by Welch, HJ
Eventually, they were released, and Robin ordered an Uber immediately. The sooner they got out of the house, the quicker he would stop having to hug Dair. It was a strange kind of torture.
Why the hell was he still going on with this charade, anyway? He supposed he didn’t want to tell the rest of his family he’d been lying to them. He’d just message the group chat next week and tell them he and Dair had decided it would be better if they just stayed friends.
They were quiet on the drive over to the country club by the lake. Luckily, their driver had the radio on loudly playing pop music and kept a mostly one-sided conversation up on his thoughts about the local bat population.
Robin had attended a couple of weddings at The Peaks Country Club growing up. It was a large, one-story complex nestled amongst the pines, backing onto the town’s lake. The exterior walls were white and the roof tiles sage green. The Stars and Stripes fluttered gently on a flag pole out front in the evening breeze.
Their Uber pulled up around the circular lawn at the end of the long driveway. Plenty of people were milling around already, and Robin felt a flicker of nerves.
He looked over in surprise as Dair squeezed his hand twice. Double Dair, looking out for Robin yet again. “You’ve got this.”
Robin wanted to ask why he was being so kind to him. As far as Dair was concerned, Robin had cheated on him. Not that Robin would, ever, ever, do that. Mac had kissed him without invitation, and in any case, he and Dair hadn’t agreed to be exclusive yet. But if this thing between them was doomed anyway, what was the point of trying to clear up the facts?
Mac was right. Robin was fundamentally broken.
But he could be a good friend, he was sure. This way, he was saving Dair from a crappy relationship too. So he smiled back at him and nodded. “Let’s go.”
The inside of the country club was all magnolia walls, pale wooden floors, and glass chandeliers. Like the basketball game, Jay’s team had worked hard to decorate the place in the school colors. They’d hired a photo booth with silly props that people would no doubt make extensive use of later, and there were more boards on display easels depicting events from the four years their class had spent together at Pine Cove High.
For a while, Robin and Dair walked around, holding hands and occasionally talking to other people, but not each other. When Dair excused himself to use the restroom, Robin got lost in the growing crowd, taking advantage of the servers walking around with trays of complimentary Champagne.
He hadn’t seen Jay yet, but that wasn’t surprising. He was probably run ragged, making sure the catering was on time and the sound system was all set up correctly. According to the schedule, the speeches were due at nine from their valedictorian and prom queen and other important members of the student body. Then the band would start playing to see them through the rest of the night.
It was past eight o’clock, and the sun had just about dipped down past the mountains on the horizon. Alone, Robin pushed his way through one of the function suite doors into the fresh summer air, breathing deeply. There were a few people milling around by the building, but Robin slowly walked down the pier by himself, his Champagne flute dangling from his fingers.
The water lapped all around the jetty as he reached the end, making him slightly nervous. But he was safe here on the narrow dock. In fact, he could take some comfort from looking out over the beautiful rippling waters, the Washington vista rising from the shore in all its glory. It was a soothing view.
Robin really did love it here. He’d be sad to go back to Seattle, but that was where he belonged.
However, he realized with a jolt he wanted to belong in Pine Cove. He had never intended to leave and stay away so long. He was angry at how he sabotaged himself for so many years. Despite everything else, he vowed to himself to try and come back and visit more often. He loved his family, especially Jay. Being back with his twin felt so right. Robin didn’t want to throw that all away again.
He looked down at the quaint little rowboat still tethered to the side of the dock, bobbing away. Robin had been scared of these waters his whole life, but now he found he didn’t want to abandon them again.
A moment of recklessness took over him. He placed his Champagne flute down on the jetty, sat down at the edge, and dangled his legs over the boat. It was only a foot to drop down…so he did.
He froze, his arms flung out for balance. But he remained standing.
He was on the water.
He let out a nervous giggle, quickly grabbing his drink for courage and sitting his ass down in one of the boat’s seats to stabilize it again. Below the dock, the party disappeared from view. He laughed again in disbelief at his own bravado. He’d never done anything like this before.
Sipping his Champagne, he listened to the waves lapping around him. The shore was several feet away, so water surrounded the boat. It was scary but kind of freeing, too.
Now he could look up at the mountains around the lake and feel like he was totally alone. For that moment, it brought him comfort. His worries about Dair were briefly replaced with pride at his own bravery.
Of course, it didn’t last.
“Hey.”
He wasn’t surprised to hear Mac’s voice come from up behind him.
He was very surprised when Mac dropped into the boat beside him.
There was room enough for two, but irritation spiked through Robin. For fuck’s sake, couldn’t Mac just let him have a moment to himself? Apparently not.
Robin sighed. What was the point in getting mad at him again, though? He was irrelevant. Robin didn’t care about Mac when his heart was full of confusion and regret for Dair. Mac should never have kissed Robin like he had, but his only real crime aside from that had been to tell Robin some home truths about him and Dair. Was that really his fault? He was just the messenger.
So Robin turned to face him. Not with a smile, but not with hostility either.
“Hey.”
“Are you okay?”
Robin shrugged and looked back out over the lake. “Yeah. Pretty much.”
Mac was wearing cream chinos with a white shirt and objectively did look gorgeous. But Robin didn’t feel that spark he had as a teenager, when he’d been overwhelmed by lust and disbelief a guy like that would be with a guy like him.
He just felt neutral, which was kind of nice after the last couple of days. Yeah, Mac was still a dick. But that wasn’t Robin’s problem anymore.
“I’m sorry about yesterday.” Rather than look at Robin, Mac was gazing at the mountains beyond the lake. He sipped his own Champagne that he’d managed not to spill while getting into the boat. “I must have misread the signals you were giving me. I shouldn’t have kissed you.”
“No,” Robin agreed with a sigh. “But I get what you were trying to say. So, thanks for that, I guess.”
Mac smiled at him for that. “It’s okay. I did mean it about wanting to start over and be friends.” He stuck out his hand. “What do you say?”
What did Robin say? Well, he wasn’t going to be sticking around town, and Mac had talked about moving to Portland anyway. So what was the harm?
“Sure.” He shook the proffered hand.
They sat and looked out over the lake for a while together. The music from the party pulsed quietly in the background, occasionally swelling when someone opened a door. The speeches must be soon, so they should probably head back in in a bit. But Robin wanted to enjoy the peace and quiet for a little longer, even if he was sharing the moment with Mac. If he closed his eyes, it was like he was alone, anyway.
“Hey,” Mac said out of the blue with a laugh. “Do you remember that time after the Lumberjacks won that big game and we convinced a bunch of other kids to go play water guns out in the woods? Someone bought a ton of beer and a CD player, and we stayed out all night.”
Robin blinked. “Oh my god, I’d forgotten all about that! That was so epic. We were like rock stars for a week.” He grinned, genuinely reveling in the memory of one
of the best nights of his adolescence. That night had shown the best side of Mac, where he was fun and loving and carefree.
If only he could be like that all the time.
He nudged Robin’s shoulder and looked down at the rowboat’s oars. “Let’s do something else crazy to commemorate the occasion.”
Robin raised his eyebrows. “Like what?” He didn’t want to spoil the moment, but he’d been wary enough just getting into the boat. What was Mac suggesting?
“Just a little ride on the water.” Mac smiled and shrugged. “Not quite as outrageous and no worrying our parents sick this time.” He laughed. “I’ll row. We can finish our Champagne, look at the stars, then head back in time for the speeches.”
He handed Robin his glass and picked up the rope, already untying it. Shit. What should Robin do? Try and scramble out?
Robin bit his lip and looked out at the lake. Did that really sound so scary? Yes, even just looking at the dark water made his stomach flip. But he’d already managed to get himself into the boat. There was no need to swim. And he was tired of saying no to things and being afraid all the time. There was more to life than sitting behind his computer working on code or playing video games.
With a lurch, he realized he needed to make up his mind right now, as Mac moved to the other seat, wrapped his hands around the oars, and pushed them away from the dock.
Robin thought of Dair.
If Robin was more adventurous, more alive, maybe there was a tiny chance Dair would want to be with him. If he went back with a story of how he’d conquered one of his biggest fears, maybe Dair might be interested in him beyond his disappointing skills in bed.
It was worth a shot.
Robin took a deep breath and nodded. They were several feet onto the lake now, anyway. He might as well go for it.
“Why the hell not? Let’s do this.”
21
Dair
“Okay. You can do this.”
Dair leaned over the sink and looked at his reflection in the restroom. No one else happened to be using the facilities for that precise moment, so Dair used the opportunity to give himself a stern talking to.
He’d been wallowing all day and it needed to stop, now. It was clear Robin was upset as well, so they needed to sit down and go over everything from yesterday to work out what went so wrong.
Yes, Dair was hurt Robin would kiss Mac so soon after kissing him. That felt awful. But he and Mac had a lot of history, and Dair felt like he could forgive a little mistake if one had been made. Besides, he hadn’t even asked Robin for his full version of events yet. What if he told a totally different story?
Dair was angry at himself for letting Mac get under his skin and make his already existing insecurities worse. Peyton had warned him that was what he did, so Dair should have known better.
Robin looked simply gorgeous tonight, leaving Dair tongue-tied as to what to say. But taking a moment to himself in the restroom had given him the chance to re-center and work out what he wanted to do.
He was going to march out there and tell Robin he was damned crazy about him, beg for a chance to talk things through, then if there was any justice, pull him somewhere dark and quiet to show him just how he felt with his long, luxurious kisses.
Dair couldn’t imagine not holding Robin close again or tasting his lips or hearing those beautiful sounds he made when he was lost and free in pleasure. Dair splashed some water onto his face and resolved to do whatever it took to heal the rift that had come between them.
Except when Dair returned to the party, Robin was nowhere to be seen.
He did two full circuits of the function room as it filled with more and more people from Robin’s class. The women were dressed in a variety of different colored evening gowns, but most of the men were wearing dark suits. With the lights dimmed for atmosphere, Dair strained to distinguish between the smaller guys. But no, none of them were Robin, he was certain.
Shit. He wouldn’t have gone home, would he? Dair wasn’t in the bathroom that long. Just as he pulled his phone out to see there were no messages or missed calls from Robin, he sensed someone approach.
“Okay – what’s going on?”
Dair pocketed his cell and looked up to see Jay descend on him, flanked by Emery and Ava. She must have been Emery’s plus-one for the night. Jay was looking at Dair expectantly.
“With Robin?” Dair guessed.
“Yes, with Robin,” Jay said impatiently. “I distinctly remembered you telling you not to hurt him. But Kestrel says he’s been acting heartbroken all day and you only came to the house to get changed.”
Dair scowled. “I didn’t hurt him. Not that I know of. He’s the one who’s having second thoughts or whatever. I don’t know if Mac got in his head or what, but-”
“Why am I not surprised?” Emery interrupted, throwing his hands up in the air. He was one of the only guys not wearing a traditional suit. Instead he was rocking an open fitted blazer, a tank with a gauzy scarf, a slanted knee-length pleather skirt, and biker boots, accessorized with a don’t-fuck-with-me attitude and black eyeliner.
“What does Mac have to do with this?” Ava asked, crossing her arms. She was wearing pants and a shirt rather than a dress, which didn’t surprise Dair.
He sighed. “I saw him and Mac kiss last night. Mac said they broke up because Robin likes to mess around with straight guys and how he cheated on him back at school. That’s why they broke up-”
“The FUCK?” Emery exploded.
Dair took a step back.
“Mac cheated on Robin,” Jay growled. “Then had the nerve to tell him it was Robin’s fault because he wasn’t good enough in bed.”
“Robin doesn’t think we know that,” Ava added. “But he has a terrible poker face.”
“I’m going to kill him,” Emery cried, throwing his hands up. “Where is he? My little Asian ass is going to go old-style kung fu on that fucking mother-fucker.”
“Wow, okay, what did I miss?”
Peyton bounced up by Dair’s side, and he immediately enveloped her in a relieved hug. He’d run away from her at the motel, not able to face her wrath for upsetting Robin. But now he’d do whatever it took to set things right.
Were they right? Had Mac been talking complete shit? Dair had suspected as much. He was a goddamned fool.
Ava’s eyes were wide looking at Peyton’s pretty pink tutu dress and contrasting black leather jacket and knee-high boots. “Oh, hey, Peyton. You look…punctual.”
“Aw, thanks, Ava, you too.”
Emery clicked his fingers into the middle of the circle. “Back to Mac being a lying little narcissistic shit claiming that Robin was the one who cheated on him and not the other way around.”
“The FUCK?” Peyton exclaimed.
“That’s what I said,” Emery agreed.
“Dair, did you actually see Robin kiss Mac last night?” Jay asked.
Dair chewed on his lip. “No. Mac just said Robin made the first move. What I saw was Mac leaning in to kiss Robin and Robin not protesting.”
“Oh, he protested all right,” Peyton scoffed. “How long did you stay? He told me he yelled at Mac, shoved him off, and ran away.”
Dair took a second to think. Could that have happened after the second kiss he almost saw?
“That sounds more likely,” Jay agreed.
Dair felt like a first-class idiot. “God. Mac told me Robin got his kicks from, um, luring straight guys into bed, then dumping them. I thought I’d been had.”
“One hundred percent false,” Peyton said, her eyes blazing. Dair felt smaller than her for the first time ever. “If anything, he actively avoids guys who claim to be straight. Who needs that hassle? Why didn’t you just ask Robin himself?”
“When I tried to talk to Robin over the phone, he said we’d rushed into things,” Dair cried defensively. “It was his idea to cool things off, and he didn’t deny the kiss.”
Jay made a frustrated noise. “I bet Mac fed him some BS about
you using him for sex, then moving on because he convinced Robin he was shit in bed. That was always what he said other guys would do if Robin broke up with him. Fuck. Okay, where’s Robin now? And where’s Mac, for that matter?”
Dair shook his head. “I looked around the room twice before running into you guys. I’m not sure where he went.”
“I don’t like this.” Emery squinted at the crowd. “My Spidey-sense is tingling.”
“Let’s split up,” suggested Ava. “Meet back here in ten minutes.”
Jay checked his watch. “Fifteen minutes until the speeches. Okay, everything’s set up and the other guys can handhold the speakers. Let’s go, team.”
Dair headed to the men’s restrooms again to start with, but there was no sign of Robin. Fuck, his guts were twisted with worry. How could he have been so gullible? He’d let Mac play his own anxieties like a damn violin. Now Robin was missing, and for someone with little imagination, Dair’s mind was certainly racing.
Had Mac seduced Robin and taken him home? Or worse, could he have him cornered somewhere against his will? Was he filling his mind with poison again that Dair was only interested in him for sex?
Bad sex?
That was especially crazy to Dair. He knew he only had one other person in his life to compare it to, but he was absolutely certain they’d had a mind-blowing time the other night and morning. Damn what anyone else thought, Dair had fucking loved it. He’d been desperate to get Robin back in the sack and see what else they could do.
But that was beside the point. He wanted to snuggle on the couch and drink more hot chocolate. When they got back home, he wanted to hold hands while taking Smudge and Jimmy for long walks. He wanted to come out to his colleagues, even though the thought terrified him. But he didn’t want to hide who he was or what Robin meant to him.
He wanted to shout it from the rooftops.
“Hey, have you seen Robin Coal?” he stopped and asked a guy he recognized from the basketball game the other night.
The basketball player frowned for a second, then raised his eyebrows in realization. “That guy Mac used to date? I remember. Mac dumped his ass for cheating on him.” He scoffed and shook his head. “Sorry, I can’t help you.”
