“Why?” I demand. “Why don’t you want me to go to this assembly?”
He’s reluctant to tell me, the words try to come up, but he just bites on them. I struggle myself out of his hold and I continue towards the street. And then, his voice calls behind me.
“Because it’s Salome’s execution.”
Salome. Her face. Her voice. Her wisdom. Her light. It swallows me, takes me, it’s all I can see through the blank spots. She is the only thing I can focus on. In my head, I’m watching her stab someone, punch someone and then, she tells me she hopes I find my freedom. I don’t know what any of that means, I just know that the word execution is enough for parts of those memories to come back.
I turn around slowly; meeting his serious, calm gaze. “What?”
“I’m sorry,” he says. “She was caught, she didn’t make it. She stabbed a leader. There’s no coming back from that. Pastor is holding a public execution—”
I don’t know what he says after that because I’m running. I run with every bit of strength I have left, I run for all the times I should have.
I run for Salome’s life.
Chapter 56
I have never run so fast. I didn’t think a person could run this fast. The assembly must have already begun because every street of the compound is quiet and empty. If I had the motivation to escape and it was great enough, now would be my chance. I look at the main entrance gate as I bolt past it, it isn’t guarded; Pastor must want everyone there.
I pause for a moment, just one tiny moment, to stare at that gate. I could run for it, I could climb it, I could be out of here in a few minutes. It is the most frustrating dilemma ever, I even begin to take a few steps towards it, but then I hear Elijah’s footsteps behind me and I snap back to reality, taking off again.
“Stop!” he shouts. “Wait!”
I can’t remember where the chapel is. Dammit!
I frantically turn in all directions, trying to locate the ancient marble house of torture. I place a hand to my forehead, wiping the sweat as I pant. I’m not going to make it, I’m not going to save her.
Salome was the strongest of all of us. She encouraged me to be there for Mary when I didn’t have a clue what I was doing. She watched a girl she had grown to love, die right in front of her eyes after months of watching her in pain while dealing with her own pain. She sacrificed everything to avenge that little girl’s death, to bring the coward that hurt her to justice. I might not know a lot right now, but I know that.
I know that Salome would fight until her very last breath for someone she loved. As would I. A light like that doesn’t just burn out, it shines brighter than anything.
I pick a direction and I continue running, finally seeing the chapel appear about halfway down the path. I can feel Elijah running closely behind me, he’s catching up and if I pause for anything, to even breathe, he’ll stop me.
I reach the steps of the chapel and I don’t know what I’m doing, I don’t know what I’m going to say, I don’t know…
Cheers. Cheers so loud and revolting clarify my darkest fear. I stop at the steps as the cheers grow so callous and defining that I freeze.
“Justice is done!” a voice roars from inside the chapel.
Suddenly, strong arms grip around my waist and I’m picked up and pulled along the side of the chapel. My limbs falter as I break, falling downwards in a heap of tears.
“It’s too late,” Elijah whispers. “She’s gone.”
“No!” I cry, thumping against his chest as he holds me tighter.
“She’s gone,” he repeats.
I keep on punching his chest, letting out the frustration onto him and he lets me. He just stands still as I keep on hitting at him, my screams echo the cheers from inside the chapel and I hope that, somehow, Salome could know that someone was crying for her. That someone tried for her.
I rest my face onto Elijah’s shoulder, my body trembling against his, and as the cheers from the groups keep on roaring, I glance up to the darkening sky and I watch as a flock of birds takes off across the air.
And Salome’s last words to me bounce around my mind.
“I hope you find your freedom.”
Chapter 57
I sit against a wall of the chapel, around the corner from the entrance with my knees against my chest. “Is that why you took me away from the line?” I whisper. “To distract me because you thought I’d do something?”
“I’m not going to stand by and watch you die too,” he says.
“Fuck you!” I shout, not caring who hears me. “Fuck this place. Fuck everything!”
“Everything I said to you is true,” he says. “And you know it is. You remember. You wouldn’t be breaking down over her death if you didn’t. Even if I hadn’t told you all those things, seeing Salome like that would have triggered something. And it was too risky for Pastor—”
He cuts himself off, biting down the end of it and my eyes widen at him as I realise what he means. “He did tell you to get me.”
Elijah remains silent, refusing to meet my eyes.
“He told you to take me out of the line, didn’t he?” I demand. “He told you to make sure I’d miss the assembly because he feared it’d trigger something.”
“Why do you think you’re in group A?” he shoots back at me. “He’s going to try everything to stop you from remembering who you are, but I’m fighting for the opposite!”
“Why?” I ask. “Why do you care?”
“Because you didn’t give up on me,” he says. “You saw something in me the day that we first met, you saw a human being, not just a creation of brain wash.”
“I can’t remember when we first met!” I say, flinging my hands up in frustration.
“What do you remember?”
“I don’t know,” I whisper. “Sometimes it comes, then it goes, then it comes again.”
“Short term memory loss.” He nods his head as though it’s the statement of the century.
“And long term,” I point out.
“Yeah, there’s that too.”
“So, what am I supposed to do?” I cry out. “I’m scared, Elijah. I’m really scared.”
“Well, no one ever found courage by being brave.”
I scrunch my face up at his words. “That’s a stupid thing to say. Why would you say that?”
“I just mean that… being scared is a good thing. Don’t you think I’ve been scared once or twice or a thousand times while being here?”
I shrug.
“I have,” he says. “And I wish I had someone looking out for me, but I didn’t. Not for a long time anyway. This place… it wants us to think that we’re nothing. But we’re not nothing. We’re something. And you made me see that.”
I roll my eyes, wiping my grey sweatpants as I rise from the ground. “You certainly like putting emphasis on words.” I turn my back to him, wiping away the last of the tears with my sleeve.
“Where are you going?”
“Inside, you’re giving me a headache.”
“Elizabeth, that’s not a good idea.”
I turn around. “Stop calling me that.”
“But that’s—”
“I know it’s my name,” I say. “I mean, call me Beth. Elizabeth doesn’t exist anymore.”
“Beth,” he says. “It’s not a good idea.”
I find myself smiling at him as I shove my sleeve at my nose to disguise the sniffles. “I think it’s a great idea. I think it’s the best idea.” I spin on my axis, continuing towards the entrance of the chapel. “I kissed him?” I whisper to myself.
I enter the chapel, which is filled with body after grey body. I walk down the crusty, steep steps towards the groups, while aware that many leaders are staring at me as I sink below them.
“We must pull together to vanquish the devil!” Pastor shouts from the stage. “We must retaliate and fight him.”
I catch a glimpse of Salome’s body sprawled across the stage, with blood leaking out from u
nderneath her.
“And let this be a warning, to anyone that also follows the devil’s plan, that they will receive the same fate!”
The groups at the front are roaring in agreement, their cheers still ringing through the walls. But the group at the back is still, lifeless, hopeless. I merge myself into the presence of group C and their eyes turn to stare at me in awe as I pass them.
“Elizabeth?” a blonde girl whispers through her cries.
“Carol?” I say.
“Oh my god, Elizabeth!” She pulls me into her embrace and she shakes against me. “I knew it was you in group A, I thought I was going mad. Mary said you’d come back, no one believed her. After they took you to medical, I thought I’d never see you again.”
I pull away from her, staring down at her hands that won’t stop shaking. “What did they do?”
“It was bad,” she whispers. “He slit… her…”
I just nod, frowning.
“I mean, Salome and I had some bad history, everyone knew that. And after all that happened in the steam room… but we really got on over the last few weeks, we bonded. And Mary… Madam Katelyn said she had some kind of organ failure and died. I’m just so glad you’re okay.”
“I’m fine,” I say, my eyes rise up over the faces that are turning to look at me and I narrow them at the man that is still preaching to his flock.
I flick across to Katherine, who stands at the side of the stage, nodding and grinning along with everything her husband is preaching. And then, I look across the walkway, towards the group B men who have guns tucked inside their sweatpants.
“Carol,” I say.
She doesn’t answer me, she just glares at me.
“Tell Elijah I’m sorry.”
“What are you talking about?”
“And if you ever get out of here, tell Nathan I’m sorry too,” I whisper. “Whoever he is. Tell him that I love him, because I think I do.”
“You’re not making any sense.”
“I can’t watch anyone else die.”
As Pastor delivers another award-winning performance and the chapel once again reigns with glee, I move across the walkway slowly—one of the group B men doesn’t even notice me creeping towards him, he thumps his hand into the air like the rest. My heart is beating uncontrollably and I know it may be for the last time.
In a split-second notion, one I can never take back, I grab the gun from the man’s pants and I aim it through the air.
The man widens his eyes at me, clutching at his pants in disbelief, while the rest of group B are reacting by pointing their guns at me also. My hand shakes as I walk closer to the stage and the cheers drown out as Pastor finally notices me.
“No!” he shouts to the group B men who are about to fire. “Don’t shoot!”
Katherine’s grin fades as she realises how serious I am and she runs onto the stage to stand beside her husband. “Grace,” she says. “You don’t know what you’re doing, okay? Put the gun down and we can talk about this.”
“Talk about what?” I say. “About how you put me in a coma for three weeks and erased my memories? Or about how you just took an innocent life?”
“Now is not the place,” Pastor says. “This is a house of God.”
“House of…” I laugh, not being able to finish that. “Thou shalt not kill!” I scream to the entire chapel. “You all grew up hearing those words and that commandment has been broken.”
“She was possessed!” a group A fanatic shouts. “He rid the world of evil.”
“No,” I say. “Salome rid the world of evil when she stabbed that bitch in the stomach. Evil is not born, it is not possession. It is created!” I point the gun through the air. “By him.”
“This is madness,” Pastor says, laughing through his teeth. “I am not evil. You’ve been misled.” He points a finger towards Salome’s body. “She was evil. She made it abundantly clear that abiding by the word of God wasn’t enough to keep her place amongst us.”
“You’re a psychopath,” I say. “There’s only so many times you can justify what you do by bringing God’s name into it. After that, you just become your own God, making up your own rules and forcing innocent people to act along with it.”
“Now, you really don’t know what you’re talking about,” he laughs. “Put down the gun. There’s a good girl.”
I aim it higher, my finger curling around the trigger.
“Okay, I’ll tell you everything,” he says quickly and my finger pauses. “Everyone, get out, now! I’ll deal with this on my own!”
I keep my eyes on him, determined and brave, as the bodies around me begin to abscond. It takes a couple of minutes, but the chapel falls silent and I daren’t turn around to watch it happen.
“Everything,” I demand. “Or so help me God, I will put a bullet in you.”
Chapter 58
I use my free hand to quickly wipe my forehead as I begin to perspire. My hand still holds the gun, calmly and irrationally; both at once. I’m beginning to believe that one of my lost traits is acting without thinking first and it’s speeding its way back to me.
Only Pastor and Katherine remain, as Katherine refuses to leave his side. They must really think they can talk me down to send the men with guns away. An even bigger worry is why Pastor stopped them from shooting me on sight.
Do I mean something to him? Is my life that important to him?
I’m not confused anymore. Elijah made me see the truth, I believed every word he spoke to me and since then, I remember more than I ever did.
“Do you even know how to use that?” Katherine says, smirking at me.
I flick the safety off and I point the gun upwards towards the ceiling, my finger presses against the trigger and a mighty smash occurs as the bullet crashes into the wall above us, dropping piles of dusty rubble at the ground around me. Even though the adrenaline in my blood is strong, I still feel the sudden ache in my hand from the impact of the release. My hand trembles even more from the pain, uncontrollably even.
I bring it back down, pointing it at their bodies as they widen their eyes and take a few steps backwards as pieces of the ceiling keep on falling down.
“I’m a quick learner,” I say. “You said you were going to tell me everything.”
“Yes,” Pastor says quietly, eyeing Katherine in fear.
“Why don’t we start with group D,” I offer.
“Look who’s got her memories back,” Katherine praises.
“I told you she was strong,” Pastor hisses.
“Yes, indeed,” Katherine says. “But not that strong. You don’t remember everything, do you? You don’t remember the outside world, or the abuse from your parents. You don’t remember the release you felt at being departed from them.”
“We are not the bad guys,” Pastor says. “I can see why you might believe that. But we’re good. We saved you all.”
“What are you talking about?” I demand.
Katherine places a hand onto his shoulder, gently squeezing it. “Perhaps, it’s time she knew the truth.” Pastor nods in agreement and Katherine turns back to me. “You see, Elizabeth, there is a reason for everything. There is a reason that you were sent here, that you were created like you are. No one is here by coincidence.”
“What is it with you people and talking in riddles!” I fire out. “Tell me the truth!”
Katherine takes a breath. “My name is not Katherine. My real name is Amelia Sanchez. I was born into this academy, just like you. When I was fourteen-years-old, the previous Pastor, my husband’s father, matched me with another member to procreate. That member was Jonas, your father on the outside. We had a daughter, a girl named Katherine.” She takes another breath and then lets out the words simply. “Your mother on the outside.”
I blink once. Then again. Then again. I try to focus on the image of my mother and father’s faces from the outside, from my childhood, but I just keep hitting a blank space.
“The mother that you grew up desp
ising is my daughter and the father you grew up despising is her father,” she says. “Shocking, isn’t it? I’ll wait a moment to let that sink in.”
I just stare at her; not sure if it’s true or not, not sure if it’s not true or not. It would help if I could remember the full story, but because I can’t, I just have to let it shock me anyway.
“Okay, over it now?” she continues. “Good. When your ‘mother’ was a baby, I made the decision to allow a fellow leader to raise her. Well, I didn’t have a choice. I just made the decision anyway because I didn’t want it anywhere near me. When your ‘mother’ reached thirteen, she was entirely susceptible to the academy and by then, I was married to Duncan.”
“The happiest day of your life,” Duncan responds.
“Sure,” Katherine says as she paces back and forth. “You see, new babies that were born in the nineties were a little harder to sustain. And the former Pastor then made the decision to send new babies outside the academy to be raised by leaders. I was also pregnant again in the nineties, the same year that I discovered my loving husband here was unfaithful.”
“All in the past now,” Duncan says.
“When you assumed I was your mother, that was funny,” Katherine continues. “No doubt, Edward might have been to blame. He’s the same age as you, born in the same year, he’s just a little small and not quite developed yet.”
“He does look like you though,” Duncan says. “And there’s a reason for that.”
“I’m getting to that part,” Katherine hisses at him.
I flick my eyes between them, feeling my body paralyse as they play out some freak-show entertainment for my benefit. I should be the one in control, I’m the one holding the gun at them, but I’m not.
They’re the ones in control.
“As I was saying, my darling husband here had a wandering eye for a certain member. Her name was Ruth.”
“Ruth,” I whisper.
“I heard she saved you a while back,” Katherine says. “She never even knew that she saved her own daughter.”
Those words pierce my ears like the sharpest shards of glass. Not only am I bleeding from my ears, but I’m bleeding from my soul. From everything.
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