by Marie Force
“You are nuts. And you have no idea what you’re getting yourself into if this should come to pass. But I love you so much for thinking of it and being willing to step up for them.”
“I love you, too.”
“Let’s go see how we can help.”
Since Maddie was acting like everything in their lives was perfectly normal, Mac didn’t see any reason not to go to the cookout his parents were hosting to introduce Mallory to the rest of the family. If it were up to him, he’d want to stay home and spend quiet time with his wife and children. But his wife seemed to want everyone but him, so they went to the party.
The longer the weirdness with Maddie went on, the more hollow Mac felt. Of course he’d known how essential she was to him and how much he relied on her to get through every day. But until she made herself unavailable to him for several days, he hadn’t known just how essential she really was or how dependent he was on her.
For the first time in the two years they’d been together, he had no idea what to do where she was concerned. He’d always known what to do, from the first day they met and he’d forced his way into her life, he’d known what she needed and how to give it to her. Sure, he’d fumbled a few times, but he’d always managed to right the ship and keep them on an even keel.
Until now. Until they lost their baby and he seemed to lose her at the same time. With every day that passed in this unusual state of discontent, his worries quadrupled to the point that he felt like he would explode if it went on much longer. He’d done what everyone had told him to do and had given her some space. He’d left her alone to cope in her own way while he tried—and failed—to cope on his own.
He was to the point now, after five long days of utter misery, where he wanted to shake her and force her to deal with him. But he’d never do that. He’d never lay a hand on her with anything other than love on his mind. But the anger simmered deep inside, just below the despair, making him wonder how long he could possibly contain it before it burst forth and made everything worse.
How could she do this to him? How could she make him feel like she was blaming him for what’d happened to both of them? How could she freeze him out when he needed her more than he’d ever needed her before? As he drove his family to his parents’ house, those were the questions that burned through his mind, torturing him with the lack of answers.
The only thing he knew for sure was that he would lose his mind if this went on for much longer. After he parked outside the home he’d grown up in, the house the locals referred to as “The White House,” Mac retrieved Hailey from her car seat while Maddie saw to Thomas, laughing and joking with the little boy like she hadn’t a care in the world.
As if she knew he needed some love, Hailey snuggled into the nook between his neck and shoulder, nearly reducing Mac to tears with her sweetness. His emotions had been all over the place this week as he tried to carry on as normal. But when he was by himself, driving to the marina or in the shower or alone on his side of their big bed night after night, the tears flowed freely.
Attending a happy family get-together was the last thing he felt like doing today, but he was going through the motions because he had no good reason not to as long as Maddie was up for going. Judging from the cars parked outside, other than Janey, they were the last to arrive. They went inside to a huge crowd that included his brothers, their significant others, his Uncle Frank and Betsy, Laura, Owen, Holden, Shane, Katie, Uncle Kevin, Riley, Finn and Mallory, the guest of honor.
Mallory caught him off guard with a kiss to the cheek. “Nice to see you again.”
“You, too.”
“How’re you doing?”
Mac shrugged. “Okay, I guess.”
She eyed him skeptically but didn’t pursue it. “And who is this little angel?”
Thankful to change the subject, he said, “This is Hailey. Hailey, meet your Aunt Mallory.”
“May I?” Mallory asked, holding out her hands.
Mac didn’t want to let go of his daughter or the comfort she had provided, but he also didn’t want to be rude, so he handed her over to Mallory.
“She’s adorable. Where does she get the blonde hair?”
“Her mom was blonde as a baby.”
Carrying Thomas, Maddie came over to say hello to Mallory and to introduce her to Thomas.
“Your kids are beautiful,” Mallory said, her expression wistful as she gazed at Thomas.
For a brief second, Mac saw a hint of sadness in Maddie’s eyes that was gone as quickly as it had come.
“We adore them,” Maddie said cheerfully. “Hailey likes you. She doesn’t go willingly to too many people.”
“I’m honored,” Mallory said.
Joe, Janey and P.J. arrived a few minutes later, Janey wearing an expression of trepidation as she was introduced to Mallory.
“It’s nice to meet you.” Mallory took the hand that Janey offered. “I’ve heard so much about you.”
“Nice to meet you, too. I’m sorry I wasn’t here the last time.”
“No worries,” Mallory said. “You’re here now.”
“Just don’t call me Brat, and we’ll get along fine.”
Mallory laughed. “You got it.”
Mac watched the proceedings with a sense of disjointedness. Normally he’d be thrilled to spend the afternoon with his family and to see Janey taking an important step with their new sister, but it was impossible for him to enjoy anything when he was at odds with Maddie.
Tucked up against Shane’s side, Katie felt like she had to be dreaming. He wanted her close to him all the time. If they were together, he was touching her in some way, regardless of who might be watching. Here now, in front of his entire family, he was making a very public declaration, and Katie loved it. She loved him.
She hadn’t said the words to him yet, but she wouldn’t be surprised if he knew how she felt.
Yes, it had happened fast, and yes, she was a bit dizzy from the whirlwind speed of their relationship. But she was also euphoric and excited and filled with anticipation of what was ahead for them. If only she hadn’t insisted on waiting awhile to talk about what came next for them.
He’d asked her to move in with him, and that was all she’d thought about since she received that note. She hadn’t told anyone, even Julia, that they were talking about such things out of fear that everyone would think she was crazy to go from never having had a boyfriend to living with the man who’d taken her on her first date.
But every instinct she had was telling her to go for it, to leap with both feet and let Shane catch her. If only it weren’t for the lingering, nagging doubts about whether he was truly over Courtney, she’d say to hell with the deadline and tell him now that she wanted the same things he did.
He hadn’t said or done anything to lead her to believe his mind was still locked in the past. She’d picked up on subtle things, such as the way he’d zone out sometimes, staring into space, his thoughts obviously somewhere far away from her. Though he was focused entirely on her except for those infrequent periods, the doubts festered despite her desperate desire to ignore them.
After they’d eaten a delicious steak dinner, Shane’s Aunt Linda asked her son Evan to play for them. Sitting on his uncle’s spacious deck with Shane’s arms around her from behind, the sun setting over the Salt Pond and Evan’s incredible voice singing “Stay With Me” by Sam Smith, Katie had never been happier or more content.
Shane whispered the words to the song in her ear, sending a shiver down her spine.
It took everything she had not to tell him right then that she’d stay with him forever if he’d have her. Later that night, while he made passionate love to her, Katie told herself she was a fool for worrying about where else his thoughts might be when he was so obviously devoted to her.
But the doubts niggled just the same, growing and multiplying in the week between the cookout and the wedding when his periods of melancholy seemed to grow more frequent. The closer they got to their sel
f-imposed deadline, the more worried Katie became about whether it might be a huge mistake to give him everything.
While Shane was at Grant’s bachelor party, Katie went downstairs to the Bistro, where the girls were celebrating Stephanie’s second-to-last night as a single woman. The women were in high spirits as they drank champagne and toasted the bride, and Katie enjoyed the evening with women who were starting to feel like friends, especially her new sister-in-law.
“I miss drinking,” Laura said mournfully. “I feel like I’ve been pregnant for years.”
“Well, you kind of have been.”
“A few more months, and I’ll never be pregnant again.”
“Is Maddie okay? She was hitting the champagne hard.”
“I noticed that, too. Tiffany will get her home.” Laura shifted her gaze from watching Maddie to Katie. “So things are good with Shane?”
“Very good.”
“It’s nice to see him happy again.”
“Does he seem happy? Really?” As she asked the question, Katie realized how badly she needed an objective opinion. Was she reading more into his frequent silences than they warranted?
“Why would you ask that? Is something wrong?”
“I don’t know. I hope not, but…” She lowered her voice to ensure no one would hear her. The others were so caught up in the celebration that she and Laura could speak freely. “Sometimes, he seems… remote, as if something is weighing on his mind, but he doesn’t want me to know. When we’re together, he’s completely focused on me, but I still sense something is amiss. And I have absolutely no experience at this and no way to know if I’m overreacting, looking for something that isn’t there or have cause to be genuinely worried.”
“Have you asked him?”
“No,” Katie said with a sigh. “I haven’t, because I’m afraid of what he might say.”
“That’s a tough one. It’s possible—and I only say this as speculation, not because he’s said anything to me—that he might be still dealing with some fallout from Courtney’s sudden reappearance. But that doesn’t mean he’s not totally invested in you.”
“How can he be totally invested in me if he’s still thinking about her?” As Katie gave voice to her greatest fear, her stomach began to ache.
“I think you should talk to him. Ask him what he’s thinking about when he punches out.”
“The thought of asking him that makes me feel sick. I’m also afraid he’ll be mad, because he’s told me how he feels and what he wants. I’m the one who’s holding out, so what right do I have to question him? You know?”
“I hate Courtney for reopening that wound just when it was finally starting to heal.”
“Part of me is grateful to her because he got some answers, but the other part of me wishes he didn’t know that she never stopped loving him. I feel like I’m out on a huge limb in a stiff breeze in this situation, hanging on by my fingertips.”
“Do you love him?”
Katie nodded. “Very much so.”
“Tell him. That might make all the difference for him.” Laura rested her hand on Katie’s arm. “And for what it’s worth, I’m thrilled that you love him. I think you’re perfect for him.”
“Thank you.” She hugged her sister-in-law. “I know what I need to do.”
Chapter 33
Dan Torrington threw one hell of a bachelor party. Since Grant had been unwilling to choose one of his three brothers, he’d asked Dan to be his best man. They’d gorged on prime rib, lobster, top-shelf liquor and Cuban cigars at the party Dan had thrown for Grant at the marina.
Adam had drawn the designated-driver card that night, and delivered Shane and Owen back to the hotel just after three a.m., which was far too late to bother Katie.
Beside the fact he was more than a little drunk and nauseated from the massive overindulgence, he was also out of sorts, so he went to his own room rather than hers. He flipped on the light and noticed a white Sand & Surf envelope on the floor. When he bent to pick it up, he had to reach for the wall as the room seemed to tilt.
Taking the envelope to his bed, he sat and tore it open.
Dear Shane,
I hope you had fun tonight with your cousins and friends. I had a great time with the women. I love being part of this incredible group of people. I feel as if I’ve known them forever when it’s only been such a short time. Sort of like the way I feel about you… How can I feel so much for you when I only just met you? But I can’t deny that what I feel for you is love, as pure and simple as anything I’ve ever felt. I want all the things you said you want. But more than anything, I want you to be certain. I can tell something is weighing on your mind, and if you don’t feel you can talk to me about it, please talk to someone.
If the time isn’t right for us, I’ll be sad and disappointed, but I’ll survive. I wanted you to know that. Let’s enjoy this wonderful weekend, as planned, and talk after the wedding. I’m looking forward to spending more time with you and your family.
Love,
Katie
Shane moaned as he read her sweet words. She loved him, but she knew he was tormented. And here he thought he’d done such a good job of hiding it from her. He should’ve known she’d notice. She paid attention.
He stretched out on the bed, still holding her letter and thinking about everything she’d said and how perceptive she was. Try as he might to deny it, Courtney’s visit had screwed him up, and he needed to get some help before he ruined the best thing to ever happen to him.
His sleep was tormented and plagued by disturbing dreams about both the women who were on his mind. He woke with a pounding headache, a dry mouth and a plan. After a shower, some coffee and a couple of pain pills, Shane got on the bike and rode it to Big Mac’s house in North Harbor. He stepped through the gate into his aunt’s rose garden and took the stairs to the porch, where he knocked on the door.
Wearing a T-shirt and shorts and carrying a mug of coffee, his Uncle Kevin came to the door. “Hey, Shane.”
“Just the guy I was looking for.”
Kevin pushed open the screen door. “Come in.”
“Why do I feel like hell after last night, and you’re all chipper?”
“Because with age comes wisdom and the ability to say no after the tenth round.”
Shane laughed. “It was a good time even if I feel like hell today.”
“A fantastic time, but then any time I get to spend with my brothers, sons and nephews is the best of times.”
“Yes, it is.” Shane accepted the mug of coffee Kevin poured for him and stirred in cream. “Where is everyone?”
“Riley and Finn are still sleeping off last night’s gluttony. Mac and Linda are off making final preparations for the rehearsal dinner tonight.” Kevin leaned against the counter. “What brings you out so early?”
“Could I talk to you about something in sort of a professional capacity?”
“Of course. Let’s go out on the deck.”
Shane followed him through the sliding door and took a seat next to his uncle. “I’m sorry to drop in on you this way when you’re on vacation and away from other people’s problems for a while.”
“I’m always available to you. You know that. You’re all our kids. Doesn’t matter which one of us fathered you.”
“I love that about our family.”
“So do I, but I don’t think you came here to talk about our family.”
“No,” Shane said with a sigh. “Did you hear that Courtney came looking for me this week?”
“I heard rumblings to that effect.”
“Things were great, you know? I was doing so much better. The job with Mac, living near Laura and Holden, who I’m crazy about, being here with the rest of the family and then everything with Katie… I was better than I’ve been in a long time.”
“Your dad said as much to me, and I could see it myself.”
“But then she comes here and tells me everything she did was to protect me and she only divorced
me to keep me out of a messy legal situation. She said she never stopped loving me.”
“Ah, Christ. I didn’t hear all that.”
“It’s fucked me up again, Kev. I don’t want to think about her. I want to think about Katie. I love Katie. She’s amazing and wonderful and kind and attentive. She’s everything that Courtney wasn’t. What you see is what you get with Katie, and I need that after what I went through with Courtney. So why, why, why can’t I stop thinking about Courtney telling me she never stopped loving me?”
“Because you waited a long time for some answers, and you’ve only had a few days to get your head around what she told you.”
“Unfortunately, those few days have been critical days with Katie.”
“Which makes it that much more complicated.”
“I feel like I’m losing my shit. How can I be thinking about a woman who treated me the way she did when I’ve got a new girlfriend telling me she loves me and wants to be with me?”
“What do you want, Shane?”
“I want peace. I want a family. I want Katie. I want to stop dwelling on stuff that doesn’t matter anymore.”
“It must still matter if you’re still dwelling on it.”
“Why does it still matter? What difference does it make if she still loves me or that she did what she did to protect me? I’m not going back to her.”
“It matters because you can’t hate her anymore knowing what you do now. It was easier when you could make Courtney out to be the villain in this situation. Finding out what you did this week puts you back to square one in some ways because it changes the story of how your marriage ended.”
“I can’t go back to square one again.”
“It’s not the same square one as it was when everything first happened and the wound was raw and open. It’s a different square one, but it requires some contemplation nonetheless. You lived for a long time thinking you understood what motivated Courtney. Finding out that everything you thought to be true was wrong is a shock.”
