by NB VanYoos
* * * *
Both lay quiet, exhausted from their love. He could not remember feeling this way with Linda, but he couldn’t tell how much was his desire and how much was that of the Admiral. Despite this conundrum, he was happy to be a part of it.
Toosia rolled towards him and placed her arm across his chest, snuggling into the crook of his arm. It felt good to hold her.
“Nayllen?” Toosia broke the silence.
“Yes?” He replied.
“I have to tell you something but I don’t know if this is a good time or not.” She stopped, confusion wrinkling her face.
He brushed her hair aside and pulled her close. “I’m sure now is a fine time. We are alone after all.”
“I know, I know,” she agreed, “it’s just … well, it’s just that it is something I should have told you a long time ago.”
Suddenly, Tyler’s curiosity was piqued as he felt a twinge of concern.
“Okay,” he replied, “I am sure whatever it is, you had your reasons for waiting.”
He let his words hang patiently even though he was beginning to churn inside. What could it be? An affair? Health problems? Too many bad things came to mind, and he desperately tried to shut them out.
Her look of concern deepened, and she appeared locked in indecision. Tyler stroked her shoulders and moved another lock of hair away from her eyes. As he did so, he noticed a small tear running down her cheek. She tried to hide it but was unsuccessful while wrapped in his arms.
“What is it, honey?” He asked, no longer hiding his concern. “Please, tell me.”
She found an inner resolve and broke away from him, wiping the tears from her cheeks. She sat against the headboard and folded her hands in her lap. Tyler’s mood sank as he realized this was going to be bad. He pushed onto his right elbow and tried to appear casual.
“Nayllen, I don’t know how or why, but … but I am pregnant.”
As if relieved to rid herself of this burden, a new stream of tears fell from her eyes. It took Tyler several minutes to comprehend what she’d said. Pregnant?
I believe that is what she said. Adanni replied.
You keep out of this, Adanni—just stay quiet!
Adanni must have taken Tyler’s threat serious as his voice remained silent.
“Pregnant?” Tyler exclaimed, a race of emotions running through him. “Did you say pregnant?”
She wiped her eyes, but turned to look directly at him. “Yes, I am pregnant with your child!”
She almost sounded angry, but Tyler thought her emotions were probably affecting her speech.
“How?” It was all he could think of.
“I don’t know,” she sobbed, “the doctors are just as mystified. They had told me it was not possible.”
The Admiral’s memories confirmed this. Years before, she had been diagnosed as unable to bear children, not even through artificial means. It was the wedge that had driven her and the Admiral apart. Her pain at not being able to conceive and the Admiral’s inability to deal with it had made them strangers. Tyler understood why she was so emotional.
“That is wonderful,” Tyler admitted, more than surprised at his own reaction, “who cares what the doctors say—they are obviously wrong.”
His approval of the situation was all she needed for a fresh round of tears. She leaned over and grabbed him so tight he could hardly breathe. He held her quietly and let her sobbing run its course. Finally, she sat up and with a grim expression.
“You are happy, Nayllen, aren’t you?”
“Of course I am,” he said, “is there anything that might prevent this from …”, he didn’t know how to say it, “ … happening?” He thought about their trip through space and grew concerned.
“No,” she confirmed, “nothing.” She looked down at him, her eyes dry. “They say it is the healthiest pregnancy they’ve ever seen.”
“Was it safe to come here,” he asked, “I mean in space?”
“Yes, Nayllen, I wouldn’t have done anything to jeopardize our child. I checked with the doctors first, and they said it was fine.”
“Oh,” he sighed with relief, “how long have you been pregnant?”
“Two months now.” She said flatly.
What? Tyler’s mind was reeling. Two months, but they had just made love the other day? But she had said it was his child. Suddenly, Tyler realized it couldn’t be his child.
“Wait a minute,” he accused, “we just made love two days ago for the first time in … I don’t know how many years. How can it be mine?”
“Oh, fine!” She screamed. “And I love you, too!”
Her reaction caught Tyler off-guard. “Wha … ?”
“I suppose you don’t remember Tooland?” She chided.
“Tooland? But we never …” suddenly he remembered that first time she’d arrived in Tooland. He also remembered the night before when he had dreamed about them together. “That was real?” He asked confused.
“Oh, thank you very much.” She spat sarcastically.
“Wait a minute, wait a minute,” the picture was starting to become clear, “you came to me that night … in my bed, right?”
“Yes.”
She sounded hurt. “I am sorry, Toosia, I drank a lot of wine that night, and I really thought it was a dream.”
She softened slightly. “Oh, I see.” Confusion replaced her tears. “I suppose I didn’t exactly make it seem more real after that night—you know, being standoffish?”
“Well …” He struggled for a response.
“I know, I know,” she said, “I understand why you might have thought it was a dream. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry,” he corrected, “it was my fault. I guess I just couldn’t let myself believe you wanted me back.”
“After I found out I was pregnant,” she said, “I had a hard time telling you. I wasn’t sure where we were going and I didn’t want to ruin what we had started.”
The admission was obviously hard for her. She must have felt vulnerable.
“It’s fine, Toosia, really. I am happy.” He grabbed her and held her tight, bringing forth a fresh stream down her face. He held her and thought about his meeting with Nayllen. How was this going to affect his ability to negotiate? Now he had an unborn child to worry about.
