“You mean for an adopted kid?” The pain sprang from his voice.
She held back the surprise. How had she known him for five years but not known something this basic about him? She’d bet James didn’t know, either. “How old were you?”
“Four.”
“So you remember it.”
He gave a sharp nod. Her eyes had adjusted to the shadows enough to see his clenched jaw.
Lord, help me speak Your words. “I don’t think your parents could love you more if you’d been born to them.”
“It’s true.”
She waited.
“Have you watched anyone die?”
Tori shook her head. “Not a person. An animal or two, when I was a kid.”
“I have.”
She absorbed that. Did he want her to ask him who? But then, suddenly, she knew. “Your mom?”
His jaw clenched, and his stare out on the water seemed blank. “Drug overdose. I begged her to wake up. I was hungry and afraid.”
“I’m sorry.” If he were nearer, she’d touch him, but he’d push her away. Again. Best if she stayed put out on this rock.
“She’d been dead for three days when someone came.”
Tori closed her eyes and tried to think what a horrific three days that must have been for a terrified four-year-old. It wasn’t that long ago that her nephew had been that age. Her heart broke for little-boy Garret. “I can’t imagine.” But it might explain a thing or two about the man he’d become.
“I was one of the lucky ones.” His voice was quiet, expressionless. “The Morrisons took me in as a foster kid and adopted me soon after, since no one claimed me.”
“Your dad?”
Garret shrugged. “Unknown.”
“God was looking after you,” she said softly.
“I believed that for a lot of years.”
Tori drew her legs up and wrapped her arms around her knees. His words chilled her heart. “When did you stop?” And when did you start again? Because he believed now, didn’t he?
“When my wife died.”
What? Tori swayed on the rock, feeling blood leave her brain, leaving behind a pounding lightheadedness. She stared at him. “You’ve been keeping more secrets than I ever dreamed of.”
His eyes locked onto hers, and the pain in them blasted through the air and seared her, too. “We’d been married three hours. We were on our way to the hotel when a drunk T-boned my car. Jenna was killed instantly.”
Jenna. Garret had had a wife, and her name was Jenna. Garret’d had an entire past before Saddle Springs. He’d been married. Not for long, but long enough to count. Three hours. Tori shook her head, trying to absorb his blunt, emotionless words. “I’m sorry, Garret.”
“I struggled with my faith for a couple of years. Then... something else happened. Not something I wish to talk about.”
Obviously, he didn’t want to talk about any of it but, for some reason, he was telling her tonight. Why?
“I didn’t see a future back east. My parents — the Morrisons — bought Canyon Crossing.”
Wait, they’d come here because of whatever had happened to Garret? Something that wasn’t his wife’s death? How much had this man been through and kept to himself? At least his parents had been there for him. Tori hadn’t missed that he’d felt he needed to clarify who they were.
“It’s been good here. Pouring myself into the stables, into the church, has been therapeutic for me.”
There was an unspoken but at the end of that. Her heart sank. “Are you moving away? You and your dad? After your mom...” His dad was pretty old, too.
Garret shook his head. “I don’t know. Tori, don’t you see? I don’t know anything. I don’t know who I am. I don’t have a whole heart to give anyone.” He focused on her once again. “I’m still that little kid who watched his mom die. Still the young groom who saw that car coming a split second before the crash. Saw the shock on Jenna’s face as she died. I thought there’d been some healing since then — it’s been over eight years since that day — but put me in a tough spot like Mom’s cancer, and I realize the wound has been festering all this time. Not healing.”
Tori couldn’t handle being on the cold, solitary rock by herself. Not when Garret needed a human touch, whether he knew it or not. She sloshed through the few feet of water and reached toward him.
He shot to his feet and stood looking down at her.
Her hands dropped to her sides as she gazed back, pinned by the torture in his eyes.
“That’s why I can’t love, Tori. Not because I don’t want to. Not because I don’t have... feelings.” He swallowed hard. “But for your sake. You’re beautiful. Trusting. You have a lot to give the right man, but I’m not him. I’ve been nothing but a mess of pain from childhood on, and everyone around me suffers with me. I can’t do that to you.”
She stepped closer so the heat of his body warmed hers down the length of it. “Can’t? Or won’t take a chance? God’s bigger, Garret. He’s bigger than your mess. Bigger than mine.”
“You don’t have a mess.” Garret’s finger slid down her cheek, leaving a tingling burn in its wake. “You’re innocent. Perfect.”
“I’m so not perfect.”
“What have you got compared to me?”
Tori caught his hand and threaded her fingers through his. “I’ve got faith. I’ve got love. And I know Jesus is enough to get us through. I know He heals us when we’re broken. Gives strength when we are weak. He’s enough, Garret.”
She slid her other hand around his waist and held his stiff body until it relaxed slightly and he pulled her close.
Lord, please don’t let me make a mistake here. But I know You’re bigger than Garret’s past. Please, please heal him. Not for my sake, but his and Yours.
Tori tilted up her head to look at Garret, marveling in the secure hold he had around her. And then his face angled toward hers, and his mouth crushed on top of hers.
Chapter Nineteen
Garret gave himself a moment to savor the possibility of his future as Tori slid her arms around his neck and melded her body against his, kissing him back as though she trusted him not to hurt her again.
He pulled away slightly. “Tori, I—”
She feathered her lips across his jaw, stealing his voice. “Less talking, more kissing, cowboy.”
“I’m a mess, Tori.”
“We already covered that.” She cradled his face between her hands and looked deep into his eyes.
Hazel eyes with glints of green and brown and gold.
Gazing into the windows of your soul,
Everything you think is mirrored there—
I’m powerless against you;
I’m drowning in you...
More lyrics erupted in his brain like fireworks, and this time they brought a simple melody with them. Garret gathered Tori close, willing the moment to remain forever.
A small part of him stayed anchored in the reality of the July evening. Of splashes and laughter and the sound of a vehicle shutting off. Of the fragrance of mossy rocks and clear mountain streams and the sweet scent of the woman in his arms. Of the taste of her mouth caressing his.
Garret groaned, pushing aside the certain knowledge that he was going to regret this. More to the point, Tori was going to. But that moment was not this one. This moment filled all his senses and smoothed the rough edges of his spirit. This moment gave him hope and strengthened his faith. Could it be that God was done punishing Garret for his past sins? Maybe Dad was right, that God wanted to give him abundant life even here on earth as well as eternity.
He could taste that promise on Tori’s lips, on her sweet jaw and soft throat that pulsed against his seeking mouth.
“Garret...” she breathed. “I can’t believe this is real. Tell me I’m not dreaming.”
Was it real? It sure felt real. With every second he spent kissing this delectable woman, he felt more grounded. Like he was coming home at last.
“Adam!”
Garret stilled at the female voice. He knew that voice, and it wasn’t from Saddle Springs. It was from his past, and the trickle of icy water at the sure knowledge this moment was too good to last became Niagara, thundering over him.
Chantelle Devereaux. He’d last seen her headed for Nashville. What was she doing in Montana? He remembered the flyer. The tour. He’d looked up her Youtube channel to see stadiums filled with screaming fans jumping and clapping and belting out the lyrics with her. Lyrics to his compositions.
He put his hands on Tori’s arms and pushed her away. Not hard, but enough that she slipped on the mossy rock. He steadied her, his breathing rough, not just from kissing but from shock.
“Garret?” she whispered, looking up at him. “What’s wrong?”
He looked around wildly. No, they were definitely in the shadows. He could barely make Tori out, even with her pale exposed skin. Eyes accustomed to the lights illuminating the party would not be able to see into the shadow.
The question repeated in his mind, growing louder until it thundered. Why was Chantelle here at James and Lauren’s birthday party of all places?
Tori gave him a little shake. “Garret! What’s going on?”
He could see why she wondered. One minute he’d been pouring his passion into her and the next, he’d frozen in place. “No,” he whispered. “No.”
She took a step back, her hands dropping. “You can’t do this to me. You can’t ignore me for years then kiss me like that and then push me away. You can’t do it, Garret. That’s not how this works.”
A chill seeped into him from the skin inward. Tori. He sought her face, her features in the darkness. “I’m sorry.” His voice was ragged. Broken.
“Sorry for what? For kissing me? For allowing yourself to feel emotion? And, horror of horrors, to actually express it?” Her arms crossed over her chest.
“No. Yes. I’m sorry. I tried to warn you.”
Her finger jabbed at his shoulder. “You’re not making a lick of sense, Garret Morrison.” Her voice rose.
“Shh. Don’t let them hear.” Don’t let Chantelle hear.
“You don’t want anyone to know we kissed? I’ve got news for you, buddy. They’re not that stupid. They know you and I are both missing from the group. I told Adam to keep an eye on the twins for a bit, that I’d be back. You think no one knows we have a thing for each other, just because you’ve tried to pretend it doesn’t exist?” She shoved him again, harder.
Garret slid off the rounded rock and milled his arms to catch his balance. When he regained his footing, he heard Tori crashing through the bushes beside the creek. “Tori, don’t.”
“Forget it, Garret. I can’t believe I was this stupid. When will I ever learn? I’m thinking right now is a good time.” Her feet gained the dirt footpath.
He strained, but couldn’t hear her steps. A moment later, he heard Lauren say, “You okay?” and Tori’s grunted response.
Garret sank to the mossy rock and cradled his head in his hands. His past had collided with his future, and the past had won. He’d known it was too much to hope for that he could ever get past it. Right in this moment when he’d taken a chance, dumped his story on Tori and then kissed her? That’s when reality had to slap him upside the head?
Lord, why aren’t you helping me? I’ve been feeling like You don’t notice me anymore. That You’ve forgotten me. You don’t love me. And if You wanted me to feel differently, it couldn’t have been that hard for an all-powerful God to keep Chantelle far from my new life in Saddle Springs.
He needed to disappear without being seen, but James had confiscated his truck keys, and Lauren’s underwear drawer was definitely off limits.
The other alternative was to take courage. As if he knew where to find it.
Tori’s mind reeled as she tried to pull herself together. Left to her own devices, she’d pull a Garret maneuver and slip away. Head to the cottage, crawl into bed, and pull her comforter over her head until she could bear to emerge, if that ever happened.
But, she couldn’t. She was responsible for two teens, even though she’d dumped them on their older brother for a bit. When she left this party, Alexia and Emma were coming with her. Since James had just added logs to the fire and Lauren and Cheri were removing covers from the food, it was unlikely she could convince the twins their part in the evening was over. There’d be a scene, and that would make the situation worse than it already was.
If worse was a possibility. Which was doubtful. She’d done it again. Pushed Garret’s buttons until he reacted. His reaction had been all she could have dreamed of, at least for a few minutes. And then he’d thrust her away. What had come over him this time?
Tori sidled around the gazebo and came in the side furthest from the creek, trying to make a quiet entrance.
Her sister-in-law shot her a questioning look. “You okay?”
The best she could come up with was a noncommittal sound and a quick headshake.
Lauren leaned closer and lowered her voice. “What happened?”
“Garret happened.”
“Good or bad?”
Tori closed her eyes for a second and felt herself swaying. “Both.” Her voice choked. “But bad wins.”
“I’m so sorry.” Lauren gave her a swift hug. “Do you want to talk about it? We can go over to the dock or even inside.”
“It’s your party. Enjoy it.” Tori glanced around the group, looking for the twins. Best to start acting like the grownup she was. Her gaze fell on a curvy blonde attached to Adam Cavanagh. She looked vaguely familiar, but Tori couldn’t place her. She frowned and nudged Lauren. “Who’s that?”
Her sister-in-law’s face brightened. “You’re never going to believe it! She’s Chantelle Devereaux, the famous singer!” Lauren’s hands fluttered, and her voice filled with awe. “It’s complicated, I guess, but she and Adam are dating, and she had an unexpected day off the western tour and came to catch up with him. I just can’t believe Chantelle Devereaux is at my house!”
“Wow, that’s really cool. Do you have any albums or CDs she could sign for you?”
“We buy all our music digitally. If I’d known, though...” Lauren sighed.
Chantelle smiled up at Adam, who curled his arm possessively around her shoulders. She was wearing a sheer low-cut top and shorts that made Tori’s swim bottoms look positively old-ladyish.
The twins looked singularly unimpressed. They sat beside the fire pit giving their brother occasional disgusted looks. Maybe Tori would be able to get them home early, after all. She cut toward them past Cheri and Denae.
“Did you hear the news?” Cheri asked. “Carmen had the baby late this afternoon.”
Tori pivoted toward her friends. “She did? On James and Lauren’s birthday?”
“I know, right? A baby boy. Jackson Howard Haviland.” Cheri held out her phone with a photo of a smiling Carmen holding a newborn.
“Look at that sweetie. Eight pounds, three ounces,” Denae said with a grin. “Trevor says Spencer is over the moon.”
“I’m so happy for them. I bet Juliana is excited, too.” Tori glanced from the phone to the twins. “Maybe I’ll take the girls out to see them in a few days when they’ve settled in a bit.”
“I’m sure they’d like that.”
Alexia’s elbow jabbed her sister, and Emma shoved back. Great.
“Excuse me. Duty’s calling.” Tori walked over and settled on the bench beside Emma. “You guys having fun? Or ready to call it a night?”
“I don’t like her,” Emma announced, rather too loud, casting a glare toward the celebrity.
“We haven’t even eaten yet.” Alexia crossed her arms.
“We could go right after food.” Tori yawned. “I’m getting tired.”
Alexia narrowed her gaze. “I don’t think so. Isn’t there supposed to be fireworks, too?”
“We could watch those from our deck across the lake.” But Tori could feel the argument weakening.
&n
bsp; “You said,” Emma countered. “Isn’t this party the reason we came here from Rockstead?”
Tori let out a long breath. “Yep, you’re right. It’s just the day is catching up with me.” She knew when she was losing. “If you guys want to stay, we can. Until the fireworks are done.”
The fireworks were already definitely over. It was amazing no one else seemed to have noticed the explosions going on over by the creek a bit ago, but then they’d fizzled to nothing in two seconds flat. What was going on in Garret’s brain? She couldn’t begin to imagine. Sure, he’d had a traumatic childhood and a tragic wedding day, but he’d found peace in the meanwhile.
“Anyone seen Garret?” asked Trevor. “His truck is here, but I haven’t seen him.”
“He’s around somewhere.” James looked straight at Tori across the group, and his eyebrows hiked.
She gave a tiny shrug. So not going there.
“Garret. Now that’s an unusual name. I used to date a guy named Garret. One of the best musicians I’ve ever known.” Chantelle batted her eyes at Adam. “But he sure didn’t have muscles like yours.”
Emma jabbed her finger toward her mouth in a gagging motion.
Tori managed not to snicker.
“Sounds like our Garret,” Lauren offered. “He’s been leading worship in our church most Sundays for five years.”
“Well, I’ll be. That’s about when I lost touch with Garret Morrison.”
The air seemed to shimmer as though time stood still between two worlds.
“Garret Morrison?” Trevor asked at last, breaking the charged silence. “Where did you know him?”
Chantelle looked around the group as though gauging the response. “Lexington, Kentucky. We were both in the music program at UK.” Somehow her gaze landed on Tori and held. “We were... very close. He even asked me to marry him, but we had some differences, you know?”
There was no doubt that they were all talking about the same Garret Morrison. The man who’d dumped bombshells a few minutes ago about the deaths of two women he’d loved, but had somehow failed to mention this major relationship. A rejected proposal.
The Cowboy's Belated Discovery Page 14
