“Thanks, mate. It doesn’t change anything between us.”
How could it not? “When are you asking?”
“Tonight. I went to the jewelry store at lunch and picked out a ring. I wish you were here for that.”
“Why now, Luc? It’s been, what a couple of months?”
“I guess when you know you found your person, time doesn’t matter.”
I close my eyes from the pain his words just caused. I found my person, my people, but I can’t have them.
“I’m sure ours will continue to be an unconventional relationship. There’s always space for you.”
I nod, as my role in Luc’s romantic life becomes painfully clear. I don’t have one unless I’m looking for a night of fun. How stupid of me to believe the three of us were true equals in the relationship. If there was ever a time I need to let him go, this is it. This is where I take my heart back. I have to.
“Okay, well, I have to go now.”
“Ben?”
“What?”
“Are you hurt? Because you shouldn’t be. Nothing changes.”
I shake my head. How blind he is. He has no idea what his decision has done to me. “Okay. I’ll see you when I get back.”
“We’ll talk before then.”
No we won’t. “Sure. Good luck tonight.”
He pauses and the silence kills me. “Thanks, Ben.”
I end the call and lean back in my chair feeling like my heart has been ripped from my chest and thrown out the window. I’ll never be the same. They’ll be married, and I’ll just be the side dick. I grab my keys and my phone. I need to be alone.
Downstairs I grab a cab to get back to the hotel. In my room, I order a bottle of Scotch. All I can do at this point is try to drown the pain.
∞∞∞
The next evening, sitting at my desk reading industry news, while nursing a hell of a hangover, I look up at the sound of light knocking on my door.
“Ben?”
I look up to see three people standing in my doorway. “Oh, hey guys.”
A woman, Lisa, steps forward. “We’re all going to happy hour. Join us?”
Hair of the dog to the rescue. “I’d love to.” I close my laptop. “I’m dying to get out in the city.”
“Well come on then.”
Picking up my phone, I notice the notifications from Luc, and just as I’ve done all day, I clear them without reading or listening. I don’t want to hear his excitement or his play by play of how it all went down. I smile at the group as we head out. Once we’re at the bar, several more people from the office show up. It’s just like back home, except Luc isn’t here. This is my life now. Navigating it without my compass.
Several people introduce themselves to me as I try to remember names. I notice a man sitting across from me, who frequently makes eye contact and smiles before looking away. If I’m honest, he’s really good looking. After several drinks, he strikes up a conversation.
“Hey.” He extends his hand. “I’m Ryan.”
“Ben. What department are you in?”
“Sales.”
“Oh me too.”
“I know. Your reputation precedes you.”
“Is that so?”
“Yeah. The email we received was full of accolades. Congrats on Bainbridge Tech.” He takes a slow sip of his drink as his eyes linger on me. “Maybe you could teach me a few things.”
Is he coming on to me? I think he’s coming on to me. “Uh, yeah, maybe I could.”
He studies my face for a moment before moving to the stool next to me. “You single?”
I eat a peanut to give myself a moment. How do I answer this? Wouldn’t he rather want to know if I’m into guys. Maybe he does know.
“Uh, pretty much.”
“Yeah, me too. Dating is hard in the city. What’s it like in LA?”
“Depends on what you’re looking for.”
He nods. “Yeah. True. Do you like it here?”
“I do.” I sip my beer. “It’s very different from LA.”
“I lived there for a few years a long time ago.”
“What made you move to San Fran?”
“A girl I was dating. It didn’t work out, but then I got this job, so I stayed.”
“A girl.”
“Yeah, women were my downfall before I came out.”
My eyes search his. “As?”
He grins. “Bi. Am I off base thinking we have that in common?”
I try to hide my surprise. “It shows?”
“I’m really good. Just a vibe I picked up.” He leans close. “But your secret is safe with me if you’re closeted.”
“I’m not closeted, but I’m not out. I just do me. Don’t give a fuck what anyone labels it.”
Ryan smiles. “I like that. I was hung up on what to call myself for years. I shifted between only men and only women until one day I just woke up and said, okay, I like them both. Everyone in my life decided that meant I was bi, so I let them call me that.”
“If it feels good and it’s your truth then it’s fine.”
“Yeah.” He leans in a little closer. “So you do date men? When the mood hits?”
“When the mood hits.” I grin. “But I wouldn’t call it dating.”
He sits back slightly with an amused smile, before lifting his glass to me. I clink it. “Well, it’s very nice to meet you, Ben. I hope you’ll enjoy your stay in San Francisco.”
“It’s looking good that I will.”
Others join our conversation, but Ryan’s eyes keep meeting mine. There’s a definite attraction, but I’m not sure I want to mess with another man right now. My heart is raw and anyone would pale in comparison to Luc. Everyone. Even a man with pretty blue eyes, gazing at me like he’s a wolf and I’m a lost sheep.
An hour later, he stands up and grabs his keys. “I have to go, guys. I’ll see you at the office tomorrow.”
When he leaves, I realize I’m disappointed. Well, isn’t that something. Someone managed to grab my attention who isn’t Luc. It’s probably just the lingering pain of being cast aside.
Later that night I lie in bed, thinking about Luc and Georgie, wondering how they celebrated. He’ll ask me to be his best man. What the fuck will I do then?
∞∞∞
The next day, after finishing my quarterly reports, I sit back in my chair and admire the skyline from my window. It’s almost lunch time. I need to find a place to eat. I twist around to grab my phone but pause.
“Oh, hey, Ryan.”
“Hey.” He walks in, smiling. “Have a minute?”
“I do.”
He exhales slowly, looking at the floor before gazing up at me. “I, um, have a strict rule about dating in the workplace.” My eyebrow goes up. “I usually avoid it, but I haven’t stopped thinking about you since last night.” He steps closer to me, sliding his hands in the pockets of his slacks. “I convinced myself it’s okay because you don’t really work in this office. And then I talked myself out of it again, because I thought well he lives in another city so what’s the point.” He offers a slight smile. “Then I thought I’m really fucking overthinking this. So I decided to man up and come in here and ask you out. On a date. With me.”
I stand and walk to meet him. “You want to go out with me?”
His eyes meet mine. “Very much so. Do you want to have dinner with me tonight?”
This is my fork in the road. Sit in my hotel room drowning my pain or learn to live my life without Luc.
I smile, reaching for Ryan’s hand. He takes it, squeezing softly. “Yeah, Ryan, I do.”
Chapter 34 Ben
“So nine? Is that good?”
I nod. “Yeah. Nine is good. Want to meet somewhere?”
“Where are you staying?”
“Loews.”
“Nice. Amazing restaurants nearby. I’ll find a place for us last minute on a Friday night.”
“Great.”
“Maybe drinks on the rooftop after.”
“Perfect.”
“This is cool. Glad I found my balls to ask.”
I laugh softly. “Me too. I’ve really wanted to get out and see more of the city. Nice to have great company to do it with.”
Ryan smiles. “Well if you still like me tomorrow we can go act like tourists. Anything special you want to see?”
“Alcatraz, Lombard Street, Ride on a cable car, and Fisherman’s Wharf of course.”
“Ah, the San Francisco 101 tour. You got it. If we don’t drink too much tonight, we can get up early and make a day of it.”
“That would be awesome actually.”
“It sounds fun to me too. It’s been a long time since I took anyone around. You can return the favor if I ever come down to LA.”
“Anytime.”
Ryan steps a little closer. “I’ll be in the lobby around nine.”
“I’ll see you then.”
Ryan turns to leave, glancing at me before exiting the office. I exhale slowly, both nervous and excited to go out with him. He’s extremely handsome. Not Luc, but who the fuck is. He deserves my full attention. The last thing I need tonight is Luc and Georgie blowing my phone up. I pick it up and turn it off. If Ryan has a fair chance with me, I have to be able to focus. Sadly, that’s just the way things have to be right now.
∞∞∞
Shortly before nine, I glance in the mirror. I look good. Happy. Not at all like a man who feels like his heart has been ripped out of his chest. I spritz my neck with some cologne and straighten my sleeves. Here goes.
Heading to the elevator, I feel my nerves kicking up the closer I get. There is so much about this that is new to me. Coworker. Male coworker. A date. Things I don’t do. When I want a man, I go to a club and find one. I want the sex, not the chit chat and relationship building. I don’t want to know where he grew up or how he figured out he liked dick. I want to fuck and I’m out. I push the down button. But Ryan is different. He’s nice. More importantly, he showed up exactly when I needed him to. The elevator appears and I step on mentally preparing myself for this. When the doors open in the lobby, Ryan is already here. He’s studying a piece of art on the wall wearing a dark navy suit. His dark hair is wavy and perfectly styled in a way that makes me want to touch it.
I walk up behind him, barely brushing his shoulder. “Hey, Ryan.”
He turns and smiles, his eyes roaming my body from top to bottom. When his eyes meet mine again, he nods. “Ben. You look incredible.”
“So do you. Really good.”
“So hey, before we get going I always like to ask your comfort of PDA.”
I pull my head back slightly. “I’ve never been asked.”
“Well, I’m a man. You’re a man. I like to ask.”
“I just do what I want. I don’t really give a shit what people think.”
Ryan winks. “My kind of man.” He takes my hand. “No one cares in the city.”
“I guess we’ll do what we want then.”
“Yeah.” Releasing my hand, he glances at his watch. “We should go. It’s close by. An Asian restaurant. Does that work?”
“It does.”
We exit the hotel and walk about two blocks arriving at the restaurant. I follow Ryan in who speaks to the hostess as I gaze around the packed room. A moment later, she leads us to a small booth where we’re able to sit next to each other. A good thing, considering it’s noisy. We scoot into the booth and look over the menus. The restaurant is dimly lit and high end. It’s a very nice place.
“Saki?” Ryan asks.
“Would love some.”
“Want some apps too? Are you hungry?”
“Starving actually. Apps are good.”
“Me too.”
We agree to some potstickers and put in our order for the Saki. The server returns quickly with our drinks and Ryan pours each of us a tiny cup of the warm alcohol.
“A toast to new friendships?”
“I’ll drink to that.” I drink mine back quickly and pour another one. “Head’s up, I can drink.”
Ryan laughs. “You’ve met your match.”
“Nice.” We clink cups and drink back another shot.
Ryan leans back against the booth, already looking at me like he’s mentally undressing me. Can’t say the idea is unappealing right now.
“Yesterday you said you were mostly single. You seeing someone in LA?”
I exhale sharply, more than I wish I had. “Not really.”
“Not really?” His eyebrow rises. “It’s complicated?”
“Yeah.”
“Want to talk about it?”
I lean a little closer sliding my arm around his shoulder. “No. I want to talk about you.”
Ryan smiles. “I’m an open book.”
“What’s your dating life been like so far?”
“Interesting. I spent the first twenty-eight years of my life pretending I was one hundred percent straight. After my last break up with a woman, I finally gave in to the curiosity I felt. I went out with everyone and anyone who asked. I hit the gay club scene. It felt amazing to finally figure out who I was.”
“Did you go through the oh shit I think I’m gay stage?”
Ryan laughs softly. “Yeah. You?”
I nod. “Definitely.”
“But then you saw a chick who made your dick hard.”
“And then it was even more confusing.”
Ryan nods. “Yeah. Until you accepted this is just your thing.”
“Right.” I pause as the server drops off our appetizer. “But I don’t actively date both sexes. Just when the occasion arises.”
He tilts his head. “So how did I make the cut?”
“You’re fucking gorgeous.” He grins. “And there was just something about you. A connection, if you will.”
Ryan studies my eyes for a moment. “I felt the same way. There was just something in your eyes. Your seriously beautiful eyes.” He drags his finger around his Saki cup. “They called to me.”
I lift a potsticker with my chopsticks and offer it to him. He takes a bite, chewing while keeping his eyes on me. I eat the rest as we just study each other.
“More Saki?” he asks.
“Yeah.”
We order another round and our entrees. Ryan glances at me while pouring the drinks. “So um, I just want to sort of get something out of the way.”
“Sure.”
“I don’t know what you’re thinking for tonight, but um, it takes me a while to have sex.” He cringes. “That’s not exactly what I meant.”
“What did you mean?”
He sips his Saki first. “I love sex. A lot. I’m very attracted to you. You probably think that’s what I’m hoping happens tonight.”
“Isn’t that what we always hope on a date?”
We both laugh softly and then Ryan puts his hand over mine. “I’m hoping there’s definitely some action tonight. I’d love to kiss you.” He grins. “Maybe a few other things, but sex, I actually like to date a little while first.”
I nod. “Just curious why?”
“For me, sex, actual intercourse is incredibly intimate. I like there to be some feelings before I go there.”
“Same with women?”
“Yeah. You probably think I’m weird. I’ll suck a dick, but I hold out for sex.”
I squeeze his hand. “First of all, I don’t think you’re weird. I think it’s nice. There’s nothing wrong with holding something sacred.”
“Thanks.” He takes a bite of his noodle dish, chewing slowly as a grin appears. “But I hope there’s some kissing.”
I lean in and press my lips on his, lingering just a moment. “Chances are high.”
As the meal progresses, we share bites and glances, feeling the sexual tension build. It’s nice to feel excited about something again. It’s even better to feel like the primary focus and not a side dish. With Ryan, I’m not the appetizer. I’m the entrée.
After our plates are cleared, I lean back, envisio
ning the kiss that will come later. Soon, I hope. “You still up for drinks?”
Ryan grins. “Yeah. You?”
“Definitely.”
“Let’s get the check then and get out of here.”
“Will you let me pay?”
Ryan scrunches his forehead. “No. I invited you.”
“You did, but…” I reach for his hand, caressing it as my eyes search his. “Your invite did more for me than you know.”
Ryan’s eyes soften. “How about you pick up the next date? Assuming you want one.”
“I definitely want one.”
Ryan pulls his wallet out and places his card on top of the bill. After we pay, we stroll down the sidewalk back to the hotel. He reaches for my hand, squeezing it as we walk. I would never do this in LA, at least I don’t think I would, but there’s something refreshing about the anonymity of a new city. We enter my hotel and take the elevator to the top floor where the rooftop bar is. Instead of feeling nervous or cheating like I felt with Kate, I feel like this is exactly where I’m supposed to be.
We find a seat with a perfect view of the city below us and order two glasses of wine. Ryan has a sophisticated vibe to him, different than Luc, but still there. I close my eyes for a moment, exhaling slowly. I have to stop comparing him to Luc.
“You okay?”
I open my eyes to Ryan. “I am. Great in fact.”
He smiles. “Okay, good.”
Our wine is delivered and we clink glasses before taking a sip. Ryan leans back against the plush seating. “I told you my story. Let’s hear yours.”
“What? The how I learned I like dick story?”
“Well, I’m mostly interested in your earlier comment. You don’t regularly date men?”
“No.” I sip my wine. “I haven’t really been interested in pursuing an actual relationship with a man. I just like the sex.”
He nods, swirling the deep burgundy liquid around his glass. “So you just want sex and I have to be in a relationship to have it. What do you think about that?”
The Thing About Us: A MMF Bisexual Romance Page 21
