my face, pulling on my new uniform, a T-shirt and cargo shorts.

  I jogged down the steps, calling down the basement stairs for Declan to get off the video games. He grunted his acknowledgment, but I knew I’d have to yell down one or two more reminders until he complied.

  It was crazy how quickly I’d adjusted from being an engaged business owner to single, unemployed, and a guardian to my nephew. So much had changed in the last six months, my life was unrecognizable. Yet, I was happier than I was working sixteen-hour days.

  Declan, and now Avery, were the most important people in my life, outside of my parents. The people we surrounded ourselves with mattered. I’d do anything to be worthy of keeping them in my life. Eventually, I’d look for something to invest my money into.

  Declan’s feet sounded on the steps. “Is Avery here yet?”

  I stacked the chicken on a serving platter, coating it in barbecue sauce. “She should be here soon.”

  “Cool. Think she’d play a video game after dinner?”

  “You’d have to ask her. I think she’s a bookworm though.”

  “Okay. I will.”

  I loved that Declan wanted to bond with Avery. I could see her attempting to play to humor Declan. A knock sounded on the door.

  My heart rate picked up at the sound. I was excited to see her even though we’d spent most of the day together.

  “I’ll get it.” Declan shot off the kitchen stool, running for the door.

  “Hey, Declan. You get a chance to play your game?”

  That was all it took for Declan to ramble on about the level he beat and what he had to do to get through the next one. They both walked into the kitchen, Declan talking.

  Avery smiled at me, loosening the tightness in my chest that had been present since everything happened.

  I winked. She was a sweetheart for humoring Declan and his video game obsession.

  When he paused, I said, “Want to help me carry this out to the grill?”

  “Sure.” He picked up the tinfoil wrapped veggies and headed outside.

  “Thanks for listening to him.”

  “Oh, I don’t mind. I’d have given anything to have someone to talk to me at that age.”

  “It must have been rough being the only child at home.”

  She nodded. “You learn to entertain yourself. I was content.”

  It didn’t mean she wasn’t lonely.

  With Declan outside, I was very aware we were alone. I walked around the counter. “Thanks for coming.”

  “It was an offer I couldn’t refuse.” Her lips tilted up into a teasing smile.

  I tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “I’m happy you decided to come.”

  “I enjoy spending time with you guys.” Her eyes shined with happiness.

  I wondered if we were merely a cure for her loneliness or if she was a cure for mine. I leaned down, touching my lips lightly to hers, cognizant that Declan could walk in at any time. She pressed her lips to mine, her fingers tangling in my hair before I gentled the kiss, knowing it wasn’t the time or place for more.

  I picked up the platter of chicken, opening the slider to head outside.

  “Can I help with anything?”

  “You can set the table before you come out if you’d like,” I said over my shoulder.

  “I can do that.”

  “Thanks.” I headed out the door.

  Declan was running circles around the fenced-in yard.

  When he stopped in front of me, his hands on his thighs, breathing hard, I asked, “What’s your time?”

  Looking at his stopwatch, he said, “Forty seconds.”

  “The time to beat is thirty-eight seconds, isn’t it?” I knew Declan wouldn’t be satisfied until he beat his best time. This was something he did whenever we came outside.

  He nodded, setting his timer, taking off for another lap. I was glad he was adept at occupying himself.

  I placed the food on the grill, keeping an eye on Declan. After a few minutes, Avery joined me.

  “All done.” She stood uncertainly a few feet away from the door.

  “Thank you. You should come sit, make yourself at home. This will probably be your only reprieve from Declan’s Lego talk.”

  Avery stood next to me. “What’s he doing?”

  “Timing himself running around the yard. It’s a little mind-numbing to watch but it keeps him busy. What did you do the rest of the afternoon?” An image of her bathing popped in my head, her skin beaded with water, bubbles floating on top but not obscuring the top of her breasts.

  “I took that bath I was talking about and read a few chapters of my book.”

  I nearly groaned out loud. Had she tweaked her nipples before a hand drifted down her stomach to her clit, then inserted a finger inside? My cock twitched at the thought of her pleasuring herself in the bath like I’d done in the shower. I had to push the image out of my mind so I didn’t get hard while Declan was nearby, telling myself she probably hadn’t masturbated to thoughts and fantasies of me like I had of her. I cleared my throat. “Sounds relaxing.”

  She lightly gripped my forearm, grounding me in the moment with her touch, her warmth. “It was. How about you?”

  I took a sip of my beer to soothe my suddenly parched throat. “I took a shower and got dinner ready. I’m domestic.”

  She stepped closer, her breast brushing my arm. “Do you miss it? Your business, your friends in California.”

  I closed my eyes briefly, trying to erase the feel of her against my body. Was she doing this on purpose to drive me crazy? “I don’t miss working sixteen-hour days. My friends turned out not to be my friends.”

  Her face scrunched as if I’d said something distasteful.

  I probably should keep the conversation light, not talk about my past.

  “You didn
’t have other friends?” She tilted her head thoughtfully, her hair tickling my arm.

  “No. I didn’t have time for anyone else. We hung out together. When I worked late, they must have hung out with each other.” The bitterness rolled off my tongue, but I didn’t want to scare her off.

  “Are you still upset about it?”

  I felt her gaze on the side of my face as I carefully considered my words before I answered. “No. She did me a favor. I don’t work crazy hours anymore. I have time and money to care for Declan. I’m getting to know Declan in a way I never could living across the country from him.”

  “Would you have taken Declan in if you were still living in California?” Her voice was soft, her words carefully measured as if she’d thought about her question before she asked.

  I tilted my head, thinking about the answer. “I’d like to say yes, but I was so different back then. Nothing mattered more than my job. I probably would have asked my parents to do it.”

  “I know you said you’d had someone follow his mother after Julian died, but have you done it recently? Do you think she’ll come back?” Her voice was hushed, her eyes on Declan, probably to make sure he didn’t overhear our conversation.

  “I haven’t, but that’s a good idea, I should. See where she’s living now.”

  “What will you do if she comes back?”

  Her seemingly innocent question landed like a heavy weight on my chest, making breathing difficult. “I hadn’t thought about it.”

  “You should. She could cause a lot of problems for you, request visitation, ask for a say in his schooling and health decisions, disrupt the rhythm you established with him.”

  My hands stilled as my stomach sunk. “Even if I’m named guardian?”

  “She’s the biological mother. She certainly has a right to ask a court for those things. It doesn’t mean she’d get it.” Avery was picking a piece of lint off her dress but when she looked up, seeing my face, she said, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything. I wasn’t thinking. I was going through the legal ramifications in my head, not thinking about how it would feel for you to hear that.”

  “It’s okay. I should be prepared.” I should have been thinking of what would happen if Erin came back, but my mind was stuck, like I was trying to move through mud, not getting anywhere.

  “Originally you said you didn’t want to be his guardian.” Her eyes followed me carefully as if cataloging each move, dissecting each word.

  “Yeah, well. Things change.” My tone was dismissive even though she was right.

  Seemingly satisfied, she smiled. “That’s good. Declan seems happy with you.”

  “He likes you too. He was excited you were coming.” I kept my gaze on Declan, who was inspecting the dirt with a stick as if he’d found a bug, but my mind was reeling with the possibilities. Could Erin take him from me when I’d already made myself at home in Julian’s house with his son?

  Avery’s hand touched my forearm. “I’m really sorry. I told you I say things without thinking. She abandoned him so long ago, I doubt she’ll come back.”

  “No. You’re right. If she finds out Julian died and I have money, she’ll be here in a heartbeat.” Dread coiled in my stomach even as I mentally prepared myself to fight her.

  “You think?”

  “She has a pattern of dating guys with money or guys she hopes have deep pockets, then dumping them when they don’t. It wouldn’t be too hard for her to find out that I have money.”

  “I hope for Declan and your sakes, she doesn’t. But even if she does, she’s never been the primary caretaker. Did you inform her when Julian died?”

  “No. I’ve been putting it off. Do I have to legally?”

  “You should. She has a right to know unless she signed a termination of rights?”

  “No. Julian didn’t want to ask her, to give her a reason to come back.”

  My heart ached for the choices Julian had to make. Everything he did was to protect his son. “Obviously, if she’d terminated her rights, you’d be in a better position.”

  “Julian picked you. You’re doing a great job. You have the means to care for him. Those things matter too.”

  I wanted to believe her, but it was hard when everything else I’d worked so hard for came crashing down not so long ago. “I hope so.”

  “Is dinner ready?” Declan approached, oblivious to our conversation and the rolling of my stomach.

  I got up to check the chicken then pulled the veggies off. I heard Avery talking softly to Declan about what he’d discovered in the yard, but I couldn’t focus on anything other than Erin disrupting the delicate balance we’d struck together. We’d only lived together for a few short months, but he’d worked his way into my heart. Erin didn’t deserve him. She’d never been a mother to him.

  I carried the platter of chicken inside, making a second trip to get the veggies, placing them in the center of the table. Declan was seated, waiting for me to serve him. Avery poured water in everyone’s glasses.

  I plated Declan’s food, then Avery’s.

  She set the water glasses in front of each plate, she touched my hand before asking softly, “Are you okay?”

  I glanced at her quickly, seeing concern, before looking away. I couldn’t handle her pity right now. “Of course.”

  “Did you want something else to drink? Another beer?” she asked.

  “No. This is fine.”

  My forehead beaded with sweat, my stomach churning with nerves. I’d looked forward to this evening with Avery, but one mention of Declan’s mother sent me spiraling with thoughts of how Erin could disrupt Declan’s life, creating turmoil and confusion. The last thing he needed right now was to be reminded his mother abandoned him, or her coming back into his life, only to leave a second time. I wouldn’t let it happen.

  Declan kept up a steady stream of talk about school, Legos, and his friends, seemingly unaffected by my change in mood. Avery sent me concerned glances occasionally.

  I wish I could go back to the moment before she mentioned Erin.

  When we’d finished eating, I cleared the plates while Declan went to grab his overnight bag to go to his friend Ian’s house.

  Avery rose to join me by the sink. Her hand on my forearm stilled me. “Are you sure you’re okay? You’ve been off ever since I mentioned Erin.”

  “The thought of her coming back—” I shook my head.

  “It threw you—”

  “Yeah. I don’t know what I’d do. How can I stop her when she’s his biological mother?”

  “No. From what you’ve said, she’s never been his mother. She may be the one who birthed him, but a mother is more than that. It’s being there for him, not abandoning him for eight years.

  “She hasn’t been here since he was three months old. He doesn’t remember her. He doesn’t know her.”

  She leaned a hip on the counter. “Has he asked about her?”

  “Not since Julian died. It’s like she doesn’t exist in his mind. It’s only ever been Julian, my parents, and me.”

  “You’re his family. If she comes back, we’ll deal with it. A judge might give her visitation or partial, but not full custody. Julian clearly thought you should have Declan, you’re already doing an amazing job of raising him.”

  “What about her parents? I’ve never looked into her family. What if they found out they have a grandchild somewhere and they institute proceedings?” I rubbed the back of my neck. I hadn’t even considered this, which could open a whole set of issues.

  “There’s no right to grandparent visitation in Maryland. The most important thing is that Julian named you as guardian. The only one who has a valid competing interest is Erin. Maybe it would ease your mind to check? When you have him give an update on Erin, have him investigate her family.”

  “That’s a good idea.”

  “I’m sorry I brought her up at all. I told you I have a knack for ruining conversations.”

  “No. You were right to rem
ind me that none of this is permanent, at least not yet. Until I’m officially named his guardian, or I have Erin’s signed termination parental rights in my hands, he’s not mine. When I found out Julian named me, I thought it was a mistake. That Julian hadn’t really considered the possibility he’d be gone, needing me to raise his son. If he had, he’d never choose me.”

  “You don’t know that he didn’t think about it. He had foresight to think of the best choice and he picked you.”

  I shook my head to clear the anxiety. “I hope you’re right and I’m worrying for no reason.”

  She stepped back, watching me rinse the dishes, arranging them in the dishwasher. “You love him. You want to raise him.”

  “I do.” I’d made my decision but the threat of Erin coming back, disrupting our lives solidified it. I wanted to make it official. I wanted him to be mine.

  “That’s great, Griffin. I’m so happy for you.” Her eyes were filled with happiness and pride. “I’ll call the court on Monday and ask the clerk to move up the guardianship hearing if they can.”

  “That would be good.” My voice was gruff, I didn’t want to give in to all the things I was feeling—satisfaction she thought I was doing a good job, or fear that Erin could rip it all away at any time.

  “It’s more than good. You’re exceptional.” She’d moved closer, her voice soft in case Declan came down the steps.

  “You make me sound like this—”

  “Amazing person? That’s because you are. You’re so much more than I thought when I first met you.” She’d moved closer during the conversation, but still stood a foot away, leaning her hip against the counter.

  I chuckled. “To be fair, I yelled at you on the phone. Anything would have been an improvement.”

  “True. But even after, when we met in person at my office, you worried if you were the right choice for Declan. You thought someone else could do a better job.”

  “I’d do anything for him.” It wasn’t a question. It was a statement. I’d proven I could provide a stable home for Declan, but was that enough?

  The idea that what I’d built in Annapolis could come crumbling down with Erin’s return made me feel desperate as if I didn’t have time to waste. If I wanted Avery, I should make my desires known. Even if it scared her away. I needed to keep pushing, because like Declan, she was worth the effort. I couldn’t face Erin without Avery at my side.