by Molly Green
Alec listened without interrupting.
‘Thank God you weren’t hurt,’ he said when she’d finished. A shadow passed over his face. ‘One of the chaps bought it yesterday with engine failure … in his Spit, of all planes. Apparently, he glided in perfectly okay, but didn’t see a ditch and turned a somersault. Poor sod was trapped in the cockpit and there was an explosion.’ He sighed out a jagged breath.
Raine gasped.
Alec spread his hands. ‘It’s not unheard of for even the most reliable planes to let you down occasionally.’ He took a final drag on his cigarette. ‘Benny Benson. Super bloke. We were good mates. We all miss him but we have to get on with it.’ He stubbed the cigarette violently in the ashtray.
Without thinking Raine put her hand out and covered his. ‘I’m so sorry, Alec. It’s awful to lose a friend.’
He looked at her. ‘Yes, you lost your friend, didn’t you?’ He turned his palm up and curled his fingers round her hand, gently squeezing it. ‘The only thing you can do is to think about something nice. Spending some time with me, for instance.’ He smiled.
All she was aware of was the touch of his skin.
Reluctantly, she started to extract her hand, but his enclosed hers ever more tightly.
‘I’ve got a couple of days’ leave at the end of the week and wondered if you were due any time off. I think we need to talk … in private.’ He glanced around. ‘There are always people whenever I see you. So I was thinking about a trip to London now the bombing’s eased off quite a bit. Mind you, it’s bound to be chock-a-block with Americans now they’ve finally come in with us.’ He turned to her. ‘What do you think? Maybe even stay the night,’ he added.
Her eyes widened a fraction.
‘I want to spend time with you, Raine.’ He ran his hand through the front of his hair, causing it to spring up comically before it fell back into place. ‘The question is, do you want to spend time with me?’
Chapter Twenty-Six
‘No problem at all, Lorraine,’ the adjutant said. ‘It’ll do you good.’ He glanced at her. ‘You look a bit peaky, if you don’t mind my saying so.’
‘I’m a bit tired, that’s all.’
‘I see you’ve done eighteen days on the trot, and while we’re grateful you stepped in for Gwen, it’s even more important you get away from here – have a complete change of scenery so you come back refreshed.’ His gaze was steady. ‘Will you be going home to see your family?’
Immediately she felt her face flush. ‘Er, no. I haven’t made a decision what I’m going to do.’
‘You’re going to give yourself a surprise, eh?’ He looked up after making a note of her name and when she was due back on the leave sheet. ‘Well, enjoy yourself wherever you end up,’ he said, giving her a knowing wink as he handed her a slip of paper with his permission.
She managed to bite back a retort. Nothing must upset her precious 48-hour leave.
In the officers’ mess she hadn’t known how to answer Alec. Every part of her wanted to say yes, longed to say yes, she’d love to spend her two days with him, but Maman’s face swam in front of her, accusing her of preferring to be with her boyfriend (though Alec could hardly be called that), instead of going home to see how her mother was. Raine battled with the usual feeling of guilt where Maman was concerned for several seconds while Alec waited for her answer.
‘You don’t have to worry about anything when you’re with me,’ he said firmly while she searched for the right words to thank him nicely, but say it just wasn’t possible. ‘All we’ll do is enjoy being together. No arguments, no questions, no complications – just you and me having fun. An oasis in this damnable war.’ His glance was penetrating. ‘We could even pretend we’re in love.’
‘What?’ Raine’s voice rose.
‘Yes. I know we’re not, but wouldn’t it be fun to act as though we are?’
‘Why would we do that?’ Raine wished her heart would stop pounding.
‘To stop us from squabbling.’
Raine opened her mouth to protest but he continued.
‘That way it will be more romantic. We can forget – just for a short time – we’re not living through this frightful war and instead we’re like a normal couple.’
‘Pretend, the way you did in that café in London? That was just a silly joke in front of that nice couple. But this time I’m not sure at all that I like the idea of play-acting for that long.’
‘Why not?’
‘Because … because what about if one of us … one of us …’ She faltered, looking anywhere but at that intense green gaze.
‘Really falls in love with the other?’ he finished with a chuckle. ‘Well, that wouldn’t be such a bad thing, would it?’
‘It would if the other one didn’t reciprocate.’
‘Let’s take that risk.’
‘Don’t we take enough risks every day without adding to them?’ Raine said, forcing a smile, trying desperately to make light of it, not wanting him to see how hurt she was by his crazy suggestion. But worryingly, she felt she was fast losing her battle with herself.
‘This is different. Falling in love with you would be far more risky than fighting off the Luftwaffe.’ He grinned at her, such a wicked grin that she couldn’t help responding. ‘So what do you think?’
She picked up her cup of tea and swallowed the last mouthful. It was stone cold. ‘We don’t even have a relationship.’
‘Are you sure about that?’ Alec said, still smiling. ‘We’ll see. But you haven’t answered my first question yet. Shall we plan our escape?’
‘All right.’ The words sprang from her lips almost without her realising. She’d actually agreed! A frisson of excitement raced through her at the thought of spending a whole day with him. ‘But I’d really prefer somewhere other than London. Somewhere the war hasn’t touched.’ Did she sound ungrateful when he’d invited her to London as a treat? But London at the moment didn’t really appeal. ‘Would you mind?’
‘No, I don’t mind at all not going to London – but somewhere that’s escaped Jerry? It’s a tall order.’ He frowned. ‘Leave it with me.’ He broke into a smile. ‘I’ll just have to surprise you. But you, in turn, will have to trust me.’ He held her gaze. ‘Can you?’
‘I’m not so sure about that.’
‘I’ll take that as a yes,’ he said, a triumphant smile playing about his mouth. ‘Are your digs very far from here?’
‘Not far. I usually cycle in but if the weather’s bad I can get a bus. It’ll be easier to meet you here.’ The last thing she wanted was Mrs Grayson’s prying eyes on her.
‘You don’t want to do that with a case to carry. And the forecast is not too good. Possibly snow. I’ll cadge a lift here and take a cab to your place – say, ten o’clock. Okay with you?’ She nodded. ‘Good,’ he said, and took a small notepad and a pencil from his pocket. ‘Write down your address.’
He glanced at the slip of paper she handed him.
‘I can’t wait,’ he said, grinning. ‘Especially now I know we’re going to fall in love.’
‘Don’t hold your breath.’
She turned to leave, his chuckle sounding in her ears.
Although the Met Office at White Waltham warned everyone that the weather was extra cold for February, they hadn’t predicted any real difficulties for the ferry pilots, despite the icy roads first thing. Raine hoped it would stay that way for a few days longer.
Even though there was no one around when she collected her chit the following day and studied the map, her face warmed at the idea of staying with Alec overnight. She had to admit she didn’t know whether she could trust herself – let alone him – to keep him at arm’s length. Part of her had to admit how easy it would be to fall in love with him. He had a presence she’d never felt before with anyone. It was as though she was drawn to him, magnetised, and the power of it so overwhelmed her she couldn’t think straight.
Thankfully, her three deliveries were short and without inc
ident, so she could wrestle with her conscience as to whether or not she would pack an overnight case that evening. It was obvious what Alec implied. In return, every fibre of her being longed to spend the night with him.
But Maman had brought her and her sisters up not to even think of sleeping with a man if she wasn’t married to him. Raine grimaced. It sounded so old-fashioned nowadays, particularly with a war on and you never knew when would be your last day, last hour alive. She’d be twenty-one in June. At this rate she’d end up the last virgin in Britain, she thought grimly, if she couldn’t make up her mind soon.
She couldn’t bear the thought of dying and never being made love to, but she didn’t want Alec to think she was the kind of girl who slept around. Although if she had a choice as to who her first lover would be, it would be Alec – every time. She sighed. Come what may, she’d have to make a decision this evening.
The next morning Raine awoke and lay quietly for a few moments, letting her mind wander, then jolted up. She cocked an ear. Something felt odd. An abnormal silence. She couldn’t hear a thing. No footsteps, no cars going by, no clopping of horses and shouts from their owners … nothing.
She padded over to the window and pulled back the blackout curtains. She gasped. Wherever she looked was white. Every rooftop, the telephone box and the pillar box opposite, was covered in a blanket of snow. There were footprints on the pavement below but the roads looked untouched. It flashed through her head that the planes would be grounded. And even if Alec managed to get a lift on an Anson to White Waltham, the roads would be impassable.
So that’s the end of our trip, she thought. All the worrying about making a decision had come to nothing. Hell and damnation. Tears of disappointment stung her eyes. She wanted to be with Alec now more than ever, see his face that fascinated her so, hear his voice, feel his touch, his lips …
She was being ridiculous. She wouldn’t give up that easily. The sun could come out and thaw the snow and she wouldn’t be ready. She glanced behind her at the small overnight bag she’d begun packing yesterday evening. She shook herself. Alec wouldn’t allow a layer of snow to come between them.
Turning from the window with a shiver, she quickly washed at the sink, then scrambled into her underwear. She was just securing her second stocking when there was a tap on her door.
‘Shan’t be a minute,’ she called.
Quickly, Raine finished dressing in her uniform skirt and blouse and opened her door to see Stephanie, fully made up and still in evening dress, grinning at her.
‘Going somewhere nice?’ Without asking, Stephanie sat on the edge of the bed, settling the folds of her dress around her. She nodded towards the overnight bag. ‘You don’t have to answer,’ she went on annoyingly. ‘I can see you are by the way you’re oh-so-carefully folding up that lovely red dress.’
‘Sorry, I can’t tell you,’ Raine said, wishing Stephanie to be a million miles up in the sky. ‘I don’t even know myself.’
‘Oh?’ Stephanie narrowed her eyes. ‘You have a weekend pass and you don’t know where you’re going? Hmm.’ She looked Raine full in the face. ‘So assuming it’s not your very nice family – as you’d know that – I suspect a man. Any chance it would be that lovely green-eyed pilot of yours?’
Warmth sprang to Raine’s cheeks.
‘Aha!’ Stephanie said. ‘You’re blushing, so it is him. Thank the Lord you’re finally going to have a dirty weekend.’ She gave Raine a horrible wink.
‘It’s going to be nothing of the kind,’ Raine protested. ‘You are awful thinking such a thing.’
‘I’m only awful because I’m right.’ Stephanie snorted with laughter. ‘But I can see I’m not going to get any sense out of you at the moment, so you can tell me all the gory details when you’re back.’ She studied Raine with narrowed eyes. ‘So why are you going to meet him in your uniform? Surely you’re sick of navy blue, and he must be as well.’
Raine shrugged and looked down at her skirt. ‘I hadn’t really thought about it. It seems automatic now not to have to wonder what to wear.’
Stephanie threw her hands in the air, then leapt up and opened Raine’s wardrobe. Swishing the few coat hangers for a few moments, she brought out a straight black wool skirt and a cream blouse tied on one shoulder with a bow.
‘This will look a whole lot nicer … and sexier.’ She winked. ‘Now your shoes.’
‘It’s cold. I’ll have to wear my boots. I’ve got some shoes for the evening.’
Stephanie nodded. ‘Thank goodness I was here,’ she said, ‘so I could get you sorted out.’
‘Don’t know what I would have done without you.’ Raine couldn’t help smiling. Trust Stephanie to focus on what ought to be the right outfit for a rendezvous with a man. ‘So why are you still in your evening wear?’ She nodded at Stephanie’s dress.
‘I haven’t had a chance to change.’ Stephanie gave a wide yawn. ‘Bit of a late night. I only came to ask if by any chance I could borrow your shampoo. I’ve completely run out.’
‘There’s a small bottle of Silvikrin on my shelf in the bathroom cabinet. But please be sparing. I read in a magazine the other day that they’re going to have to restrict it.’
‘Whatever else are they going to restrict?’ Stephanie said. ‘They keep telling us that “beauty is your duty” but don’t give us the tools to carry it out. Thanks, anyway, Lorraine. I promise only to take the smallest blob.’ She paused and sent Raine a mischievous grin. ‘Give my love to him, won’t you?’ She shut the door behind her with a loud click.
Stephanie was annoying sometimes, Raine thought, as she quickly changed her clothes, but even though they were very different, she felt they were now true friends. She hoped Stephanie felt the same, because in spite of her bravado, Raine suspected the girl was often lonely. That father of hers sounded horrible. Raine sighed. Whenever you looked more deeply into a person’s life there always seemed to be something upsetting. She realised how lucky she was to have her two dearest sisters … and difficult though she often was, even Maman.
But for now she could only think of Alec.
Opening her window and letting a blast of icy air in, Raine stuck her head out and cast an anxious glance at the sky. It had that strange yellowish look as if the sky was full of more snow to come.
‘A piece of toast is not enough breakfast for you,’ Mrs Grayson admonished when she collected Raine’s plate and cup and saucer.
‘I can’t manage anything more,’ Raine said, ‘but I did have some of your delicious plum jam.’
The sweet jam seemed to have soothed her nerves which this morning felt jangled. Maybe it would all be fine when she saw Alec. At the thought, her heart did a somersault. She couldn’t wait to see him again. Feast her eyes on him. Would he kiss her again? If he did, she was sure this time the kiss would be loving, tender, passionate. And she would kiss him back. She shivered, but she didn’t know if it was the coldness or the anticipation of seeing Alec.
She was waiting for him at exactly ten o’clock. Twenty minutes later she donned her coat and went outside to check on the weather again, tutting with irritation as the cloud was still low. Raine tilted her head to the sky, hoping to hear the hum of a plane, but there was nothing in sight. Damn. All aircraft must be grounded. Her heart dipped with disappointment as she said a little prayer that the sun would come out to melt the snow. The cold wind whipped her cheeks and feeling self-conscious in case anyone saw her gazing longingly at the sky, she shot back inside.
Listlessly, she picked up one of Mrs Grayson’s magazines and began to flip the pages over. Another half an hour. When she’d almost given up she thought she heard a motorcar engine. Rushing to the window she saw a taxi draw up and Alec leap out. She threw on her coat and grabbed her case, then rushed to the door before Mrs Grayson had a chance to size him up.
He stood there, a grin plastered across his face.
‘Sorry I’m late. We had to wait until the runway was cleared.’ He pecked her on the cheek. ‘Yo
u’re wearing the scarf even though you’re not on duty.’ He made it sound like an intimate garment.
‘Yes. I love it.’ Raine fingered the silk, wishing she could stop the pounding in her chest. At this rate he’d be able to hear it. ‘My neck feels bare without it.’ She smiled, willing her heart to calm down. ‘It feels so soft and comfortable when I’m in an open cockpit – just as you said. But I wear it on every flight – almost for luck,’ she added without thinking, hoping he wouldn’t mock her for being superstitious.
But he simply nodded. ‘I’m glad.’ He glanced towards her bag. ‘Ready?’
‘Ready.’ She nodded, resisting the urge to pull him into her arms.
As if he knew exactly what she was wishing, he said, ‘We’ll do the romance bit later,’ and chuckled when she blushed. ‘For now, we need to get going.’ He picked up her bag.
‘Where to?’
‘Well, most of the trains aren’t running,’ he said, ‘so London would have been out of the question anyway. I thought we might go somewhere more local to you. Come on, let’s not keep the cab waiting.’
Raine followed Alec outside where the driver of a battered old Austin 12 was trying to park closer to Mrs Grayson’s door.
‘You just jump in, miss,’ the driver said, raising his hat, then taking her bag. ‘It’s too cold to be hanging around.’
Raine stepped into the cab and Alec followed. Huddling into the back with Alec, Raine was aware of how intimate it was. Just like it had felt when he’d taken her to supper near Lyneham. But this time there was something different between them – something had shifted. As though he realised it as well, he took her right hand and removed her glove. Then he entwined his fingers through hers and little shocks buzzed up her arm.
She sent him a sideways glance, wondering if he’d felt it, too. He was looking out of the window. She liked the shape of his head and one of his ears that was not quite so flat against it. His hair was cut in crisp military style, but there were a few stray locks that refused to lie down in the nape of his neck.
