“And if it is not?” Anna asked, turning to look at her father. “Then what shall I do?”
His expression was one of both sympathy and anger, for his eyes were bright with obvious fury towards Lord Comerfield, whilst soft at the edges as he looked back at her. A small smile lifted the corners of his mouth as he spread his hands, trying, it seemed, to be both honest and encouraging in equal measure.
“We will make such a decision when we must,” he told her quietly. “Go with Lady Hayward into town and see what occurs. But Anna, you must not appear to be at all upset, not in any way. The beau monde must see you as you always are—confident, determined, and carefree. Do you understand me?”
Anna closed her eyes and nodded, not at all sure she could behave in such a way and yet realizing she must. She did not want the ton to add to their whispers simply by looking at her and realizing just how upset she was. She had to hide her true expression, had to pretend all was just as usual. No mention would be made of Lord Comerfield, and, should they meet any particular acquaintances, she would have to remain as silent as she could about the gentleman.
“Very well, Father,” she answered a trifle hoarsely. “I will do as you ask.”
The duke smiled, came towards her, and dropped a kiss to her forehead—such a rare expression of affection that Anna felt tears spring into her eyes as he stepped back from her. Her heart ached furiously but she said nothing to him, managing a watery smile as he looked down at her with clear sympathy in his eyes.
“I should return to my study and leave you to the care of Lady Hayward,” he said, a trifle gruffly as though that was more than enough emotion for him at present. “Have no fear, my dear girl. We will make things come to rights in the end.”
“I thank you, Father,” Anna replied, watching her father as he turned and made his way to the door, pausing only to murmur one or two things into Lady Hayward’s ear. Lady Hayward listened attentively and then nodded, looking up at the duke for a long moment before, finally, he took his leave. Wondering what had been said, Anna contained herself until the duke closed the door tightly behind him before bursting into a great flood of tears.
“Oh, my dear!” Lady Hayward exclaimed, coming towards her and putting her hand on Anna’s arm, pulling out a handkerchief with her other hand and placing it in Anna’s lap. “You have been through a very great deal. I am so very sorry.”
Anna tried to dry her tears but found she could not, and thus, she permitted herself to cry openly for some minutes until, finally, they began to abate. The handkerchief lay as a sodden mess on her lap, but Lady Hayward picked it up in a very practical manner and, folding it up, set it on the table next to Anna’s cold teacup.
“Well, we cannot go into town yet!” she remarked as Anna tried to smile. “You must prepare yourself, my dear. It will be difficult, yes, but it may come to naught.”
Anna swallowed the ache in her throat and nodded, looking down at her lap. “I was so very afraid that my father would consider me to bear some of the responsibility in this matter,” she said, her voice rasping a little. “That he would find that my behavior or some such thing was incorrect.”
“Not at all,” Lady Hayward answered firmly. “When I spoke to him, his only concern was for you. He did not even suggest that you had done anything wrong, my dear girl. You have done nothing worthy of punishment, so do not even permit your own heart to take on a guilt it does not deserve.”
For whatever reason, these words seemed to bring Anna a kind of comfort and she nodded, taking in another long breath and finding herself a little more composed.
“No doubt, Lord Comerfield will have to speak to your father, one way or the other,” Lady Hayward continued, rising to her feet and making her way back to her chair, pausing only to ring the bell. “He will have to give his explanation and his apology to your father directly.”
Anna shuddered. “I should not like to be in his company again.”
“But you cannot make it apparent that you are avoiding him,” Lady Hayward warned. “Recall that we must make the ton believe, as best we can, that there is nothing of note between yourself and Lord Comerfield, even if the opposite is true.” With a small sigh, she shook her head. “But do also prepare yourself for the possibility that the ton might whisper of you and that rumors might abound—to the point that the only course of action will be to pursue marriage.”
A tight hand grasped Anna’s heart, but she did not look away from Lady Hayward, wanting to face the truth without too much fear, even if her stomach lurched in a most uncomfortable fashion. “And Lord Comerfield will do such a thing?”
“I cannot see how he cannot, should it be required of him,” Lady Hayward answered quietly. “But let us hope it will not be so.” With a small smile, she gave herself a shake and then rose. “Now, you will have to take tea and cakes, I think, in order to settle your stomach and bring a little more color to your face. Thereafter, we will change and make our way into town, to perhaps sit at Gunter’s or some such thing.”
The thought of going into the ton was a frightening one, but Anna knew she could not hide away in her father’s townhouse. “Very well,” she answered, trying to hide her fear. “And if it is worse than we fear? If it is obvious that the beau monde now consider me in a much poorer light?”
Lady Hayward gave her a small, sympathetic smile. “Then we will consider what to do, should that situation arise,” she said kindly. “But for now, rest and recover yourself, Lady Anna. Tea and cakes will arrive soon.”
* * *
Stepping out into the streets of London was more nerve-wracking than Anna had expected. Her sister had been murmuring words of encouragement whilst Lady Hayward had said nothing but merely watched Anna carefully as though afraid she might lose her composure completely in a single moment. However, having rested as Lady Hayward had suggested and having eaten a little something so as to steady her nerves, Anna felt more prepared for what she had to do.
The moment her foot hit the pavement, however, all courage left her. It felt as though everyone walking by her was looking at her as though she were the sole point of everyone’s attention. It took all of her strength to remain where she was rather than climb back into the carriage to hide.
“There we are,” Lady Hayward remarked, briskly. “Now, where shall we make for first? Gunter’s? A bookshop? Or perhaps you should like to find something new to purchase?”
“Anything would suit me,” Anna said before Lady Selina could answer. “I do not wish to linger out of doors for too long.”
“Come now,” Lady Hayward replied firmly. “Do not be too afraid, Lady Anna. You might very well find that those in the ton do not think poorly of you but rather think ill of Lord Comerfield!” Looking at Lady Selina, she smiled calmly. “What would your preference be, Lady Selina?”
“The bookshop would be quiet, certainly,” Lady Selina replied, clearly considering what Anna would need rather than her own preference—for which Anna was very grateful indeed. “Although I should like to search for a new pair of evening gloves at some point.”
Lady Hayward nodded. “Then let us go there first,” she said, directing them to a milliner’s shop just behind Anna. “Yes, the bookshop will be quiet, but we do not want anyone to believe that you are hiding now, Lady Anna.”
Anna swallowed hard, looking back at Lady Hayward. “No, indeed not,” she answered miserably, knowing full well that to give such an impression would only make the ton believe that she was guilty of something, should they have heard of what had occurred last evening.
“Lift your chin a little and do not look at the ground,” Lady Hayward instructed, studying Anna with a sharp eye. “If anyone greets you, then greet them in a calm manner and with a smile, if you can. Behave as though this is another day within society, and I shall be by your side should anything untoward occur.”
Fear trapped itself in Anna’s heart as she tried to do as Lady Hayward suggested. Turning herself towards the milliner’s shop, she lifte
d her chin a notch, set her shoulders, and did her best to make her way towards it without showing any sign of nervousness. Lady Selina walked beside her with Lady Hayward just a step or two behind, and, much to her relief, she managed to make it into the shop without incident. No one stopped her. No one greeted her, and it was with relief that she began to peruse the items within, just as she might normally do.
“Is that Lady Anna?”
The first whisper came to Anna’s ears within minutes. She froze, one hand settling on a blue ribbon, her eyes staring down at it intently without her ever really seeing it. Quite who had whispered such a thing, she did not know, but there was, clearly, an awareness that she was of importance to the beau monde at present.
“It is Lady Anna, yes.”
Much to Anna’s shock, the hard voice of Lady Hayward filled the milliner’s shop. “Although quite why you are whispering about her, I cannot imagine!”
Slowly, Anna turned to look at Lady Hayward, who was speaking directly to two young ladies who had been standing only a few yards away from her, clearly the ones who had been whispering about her. Her face turned scarlet as she saw the two young ladies stare at her, their eyes wide as though she were a creature they had never seen before.
“Where is your chaperone?” Lady Hayward asked, finally dragging the two ladies’ attentions back towards her. “I must ask them if they are aware as to why such whispering is taking place.”
The first young lady dropped her head in evident embarrassment, whilst the second returned Lady Hayward’s look with one of her own. “She is gone to call the carriage,” she said, a little tartly. “And will return presently.”
“Then I shall wait to speak to her,” Lady Hayward replied, a hard glint coming into her eye. “For as I have said, there is no reason for you to be whispering about Lady Anna.”
“That is not what is being said,” replied the second, making Anna flush all the more with embarrassment. “It is said that Lady Anna was discovered last evening with a gentleman.”
“And you take such rumors and simply accept them as such?” Lady Hayward asked, a hint of anger in her voice now. “Might I ask if either of you were present last evening, at the dinner party myself, Lady Selina, and Lady Anna attended?”
The two young ladies looked at each other, a frown burrowing across the second young lady’s forehead. “I cannot imagine what you mean,” she said in that same tone of voice that spoke of very little regard for Lady Hayward. “Of course we were not.”
“Then might I suggest,” Lady Hayward said firmly, “that you refrain from speculating and from listening to nothing more than idle gossip that, if permitted to spread as you seem very intent on doing, can ruin the reputation of a young lady who has done nothing wrong.” She made to say more but was prevented from doing so by the opening of the shop door and, turning around, saw the startled face of an older lady whom, Anna considered, must be the chaperone of the young ladies.
Aware of the heat still in her cheeks and the embarrassment that held her in its tight grasp, Anna turned away as she heard Lady Hayward begin to speak to the young ladies’ chaperone, although she had to confess she was a little relieved at the exclamation that came from the lady’s mouth as she heard what her charges had been doing.
“My profound apologies!” came the voice of the chaperone. “Miss Dolton—you will express an apology to both Lady Hayward and Lady Anna.”
Anna winced but forced herself to turn back around, aware that she could not remain where she was, not when the lady in question was evidently to speak to her. She looked into the cool, calculating eyes of the young Miss Dolton and felt her heart sink.
She was lost.
“My sincere apologies,” Miss Dolton murmured, clearly not at all heartfelt in what she said, given that her lip curled slightly and a look of distaste still etched itself into her expression. “I should not have spoken about you in such a manner.”
“Indeed you should not,” Anna found herself saying, suddenly determined to defend herself to this young lady, even though she knew it was not worth it given that Miss Dolton seemed quite determined to believe what she had heard. “As Lady Hayward states, I have done nothing wrong. Why then should the beau monde turn its back to me?” With another lift of her chin, she bobbed a quick curtsy to the as yet unintroduced chaperone and stalked away from the two young ladies, leaving their chaperone to remove them from the shop.
However, despite her outward appearance of strength, inside, Anna was crumbling. It was quite clear to her now, with that one particular encounter, that she would not be widely accepted by the ton. Someone had said something, and from that, a story had grown so that it now spread itself all across London society. Anna had no doubt that there would be news of her supposed poor behavior spreading through the ton at this very moment, although she prayed that not everyone would believe it.
“Are you quite all right, Anna?”
Lady Selina’s anxious face came into view as she hurried towards Anna, clearly having overheard what had been said.
“I am…not,” Anna said honestly, dropping her head and squeezing her eyes closed. “It seems that it is as I feared.”
“Lady Chesterton must have been unable to remain silent,” Lady Selina replied, putting out one hand to Anna’s shoulder. “But that does not mean that everyone in the ton will believe it.”
It was a small comfort. Even if some of the beau monde believed the rumors, then she would no longer be acknowledged by some of society. And she a duke’s daughter!
“Lady Hayward is doing all she can to suppress it,” Lady Selina continued, obviously attempting to be helpful and encouraging. “She has told you not to hide away, Anna. I think it is best to do as she suggests, no matter how difficult it may be.”
Anna nodded but did not quite manage to hide her tears from her sister. Lady Selina murmured something sympathetic and then embraced Anna for a moment, before pulling out her handkerchief and handing it to her.
Anna managed to regain her composure with an effort, dabbing her tears away hurriedly. “It is all so very unfair,” she said hoarsely. “I have done nothing wrong. I was returning from the retiring room, that is all! And yet now, I am the one who is being punished for Lord Comerfield’s actions!”
“I know,” Lady Selina replied gently. “And you are right, it is most unfair. But be glad that there are those within the ton who will believe you are speaking the truth, my dear sister. Father does not think you in the wrong. Lady Hayward knows that you are entirely innocent, as do Lord Stevenson and Lady Chesterton. There will be others who, knowing of Lord Comerfield’s reputation as a flirtatious gentleman, will be inclined to consider him poorly, rather than yourself.” She smiled. “You must take courage. And I, certainly, shall not neglect you either.”
Swallowing hard, Anna nodded and tried to find the words to thank her sister, only for Lady Hayward to come to join them.
“Well!” she exclaimed, her eyes bright with anger and her lips pulled tight. “I should think that Miss Dolton—and by that, I mean the elder of the two sisters—will consider carefully the next time she decides to speak with such ridiculous abandon and listen to such foolish rumors,” she finished, her hands planted on her hips.
“I thank you, Lady Hayward,” Anna managed to say. “Although I am not certain that it will do much good.”
“Nonsense,” Lady Hayward replied firmly. “We will quash that ridiculous rumor if we must. That shall be our goal, Lady Anna. I will not have you belittled in the eyes of society when it is clear that you have done nothing wrong.”
“That is just what I have said,” Lady Selina added, her hand gently pressing Anna’s. “There will be those in society who lean towards pressing the guilt to Lord Comerfield rather than to Anna.”
Lady Hayward nodded, her hands slipping from her hips as she began to calm herself a little more. “Indeed,” she said, speaking much more softly. “I will speak to your father again, Lady Anna, and encourage him to attend wi
th us this evening, for I am certain he is included in the invitation. That will show the ton that the duke himself does not consider his daughter to be guilty of any such misdemeanors! And, for the moment, if you have the courage, we will step out back into London and continue on our way, just as planned.” She spread her hands. “However, if you would prefer to return home, then I will be contented to accompany you there also.”
Both Lady Selina and Lady Hayward looked at Anna with equal expressions of concern, waiting for her to make her decision. Anna did not know what to do, for everything in her wanted to return home, to hide away and to pray that, somehow, when she emerged, the rumors would be gone. But a small, quiet whisper reminded her that, should she do so, she would be giving credence to the gossip about her and that, in attempting to do as Lady Hayward had suggested, she would be showing the beau monde that she was not going to retreat, was not about to remove herself from them because she knew, full well, that she had done nothing wrong.
The memory of Lord Comerfield’s hands on her waist, the warmth of his breath as it had brushed across her cheek, and the way his body had pressed to hers came back to her with full force, and she closed her eyes tightly, letting out a shuddering breath. There was no excitement in that memory, no joy nor happiness but only dread, regret, and shame. It did not matter that he had thought her to be another, did not matter that he believed her to be willing to accept his advances. What he had done, he had done, and now, it seemed she was to bear the consequences.
Another chill ran through her as she realized that she might very well have to consider an offer of marriage from Lord Comerfield, should things become very bad indeed. Was that something she dared risk? Or would she attempt to do as Lady Hayward had asked, in the hope that the rumors would fade almost as soon as they had sprung up and return her to a life of contentment and freedom?
“Very well, Lady Hayward,” she said softly. “I will continue on as we had planned, in the hope that my courage, such as it is, does not fail me.”
A Selfish Heart: A Regency Romance: Landon House (Book 2) Page 5
