Alice frowned. “It was just a canter up the hill,” she said. “Hardly the Grand National! Don’t you ever do anything fun like that with Bluebell?”
“Well, we do ride out,” Cora said. “But only in walk mostly. I’d be so worried about her getting injured and not being able to compete. That would be the worst.”
“Secret has to let off some steam,” Alice explained, “or he’s totally unrideable in the competitions. If he gets wound up, I’ve had it.”
Cora smiled. “Well, you know your pony best!”
Secret nudged Alice hard as if answering Cora’s statement, and Alice laughed, giving him a pat. “Yes,” she said fondly. “I do.”
“So I guess you’re still going home on Thursday then?” Cora continued and Alice felt her tummy churn. “If you know Secret will be OK at the weekend.”
Alice frowned. “It’s not about that. It’s about doing something for someone else. What would your parents do if you missed something like that?”
A brief look flashed across Cora’s face. Was it pain, regret, hurt? Alice couldn’t tell.
“They know how focused I am,” Cora replied simply, seeming to avoid the question. “Getting my place means everything to me.”
Once again, Alice felt torn. If she didn’t get her spot on Saturday, would she always regret missing out on all this week had to offer? Miguel might be able to offer her advice, something that would ensure they jumped to the best of their abilities. And there was something else too. The way Cora had obsessed over their fellow competitors’ weaknesses. Was she doing the same to Alice? Getting to know her and Secret so she could use that information at the weekend?
Alice tried to shake that thought away. Cora had shared so much advice and been good company. She hated to think she had any sort of ulterior motive. But she knew she only had one choice. It was going to be a really, really hard conversation to have.
*
Before Alice had a chance to ring home, she received another call. She’d been finding little jobs to do, trying to put off the inevitable. She was sponging off Secret’s bit in the tack room when her mobile rang. Alice’s tummy flipped over as she picked it up, but to her relief it wasn’t her mum. She hadn’t quite figured out how to talk to her parents yet. It was Finn, and, feeling hesitant, Alice answered the call, wondering what Finn was going to say now after their awkward conversation earlier that day. However there was no trace of anything negative in Finn’s voice.
“Hey,” he said cheerfully, and, relaxing, Alice smiled. She could talk to her friend about her decision not to go home.
“Hey, yourself,” she said.
“How’s it going?” Finn then asked and Alice filled him in on Secret jumping out of the arena, and their gorgeous canter up on the cliffs.
“Think it did him the world of good,” Alice said, and Finn chuckled.
“Sounds it! I’m glad you got to ride out, after all.”
There was a short pause.
“Actually, I—” Alice began.
“Alice, there’s something I wanted to tell—” Finn said at exactly the same time, and they both laughed.
“You go on,” Finn said.
Alice took a deep breath. “So, you know how I said I was going home on Thursday? Well, something has come up.”
“Right…” Finn replied in a curious tone.
“Devon has a visitor, Miguel Verona. You must have heard of him?” Alice said all in a rush. “Well, he’s only here on Thursday and Devon knows him and he agreed to give Cora and me a final lesson before the trials. I mean, isn’t that amazing?”
There was silence at the end of the phone and Alice frowned.
“Finn?” she said. “Don’t you think that’s cool? It could mean the difference between getting my place and not!”
“Um, I guess.” Finn sounded unsure. “But you promised everyone you were going back, didn’t you? It’s your dad’s birthday after all.”
And just like that all of Alice’s annoyance from their last conversation was back, and then some!
“Yes, I know,” she snapped, “but this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity! Imagine if I went back and missed the lesson and I was too tired and I didn’t jump at my best. Cora said—”
“Cora said,” Finn interrupted, sounding unimpressed. “Alice, it sounds like Cora takes it to real extremes. It’s not healthy! If you don’t get your place, it isn’t the end of the world, is it?”
Alice tried to silence the voice in her head that agreed with Finn. She’d had exactly the same thoughts about Cora. But getting her place was important; it would show everyone how far she and Secret had come.
“But it is!” she cried passionately. “It just is. You wouldn’t understand! You never have!”
“You’re right,” Finn said in an exasperated voice, “I don’t. But this doesn’t sound like you either!”
Alice felt like stamping her feet. “It’s just this one week,” she said, gritting her teeth. “I’m going to have to make some sacrifices to reach my goals.”
“OK,” Finn said. “If that’s what you think is best.”
After a terse goodbye Alice stood with her phone pressed against her forehead, trying to gather her thoughts. She felt so torn. And then she realised with a start that Finn had never told her his news. But Alice knew it would have to wait until afterwards. For now the place on the British team was the only thing that mattered. She hoped her friends would understand. As she picked up the phone with a deep breath to call home, she hoped more than anything that her mum and dad would understand too.
*
“So you’re not coming home?”
Alice nodded, even though her mum couldn’t see her, and leaned into Secret. She’d let herself into her little red pony’s stable, feeling the need to be with him.
“And Miguel is teaching you?” Alice’s mum continued.
“Yes,” Alice explained. “He’s super famous.”
“Yes, I know who he is,” Alice’s mum said, not sounding very impressed. “I have to say, I’ve never really warmed to him. He’s very … flashy.”
Alice felt herself tense up. “What does that even mean?” This conversation was already going the wrong way.
“Just that really,” her mum said. “All about his image and big wins. I know he does very well but I think he pushes his horses. I can’t see his style suiting you and Secret.”
“He’s one of Devon’s friends,” Alice responded hotly, “so he can’t be that bad. And, like I said, he’s super famous.”
“But what can he teach you that Angus can’t?” Alice’s mum continued. “You’ve had a great few days with Devon. Surely a break would do you good, refresh you before the weekend?”
Her mum didn’t understand either, Alice realised. And it was a bit rich coming from her! Alice had spent practically her whole life riding her mum’s ponies in the ring. They’d had goal after goal to reach, show after show. Now Alice had her own goal. Surely her mum could see how important this was to her! But she also knew how much her mum had been looking forward to the family being together. Guilt was making Alice snappy.
“I’m sorry,” she said sulkily, “but I need to stay here. If I want to secure my place, I need to work hard. You’ve always said that!”
“I know, I know,” her mum replied with a sigh. “But you’ve done so well with Secret. I’m not sure what more you can do. It sounds as though you’ve had some great lessons with Devon, and riding her horses must have been wonderful. How much further can you push it between now and the weekend?”
“I don’t want to regret not taking the chance,” Alice said. “It could be the difference between winning and losing. And if I don’t get the place, then that’s it! I’ll never get the chance to try out on Secret again.”
“You don’t know that.” Alice’s mum sounded perplexed, like Finn. “This isn’t the end for you both!”
“You know I’m going to get too tall for Secret sooner rather than later,” Alice said, feeling s
uddenly tearful, “and Cora said it’s really hard to get another look-in if you don’t get the squad place.”
Cora had told her that over breakfast that morning. It made sense to Alice. There was always a legion of up-and-coming showjumpers ready to take opportunities if Alice missed them.
“And even if I’ve got a year or so left competing with Secret,” she continued, aware she sounded defensive, “this might be my only chance for the British team.”
Alice’s mum sighed. “OK,” she said in a resigned voice. “If that’s what you want to do. We’ll all miss you, though, and I know Mia was excited to show you how she was getting on with Lacey and Porridge…” She paused. “Dad has just come in. Why don’t you speak to him?”
Alice could hear a brief muffled conversation and felt her tummy sink. It was one thing telling her mum, who should understand the competition pressures, but another telling her dad, especially as she’d promised she would come back and it was his birthday. She felt awful. She felt a flash of guilt about Mia too. She knew her friend had been working hard on the new Welsh pony and Alice had also promised to watch her ride when she was home for the party. But she couldn’t think about that now.
“Al,” her dad said cheerfully, taking over the phone, “Mum says you’ve got an opportunity there you can’t turn down. You have to go for it. I know how hard you need to work at these things.”
The fact her dad was being so nice about it only made Alice feel worse. It would have been easier if he had grumbled! Suddenly she missed home desperately. The opportunity to come to Devon’s yard had been amazing, but she had never known pressure like this.
“I’m sorry for missing your party,” she mumbled. “I’ll see you when I’m back.”
“Of course,” her dad replied. “I’m proud of you.”
Finishing up the phone call, Alice placed her arms round Secret, closing her eyes and pressing her face into his mane, breathing in his warm, familiar smell. She couldn’t work out what she felt. If she went home and didn’t get the place, she couldn’t bear to deal with the regret. Yet at the same time it was going against what she knew. But she’d made the decision now, so she would have to stick with it. Even though both Finn and her mum believed it wasn’t her last chance at the British trials, she thought it was and she wanted a place on that team.
Chapter 8
“I’m not surprised you wanted to stay in the end,” Cora said a few minutes later. “I can’t actually believe you were considering going home so close to the trials!”
Cora had joined Alice in the stables to change Bluebell’s rug.
Alice felt a flash of annoyance. Cora sounded a bit smug. Alice had made the decision herself, hadn’t she?
“I just decided it was easier to stay,” she muttered.
She tried not to think about the bunting she and Mia had made for the party, about the firepit Fergus had been working on in his spare time. Social occasions were such a rarity in the Smalley household due to so much time being taken up with running the yard. But her mum had always pushed Alice to do her best. So she shouldn’t be too shocked that Alice was putting her riding over anything else. And she would be home soon enough. If she stayed here, at Devon’s yard, and put everything into these precious last hours, she was certain she would return home with a place in the British team too.
*
As the next day drew to a close, another busy day full of training, with Miguel due to visit the yard shortly, Alice couldn’t help but wonder if Cora was checking her out, just like she did the other competitors, and was keeping her cards close to her chest as a result. She felt their friendship had changed and that there was a definite feeling of tension.
It was a beautiful golden afternoon, and as Alice looked up at the sky, where the moon had crept in, she imagined her mum in the dress she and Alice had chosen together. She’d be bustling around, carrying plates in and out of the garden. The bunting would be hanging and the hay bales would be covered in rugs. Alice wondered if anyone would say anything about her decision to stay back.
“Hey, guys!” Devon and Nina waved the girls over, shaking Alice out of her thoughts.
“I just had a call from Miguel,” Devon said. “He’ll be here in ten minutes. So let’s tack up.”
Feeling a swell of resolve, Alice nodded. She’d made this choice. It was part of getting to the top. Like Cora had said, sacrifices had to be made.
Secret seemed to look sideways at Alice as she smoothed his saddlecloth down. She was saving her lucky one, the one he’d worn when she had won her Olympia class, for Saturday. In his havana tack, clean and oiled, boots on his neat legs, he looked every inch the professional. Alice hoped Miguel would be impressed.
“This is the last session before the trials, boy,” she said, hugging him. “You’ve done so well. Beach tomorrow, then the big day. I’m so proud of you.”
As she and Cora warmed up in the big arena a few minutes later, Alice’s first impression of the American Olympian as he strode across the sand surface was that he was even glossier than his photos online. Magazine handsome and with dazzling white teeth, Miguel exuded confidence. Devon and he were obviously good friends and were sharing a joke as she set up a few fences. Briefly, Alice thought about her friend Amy, who ran Secret’s online account. She hadn’t told Amy about the lesson, because she knew Amy would get super excited and want photos to post online. Alice didn’t mind Amy posting the odd photo, but she didn’t need the extra distraction right now. That’s what she’d told herself anyway. Truthfully, she had ignored all Amy’s messages over the last few days.
“Hey, kids,” Miguel grinned. “Ready to show me what you can do?”
Alice and Cora nodded. As Alice cantered a circle towards the short course of jumps, she felt herself relax. Secret felt great, bubbly and exuberant but, to Alice’s relief, in control. She really, really didn’t want to jump out of the arena again in front of Miguel Verona!
Secret’s hooves barely seemed to touch the ground as he flew through the air, his sheer power catching Alice by surprise all over again. It had been the right decision to stay back.
Miguel laughed. “Whoa,” he chuckled. “Not bad for a tiny Welsh pony.”
It was slightly patronising the way he’d emphasised tiny and Welsh. By contrast he’d been all over Bluebell, a highly bred warmblood pony.
“Let’s challenge him then,” Miguel said. “I want to see what else he can do.”
Adjusting the fences himself, Miguel stood back, giving the jumps a satisfied look. Alice swallowed hard. They were enormous, bigger even than the jumps Devon trained her young horses over.
“The jumps at the trials won’t be that big,” she said, sounding unsure.
“Oh, go on,” Miguel said. “This week is all about knocking down those walls you’ve built up in your mind. If you can do these, the trials will be easy in comparison. Cora will, won’t you?”
Devon, watching from the fence, frowned. “Miguel,” she said firmly, “don’t push them. Girls, just do what you feel happy with.”
Cora glanced at Alice. “Yes,” she said in a confident voice. “I’ll jump those.”
Nudging Bluebell on, Cora struck off into a perfect balanced canter before aiming her mare into the first fence. It was enormous, but Bluebell made light work of it. The red and white poles disappeared underneath her four white socks as she landed perfectly and Cora cantered on to the next, a determined look on her face. On to the next, and with every jump, Alice felt her heart sink further. Perhaps Miguel was right, she should attempt them.
Cora slowed Bluebell to a bouncy trot, patting her neck. She nodded at Alice. “Go on,” she said. “You can do it.”
Taking a deep breath, Alice nudged Secret into a canter. The big jumps seemed to have ignited something in Secret and he was fully wired, rearing up before plunging forward.
Cantering a circle, her arms already aching from the effort of controlling Secret, Alice winced as she passed by the big oxer Miguel had put up. All
of a sudden she had a very vivid flashback to her dreams, the ones that had been dominating her sleep recently. What if she pushed Secret too far and it all went wrong? What was she trying to prove right now?
Turning Secret, Alice aimed him at the low cross pole warm-up instead. He flew over it from several strides out, over-jumping it by a huge margin. It took every bit of strength Alice had to pull him up. Giving Secret a hug, she turned to Miguel, who raised an eyebrow.
“I’m not going to jump him any more,” she said firmly. “Thank you so much for the lesson, but I need to listen to Secret. He’s had enough for today.”
“Fair enough.” Miguel shrugged and checked his watch. “I need to leave in half an hour. So I’ll crack on with your lesson, Cora, if that’s OK?”
Cora nodded, not looking at Alice. Miguel seemed to have lost interest in Alice anyway. It seemed that if she didn’t want to jump, he didn’t want to waste time talking to her.
Feeling miserable, Alice headed back to the yard. Secret was a ball of energy, jogging sideways, snatching at the bit. Had it not been dark, Alice would have headed back to the same bridleway she had ridden up the other day. Untacking Secret, she fastened his wool rug and hugged him, before sinking down into the deep shavings bed with a sigh. She felt awful. If only she had gone home as planned. She had pinned so much on this final training session, when really she should have listened to her instincts. But at the same time she was even more determined to do well on Saturday now. She couldn’t bear it if this had all been in vain. Pulling out her phone, she thought about texting, ringing someone, Finn or Amy or Mia, but it felt too awkward, and she didn’t want to admit she had been wrong. She could hear Miguel praising Cora in the outdoor school; she was obviously doing a great job.
Secret nudged her as if in silent solidarity, and Alice reached her hand up, rubbing the velvet down underneath his forelock. Engrossed in her thoughts, she didn’t notice Devon, who leaned on the stable door, a kind smile on her face.
A Pony Called Secret Page 5
