He rubbed his chest again, the ache intensifying. This was ridiculous. He cared about her enough to let her take what she needed from him. She’d stepped into her own, like he’d wanted.
And, hell, what was he upset about? He’d had the best damn time of his life. He’d known going in that they would eventually move on. And it wasn’t like she hated him. She’d said herself she wanted to remain friends, that she wanted to work with him professionally. That, too, should’ve been enough.
So why isn’t it?
The ache in his chest wasn’t heartburn. It was regret. A whole truckload of it.
Hallie might still be in his life, but nothing would be the same. He could see her but not touch her. He could smile at her, but not flirt with her. And he would continue climbing into bed, beneath a giant painting of an ice cream sundae she’d chosen for him, without her by his side.
That sucked.
* * *
“Oh, honey! I’m so excited!” Eleanor Banks clapped her hands together. “We have to celebrate. I’m glad I baked a pie.”
It was a few days before Christmas Eve and Eleanor was wearing a gaudy reindeer sweater she’d knitted herself. As were Hallie and Hannah. “Tradition” in the Banks house was more a requirement.
Gram returned from the kitchen with three plates of chocolate pie balanced in both hands. She set two of the plates on the wide coffee table and lifted her own. She speared her pie with a fork, pausing before she ate a bite. “I wish your parents could be here to hear the news in person. But you know how they hate traveling during the holidays.”
Hallie wished the same. Her parents weren’t necessarily uninvolved in her life, but they didn’t do things the way everyone else’s parents did. She didn’t resent them for it, but she did miss them. Now, in particular.
Hallie had been thinking a lot lately about what kind of parent she would be. What traditions to start for her own family. Which made her think of Gavin, and sent a dagger straight through her heart.
When she’d arrived at his house, she’d fully intended on telling him she was pregnant. By the time they were having that horrible conversation, she hadn’t had the courage. When she’d practiced the breakup speech in the mirror, she thought she knew what to expect. She thought he’d smile, offer a “Come on, Hals, you don’t have to do this,” and then hug her and acquiesce.
That hadn’t been what had happened. She’d felt her own heart breaking when he’d been upset, when he’d gently taken her hand. When he’d argued passionately instead of casually.
Meanwhile, her heart had been crumbling. It’d taken every bit of her willpower not to burst into tears and rush into his arms. He’d have let her come back. He’d have taken her to bed and held her, and he would have told her everything was going to be okay. But she knew something he didn’t. She was pregnant with his child, and he was not going to be “okay” with that.
So. She’d chickened out. Once he’d agreed he didn’t want more, what else had there been to say? They’d originally agreed to keep things easy. A baby was about a million levels up from easy.
“You’re going to be an amazing mom,” Hannah said as she speared her own pie with a fork.
“Well, of course she is.” Gram’s hot-pink lips parted into a sweet smile. “She was raised by me. I’m a great mom.”
“The best.” Hallie squeezed her Gram’s hand. Eleanor Banks had raised twin granddaughters, given them her name and balanced a life of fame and fortune. It was admirable. “You are the perfect example.”
“Don’t be too hard on your own mama.” Gram waved pink fingernails matching her lipstick. “My daughter was always a bit of the gypsy. She was born that way. There’s nothing wrong with dancing to your own tune. And she gave me a chance to raise you girls. What a blessing.”
“We feel the same way,” Hannah said, echoing Hallie’s thoughts.
“Hallie, you will be the kind of mom you were meant to be. Why, your child is going to be smothered with love given how close the Sutherlands are.” Gram lifted her manicured eyebrows. “How is Gavin taking the news?”
Hallie had purposely left out that she hadn’t told Gavin. Hannah knew, of course. She’d hounded Hallie until she’d admitted she hadn’t had the courage to tell him.
“He’ll be a wonderful father,” Gram said supportively, reaching for Hallie’s hand.
Hallie agreed wholeheartedly. But when she opened her mouth to speak, she burst into tears. When she was able to pull herself together, she recited a garbled version of what happened at Gavin’s house three days ago. How she’d shown up to tell him. How, even though he was visibly shaken, he hadn’t offered her the more she so desperately needed.
“I couldn’t tell him about the baby. I was afraid...” Hallie’s voice cut off and she realized there wasn’t any more to say. Afraid summed up everything.
Eleanor looked to Hannah, who translated while stroking Hallie’s back. “She broke up with him because she thought it was better to do it sooner than later. Especially with the holidays around the corner. He told her he was not the settling down kind, so she figured it would be best to handle the pregnancy by herself.” Hannah wrapped an arm around Hallie’s shoulders. “I reminded her she was far from alone.”
“That’s right, sweetheart. Hannah and I are here for you.” Gram patted Hallie’s leg. “Don’t cry on your pie. Life throws you all sorts of curveballs, but you are a Banks. You can handle this with one eye shut, one hand tied behind your back and while hopping on one leg.”
Hallie laughed through her tears, her grandmother’s silly visual helping to lighten her mood. Hallie wasn’t alone—she’d never been alone. “Thank you, Gram.”
“You’re welcome, sweetheart. Do you want Hannah and me to sing to you?”
“Always.” A duet from her sister and her grandmother would make her feel better. She would tell Gavin the truth—that they had made a baby—soon enough. She’d gone to the doctor yesterday to make triple sure she was pregnant, even after taking a second home pregnancy test the morning she’d shown up at Gavin’s house. Every test had been positive.
The doctor was happy with Hallie’s blood work and general health. She’d sent Hallie out the door with prenatal vitamins and a big smile, assuring Hallie they’d see a lot more of each other over the next nine months or so.
An unexpected wave of joy had crashed into her then. She hadn’t planned on being pregnant, but already loved the bean incubating in her womb. Her grandmother and her sister were overjoyed, which made it easier for Hallie to picture a bright future for her daughter or son.
Yet a shadow loomed. She’d never planned on being pregnant while nursing a broken heart.
She knew better than anyone that every family looked different. Her parents hadn’t raised her, but were still in her life. She had her grandmother and her sister. Gavin would be a part of his child’s life, she knew. He might panic or freak out when he learned the news—to be fair, so had she—but he’d step up and be the father he was capable of being.
They would develop their own routine, arrange visits with their child, attend parent-teacher conferences together at school. It would work out.
Hallie and Hannah hadn’t had a typical childhood—how could they when they were raised by one of country music’s biggest stars?—but they’d never lacked love. Just because Gavin wasn’t interested in settling down, didn’t mean he wouldn’t love their child. And his family—the Sutherlands—would love their child, as well.
Hannah would be an aunt and Will would be an uncle. Eleanor would be a great-grandmother. Presley and Cassandra would soon be married to the two other Sutherland brothers, making them “official” aunts. Her child would be loved by many and that’s what mattered.
Or so she tried to convince her fractured heart whenever it argued with her. Hallie had done the unthinkable. She’d fallen in love with Gavin. She had been in love with
him for some time—possibly since she’d first laid eyes on him.
As her sister and her grandmother sang about never giving up, Hallie felt herself smile. There was much to celebrate. A baby was an exciting event. She’d keep doing the next best thing for her child and everything would work out.
Hallie was a family girl and that’s what she and Gavin had unwittingly started. A family. Her heart gave a mournful wail, and she wondered how long it would take for her to fall out of love with Gavin.
Or if she could.
Twenty-Two
Christmas Eve would’ve been happier with Hallie at his side.
At his parents’ house, dinner had been fine but the conversation had felt forced. As if the couples ringing the table—every one of his brothers would happen to be in happy relationships right now, wouldn’t they?—had been trying too hard not to mention The Breakup.
Or so he’d thought.
The presents had been opened and his father was taking a bag of discarded wrapping paper to the curb while his mom swept into the bar area holding a tray of mugs filled with hot cocoa. She mentioned “homemade marshmallows” and Luke volleyed by suggesting spiking the cocoa with Bailey’s Irish Cream. Gavin opened his mouth to say “make mine a double” but before he could, a hand wrapped around his arm.
“Oh, no you don’t.” Presley’s fire-red hair matched her mood. “Come with us.”
He glanced over his shoulder to find Hannah and Cassandra standing sentinel, their unhappy expressions mirroring Presley’s.
“What’s going on?”
Pres responded by tugging on his arm. He let her drag him from the bar and into the adjoining room where they’d opened gifts. Boxes holding clothes, bath soaps, trinkets and other gifts were stacked next to everyone’s respective seats.
“What’s wrong? None of you liked the gifts I bought you?” He’d been trying for levity but was met with answering glares.
“This isn’t about gifts,” Hannah stated.
Hell, he knew that. “What did you three say to Hallie, anyway?”
The girls exchanged looks.
“She spent one evening in your company and then came to my house and dumped me on my ass.”
Hannah turned to Cassandra. “I’m not sure whether to verbally berate him or physically castrate him.” Gavin looked toward the bar. His brothers were happily pouring spirits into their cocoa and ignoring him completely. He was on his own.
“Verbally would be cleaner,” Cassandra said, her voice uncharacteristically cold.
“I’ll start.” Presley faced Gavin. “You are a moron for letting Hallie go. You are a self-centered, bullheaded pig with your head up your ass. Do you think you can actually do any better than Hallie Banks?”
“I second all of that,” Hannah said. “Wholeheartedly.”
“Especially the part about his head in his ass,” Cassandra agreed.
“Don’t blame me,” he argued. “I had fun with Hallie.” He kept his voice down so the rest of his family couldn’t hear. Another lecture from his brothers was the last thing he needed. “And I’m not only talking about sex.”
“So, you have your first argument and you let her leave?” Cassandra frowned.
“She was clear about what she wanted.”
“So were you. You want to be unattached. She was too much for you to deal with.” Hannah squared her jaw.
“Now hang on—” He held up a hand in his defense.
Presley pointed at the sofa. “Sit.”
“No, I don’t think I will.” He wasn’t positive they wouldn’t hog-tie him and do a host of other unpleasant things he’d rather not consider.
“We’ve kept quiet long enough.” This from Hannah. Presley and Cassandra shot the blonde wide-eyed warnings. Hannah rolled her eyes. “I don’t mean about that.”
“What do you all know?” he asked, his head swiveling to take in the three women content to bust his balls.
“Don’t change the subject,” Hannah snapped. “Do you want Hallie in your life or not?”
“As more than a friend?” Cassandra tacked on.
“Have you admitted to yourself what you’re feeling?” Presley poked him in the chest with her pointy fingers. “Spoiler alert. That’s not heartburn.”
He rubbed the center of his chest, uncomfortable for myriad reasons. He’d prefer not to have this discussion firing-squad style. He didn’t want to have it on Christmas Eve, either. And he sure as hell didn’t want to admit what he’d since figured out in the long, lonely days that had passed since Hallie dumped him. It was devastating to realize he was in love with a woman who didn’t want him.
He sagged on the couch. “I want her. You don’t think I know she’s worth fighting for? I’m in love with her and terrified she’s going to turn me down. Do you know how hard that is for me to admit? Especially when you three hate me as much as she does.”
Presley’s hand landed on top of his. She didn’t squeeze the life out of his fingers but instead offered a comforting pat. “We don’t hate you. More importantly, Hallie doesn’t hate you. I promise that’s not why she broke up with you.”
“Then why won’t she return my calls or my texts? Why did she break up with me? If I’ve learned one thing it’s when a woman is ready to leave, they leave.”
“And your policy is to let them?” Cassandra asked.
He’d always had trouble with that part. He preferred to do the breaking up whenever possible. The fear of failing miserably had kept his past relationships short and shallow. And now that he was in love, possibly for the first time, the stakes couldn’t be any higher.
“By then there’s usually nothing left to fight for,” he murmured.
So not the case with Hallie. He had agonized over losing her for too many sleepless nights and too many tumultuous days. The man he knew himself to be had been wrestling with the man emerging now. He loved her, but she’d made her decision. He had no idea if he could change her mind.
“I don’t know what she wants,” he admitted, and hating how it sounded like defeat. “I’m afraid what I offer won’t be enough.” After all, what they’d had hadn’t been enough for her.
Hannah sighed. Cassandra echoed that sigh with one of her own. Their gazes were soft, almost sad. When he thought he’d won over his sister-in-law and two future sisters-in-law, Presley turned on him.
“Do not give up. Especially if what you said is true. You love her? Man up and tell her.”
“Pres, she asked for space.”
“Women don’t know what they want,” Cassandra said. “If you loved her, you would go to her right this second and confess that you’re a miserable bastard and can’t bear the idea of living without her. Are you waiting for a guarantee she’ll take you back? Spoiler alert, there are no guarantees.”
“How can you stand living another day without her?” Hannah asked. “Isn’t it obvious she was missing today?”
Yes. It was. The chair at the dinner table sat empty next to him, a literal reminder of what he’d lost. His family had arranged themselves around the barren chair as if holding vigil for the woman who should have absolutely been by his side.
“I know what you’re trying to do,” he said, “and I know you love Hallie as much as I do...”
Three sets of eyebrows slammed over three adorable noses.
He licked his lips and gave in. They were right. He’d let fear and the uncertainty of the future make his decisions for him. He’d never been more disappointed in himself. “I’ll talk to her, okay?”
“That’s all we ask,” Presley said sweetly. “Who wants hot cocoa?”
“I do,” Hannah and Cassandra said as they stood.
“Don’t breathe a word about this to your brothers,” Presley threatened Gavin.
“And don’t tell Hallie,” Hannah added.
“Go get ’em, tige
r.” Cassandra elbowed him on her way out.
The girls dispersed, leaving him alone. He stayed on the sofa for a moment, hands folded in front of him as he thought through what had just happened.
A confession he hadn’t planned on making, especially to the women who would totally use it against him the first chance they got. But he couldn’t regret saying it. He was in love with Hallie. Which explained why he’d been feeling like garbage.
Was Cassandra right? Was it possible Hallie didn’t know what she wanted? Had she made a preemptive strike, ending things before he could to save herself from heartbreak? And, the biggest question of all: If he confessed he was ready for the more she’d spoken about, was it too late to win her back?
Hallie was the only person who could answer those questions. He needed to talk to her, and he needed to do it right away. When he stepped from the room, every member of his family and extended family paused, cocoa mugs in hand, and watched him expectantly.
“Where is she?” he asked Hannah. “At home?”
Hannah nodded and gave him her first genuine smile of the evening.
“Do not call her and tell her I’m coming,” he said, including Cassandra and Presley in his request.
“I won’t,” Hannah promised. Presley and Cassandra each swore their allegiance to silence.
“What’s going on?” Will asked.
“Hopefully he’s going to tell Hallie he’s been a major ass,” Cash offered.
“Apologizing on your knees is incredibly emasculating, but worth it in the end.” Luke grinned, as if he liked the vision of his youngest brother begging for forgiveness.
“I’ll do what I have to do,” Gavin said, and he meant it.
* * *
Hallie was grateful the health food store was open on Christmas Eve. She wanted to stock up on vitamins and healthy juices. For whatever reason she’d had an almost debilitating craving for sweet potato chips, so she’d picked up a bag of those, as well.
Good Twin Gone Country Page 15
