by Karli Perrin
“Well you’re not in your twenties sooo…”
He holds the door open for me. “You can’t call me old. You’re twenty-nine. You’re months away from being the same age as me.”
I shrug and continue to tease him. “I still have months to enjoy my twenties.”
“Quick, you better go pee. Don’t worry, incontinence is common for women your age.”
“How would you know? Are you talking from experience?”
“I’m not sure. I’m so old, I can’t remember if I experience any problems down there.” He grabs the zipper on his jeans. “Maybe you should take a look to see what’s going on.”
“You dirty old man.”
“If I was a year younger, you’d be in trouble, young lady.”
“It’s a good thing you’re in your thirties then."
“Actually, I’ve changed my mind. Age is just a number so we’re good to go.”
“Thanks for the green light,” I reply sarcastically, as we stop in the candy aisle.
“No problem. I can be your sugar daddy. Literally.” He wiggles his eyebrows up and down. “What are you in the mood for?”
“Anything with peanut butter,” I answer seriously.
“Eww.”
I make what Roxy calls my GIF face, which is where I don’t even try to hide my emotions. “Um, for a minute there, I thought you said eww.”
“I did. Peanut butter belongs on bread, not chocolate.”
“You just keep getting weirder and weirder.” I turn back to the chocolate. “What do you like?”
He takes a step closer to me. “Kisses.”
I roll my eyes and pick up a huge bag of Hershey’s Kisses. “These are the only kisses you’ll be getting this weekend, buddy.” I push the bag into his chest and walk away to the sound of him laughing.
I’m browsing the chips when I feel him behind me. I turn around and smile when I spot the Reese’s in his hand. “What about the kisses?”
“Oh, I put them back. I’d rather take my chances with a different kind.”
“Well that’s just silly because now you’ll end up with none.” I turn back around and grab some Cheetos. “Are you going to tell me that cheese belongs on bread too?”
“Hell no.” He takes them from me and then grabs a second bag. “Cheese belongs on everything.”
“So we do have something in common.”
“Of course we do.”
We carry on walking down the aisle, browsing the shelves as we go. He stops to pick up a bottle of mouthwash. “For after the Cheetos.”
I laugh. “Good idea.”
I become flustered and don’t know where to look when we stumble across the condoms. It probably doesn’t help that there are hundreds of boxes. Who knew gas stations would stock such a wide selection? Spencer grins and raises his eyebrow. “Do you need help deciding?” He reaches up and grabs a box from the top shelf. “These ones are my personal favorite.” I laugh when I see the bold XXL.
“What’s funny?” he asks, trying to keep a straight face.
“Is it safe to use them?”
“What do you mean? That’s kind of why they were invented…”
I point to the XXL. “Surely they keep slipping down? It can’t be very practical or safe…”
He bursts out laughing. “Burnnnn!” He holds a hand over his heart. “Ouch. That hurt.”
I giggle. “Sorry.”
“No, no, it’s fine. You’re obviously not used to coming across such well-endowed men. To answer your question - no, they don’t slip down. If anything, they’re too tight. I sometimes worry that they’re going to cut off my blood supply.”
I gasp. “What if it makes your penis fall off?”
“Then it will be a sad day for the ladies of San Francisco.”
“Well at least we know that’s never going to happen.” I grab two bottles of water on the way to the cashier and place them down on the counter. They’re quickly joined by the mouthwash, Reese’s, Cheetos and…condoms.
“The essentials,” Spencer announces.
The cashier scans them and smiles knowingly, or in this case, unknowingly. “Are you guys heading anywhere nice?” she asks. “Romantic getaway? I remember when I was your age. It was the best time of my life. You should soak up being young and in love.”
“Oh,” I say, shaking my head and gesturing between us. “We’re not…he’s not…”
“We will,” Spencer interrupts.
“We will?” I ask, eyebrow raised.
“Yep.” He slings an arm around my shoulders, and I’d be lying if I said it didn’t make me feel nervous and a little excited.
The cashier’s grin gets even wider. “When you find somebody special, you’ve got to hold on to them, no matter what.”
“That’s true,” he replies, his eyes full of sincerity.
“You hold on to her tightly.”
I’m suddenly hit with a wave of sadness. I’ll never get to soak up being young and in love. And no matter how hard I try, I’ll never get to hold on to somebody, since they’ll always get snatched away from me after six weeks. I shrug out of his grasp. “Where are the toilets in here?”
The cashier points to the other side of the room. “Over in the corner.”
“Thanks.” I walk away, taking a deep breath now that the air isn’t so full of Spencer.
A couple of minutes later, I open the door and walk right into him. My palms collide with his hard chest as his arms snake around my back. “You…you didn’t have to wait for me...” I mumble. He doesn’t reply at first. He just stares down at my hands. It’s as though everything turns to slow motion and after a long moment, I realize we’re still touching. I like it.
He leans in closer and I get goosebumps when his warm breath caresses my ear. “Sorry to burst your bubble, but I wasn’t waiting for you. I need to pee.”
I go from flustered to frustrated in less than a second. “You give me whiplash.”
He laughs. “I could say the same about you, Sunshine. Now, are you going to let go of me or do you want to come inside and help? I’m good with either option.”
I let my hands fall to my side. “I’ll wait by the car.”
***
“It was a little creepy what you did back there,” I say as we pull out of the gas station.
“You’re going to have to be a little more specific.”
“Letting that nice old lady believe we’re together.”
He grins and gestures between us. “Well technically, we are together.”
“You know what I mean. You let her believe that we’re dating.”
“Is the thought of being with me so repulsive?”
“Well, no, but I don’t understand why you didn’t set her straight.”
He shrugs. “I didn’t realize it was a big deal.”
“It’s not. It was just a little weird. I’ve only known you for a couple of days.” I open the Reese’s Pieces and pour some into my mouth. “I mean…if you’re going to pretend to be my boyfriend, I should at least get something out of it next time.”
“You did. I paid for your snacks and I’m paying you lots of compliments.”
“You are?”
“Yes. You look beautiful in that dress, and you smell good enough to eat.” I blush. “There. Just a few perks of being my fake girlfriend.”
“There’s more?”
A slow grin spreads across his perfect face. “Why do you think I bought the condoms?”
I look away so that he can’t see how my face is on fire. I don’t know why his words affect me so much. He’s obviously joking.
Right?
“I’m sure you could find a real girlfriend somewhere,” I say, trying to take the heat off me…and my cheeks. “Tell me about your ex’s.” He makes a weird noise in response. “Oh. That bad?”
“Not bad. Just…messy.”
“Tell me about your most recent relationship.”
He sighs. “It’s complicated.”
&nbs
p; “You sound like a Facebook status. How long were you together?”
“Honestly, I don’t even know.”
I laugh. “How can you not know?”
“Like I said; it’s complicated. It was on and off.”
“Weeks? Months? Years?”
“About a year and a half.”
“Why did you break up the last time?”
“She had her reasons.”
“So it wasn’t a mutual decision?”
“Nope.”
I want to ask him what she was like. I want to ask him what reasons she gave. I want to ask him if he’s over her. But it’s none of my business so instead I say, “I’ve never understood those on and off relationships. Surely after the second or third break-up, it’s obvious you’re not right for each other.”
We stop at a red light and he turns to look at me. “That’s a very logical and sensible way of looking at it.” I nod in agreement. “But there’s nothing logical or sensible about love, Cora. Sometimes it’s impossible to let go. Your head may be ready to say goodbye but if your heart isn’t, then it’s not the right time. The heart demands and deserves respect. Sometimes it takes two or three break-ups for your heart to catch up with your head. And sometimes…well, sometimes, your heart never catches up.”
“So then you just keep breaking up and getting back together your whole life?”
“Either that, or you need to make peace with the fact that your ex will carry a piece of your heart around with them for the rest of your life. I’m not sure that’s possible for me.”
I lean back in my seat and let his words soak in for a minute. “So is that why you’re single? Because you’re still in love with your ex?”
I spot a hint of a smile before he sighs and says, “I’m single because I’m waiting for you to realize you’re in love with me.”
“And the real reason?”
“That is the real reason. So if you could hurry it along, that would be great.”
I shake my head. “You’re going to be single for a long, long time.”
“Oh, Cora. Sweet, naïve Cora. It’s a good thing I like a challenge, isn’t it?”
“Is that what I am to you? A challenge?”
His eyebrows pull together. “I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Is this some kind of game to you? Something to pass the time? Do you like the chase?”
“No.” His eyes meet mine. “I like the capture.”
We stare at each other, and the only thing louder than the sexual tension is the honking coming from the car behind us. Even then, he’s reluctant to turn his attention back to the road. “Can I hang at your sister’s house?”
“Absolutely not.”
He chuckles. “Why not?”
I look down at my imaginary watch. “Because I’ve known you for all of five minutes.”
“More like two thousand, eight hundred and eighty, but who’s counting?”
I raise both eyebrows. “You, by the sounds of it. Wow.”
“Nah, I’m just really good at math. Forty-eight multiplied by sixty.”
I feign shock. “That’s it! I knew there was something different about you, but I couldn’t put my finger on it…”
“Yeah? And what’s that?” he asks, his tone hopeful.
“You’re a math nerd.”
He laughs, but something like disappointment flashes in his eyes. “I wouldn’t go that far.”
“What’s three sixty multiplied by twelve?”
“I’m not a performing monkey,” he jokes.
“You’re right. I’m sorry.”
“Unless math nerds are your thing…”
I shrug. “I guess you’ll never know.”
“Four thousand, three hundred and twenty,” he replies, as we stop at another red light. He turns to me and his eyes are darker than they were a few seconds ago. “Are math nerds your thing?”
“Oh yeah,” I reply in my best seductive voice. “I just can’t get enough of big numbers.”
“I knew it,” he says, playing along. “Go ahead, ask me another.”
“Hmmm, I’m not sure I can handle it. What if it makes me want to rip your clothes off?”
“My buddy once told me to take the risk or lose the chance.”
“Then I guess this is me giving up the chance.”
“Fine. Tell me your phone number instead.”
“Excuse me?”
“Your phone number.” He gestures to the steering wheel. “I’m driving. I can’t write it down. If I remember it then surely I deserve to have it.”
“Three six eight one seven five three,” I say as fast as I can.
He looks up at the roof as though he’s trying to remember it, then back down at me. “Could you say it a little quicker next time? Anyone would think you didn’t want me to have it.”
“And anyone would be able to see that you’re wasting your time with me.”
“How about we let Spencer decide that?”
“How about Spencer stops talking in third person?”
“Spencer agrees to meet your demands but only if you do something for him first.” He chuckles when I raise my eyebrow. “Spencer would really appreciate the worst singer to serenade him some more.”
Chapter Eight
An hour or so later, we’re murdering a Backstreet Boys song when the music stops, and a robot voice announces that there’s an incoming text message.
“How rude,” I joke. “That was my favorite part.”
“Sorry. I forgot to turn my Bluetooth off.”
The robot begins to read the message aloud.
Hey Spenny boy, it’s Rose.
“Spenny boy?” I ask. He sighs in response, and it makes me happy that he looks less than impressed to be hearing from her.
It was great to see you yesterday. It’s been way too long. I miss you and our late-night drives. Semicolon close bracket. Let’s do something about that. How does next Saturday sound? XO
We sit in silence for a few seconds until I can’t take the awkwardness. “Well, my favorite part of that message was the semicolon close bracket, or what I’ve always called a wink face until now.” He half smiles as the music starts to play. I’m not in the mood to sing along anymore and apparently neither is Spencer. I fold my arms and say, “I thought our road trip was special. Turns out you sing Backstreet Boys with all the girls. Is she the complicated ex?”
“Rose? No. I’ve never dated her. We hooked up a few times but that’s it.”
“Ah yeah, on your late-night drives.” I shift in my seat. “You didn’t hook up right here, did you?”
He chuckles. “Nah. I had a different car back then.”
“Thank god. Why didn’t you make Rose your girlfriend?”
“Because I didn’t want a girlfriend. And because we were total opposites.”
“Aren’t opposites supposed to attract?”
“Opposites have nothing to talk about once they’re done having meaningless sex.”
“Touché.” A question pops into my head and I try my hardest not to ask it but fail miserably. “So, next Saturday?”
He raises an eyebrow. “Depends if I get a better offer.”
“Tell her I say hello, won’t you?”
He chuckles. “I have a confession to make.”
I groan. “You’re going to drive me into the woods and murder me, aren’t you?”
“You writers are so dramatic.”
“Well, you haven’t denied it...”
“I like you too much to get rid of you. Besides, I’m too pretty for jail.”
Ain’t that the truth. “Come on then. Confession time with Cora.”
“My friend cancelled on me.”
“What? Which friend?”
“The friend I’m supposed to be visiting in L.A., he cancelled first thing this morning.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because I knew you wouldn’t let me drive you.”
“But…”
H
e holds a hand up. “I also knew how much you wanted to visit your sister.”
“You should have told me. We can turn around.”
“No way. We’re over half-way there. It’s fine. I’m enjoying our little road trip.”
“But what are you going to do when we get there?”
He shrugs. “I’ll just check into a hotel until you’re ready to drive back.”
“You can’t do that.”
“It’s fine. Netflix and relax, remember?”
“Now I feel awful. I’ll just visit for a couple of hours, then we can drive back tonight.”
“I’ll be too tired to drive back tonight. Cora, it’s fine. Don’t worry about me. I want you to have fun with your sister.”
“You could crash at her house. I mean, I’d have to check with her first, but she should be cool with it.”
“I can’t ask you to do that.”
“And I can’t ask you to pay for a hotel room and wait around for me.” He laughs. “What’s funny?” I ask.
“Just that you could ask me to do pretty much anything and I’d probably do it.”
“Why?”
“Because I like to help people.” He pauses. “And because you’re fucking beautiful.”
I narrow my eyes. “Why do you keep saying nice things about me?”
“Because they’re true. Do you have a problem with it?”
“Well, no. I’m not used to it, that’s all.”
“Well get used to it.”
“I hope you don’t expect any compliments in return because you’re the worst.” He laughs because it’s so obviously a joke.
“I know I like to joke around,” he says, sounding serious now. “But just to be clear, I don’t expect anything from you, okay? I just like being around you…in the least stalkerish way possible.”
“I like being around you too,” I blurt out, before I’m able to talk myself out of it. I look away, since I’m scared of the way he’s making me feel. I pull my cell out of my pocket and can still feel his eyes on me as I dial my sister’s number.
He gestures for me to elaborate. “In the least stalkerish way possible?”
I greet Connie with laughter. “Hey,” she says, and I can hear the smile in her voice. “How’s the road trip going? It certainly sounds like you’re having fun.”
“Yeah, everything’s fine. We’re about an hour away.” She was excited when I told her I would be visiting today, but even more excited when she found out that Spencer was going to be my chauffer. She’s almost as bad as Roxy when it comes to my love life…or lack of one.
