by Nicole Thorn
The girl was clearly annoyed. “It’s sweet that you want to protect me, but I was getting along fine before you came along.”
“Were you?”
She flinched like he hit her. “Yes.”
Zander and I both knew better than that. We were all wrong in the head, but Zander and I were the only ones who knew at the beginning of this. Jasper was just figuring out himself. The girls were farther behind.
Jasmine started walking away, dragging Juniper behind her. “Don’t you dare follow me, Zander!”
When they were gone, Zander put his hands on his sides, groaning at the sky. “Girls…” When he glanced back down, he said, “Are you better?”
I shrugged. “Not really. Jasper said he liked me. Loved me, actually. And my response was not great.”
Zander made a face. “What happened?”
I shuffled on my feet and stared at the rose in my hand. “I’m not girlfriend material. I was trying to make him understand that. I may have offered to get him off…”
“Um, what?” Zander asked in a tone only a brother could pull off. “Why?!”
I held my hands out. “Calm down. He said no. And it wasn’t as horrible as I’m sure you’re thinking. I just…” I walked to the porch and sat down. “I know that I wouldn’t be able to handle the stuff he could do with me. I thought that maybe it could work if I just did stuff for him. But I figured out that I shouldn’t try and be with him at all. He wants to be happy and he wants to heal. I would only ruin his progress.”
Zander moved his feet until he was next to me. He sat down and his arm came around my shoulder. “I get what you’re feeling, Kizzy. I even understand why you think you shouldn’t want the physical stuff. But you keep thinking that you don’t deserve to move on from what happened to you. Thing is, I know that deep down, you still wanna try.”
“Why is that?”
He smiled and tugged at the bottom of my dress. “A month ago, you would have died before wearing a dress. Or shorts. A shirt that fit you. You’re progressing whether you like it or not. I’m very proud of you for that. Pretty soon that last little piece will fall into place and you’ll be ready to try and get better. Just remember; little steps. You may get moments where you’re overwhelmed and you want to just dive in. Keep it light and you’ll be okay.”
He was talking like he really believed it. He thought I was capable of filling in the gaps in me.
“I don’t know.”
“You’ll figure it out. You love the guy, want him to be happy, so you’ll come around. If you’re already thinking about it after a few weeks, imagine a month from now. Keep in mind, you’re helping each other. It seems like you’re making him see things in him he needs to change.”
Then I remembered… I sighed and closed my eyes. “We went to his father’s house. I want to kill that man.”
Zander laughed. “What more did he do?”
I studied Zander. “It’s bad. Really, really bad.”
He almost looked scared. “Tell me everything.”
Ψ
It was quiet for a while after. I told Zander what I saw and what Jasper told me about his childhood and the girls’. Zander and I were no strangers to abuse, of course. This was something else. Psychological. At least what happened to me was only my body. The stuff in my head I did to myself. I couldn’t imagine them as kids, having such an evil father. It made me hate their mother for leaving them.
“What are we supposed to do?” I asked. “Jasper gets it, but I don’t think the girls do.”
Zander shook his head. “No.”
“You see why this makes the Jasper stuff harder? He’s in a fragile place. I don’t want to screw it up.”
Zander rubbed his face. “You would be someone to lean on when and if he needs it.”
“I still don’t know what to do here. That photo album made my whole body ache, Zander. The pictures were…” I just stopped, because there were no words. There was just anger. Jasper went through a worse hell than I did. I pictured him as a kid, sleeping on those rocks. He was tortured until he was able to move out and then Celeste found him. She took advantage of him like his father used to. Then she dumped him when she found someone new. The reasons for me to not burden him with my heart just kept piling up.
“You know we can’t leave, right?” he asked. “We can’t leave them. I didn’t really think about it before, but I can’t just take off once this is over. We have to fix this.”
“How do you fix something like this? How do you heal such a deep wound?”
“Time and love. That’s all.”
It was getting late and I only noticed when my eyes started trying to close. I stood with Zander and he decided he should check on the girls. Maybe Jasmine would be a little less angry now.
I got to the kitchen and remembered something else. Jasper never came in for food. So I guess I’d need to take it to him. Not a problem. I had to tell him about the Fury anyway.
I wanted to make him something nice, so I started in on what I hoped he would like. I made him a hot sandwich, with toasted bread and all the things a person was supposed to like. Bacon and turkey and cheese. I topped it off with lettuce and set it on a tray to cool while I got together some kind of dessert. I found a pudding cup in the fridge and set it on the pile with a spoon and some cookies. Last was a soda and the abomination rose I made.
I was yawning as I walked to Jasper’s studio. I had to knock for five minutes before he opened the door. When he did, he looked guilty. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I forgot to come. I’m really, really sorry.”
I smiled. “It’s fine.”
He had clay on his cheek and it looked adorable, giving me those tingly feelings I was trying to fight off as best I could. Still, I had an all-consuming urge to get Jasper under me. I wanted his hands all over me and his mouth on mine with the urgency I was feeling.
He moved aside and I walked in. He was cleaning his hands while I held the tray. When he was done, I handed it to him, somehow speaking through a vivid daydream that involved my clothes on the floor. “I made this for you.”
He took it and smiled back. “Thank you.”
I stood there, because I didn’t want to leave. “A Fury came by.”
Instant worry crossed Jasper’s face. “Are you hurt? What happened?”
“Oh, I’m fine. It was the one I killed. She’s back and healthy in the head. She told me that she,” I had to take a second. “That she and her sisters know everything that happened to me. She said once they died again, I would be fine. They won’t come after us anymore.”
He seemed to understand my hesitation. “Are you okay?”
I shrugged lazily. “I guess. I figured they knew. The Fury said that I didn’t do anything wrong and that Zander did the job they should have done.”
Jasper sat down and set the tray on a little table. “She’s right then.”
“Maybe.”
I yawned again and I decided it was time to sleep, even with the nightmares I may have. Or worse, the little Jasper related dreams that were threatening my head. The one I had last night was just about to get good when I woke up. I was on top of him and it was kind of awesome. It could be just because it was a dream, but I seemed to fair well when I was the one on him. Zander, however, didn’t fare well when he heard me making noise in my sleep…
“Goodnight,” I said to Jasper as I inched towards the door.
He smiled at me, going for the pudding. “Goodnight, Kezia.”
Damn. I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep alone tonight. Zander was busy, but I could have waited for him. I just didn’t want to. I knew where I wanted to be. So I did something dumb.
I turned and asked Jasper, “Um, can I stay with you tonight?”
He stared for a second and I cut him off before he could talk. “I sleep in bed with Zander sometimes. When I need to not be alone. But I… I’d rather be with you tonight. I know you probably won’t sleep, but can I sleep on the couch in here? I can just take off
if you want me gone.” I was already preparing for the rejection.
Jasper set the pudding down and stood up. “Sure. I’d love it if you stayed. Can you sleep if the lights are on?”
I nodded. I’d slept through worse.
I made my way to the couch while Jasper moved around. I didn’t know what he was doing until I laid down. I was on my side, so I could watch him work. I liked it. He seemed at peace when he was doing it. I’d just embarrass myself if I told him how much I liked working on the tree, sharing music with him.
Jasper came over to me with a blanket. He leaned down, laying it over me. He was very meticulous about it in a cute way. I wanted very much for him to snuggle up on the couch with me, but he wouldn’t go for it, I’m sure. Still he looked cute while taking care of me. Yeah… I’m probably having a special adult dream tonight…
When he was finished, I kissed him on the cheek. “Thank you, sweetheart. Now go finish your dinner before I make you into a tree.”
He smiled and did as I asked, placing the rose in an empty jar at his work station.
23: When all Else Fails, Throw Paint
Jasper
“Dad called yesterday,” I told Juniper when she came to check on me the next morning. I hadn’t even realized that so much time had passed. Kezia stayed asleep on the couch, all night, while I went about my work. I finished her tree and set it at the ‘entrance’ to the village, because I liked the way it looked there. After that, I had started another little dog, this one was some kind hound.
When Juniper came in, it was a surprise to me. Somehow, when I wasn’t looking, the whole night went by. She had looked at Kezia, but if she had something to say, she kept to herself. Now, she tensed, her entire body becoming stiff as a board. “What was he calling about?” She asked. “Why did he call you instead of me?” This last was damn near a whisper. She may dread his calls, but she was the one he was supposed to call. Not me or Jasmine.
“He’s not mad at you,” I said. “He’s mad with me. The Fury attacked us on his lawn,” I explained, with a shrug. “Apparently we left behind a lot of damage. He was furious about that and wanted to know what happened. I told him that Kezia did it, because she kind of did…”
Juniper glanced at the girl still sleeping on my couch. “I suppose that’s true. And it’s best that you don’t lie to Dad. He can always tell when you’re lying and that only makes him angrier.”
I nodded.
“What did he want?” she asked, perching on the stool that Kezia had used. She dusted it off first, to make sure she didn’t get any clay onto her tan pants. She looked miserable.
“Besides to yell at me? He wants a check so that he can get his lawn fixed. I don’t know how much he wants and quite frankly, I’m not sure we should give it to him,” I said, thinking of the way he had acted. He hadn’t bothered to check if I was all right. He just went straight to yelling. I suppose I could understand that mentality, but… With Kezia around it’s harder to justify everything that man did.
Having my rose tinted glasses removed was a good thing, but at the same time it felt like a really bad thing. What was I supposed to do now that I couldn’t go into denial anymore? The only way I could keep myself safe before was suddenly gone and that frightened me. Maybe more than it should.
Juniper rubbed the bridge of her nose. “I don’t know. I’ll talk to Jasmine and see what she wants to do. If we don’t give him his money, he’ll come around here,” Juniper said. “With the demigods around, I’m not sure that’s a good solution. They hate him Jasper. Like a lot. I’m not even sure why.”
I was starting to figure out why. However, I thought it best not to drag my sister down with me. Or wake Kezia having a fight about it either. Instead, I shrugged. “Who knows? Where is Jasmine, by the way? I haven’t heard her around the house. Did she go out again?”
“No,” Juniper said, sounding mildly irritated. “Zander has been a pain in the ass the last couple of days. Ever since he saw that bruise on Jasmine’s shoulder. He won’t let her leave, so unless she’s prepared to sneak out, she’s on house arrest. I admit that’s probably not the worst thing he could do, but that means she’s complaining to me. Constantly.”
I smirked. “I finally got what I wanted though. She’s not allowed to leave the house.”
Juniper returned the smile. “I should probably go. I have to straighten up and then I have to do the yardwork. The grass is getting kind of long. Oh, by the way, I saw a ‘for sale’ sign a few doors down. When did that family leave?”
We weren’t close to any of our neighbors. Matter of fact, I couldn’t even hazard a guess at their names. But Juniper knew who lived in the neighborhood and who didn’t. It was one of her control things. She wasn’t freaking out about new neighbors, but that they moved and she didn’t notice probably irked her.
I shrugged. “I haven’t a clue.”
She sighed, heavily and left. She remembered to close the door gently, instead of letting it swing shut and wake Kezia. Every now and then I’d check on her, but she seemed so comfortable. I had one ear phone in, in case she woke up and wanted to talk, but other than that, it was very comfortable for me. I didn’t have to worry if she was doing good, because I could just look up and see her. See that she was fine.
I didn’t like her thoughts on my life, though. What she thought I deserved. It never made sense to me when people hurt other people ‘for their own good’. If you assume you know what’s best for them, how will you ever know what could have been? You can’t. I didn’t say any of this to her, of course, because she wouldn’t have cared.
Besides, telling her that forcing me to find someone else would only make me miserable wouldn’t help her. She already thought she was the reason for everything that ever went wrong. If she knew about my sisters’ recent breakdowns, she’d find a way to blame herself, even though those kinds of breakdowns were nothing new.
When she was well enough to accept me and herself, then the wait would be worth it. For her, I had no doubt that the wait was worth it.
“Are you going to give your dad money?” She asked, about five minutes after Juniper left. Me, being a big man and all, only jumped about a foot into the air. Nothing scares me. Seriously.
I looked at her. She was still laying down. Wrapped up in the blanket like a demigod taco. Her eyes were sleepy, but alert enough to tell me she probably heard the whole conversation. In answer, I shrugged. “We probably shouldn’t,” I said. “He’s done nothing to earn the money, but… I don’t know. He is our father.”
Kezia sighed. “Jasper,” she said, sitting up. “You definitely shouldn’t give him the money. If you want, when he comes by, I can get rid of him.” The look in her eyes told me she would enjoy getting rid of him. Immensely.
For some reason, a smile picked up the corners of my mouth. “Thanks,” I said, sincerely. “Not for the very poorly hidden death threat towards my father, but for caring enough to issue it.” Yeah, I had to make sure she understood where we were. No killing my father. I’d probably forgive her, but why put a strain on an already taut relationship.
Kezia sighed and wiggled her way free of the blanket taco. When her arms were out, she looked at me. “I do care enough to threaten your father with death. It also wouldn’t surprise him, if I were to run him off, since he thinks I destroyed his lawn for no reason.”
I winced. “Sorry about that,” I said. “I didn’t know what else to tell him and I’m not a very good liar. Especially with him. He always sees right through it.”
Kezia shrugged. “I’m cool with it. If he thinks I’m crazy, maybe he’ll avoid me, which means he’ll avoid you.” Next to pop free of the blanket taco was her legs. Her smooth… shapely legs. Hmm. The skirt had ridden up pretty far, so I saw a great deal of thigh and soft skin. Skin I wouldn’t mind having wrapped around my waist or—
I looked away when I noticed that Kezia was blushing about as hard as person could blush. So, not great at concealing my feelings, yet she somehow st
ill managed to convince herself that I wasn’t into her.
Getting up, Kezia folded the blanket and put it on the couch. “I’m going to go get us something to eat,” she said, moving towards the door. “And change. And shower. I’ll be back.”
“All right,” I said, watching her leave. Without her in the studio, I got bored quickly. I wrapped everything that wasn’t finished up, so that it wouldn’t dry out. Then I left. Kezia was still in her bedroom when I got upstairs, but she was out of the shower. The room was still steamy and that just made me think of her naked. All kinds of naked skin, walking around my bathroom.
This was going to be an interesting experiment for me. Can I not touch her and make it clear I’m not thinking of her naked, even in those moments where I was? Time to find out.
When I came back downstairs with hair that was still damp, Kezia was in the kitchen with Juniper. My sister was cleaning everything as Kezia was finished using it to cook a massive looking meal. Food everywhere. Zander sneaking pieces off plates, while Jasmine sat at the table, debating if it was still a mimosa if you added beer instead of champagne to the orange juice.
I stared at her. “Please tell me that you didn’t,” I said. “I’m not sure I can accept you as my sister if you did.”
Jasmine rolled her eyes. “No. Someone wouldn’t let me,” she said, with a pointed look at Zander. He gave her his most innocent face back and went back to trying to sneak food from Kezia. When everything was finished, it was indeed a massive meal. There were eggs, bacon, sausage, toast and jelly, biscuits and hash browns. It was a lot of food and I’m not even sure how Kezia knew to make it.
I sat down with everyone else. Juniper had one scoop of eggs and one piece of toast, but the rest of us loaded our plates up. Kezia eyed Juniper’s plate, but didn’t say anything. Maybe because she was too busy keeping her other eye on my plate, which was heaping full. I wasn’t sure I could eat all of it, but I was sure that I had to start taking better care of myself.
For so many reasons.
Already, since Kezia came into my life, I’ve gained weight. Weight, I think, I desperately needed. I didn’t look bad before, sure, but that didn’t mean that I was healthy. Probably far from it. So, I stabbed some eggs and started eating and Kezia began munching away on hers.
