by Karli Perrin
“I’ve been working out.”
I nod. “That’s nice.” Nice? “I mean, good.”
He pulls a bottle of water out of the fridge and drinks half of it in one go. “Do you want some?”
I can’t stop staring at his abs as I say, “Yes, I do.” Fuck. I need to leave. I close my laptop and pick up my bag.
“Don’t stop on my account.”
“It’s fine. I was going to stop soon anyway. I’m getting hungry.”
He passes me a bottle of water. “Do you want me to make you some…” he stops talking and shakes his head. “I’m sorry. I forgot you don’t like me cooking for you.”
“It’s not that I don’t like it…it’s just…”
“Not purely physical.”
“Exactly.”
He takes a step closer to me. “Then how about we skip lunch and move straight to dessert?”
My heart starts to gallop. “Dessert?”
He closes the gap between us. “I’m going to spread you out on this table and eat you for dessert.”
I gasp. “How did you…that’s the line from my book…the one I read to you. How did you remember?”
“How could I forget a line like that, Cora?” He moves my hair behind my shoulder. “So how about we turn fiction into reality?”
Fuck. Isn’t this every romance writer’s dream? Every romance reader’s dream?
“I mean…that depends,” I tell him.
“On?”
“On whether you’re okay with knowing that it can’t turn into anything more.”
“I’ll take whatever you can offer right now. I just don’t want you to shut me out altogether.”
“I don’t want to hurt you, Spencer.”
“I know you don’t. But what do you want?”
I swallow hard. “Dessert.”
Chapter Eighteen
“Do you need to rush off?” he asks as he hands me my bra.
“I guess not. Why? What do you have in mind?”
“Netflix and relax. Something which friends do. And I promise I won’t cook for you…but I do have snacks.”
I roll my eyes. “Fine. Let’s see what all of the fuss is about.”
***
We watch three episodes of a new show called Lucid. Any show based on a book is always a winner for me. At some point during the fourth episode, Spencer pulls me onto his lap and tells me that he wants to experiment.
Fifteen minutes later, he announces that Netflix and chill is his new favorite.
I don’t tell him that he’s quickly becoming my new favorite. Instead, I call an Uber and tell him goodbye.
As soon as I get home, I call Roxy. “You said you weren’t going anywhere!” she says in greeting. “I can’t believe you left me hanging like that. I have so many questions!”
“I know, I’m sorry. I didn’t think I would be gone for so long. I went to see Spencer. I felt awful about this morning.”
“How do you know where he lives?”
“He was talking to Adam about it at the weekend. I knew which street it was, but I didn’t know which house, so I looked for his car.”
“Good idea. So how did it go?”
“I told him about my amnesia.”
“And?”
I sigh. “And then we had sex.”
“What?!”
“We had s…”
“I heard the first time but what?” She laughs. “Oh my god! This is even better than The Bachelor! Let me just pause it for a minute.”
I groan. “It was the stupid cat’s fault.”
“What do you mean? Don’t try and blame this on a different kind of pussy. Take some responsibility.”
“Very funny.”
“So how was it Baxter’s fault? I know cats are pretty sneaky, but I didn’t think they could persuade women to have sex with their owners…”
“I know, right? I left Spencer’s house and the cat started following me back to Sanctum.”
“So?”
“So he just kept following me. Every time I stopped walking, so did he.”
“That’s what cats do. It’s not like he’s a house cat.”
“I know but he’s so cute and Spencer said he’s scared of everything. I didn’t want him getting lost or being scared and alone. So I took him back to Spencer’s.”
“And he rewarded you with his penis?”
“Yes, Roxy. He rewarded me with his penis.” I can’t help but blush when I think about just how rewarding it was.
“So come on, how was it? I’ve been waiting for this all day.”
“Words can’t describe it.”
“Well, try! Call yourself a romance writer?!”
“It was mind-blowing. So different to past relationships. I never wanted it to end.”
I hear her clapping. “Yay! So are you two going to try and give it a go?”
“What? No.”
“No?”
“No. I can’t start something with him when I won’t even know who he is next month. My mind isn’t going to change about that.”
“So you’re just going to keep having sex with him?”
“I don’t know. Look, I’m tired.”
“I bet you are!”
“I’m going to jump in the shower and then do some more editing before I fall asleep.”
“I’m sure you’ll have sweet dreams tonight.”
“I’ll call you tomorrow. I don’t know if I’ll be coming to the shop, I have so much to do.”
“You have writing to do or Spencer to do?”
“Goodbye, Roxy.”
***
Later that evening, my stomach does a somersault when Spencer calls me. “Hello?”
“When can I see you again?” he asks, getting straight down to business.
“Hello to you, too.”
“Hello. When can I see you again?”
I laugh. “I don’t know. I’m guessing I’ll be at Sanctum sometime this week. I have so much writing to do. I’m going to need all the coffee.”
“I have coffee at my house, remember?”
How could I forget? “I won’t get any writing done around you.”
He chuckles. “What about when I’m working at Sanctum and you’re trying to write?”
“That’s different because lots of other people will be there too. Seriously though, I’m on a tight deadline and I want to get it finished in the next few weeks before…”
“Before what?” he asks after I trail off.
I’m about to make something up when I remember that he knows the truth. “Before I forget about it. Before I have to start all over again.”
“That must be so hard.”
“I try to make the best of a bad situation. Anyway, it’s nearly done, then I can start something new.”
“Come out with me tomorrow night.”
“It depends how much I get done.”
“You can write all day. Won’t it be a nice break for you?”
“What do you have in mind?”
“Anchorman 3.”
“But I thought you’ve already seen it.”
“I have. I enjoyed it. Have you never watched the same film twice? Or read the same book twice?”
“Of course I have.”
“Exactly. So I’ll pick you up at eight.”
“Fine, but I’m not sitting on the back row.”
“Oh, forget about it then. I’ll ask somebody else instead.”
He hangs up and I’m left grinning from ear to ear.
Chapter Nineteen
I call Roxy at approximately seven thirty the next day. “I need help!”
“What’s up? What’s happened?”
“I don’t know what to wear. I’ve already tried on about ten different outfits.”
“I’d say it’s a good time for pajamas.”
“Please be serious. Spencer is picking me up at eight.”
She squeals excitedly. “He’s taking you on a date? Why didn’t you tell me before now?”
“Because I haven’t spoken to you before now. Plus, it’s not a date.”
“Oh right. Who else is going?”
“Well, nobody.”
“So it’s a date.”
“I haven’t got time for this. It’s not a big deal. We’re just two friends going to the movies.”
“If it’s not a big deal then why are you freaking out over what to wear? Do you freak out like this before you come to see me?”
“Oh my god, why did I think it was a good idea to call you? Please help me! What do I wear? Jeans and a top? A dress? Heels or flats?”
She laughs. “How about leggings? Have you still got those leather-looking ones?”
“Oooh, good call. I’ll have a look.”
“Be quick. He’s always early. If he’s told you eight, he’s probably already waiting outside by now.”
“I hope not.” I quickly run to my window and peek through the blinds. “Shit, you’re right! He’s here! I’m only wearing my bra and panties.”
She giggles. “I’m sure he would approve of that outfit.”
“I’m going to look for the leggings. Thanks for your help…kind of.”
“Call me when you get home. If you get home.”
***
I open the door and jump when Spencer is standing right in front of me. “Jesus, I thought you were in the car.” My eyes go wide when I notice his thick-rimmed glasses. “I didn’t know you wore glasses.”
“Do you like them? I usually wear contacts.”
“Yes. It makes you look intelligent.” And hot as hell. Why have I agreed to sit in a dark room with him for the next three hours?!
He laughs. “Are you saying that I don’t usually look intelligent?”
“Stop twisting my words. You won’t need glasses anyway, because we’re going to be sitting on the front row.” He holds out a bunch of flowers. “What are those?”
He laughs. “Surely you haven’t forgotten what flowers are.”
“Very funny.”
He hands them to me. “These are for you.”
“But they’re dead…”
“I know. I thought you would probably get offended if I got you nice ones so I chose the worst ones I could find. I didn’t even pay for them. They were hiding behind all the nice ones and the woman didn’t even know they were still there, so she let me take them for nothing. Do you like them?”
“Yes. Nobody has ever bought me dead flowers before.”
“You deserve them.” He winks. “Are you ready to go?”
“I’d put them in some water, but since we’re going for the dead look, I think I’ll just leave them right here on my doorstep and forget about them for a few more days.” I drop them on the ground. “Let’s go.”
***
“Do you want to share some popcorn?” I ask when we walk into the movie theatre.
“Sure.”
“What about nachos?”
“Yeah, whatever you want.”
Ten minutes later, we also have some pretzels, M&Ms, and the world’s biggest Pepsi.
“If I knew you were hungry, we could have gone for some dinner first.”
“Oh, I’m not even that hungry. I just like to have a selection of snacks. I take snacking very seriously.” I pause before adding, “And also, I aim to keep my mouth busy the whole time so that you can’t kiss me.”
He laughter fills the quiet movie theatre. “Follow me, we’re this way.”
I nod to the front row seats. “Why? I want to sit at the front.”
“I didn’t choose. They were just selected at random. Come on.”
It feels like we walk up hundreds of steps before we stop. “Are you joking right now?”
“What’s wrong? It isn’t the back row.”
“It’s the row before the back row. No funny business.”
“There’s no need to worry. You have all of your snacks, remember?”
***
“What’s the verdict?” Spencer asks just over two hours later.
“I loved it.”
He grins. “I knew you would.”
“Oh my god, that scene where he jumped into the sea and swam on the sharks back…so weird but so good. I almost choked from laughing so much.”
“Right? Do you think it beats the first film?”
I bite my lip. “I didn’t think it was possible…but maybe.”
“It’s okay to think that.”
“It feels like I’m cheating on the first one though.”
He laughs. “But you’re not.”
I place a hand over my heart. “I am…in here.”
“I’m glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for being my date.”
“Who said it was a date?” We stop just outside of the entrance as I put my coat on. “Jesus, it’s freezing.”
He waits for me to finish buttoning it up and then pulls me closer to him. “Come here.” I smile as he rubs his hands up and down my arms to try and warm me up.
“Thank you.”
“Better?”
“Mmhmm.”
He smiles down at me and pushes a loose strand of hair behind my ear. Our warm breath mixes in the cold night air as he slowly leans down to kiss me.
I pull away and immediately see the hurt in his eyes. “Spencer…I…we can’t…”
He places his hands in his pockets. “You can’t.”
“I thought you understood. I thought I’ve made myself clear.”
“Apparently not.”
“No…apparently not.”
“You said we were friends with benefits. You checked if I was okay with it being physical. But now, when I’m trying to be physical, you pull away. Can you see where I’m struggling? You’re changing the rules day by day. No, hour by hour.”
“That’s not fair. I’ve been clear about it since we first met.”
“So I’m allowed to have sex with you, but I’m not allowed to kiss you? I thought you were just joking about the back row and buying all the snacks, but I guess you weren’t. It’s one huge mindfuck.”
“And this is why I was trying to distance myself yesterday, to avoid this.”
“When? Before or after we had sex?”
I narrow my eyes. “Before. Please don’t do this. Please don’t make me out to be something that I’m not.”
“I’m just stating the facts.”
“You know what? No good can come of this. Things were going well until our friendship turned physical.”
“We were never friends.”
“What? Yes, we were.”
“Oh, come on. We’ve always been more than friends. There’s always been that underlying tension.”
I can’t deny it. “Well whatever we were…things didn’t get complicated until our clothes came off.”
“You’re the one making things complicated.”
“No. My amnesia is making things complicated.”
“We still have one month left. Stop blaming your decision on the amnesia.”
Ouch. “I think the best thing we can do right now is take a break from each other. We need to let this cool off. We’re getting carried away. If we put some distance between us, you’ll realize that it’s best to stay friends. Just friends.”
“What’s the difference in being your friend or being your lover? You’ll forget me regardless. So why can’t I choose what I want to be to you?”
“Because I don’t want you to get hurt. I don’t want you to get a broken heart.”
“Trust me, it’s already full of cracks.”
“And I refuse to contribute to that.”
He sighs. “So you want a break? How long for?”
“However long it takes. A couple of days. A couple of weeks. I don’t know, Spencer.”
“A couple of weeks? So basically, you don’t want to see me again until I can be wiped from your memory?
“I didn’t say that.”
“Is this what you really want?”
“No. But it’s the right thing to do.” Just
because I have amnesia, it’s not okay for me to fuck with somebody’s life. It’s not okay to live in the moment and leave the other person to pick up the pieces when I forget they exist. I need to take responsibility for my actions. “I’m sorry.”
“I’m not.” He pulls his keys out of his pocket. “Come on. I’ll drive you home.”
“No. I’ll get an Uber.”
“I’m driving you home.”
And he does. In complete silence, except for the loud thud of my beating, hollow heart.
Chapter Twenty
I purposely stay away from Sanctum for the next two weeks. Mostly because of Spencer, but also because of my deadline.
I spend most of my days writing and most of my evenings thinking about him.
On day fifteen, I finally finish the first draft of my book and reward myself by washing my hair and putting on some make-up and clothes which aren’t pajamas, which is good since it’s Roxy’s birthday. I check the time and curse when I see how late I am. Her party started almost two hours ago. If I’m being honest, I’m not usually a big fan of parties, but I would never miss her birthday, plus, it will be nice to let my hair down after the past few weeks.
I grab my jacket and then check my reflection in the mirror. I’d be lying if I said I haven’t made an extra effort just in case I see Spencer there. Part of me hopes that I don’t, but an even bigger part of me hopes that I do.
I lock the door behind me and look down at the dead flowers, if I can still call them that. I’m not sure why I kept them. Maybe it was to remind myself that no matter how much I’m hurting, it could always be worse. I’m alive, unlike the flowers. Or maybe it was to make myself feel closer to Spencer. It’s the only thing I have from him. Even though I’m trying to be sensible about the whole situation, I can’t ignore the fact that I feel something for him. I was hoping that our little break would make my feelings go away, but if anything, it did the opposite. Just because I can’t be with him doesn’t mean that I don’t want to be.
***
I take a deep breath before I knock on the door. The birthday girl answers and throws her arms around me. “Hey! You made it!”
“Of course I did! I wouldn’t miss it for the world. Happy birthday!”
“Thank you!” She grabs the closest person to us. “Hey! My best friend is finally here!”
