Shiri opened her eyes and immediately closed them again. Why was the room moving? She had no idea where she was, but she knew it shouldn’t have been rocking the way it was. Had she hit her head?
“Shiri, can you hear me?” She recognized the voice, but it wasn’t the one she wanted to hear.
She opened one eye to look out carefully at the world.
“Roman?”
“Good, you know me.” His grin looked like one of relief.
His words made little sense to her, and she opened the other eye. If she was going to have to process things she couldn’t understand, it was better to do it with both eyes open.
“Why wouldn’t I know you? Where am I?”
“One question at a time.” He stood, walked to a table, and poured her some water from a pitcher he picked up. When he returned to her side, he handed her the cup.
She took a sip. The cool water quenched the thirst she hadn’t yet realized she had.
Roman sat down on the side of the bed. He sighed. “To answer your first question, I was worried your brain had been totally scrambled. You’ve been completely out of it for the last week. I’ve been working really hard to bring you back. For the first time ever, I was afraid my healing powers wouldn’t be enough. I thought you were gone.”
“What happened to me?” Shiri tried to sit up. The room spun, and she paused. Roman grabbed her arm. His support felt nice but he wasn’t the person she wanted comforting her.
“You killed Madame. I’m not really sure how you did it, but you did.”
Roman’s words brought the whole scene back to her. Like a movie in fast forward, the memories since she’d been taken from Ben’s safe house flew past her eyes. Yes, a lot had happened. Maybe she should go back to sleep.
“Where is Ben?”
“I have no idea. He’s somewhere around. There aren’t all that many places he could be.”
Shiri bit down on her lip. “What does that mean?”
“We’re on a boat headed back to Guy’s island.”
She had been unconscious and missed getting onto the boat?
“How long have I been out of it?” She thought he might have told her but she couldn’t remember. Clearly, her brain wasn’t quite right yet.
“You officially slept through half of this hellish ride.” The boat jerked violently to the left, and Roman groaned. “It’s been like this the whole time. We’re not traveling through great weather.”
“Who’s with us?” Shiri tried to process all the information she was being given. She felt the need to catch up as fast as she could. The idea of being out of it didn’t inspire her with a lot of warm feelings. Instead, it made her feel slightly ill.
“Other than you and me, it’s the girls, Ben, Gene and Addison.” Roman grinned. “My sister-in-law is enjoying this ride less than me. Apparently, being pregnant makes the whole thing even less fun.”
“I can’t imagine.” She shook her head. They were taking Gene to the Island?
Whose idea had that been? More than anything else, she really needed to speak to Ben. Shiri swung her legs over the side of the bed. “I’ll go see if I can help.”
Guy had instructed all of them in basic sailing. He’d felt that with their isolated situation, they had to know how to get off the island if needs be. Hence the sailing lessons.
“Wait a second. I’m not a doctor, but I can’t imagine it’s a good idea for you to go running around.”
She shook her head. Roman would never understand her need to go check on Ben and the girls. He wouldn’t get it.
“I feel fine.”
“Then hold off a second so I can speak to you.”
That startled her, and she ceased moving. What could Roman want to discuss that was so important?
“Okay.” He’d done so much for her. She felt immense gratitude toward him. He really was one of her closest friends. Shiri could somehow find patience in her rush to see Ben to talk to Roman. Somehow.
“Shiri, I’ve always been in love with you.”
She knew it made her a terrible person, but as Roman stood in front of her confessing his love—something everyone had always told her, but she’d refused to deal with—she wished she’d run out the door instead.
Ben stood in the hallway outside Shiri’s room. He shouldn’t have been eavesdropping. To his credit, he hadn’t known she was awake. This had been his spot for most of the last week. When he wasn’t captaining the ship with Gene, he sat here. Being in Shiri’s presence was the only thing in the universe that felt right, outside of being with his girls.
He clenched his hands upon hearing Roman’s words. No way did he have the right to be jealous. Time and again, he’d proven himself to be useless to Shiri. She needed to be with someone like Roman, someone who could protect her, who could keep her safe, who could have killed Madame for her instead of forcing her to do it herself.
A light illuminated the hall from where the door sat cracked open. He peered in slightly. Roman had taken Shiri’s hands in his own. No. Ben shook his head. He couldn’t watch any more.
They were so beautiful together, Shiri with her strawberry blonde hair that looked in some lights like spun gold, and Roman, tall and blond like a Greek god come to life, to live amongst the mortals. He could care for her. In Roman’s keeping, she would never be hurt again.
Ben hadn’t been able to maintain her safety on his boat the first time he’d been gifted with her, and the second time, when she had come back from the grave, he had been responsible for her near-death. For once, he was going to do the right thing for her. He was going to stay away from her and let her be with the person who could make her happiness a reality.
Hoping his footsteps were silent, he crept back up the stairs.
Shiri pulled her hands out of Roman’s. “Please, stop. I don’t need you to list all your good qualities. I know them. You’re my friend. I care about you a great deal.”
Roman sighed. “You care about me. Like a friend.”
She nodded, her heart breaking a little. Really, Shiri never could have gotten through life without Roman. She would have died at Madame’s hands twice. But she couldn’t make herself feel something for him that wasn’t there. Ben held her heart. He always had and always would.
She wasn’t sure of Ben’s feelings, but she wouldn’t pretend love for Roman because it was simpler. Having spent as many years as she had behind the walls of the Institution, she would not live anything but a life of authenticity.
“I had to tell you. I hope you understand. I couldn’t go on wondering what would have happened if you had known.”
Shiri nodded. “I get it. And Roman, I know there is someone out there for you. Someone you will love with all your heart and who will love you, too. It’s not me. Even if it feels like it is right now.”
Roman smiled, a half-smile that made Shiri feel even sadder.
“I don’t think so, kiddo.”
“Will you leave as soon as you get back to the island?”
He shook his head. “I can’t go back. I’m pretty sure I got caught on my way out of the building with you and Ben. It means I’m hidden now—like the rest of you. So much for my grand idea of helping everyone from the shadows until we could all go out in the sun.”
“Was it a big deal? All of us getting away? Did we almost get caught?”
Roman shook his head. “Other than three Fury staring straight at me when I pulled you and Ben out of the elevator, we didn’t see anyone else. It was a fairly quiet escape. The news is abuzz with stories of Madame’s death. They’re saying an escaped Conditioned killed her. It’s really gotten all the regular humans good and scared.”
Shiri felt sorry for all the trouble she was sure she’d caused for the Conditioned in hiding, but she’d do it again if she had to. Madame had needed to go. As far as she was concerned, she’d done the public a service.
Roman shrugged. “Anyway, if Ben is a big idiot, I’ll throw him overboard for you.”
Shiri smiled
. Roman had proved himself to be a gentleman. He’d taken her turning him down remarkably calmly, and he wasn’t doing anything to make her uncomfortable. They’d need to take some time apart, though. Maybe they could be friends still.
“I think, actually, that we’ll have to take a little break from spending a lot of time together.”
Shiri gasped. “Did you just read my mind?”
“I did.” He didn’t look even a little bit sorry about it.
“Exactly how many powers do you have?”
“Thousands of them.”
“Thousands?” The idea blew her mind.
“At least.” He crossed his hands over his chest. “Am I scary now?”
“You’ve always been a little scary.” He nodded. “I know.”
The wind on the deck of the ship pushed on Shiri as she attempted to make her way across to the other side. Roman had told her the boat was huge, but she hadn’t really anticipated how large it actually was. Guy had tremendous resources at his disposal, and apparently this vessel was one of them. Ben and the girls had been staying on the other side of the ship. Evidently, there had been a real concern that she actually might die, and Ben had been trying to protect the girls. She hoped her arrival alive and well would be a good surprise for everyone.
Especially Ben…
He’d come for her. But had that been solely because of his guilt that she’d gotten caught? At no point in their brief interaction had he said anything about his feelings for her. Maybe he didn’t have them anymore. Maybe five years was too long a separation. Maybe he was angry with her for disappearing. Maybe…
“Careful. If you fall overboard, I’m going to have to go in after you.”
Shiri’s head darted up as she stared at Gene. He stood by the wheel, staring down at her from his raised spot on the deck. She’d been so consumed with her thoughts that she’d completely missed him.
“Should I feel confident that you’re captaining this ship or worried about it?”
“I’m the most competent at it. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. Addison assures me that when she’s not throwing up all the time, she’s a good captain. I don’t believe her.”
Shiri nodded. “You should. She never lies. Spent too many years having to pretend every second of every day.”
“I can relate.”
He could? Shiri knew very little about Gene except that he worked for the Mob, he’d taken care of Ben for five years after Ben had been ridiculed in the media for standing up for the Conditioned, and he’d come up with the plan that had ultimately gotten her kidnapped.
What was he doing there?
“How did they convince you to come along?”
“No convincing necessary. I’ve made a lot of mistakes. This was not one of them.”
A strong gust pushed Shiri up against the rail.
“Whoa,” Gene called over the whirl of the wind. “You’d better get down. I’m going to tie myself to the mast.”
“All right.” If she and Ben were going to make it, she was going to have to figure out Ben’s brother. Somehow, she thought he wouldn’t be an easy egg to crack.
She reached the staircase and took the steps as quickly as she could. The girls spotted her first. They were sitting together at a table in the kitchen. They flew out of their seats into her open arms.
“Oh, thank God.” Daphne sniffled between sobs. “I’ve been so afraid. You were so still when Dad carried you onboard. I thought you were dead.”
“I knew you weren’t dead then, but I was afraid you would be,” Ella finished.
“Thank God you’re okay. We can all be together now.”
“Girls, let Shiri breathe.” Ben’s voice caught her attention from the side of the room. He half-sat, half-lay on an ottoman across the room. He held a steaming cup of some kind of hot liquid in his hand. His eyes were hooded, and she couldn’t make out his expression.
“Hi there.” She smiled. He was so handsome. It should have been illegal to look that good in the middle of a storm. Behind her, she heard a whimper. She turned but didn’t see anyone.
Ella sighed. “That’s Aunty Addison. She’s having a hard time with the sea like this.”
“I’m having a little trouble with it, too.”
Daphne gasped. “Are you going to throw up?”
“No, I don’t think so.”
Both girls sighed. “Thank goodness.”
She couldn’t help her giggle. When they spoke in unison, it was so clear they were twins.
“Why don’t you go check on Aunty Addison, girls?” Ben stood. “I’m sure she would appreciate it.”
“But Shiri just got here.” Daphne put her hands on her hips.
“Don’t talk back to me, Daph.” Ben shook his head. “I don’t want to punish you. I need to speak to Seven.” Ben held out his hands in front of him. “I’m sorry, I mean Shiri.”
The girls scampered from the room. Shiri scratched her head. What was this? Why was Ben being so distant? He hadn’t even crossed the room to her, and they’d all thought she’d been near death’s door for days.
“I don’t care what you call me, Ben. You can call me Shiri or Seven.” As long as you call me something, her heart cried out.
“I have to call you Shiri. It’s what everyone calls you now.”
“Yes, I can explain that…”
Ben held out his hand. “I don’t need the details.”
“You don’t?”
“No. Look, I haven’t the heart to tell the kids yet that there won’t be a ‘you and me.’ If it’s okay with you, I’ll wait to tell them until we get to this island we’re all going to hide out on.”
Shiri’s head spun. “Why won’t there be an us, Ben?”
He looked down. “We both know you should be with Roman. He loves you. Go to him. We’re not good for each other. Every time we get together, bad things happen. I’m not the man for you.”
Oh no. This wasn’t happening. No way, no how. She hadn’t been through everything to have this take place now.
“How dare you.”
He looked up, making eye-contact with her for the first time since she’d stepped into the room. “Pardon?”
“I said, how dare you. Who do you think you are? I don’t love Roman.” She stepped forward, shoving Ben hard on his chest. He took two steps backward as his eyes widened in surprise.
“Shiri, I’m doing the right thing for you.”
“If you don’t love me, that’s fine. I can’t make you. If you can’t forgive me because I disappeared for five years, that’s fine. I can’t change any of that. But I have waited five years, thinking of nothing but you every second of every day. I did everything I could to stay in your life when it should have been impossible.” She was screaming now. “You don’t get to decide what’s best for me. I love you. At least be man enough to tell me you don’t feel the same way!”
Twenty-One
Ben struggled with what he had heard. Shiri seemed furious. She was in love with him? She’d actually shoved him? His heart beat faster with disastrous hope. He couldn’t let himself trust this too much. The fact remained that he hadn’t been able to do anything for her when she’d needed him the most.
“Shiri, calm down. You just woke up from some kind of
Conditioned coma. You can’t get worked up.”
Tears sprang from her eyes, and his heart skipped a beat. No, she couldn’t cry.
He’d never be able to stick to this if she cried.
“Don’t get worked up? I love you. I’ve said it a lot, and you have nothing to say. You’ve destroyed my heart. Yes, I suppose I’ll simply calm down.” She turned to leave.
“Shiri, wait.”
“Why? Why should I wait, Ben? Haven’t you said enough?”
“Shiri, please.” Ben’s hands shook. He could feel tears threatening in his eyes.
Truth was, he couldn’t care less if he wept like a baby at that moment.
She threw her hands in the air
. “Please, what?”
“Please, listen.” He walked toward her when he knew he should be walking away. She was like air for him. Who was he kidding? He couldn’t be near Shiri and not touch her. His hands shook from the effort not to stroke her face.
“I’m listening.”
“Shiri, I love you so much I can hardly breathe from the all-consuming nature of it.” He might as well get it all out. “I love you so much I couldn’t do anything but try to avenge you for five years.”
Shiri’s crying turned immediately into sobs. She covered her face with her hands. Dear God, he hadn’t wanted that. He crossed the distance between them and drew her into his arms with more force than necessary. He couldn’t help it.
Ben needed Shiri.
“I’m sorry, Ben.” She rubbed her face against his shirt. He could smell her unique scent. How did the woman always smell of coffee? When had that become his favorite aroma? “I wanted to come back to you every day. They told me it wasn’t safe for any of us, but I should have anyway. Every day of my life has been dictated by fear.”
“I wouldn’t have wanted you to come back. Not if it wasn’t safe. That’s always what I’ve wanted. I love you. I want you safe. That’s why you need to be with Roman.”
Shiri’s sobs increased. “Ben, how can you say that?”
“Because I love you. I want you to have the best, Seven.” Damn it, he’d done it again. Part of him would always think of her that way. His Seven.
“No.”
“I’m not a saint, Shiri. I’m standing here holding you and it’s everything I want in the universe.”
“Then what is the problem? Why can’t we be together? Haven’t we both had enough pain?”
He closed his eyes, rubbing his cheek against her hair. “You had to kill a woman because I couldn’t stop her. I’m useless, sweetheart. Useless to you.”
“Ben.” She lifted her head and shook him. Her gaze met his and he wished he could lose himself in it forever. “No one could have done more there. You broke into a facility—I still don’t know how—and retrieved me. The only reason I could get to Madame was because she was distracted by you.”
Illicit Connections (Illicit Minds Book 2) Page 21
