by Karen Lynch
My spirits shot up when I woke up on the Tuesday of Thanksgiving week and my first thought was that Nate would be here tomorrow. I grinned to myself in the shower, and I could barely sit still at breakfast. I even smiled at Nikolas when I walked into the training room. It didn’t make him ease up on my workout, but I was too happy to care. Nothing was going to bring me down this week.
When my phone rang that evening, I saw Nate’s number and laughed. Nate was such a creature of habit. He called me every Tuesday night without fail, and he wasn’t going to miss a night, even if he would see me tomorrow.
“Hey, Nate!”
“Hey, yourself. How are things going?” He sounded tired, and I hoped he wasn’t overworking himself.
“Oh you know . . . the same.” Lightning was probably going to strike me for that whopper, but I couldn’t tell Nate about everything over the phone. “So, you all packed for tomorrow?”
“That’s actually what I’m calling about.” He coughed, and I listened to him wheeze with a growing sense of dread. “I have some bad news. I haven’t been feeling too good the last few days so I went to my doctor today. He says I have pneumonia and I can’t travel this week.”
A pit opened in my stomach. “What? No! They have all kinds of medicines here. They can treat your pneumonia in no time.” I was already calculating how long it would take to bring the medicine to him.
He coughed again. “Sara, you know how I feel about that. My doctor prescribed something, and I just need to take it easy for a few days.”
And miss Thanksgiving? I started for my closet to find my suitcase. “Then I’ll come to you.”
“No,” he said sharply, and I stopped halfway across the room.
“Nate?”
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to bark at you. It’s just that you’re supposed to be hiding and we can’t risk someone seeing you. I won’t be good company for you anyway. I’d rather you stay there and I’ll come later.”
“But you’ll be alone for Thanksgiving.” The happiness that had carried me all day drained away.
“Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine,” he rasped. “I’ll come as soon as I can travel. I wouldn’t miss seeing you for the world.”
“It won’t be the same without you.”
“I know, but we’ll see each other soon.” He breathed deeply, and I could hear the rattle in his chest. “I need to take my meds and get some rest so I can get rid of this. I’ll talk to you in a few days, okay?”
“Okay,” I said, even though I was anything but okay. Ever since I got here, I had been counting down the days until Thanksgiving when I would see Nate again. Disappointment cut through me deeply, and I just wanted to curl up in my bed and cry.
God, I am an awful person. Here I was wallowing in self-pity and Nate was suffering from pneumonia. He’d be all alone for the holiday and I was thinking only of myself. I couldn’t even call Roland or Peter and asked them to drop in and check on Nate because the family was leaving tomorrow to spend the holiday with their grandmother up near Bangor.
The urge to go to home despite his arguments was so strong that I grabbed a backpack and had it full of clothes before my common sense took over. Nate was right; it wasn’t safe for me in New Hastings right now. All I’d be doing was putting both of us in danger, and I couldn’t forgive myself if he was hurt because of me again.
It was a long sleepless night, and it left me tired and cross the next morning. Less than ten minutes into training, Nikolas stepped back and asked me what was wrong.
“Nothing,” I mumbled, trying unsuccessfully to kick the heavy bag like he’d taught me yesterday.
“You are obviously upset about something.”
“I’m fine,” I lied. Tears threatened and I punched the bag angrily. I wanted to tell him what was wrong, but things were so weird between us that I didn’t know how to talk to him. And I didn’t want to run to him whenever things didn’t go right. I wanted to prove to both of us that I could stand on my own. “Can we get back to work?”
He moved forward to grab the bag again, and when he spoke his voice had lost some of the coolness that had been present the last few days. “Just know I’m here if you want to talk.”
Neither of us spoke much for the remainder of the session, but Nikolas’s words played over and over in my head all afternoon. The longer I thought about it, the more guilt I felt for brushing him off like I had. None of this was his fault, and when he had reached out to me, I’d behaved like a brat. Was it because I wanted to be strong, or was it really because I was afraid to open up to him, afraid of where that might lead? The two of us were in a strange limbo right now because I could not deal with us and because he wouldn’t press me. It was unfair to him, and it was time I stopped behaving like I was the only one with feelings.
By the time dinner rolled around, I had gathered my courage and made up my mind to talk to Nikolas. I spent the meal watching for him, and I barely tasted my food or heard what Jordan and Olivia were saying next to me. When he didn’t show, I almost ground my teeth in frustration. I finally wanted to talk, and he had decided to dine somewhere else.
“Hello, cousin, you look like you’re lost,” Chris said when I ran into him in the main hall after dinner. I knew he and Nikolas worked and sparred together a lot. If anyone knew where to find him, it was Chris
“Actually, I’m looking for Nikolas. Do you know if he’s around?”
He cocked an eyebrow. “You’re looking for Nikolas? That’s a switch.”
“Yeah, it’s like Bizarro World,” I retorted and watched his brow furrow in confusion.
“Bizarro World?”
“You know, from the Superman comics?” He shook his head, and I sighed. “How can you live forever and not know about Superman?”
He made a face. “I know who Superman is; I just don’t read comics. As for Nikolas, I believe he and Tristan had a meeting. They should be almost done now.”
“Thanks.” I headed for Tristan’s office, hoping to catch Nikolas before he left or before my newfound courage deserted me.
Tristan’s door opened as I walked down the hallway, and I heard muffled male voices inside. The closer I got I was able to pick out snatches of conversation, and I stopped in my tracks when I heard Nikolas’s deep voice. “ . . . not what I wanted . . . miserable . . . break the bond.”
I flinched as if I’d been slapped. Nikolas wanted to break the bond? I knew I shouldn’t be surprised after the last week, but it still shocked me to hear him say it. I wasn’t prepared for the sharp pain in my chest. My throat tightened, and I spun to leave before one of them came out and saw me.
My escape was blocked by the last person I wanted to see. Celine tossed her long black hair over her shoulder and speared me with a pitying look that was ten times worse than her usual sneer. “So now you know,” she said in a low voice so Nikolas and Tristan could not hear her. “If you care about Nikolas at all you will release him.”
I pushed past her. “Like you care. You just want him for yourself.”
She kept pace with me easily. “I’m not going to lie; I do want him and he wants me. Nikolas and I had something very special once, and we would be together now if this ridiculous mating bond wasn’t messing with his head. Males are so susceptible to these things.”
I pretended to ignore her, but she kept talking. “You are a lovely girl, Sara, but Nikolas is a man. I understand why you might fancy yourself in love with him; you wouldn’t be the first young girl to lose her heart to him. But he wants a woman, not a girl.”
“Why doesn’t he break the bond then?” My voice cracked and I walked faster, trying to get away from her.
“He is too honorable. You’ve known him long enough to see how chivalrous he can be. He doesn’t want to hurt you.”
Her words were painful barbs, and I had no defense against them because they were true. Hadn’t I thought the same things since I’d learned about the bond? Nikolas was no monk, and he’d probably been with many beautiful women li
ke Celine in his lifetime. What could he possibly want with a girl who came unglued by a simple kiss and was so stupid when it came to men that she’d thought a gay man was flirting with her?
We reached the main floor and Celine grabbed my elbow before I could leave. “You can still be friends with him if that is what you want, but it is cruel of you to hold him to this when he is obviously unhappy.” She let go of my arm and turned to leave. “Think about it and you will see I am right.”
“Just who I was looking for.” Jordan bounded down the stairs from our wing and scowled when she spotted Celine’s retreating back. “What did she want?”
I forced a smile. “The usual; you know Celine.”
“Unfortunately.” She linked her arm with mine. “Forget her. We have a party to go to.”
“Jordan, we can’t go to a party after what happened at the last one.” Not to mention, Tristan and Nikolas would probably lock me in my room if I even mentioned it.
She snickered and tugged on my arm. “Who said anything about leaving the stronghold? We’re going to have our own little holiday party right here.”
“That’s great, but I don’t think I’m in the mood to party tonight.”
“Listen, I get that you’re bummed about your uncle not coming, but what good is it to hide out in your room all night and be depressed about it?” She fixed me with a determined stare. “Wouldn’t you rather hang out with us and have some fun? We have beer, and Terrence got his hands on some Gran Patron.”
I had no idea what Gran Patron was, but I assumed it was some kind of alcohol. I wasn’t into liquor, but I could handle a beer or two. I looked up the stairs and realized the last thing I wanted right now was to be alone.
“Come on,” Jordan cajoled, mistaking my hesitance for reluctance. “Don’t make me drink with those losers alone.”
“Okay.”
“Sweet. Let’s go.”
I expected us to go to one of the common rooms, so I was surprised when she headed for the main entrance. “Where are we going?”
“The arena,” she said once we were outside.
The temperature had dropped a lot since that afternoon, and I shivered in my sweater. I raised my face and breathed deeply of the cold air. If my nose was not mistaken, we might be having a white Thanksgiving.
“What are you doing?” Jordan asked.
“Smelling the air. I think it’s going to snow.”
She sniffed at the air. “You can smell snow in the air? Seriously?”
“Can’t you?”
“No.”
“Oh.”
She gave me a sidelong look. “You’re strange, you know that?”
It felt good to smile. “You have no idea.”
The door to the arena opened before we reached it, and light spilled outside. “About time you two got here,” Terrence called. “Thought we were going to have to start without you.”
Jordan laughed. “Like you lightweights could have a party without us.”
He stepped aside, and we entered the arena where the other trainees sat together near a large cooler. Even Michael was there, and it surprised me to see him away from his laptop.
“Time to get this party started,” Terrence sang. He went to the cooler and began handing beers to everyone. When all of us held one, he raised his bottle and said, “To us.”
“To us.” We all drank. Josh turned on a small portable stereo and Coldplay filled the room. The seven of us sat and drank and talked about training and when we would go on our first mission. Everyone had heard Jordan’s story of our adventure at the party and they wanted to hear my side of the story. I told them everything I could without revealing my secrets. Jordan beamed when I described how easily she had dispatched two vampires. Human girls bonded over things like boys and music; we bonded over kicking demon ass. It was no wonder I never had any human girlfriends.
“So, you and Danshov, huh?” Josh asked. It was the first time one of them besides Jordan had mentioned the bond, and all I did was shrug and keep my face blank. Inside, my stomach hurt as I replayed Nikolas’s words to Tristan.
Jordan set her bottle down. “Hey, Terrence, where is that Gran Patron you were bragging about? I think it’s time for a shot.”
“Hell, yeah.” Terrence reached under his seat and pulled out a bottle of clear liquor and a stack of shot glasses. “Tequila time!”
I tried to pass when Terrence handed a shot to me. “I don’t really like liquor.”
“That’s because you haven’t had the good stuff. You have to try it once.”
Jordan nudged me with her shoulder. “Come on, you have to do one shot with us.”
I made a face but accepted the glass. “Haven’t you guys ever heard of peer pressure?”
“That’s a human thing.” Josh grinned and held up his glass. “Warriors call it a challenge, and we never turn down a good challenge.”
Everyone but Michael took a glass and when Terrence said “go” we downed the contents. The tequila was warm and smooth, and it burned its way down to pool in my stomach. A minute later, a pleasant tingle spread through my limbs.
“See, I knew you’d like it,” Terrence said when I smiled. “You want another one?”
“Maybe later.” I picked up my beer again and sipped it as the buzz from the tequila hit me. Whoa, I need to slow down.
I took my time with my second beer but everyone else, except Michael, seemed to be in a contest to see who could drink the most. Jordan wasn’t kidding when she called them lightweights because she put away more than any of them and barely seemed to have a buzz going.
By the time I started my third beer, Olivia and Jordan convinced me to do another shot. Although in truth, they didn’t have to do much convincing because I’d discovered that the more I drank, the less I thought about Nikolas and Celine and how much I missed Nate. Someone fiddled with the stereo, and I found myself dancing with Jordan and Olivia, singing and laughing and having a blast. So this was what it felt like to let go and have fun. I imagined Roland’s face if he saw me now and more laughter bubbled out of me.
By the time I finished my beer, I felt like I could do almost anything, and I was seized by the urge to find Nikolas and tell him he was free to go be with Celine or whoever he wanted. I ignored the sharp pain in my heart as I stood. He had made it clear what he wanted and it wasn’t me, so why wait to break the bond? The more I thought about it, the stronger the urge became to seek him out and just get it over with.
“Hey, where are you off to?” Jordan called when I headed for the door.
“I have to take care of something.”
“But we’re having fun.”
“I’ll be back in a bit.” I opened the door and the icy air felt like a balm to my heated face. Outside, the night was quiet, and heavy clouds hung in the sky. My legs were a little unsteady as I walked to the main building, but that was not going to deter me from my mission. I was going to find Nikolas, give him the happy news, and then go back to the party and celebrate my freedom.
After the freezing temperature outside, the main hall felt like a sauna, and I had to cling to the banister when I climbed the stairs to the second floor of the north wing. Only the most senior warriors lived in this wing so Nikolas had to be here somewhere. If he’s not with Celine, a niggling voice said, and I shook my head to banish the ugly thought.
Standing at the end of the second-floor hallway, I looked at the row of closed doors and realized the flaw in my plan. I had no idea which door was Nikolas’s and I couldn’t very well knock on all of them. “Damn it,” I muttered, wandering down the empty hallway. Now I was going to have to wait until tomorrow to talk to him, and I had a suspicion I would not feel as courageous in the morning.
“Sara?”
Startled, I whirled and stumbled into a hard body. Hands reached out to steady me, and I looked up into Nikolas’s curious eyes.
He released me and stepped back. “What are you doing here? Were you looking for me?”
See
ing him set off a maelstrom of emotions in me and sent my courage flying out the nearest window. “N-no.” I moved to go around him, but I was going too fast and I staggered sideways. He caught me and turned me to face him again.
“What is wrong with you? Are you drunk?”
“No,” I retorted, and I couldn’t help but remember the last time he had accused me of being intoxicated. This time he was probably right. As if on cue, the hallway started to spin, and I knew I needed to get out of there before I did something to humiliate myself. I pulled my arms out of his grasp, but the jerky movements were too much and my stomach began to roll. I clapped a hand over my mouth. “Oh, I don’t feel good,” I moaned through my fingers.
I heard him sigh before an arm went around my back and another slipped behind my knees to cradle me against his chest. Shock rippled through me, and I would have tried to get free if I wasn’t struggling not to throw up on both of us. He hurried to the last door and managed to open it without releasing me. I barely got a glimpse of a living room done in dark woods and muted greens and browns before we entered a large bathroom. He set my feet on the tiled floor, and I threw myself at the toilet where I began to retch violently.
“Oh God, I’m dying,” I sobbed between vomiting tequila and beer. I’d barely been ill a day in my life, and the few times I had been sick were nothing compared to how wretched I felt now.
It took a few minutes for me to realize Nikolas had been behind me the whole time, holding my hair out of my face. Humiliation added to my misery. “Please, go away and let me die in peace,” I whispered hoarsely before another bout of vomiting came on.
He let go of my hair and I thought he left the bathroom. Then I heard water running in the sink and he was back again, lifting my hair to lay a cool, wet cloth across the back of my neck. It felt so good that I couldn’t bring myself to ask him to leave again. I had no idea how long I hung over the toilet throwing up, but he stayed with me the entire time, quietly pressing wet cloths to my neck. When my stomach finally finished expelling every drop of vile liquor, I flushed the toilet and sagged against the blessedly cold porcelain tub, too exhausted to move. I heard the water running again before Nikolas lifted my chin to wash my face with the cloth.
