“It’s an extraordinary event, Malcolm, no matter what the inconvenience. This disturbance,” Edithe remarked as she gracefully pointed to a passing truck, “is well worth it.”
Maggie watched as Malcolm nodded and changed lanes on the busy interstate.
“What concert?” she asked out of politeness.
Malcolm glanced at her through the rearview mirror and chuckled. “You are jesting, dear Maggie, aren’t you? It’s probably the greatest concert to take place since Woodstock. Stonehenge, Rock Reunion 2000. Every hotel room, B&B, even rooms in private homes have been sold out for six months or more. We didn’t know you’d be coming at this time, and advance tickets have been sold out for almost a year.”
Feeling foolish, as if she should know something and hadn’t a clue, Maggie merely smiled back, and said, “I haven’t kept up on music for some time, I’m afraid.” She hadn’t watched the news in weeks, nor did she have any interest in a newspaper, other than the Help Wanted ads. It was as if in some distant part of her brain she felt something familiar about it, like she had heard something, but—
Her aunt suddenly turned around and looked back at her. “Oh, Maggie, I’ve been so looking forward to showing you around. There’s a Renaissance Festival taking place in an adjoining field from Stonehenge. It’s too far away to see it, of course, but this place simply vibrates with the energy. Tomorrow, we’ll be meeting a few friends at the Festival. You do think you’ll be up to it, don’t you?”
Maggie’s stomach muscles tingled in anticipation, and she grinned. Her aunt didn’t leave her much room to back out, even if she wanted, which she didn’t. “I would absolutely love to go tomorrow. Thank you for planning such a great beginning to my holiday.”
Aunt Edithe smiled happily and turned back to the front of the car.
Maggie almost giggled as they passed the exit leading to the famous attraction. Now there was something she really wanted to see. Not that it held any deeper meaning for her than a neolithic sculpture upon the earth, but there was something mysterious about the place, though she’d only seen pictures.
Stonehenge.
Wow…
Even the name sounded magical.
Maybe there was something to this joyriding?
Chapter Two
It was perfect.
She was delighted with her charming aunt. Aunt Edithe, it turned out, was nothing like she’d expected. Rather than being a bit of a loon, she operated a holistic health center, where she had a very busy hypnotherapy practice specializing in learning disabilities. Malcolm worked with her, and their practice provided them with the means to enjoy a comfortable life. Maggie had to admit the man seemed like a perfect companion for her aunt, and she realized she couldn’t have asked for better guides on this holiday. A part of her worried that she was expecting too much and that her expectations might be unrealistic, yet she couldn’t deny what she felt.
Something wonderful was already happening, she thought as she sighed with contentment.
Maggie, snuggled in her robe, was curled up in a huge armchair in front of the fire. A cup of tea sat on a lovely accent table by her side. Aunt Edithe, in a silky caftan, her legs pulled under her, was sipping Earl Grey and smiling into the crackling flames.
“I am so glad that we were able to transfer our relationship from paper to in-person,” Aunt Edithe whispered.
“So am I. I feel very comfortable,” Maggie answered, staring into the flames and feeling the affection in her aunt’s words. “It’s the oddest thing. Ever since we arrived here earlier in the day, I can feel myself relaxing, as though the muscles in my body are slowly unwinding. Kind of like a twisted rubber band.”
“I’m glad you like my home.”
Maggie looked around the comfortable, eclectic room, and smiled. “I do like it. It’s lovely, and very peaceful.” Rugs from Turkey lay under the overstuffed furniture. Carved bookends from Bali held together leather-bound books on shelves that surrounded the fireplace. An African mask hung on the wall, next to ornate sconces that held thick creamy candles. Dotting the tastefully papered walls and on every shelf and table corner, were varied antique frames bearing testimony to the time, love, and worldly travels Aunt Edithe and Malcolm shared. The entire room emanated comfort and peace, and was filled with the soothing scents of flowers from Aunt Edithe’s abundant garden right outside the double French doors. Maggie knew she couldn’t have found a better sanctuary to figure out her future than this lovely home in the country.
“Thank you for asking me to visit and making this possible. It was the perfect time.”
Aunt Edithe grinned. “I did a little more than ask, I think. When I sent you that ticket, I was so afraid you might assume I was being manipulative.”
Maggie laughed. “My ex was manipulative, not you.”
“Ahh… love. The paths we take to follow it.”
“I like Malcolm,” Maggie said, thoroughly enjoying the opportunity to bond with another female. Her aunt seemed like a contemporary who was open and caring, and she realized it had been some time since she’d had this experience. It was nice. “You appear to have finally found the right path with him.”
Edithe’s smile became tender. “Yes. We have a good life together. It’s relatively quiet, and we have a wonderful group of friends here in Trowbridge. We’ve been together for eleven years this time.”
Maggie glanced at her relative. “This time?”
Edithe sighed. “Malcolm and I know we’ve been together before, in other lives, and live now in gratitude for each other. I think I wrote to you about my belief that everyone who comes into our lives is fulfilling a contract with us.”
“Hmm,” was all Maggie could reply to that statement. “I guess my ex’s contract with me was to make me miserable.” She always resorted to humor when faced with an uncomfortable situation, and a discussion of past lives or any other of her aunt’s far-out theories was definitely uncomfortable for her. At least she hadn’t brought out any tarot cards or started channeling. Yet.
Edithe chuckled at Maggie’s answer. “I’m sure there was something in the experience for you to learn. All our encounters serve our growth in some way. It will come to you, eventually, when the hurt lessens. So how’s the love life now?”
It was Maggie’s turn to laugh. “Nonexistent. Love is not on my agenda.”
“What a shame,” her aunt said in a thoughtful tone. “Love is my agenda.”
“You have Malcolm. You didn’t have a depressed artist who divorced you and then sued you for alimony.”
Edithe nodded. “True. Malcolm is a blessing but, Maggie… how fair is it to judge all men by your experience with one?”
Shrugging, Maggie murmured, “I know that. A part of me is glad the marriage is over. Living alone is easier than being with someone and feeling lonely. Besides, I have more important things to think about now. Like finding a job, paying bills, straightening out my life. If I’m introspective right now, it’s because in my current circumstances it seems a little irresponsible to have just taken off on a holiday.”
Aunt Edithe chuckled. “But what better time to take a holiday… when you truly need it? Seems to me that when we plan for such things, they rarely turn out as we had imagined. It’s those spontaneous moments that have been special for me. I found out years ago that when I tried to force everything in my life, I complicated it miserably. But when I chose a direction and just allowed the universe to fill in the details, everything worked out so much better than I could have directed. I found it to be quite freeing, actually.”
Maggie listened to her aunt’s words and tried to make sense of them. “But isn’t that what most people do? Take a direction and keep pushing until the goal is achieved?”
Her aunt laughed. “I guess you could say I’m not like most people.”
Maggie joined her laughter. “No, you aren’t, Aunt Edithe. You are… unique.”
“I shall take that as a compliment. The very last thing I want to do is disappear
into the masses, although I know how to do it when necessary.”
Maggie turned to her attractive aunt. “When necessary?”
Edithe smiled softly. “Doesn’t do to stand out, you know. We human beings have such a need to fit in, to know that if someone else believes what we believe, then it must make it right, and we feel so much better about ourselves. If people think you’re odd or different, then fear enters into the exchange, so my eccentricities are more private. I may reveal them to those I trust, such as you, dear child, in my many letters to you over the years. I’m sure you’ve been… curious, to say the least, over the ramblings of your silly relative.”
“I’ve never considered you silly,” Maggie said, though in her heart she had had many moments of such thoughts through the years. “Your letters may have been a tad… eccentric, as you put it, but they were always thought-provoking. You never really discussed your work, just your views. You know, I think I’ve secretly admired you. To leave everything and make a new life across the ocean. What courage that must have taken.”
Edithe shrugged. “I suppose one could see it like that. Now it seems the most intelligent move I’ve ever made. It’s when my life really began to make sense to me. Oh well.” She sighed and looked back to the fire. “Everything happens as it should. For me, there are no accidents or matters of chance. I am just grateful I recognized the opportunity when it arose almost thirty years ago and followed through. I had a choice. To stay in the States, or leave to begin a new adventure. I chose the adventure.”
Like me, Maggie thought, looking once more around the room and thinking of Stonehenge ten miles away. Just being here in her aunt’s home in England… this was her adventure.
“It was the appropriate choice for me… to follow my heart,” her aunt added, and sipped her tea. “That’s how I make most of my decisions now, by following my heart. It’s why I sent you the ticket. My heart told me you could use a break, and I could visit with you as you healed.”
Maggie gulped her tea. “Healed?” Why did her aunt use that word?
Edithe’s smile was filled with compassion. “Isn’t that how you feel right now? Sitting here in this house, in front of the fire? Don’t you feel yourself relaxing, maybe for the first time in years? There isn’t anything for you to do here, except to relax, have fun, and heal, Maggie. And maybe have a reunion. Not just with me. With yourself. That’s the kind of healing I’m talking about.”
She felt a lump in her throat as she listened to her aunt’s words. Was it from gulping the tea? That couldn’t explain the ache in her chest as Edithe’s words struck a chord within her. The very last thing she wanted to do was cry in front of her aunt. How odd that she felt so close, so quickly, to this woman. The years of letter writing had produced an intimacy that was rare for her. Usually, she was the strong one, the one who tried to fix everyone else’s problems. Maybe that was an excuse not to face her own?
“I feel like I’m running away,” Maggie murmured, as the stinging in her eyes increased.
“Good,” her aunt answered in an emphatic voice. “No point in staying within something we perceive as not working. Did you know the Chinese symbol for chaos means opportunity? Your chaos may have provided you the opportunity to grow, to experience yourself now. Could you have changed anything by staying in New Jersey for this week?”
Maggie thought about it while blinking to ease her eyes. She really was fighting tears and took a deep breath to give her the strength. “Well, I could have tried to find another job, but it would have taken days to set up interviews. It’s just that it seemed unreasonable to pick up and leave. Who knows, maybe I’m feeling a bit guilty.”
“What I would consider unreasonable would be to stay in a situation where nothing was working,” her aunt said, and looked at her. “You have an ascendant Aries moon. The ram. Your moon rules your emotions. Aren’t you tired of trying to ram down the barriers, child, to make everything work the way you think it should? Don’t you have a headache yet?”
Maggie laughed, picturing herself making running starts at brick walls that never tumbled, no matter how much force she applied. “I think my head is pounding from the effort. You’re right. I need to heal. At least my head.”
Edithe grinned widely. “Why, Maggie… that’s where all healing takes place. In our minds, then it settles into our hearts. What is it that you want? Really want in life? Have you figured that out yet?”
“Hmm…” Maggie looked back to the fire and thought for a moment. “I want to be happy. And safe. It seems like I’ve spent my entire life searching for safety, some distant oasis of safety where I could finally freeze-frame it all and relax. Just stay there and be happy.”
“Bullshit!”
Startled by the word and the force of her aunt’s voice, Maggie turned sharply and stared at her relative who was staring right back at her. Edithe looked almost angry, and Maggie really wanted to cry, thinking she had somehow offended her aunt.
Edithe’s words, when they came, sounded full of authority.
“There is no safety, Maggie. Safety is the lie we’ve accepted. If you freeze-frame something, it’s done, finished. There’s no more growth, adventure, life to it. Safety is the illusion. If you just follow these rules, avoid these foods, believe this dogma, accumulate enough money or possessions, you’ll be safe. We’ll buy into anything if we think it could lead to safety. Why, you don’t know if when you go to sleep tonight you’ll wake up in the morning. You could be hit by a bus crossing the street tomorrow, or fall in the bathtub and break your neck at any moment. All of this… life… could end in a moment.” Her expression softened, as she added, “I’m sorry to have startled you, but in this case, it’s the best way to get past the illusion. It’s not as morbid as it seems, Maggie. It’s taking the moment, and making it yours. I don’t want to sound pessimistic, that you’ll never get this moment back… but you won’t, love. Carpe diem. Seize the day. And the day can be joyful, or miserable. It’s your choice. There is nothing but this moment, dear child. This is it. Life. Right here. Right now. Anything else is the illusion of your past, which is over, or the imaginings of your future, which hasn’t yet occurred. Though time itself is the illusion, for I think it’s all taking place right now… it’s where we place our attention, our focus, that determines what we experience.”
Her aunt’s words seemed to echo inside her head, making her dizzy. “What do you mean? Nothing else is real, but right now?” It sounded… crazy.
“Isn’t it?” her aunt asked. “You’re worried that you must find a job. Why do you want the job?”
“For the money to pay my bills,” Maggie answered, feeling her throat starting to get thick again as emotion crept into her voice.
“Just for the money?”
She thought about it. “Well, for the peace of mind it would bring. I’m so tired of the worry.”
Edithe nodded. “I understand. So you want a job for the peace it might bring?”
“Yes.” Where was her aunt going with this?
Smiling, Edithe asked, “And how did you feel moments ago, when we were staring into the fire? Didn’t you say you felt peaceful in that moment?”
Maggie merely nodded, attempting to swallow the thick lump in her throat again.
“Maybe what you want isn’t so much a job or even money. Maybe what you really want, Maggie, after all is said and done, is peace. And you can have that right here, right now. If you don’t allow your mind to take you away from the present moment, where your life, child, is taking place. Don’t worry about nine days from now when you return. Stay here in your mind, where your life is right now.” Edithe smiled tenderly. “And that’s not irresponsible, Maggie. That is being responsible to yourself.”
Maggie felt like her aunt was confirming her worst fears, that being a good person and planning her life didn’t guarantee anything. It felt like madness, like she had spent her whole life seeking something that wasn’t real, a mirage that could never be reached. There was no saf
ety. Even though she wanted to fight it, everything Edithe was saying made such sense, and her chest felt like it would explode if she didn’t yell or scream or…
Suddenly, she couldn’t hold back the tears, and they burst forth with such intensity that she covered her face in humiliation. It was embarrassing, and she wanted to apologize to her aunt, but the sobs were so thick she couldn’t speak. All those years of worrying, about life, about her marriage, about the divorce, it all played out in her head. The months of rejection and sheer terror since she’d lost her job and then spiraled into financial rain took their toll as Maggie continued to experience the convulsive sobs.
Being a good person didn’t guarantee anything.
“I… I’m so sorry,” she finally was able to mutter.
“Don’t ever be sorry, sweet Maggie,” her aunt whispered, still staring into the fire. “Get it out. It’s been a long time coming.”
She did. She sat in the chair and cried, cried for her screwed-up life.
It must have lasted two or three minutes. Maggie cried like a child, and Edithe sat in her chair, sipping her tea as she waited it out. Finally, when her despair had been exhausted, Maggie sniffled and wiped at her nose with the back of her hand. “I am so sorry for falling apart like that,” she managed to mumble. “Must be the jet lag.”
Edithe set her teacup back onto the saucer, got up, and handed Maggie a few tissues. She sat on the arm of Maggie’s chair and smiled with such sweetness that Maggie felt like crying again.
Stroking Maggie’s hair back off her forehead, Edithe gathered her into her arms and held her closely. “Shh… it’s all right now,” she whispered against her hair. “The reason I didn’t hold you when you started crying is because I didn’t want to anchor that energy around you, so you’d have to deal with it again in the future. You were releasing.”
Once and Forever Page 2
