by K. R. Grace
“Because of Clint.”
Hearing his name on someone else’s lips was strange but didn’t induce the reaction I’d expected. Apparently my current situation was taking dominance over the grief. I was riding in a SUV with a werewolf who could eat me if he wanted, despite his earlier reassurances to the contrary.
“I’m not a werewolf, Star. I’m a shifter. There’s a huge difference.”
“You read my mind, didn’t you?”
“It’s unintentional where you’re concerned,” he muttered.
“You’re going to have to explain yourself, considering the fact I’m new to your world and all.” I glowered at him.
“The second you walked into the band room, our brains clicked. I haven’t been able to get you out of my head since then.”
“Then you understand why history can’t repeat itself. Clint was my life. When he died, he took my heart with him. I’m not sure I can handle that kind of heartbreak again.”
“You’d be surprised what time can do.”
“I can’t believe you’d say that! It’s so cliché, and besides, I honor my word. I can’t just forget about him. That would be wrong.”
“I don’t know how to say this to you without sounding cold. Clint is gone. He’s not coming back. Are you going to spend the rest of your life honoring a memory, or are you going to show him you can live without him?”
I was careful not to let my thoughts go to all the times today I’d checked Drake out. Or how often I’d thought about our kiss. He didn’t need to know just how affected I already was by him. He was right. Clint wasn’t coming back, and the reality was all my arguments were half-hearted at best. Drake gave me the strength to think about moving on. Yes, I still missed Clint like crazy. He’d been my best friend long before he was my boyfriend. He was the one I turned to when things got rough at home. He’d been my biggest fan.
I watched Drake grip the steering wheel as his jaw clenched. I realized I wasn’t doing a very good job of hiding my thoughts. Sorry about that, I thought and watched him turn and smirk. It was all too much, but I figured if I tried to go along with it, maybe it would grow on me, and I wouldn’t be so freaked out.
I looked out the window to see we were turning down my driveway. He parked the Jeep and turned to look at me.
“You know what I’m going to say, but I’ll say it anyway. You can’t, under any circumstances, tell anyone about me.”
“I promise,” I extended my hand, pinkie finger poised and ready. He looked at in confusion for a second before chuckling. With a wry shake of his head, he linked our pinkies. I felt the familiar jolt. It made me want to curl up against him and burrow my face in his neck.
“Good.” He followed me out of the Jeep and walked me to the front door.
“I have to ask something, though.” I paused with my hand on the knob.
“I’ll answer if I can.”
I frowned at his odd response before diving in. “The first time I met you, you needed crutches to get around. Now, suddenly, you don’t need them anymore. What happened?”
Drake winced. “I really…ask me that later, okay? I promise to give you answers.”
“Why?”
“Because…you might look at me differently once you know the truth.”
“And I don’t look at you differently now?” I raised an eyebrow as sarcasm dripped from my tongue. He smirked, shoving his hands into his front pockets.
“True, but this is a little different. Just trust I will tell you when the time’s right. Okay?”
I glared up at him for a second before I relented. “Fine, okay. I’ll wait. Thanks for showing me your home. It was nice. What I saw of it at least.”
This was the awkward doorstep conversation every girl dreaded. Even though we hadn’t been on a date, it always felt strange to have a boy walk me to my door.
“Would you like to hang out tomorrow?” he surprised me by asking.
My mind screamed at me to say “no” and go inside. But, my heart seemed to have developed a mind of its own because I heard myself answer, “Um, sure, I guess. What did you have in mind?”
“I thought I could officially show you Market Square since we had to leave in a hurry last time. The UT drama department is doing an outdoor production of Hamlet.”
“Oh, that sounds fun.” And very public. I can do public.
“Okay, great. I’ll pick you up around eleven.”
“Sounds good.” I knew I had a goofy grin on my face, but I was glad we were trying to move past the whole man-wolf thing. I wasn’t sure I could go without him in my life in some form or fashion.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, then,” he waved before jogging back to his car.
I let myself into the house and plopped onto my mattress as soon as I entered my room. The long way down reminded me I needed to break down and finally put my bed together. One day I was going to miss the mattress completely and end up slamming down onto the floor. It was a concussion waiting to happen.
Chapter Fourteen
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Drake
Call me a girl, but I liked that period in the morning just before the sun came up. Nothing was awake. Silence rules the land. I stared up at the cloudy black sky from my vantage point on the roof of the cabin. Sleep never came. My mind picked apart each conversation I had with Star, looking at it from every possible angle. My fear was that somewhere I’d jacked up the whole situation, and she’d leave.
Her terrified green eyes constantly flashed in my mind, making it difficult to breathe. Every thought that raced through her brain after she learned the truth sliced through me, breaking me down to nothing. My heart felt like it’d bled out on the floor at her feet.
“Drake. Phone call,” Meliena broke into my thoughts as she walked across the roof with my phone in her hand.
I wanted to tell her I wasn’t up for talking to anyone, but the only person I knew who would think to call me for anything was Star. It was too early for her to be calling.
I grabbed the phone from Meliena and motioned her to leave.
“Something wrong?” I asked.
“Huh? Oh, um, no. I just couldn’t sleep. Needed to apologize to you.” My chest constricted at the insecurity in her voice.
“For what?” If anyone should be apologizing, it was me.
“I didn’t handle the news well, Drake. Actually, I effed it up big time. I know you’re not a monster.”
I felt my chest relax as a smile spread on my face. “It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not. I’ve always prided myself on being an open-minded individual, never stereotyping anyone, but I did just that. So, I’m sorry.”
“All is forgiven.”
I heard her deep, relieved sigh and had to chuckle. Damn, she was adorable.
I could hear her thoughts firing rapidly as she internally debated over whether she should ask me something. Rather than just telling her what she wanted to know, I waited, letting her work it out for herself. Finally, she spoke. “There’s another reason why I called.”
Oddly enough, state capitals were running through her mind.
“What’s that?”
“I can’t shake this feeling that you…I don’t know, you don’t think you’re good enough for me. Like, my being around you will hurt me somehow.”
My heart clinched in my chest at her words. It was already happening. Her soul was connecting to mine. It wouldn’t be long before she started sharing my abilities. Was that something I wanted for her?
“Drake, please let me in,” she whispered.
I didn’t deserve to have her. Listening to how hard she fought to preserve Clint’s memory made me realize just how deeply her heart loved. She still missed him. I wasn’t sure she’d ever stop. The grief would dull in time; however, a part of her that would always mourn his death, the part of her he took with him to the grave.
I wasn’t good enough for that kind of love. I’d killed people. I screwed up everything I cared about. My parents
and John were proof.
“You can see inside my head. Let me in yours. Just this once.”
Right then and there, I knew I’d never be able to deny her anything.
I let out a deep breath I hadn’t realized I was holding. “I mess things up, Star. Always have. The rational side of me says to leave you alone before you get too deep.”
“What if that’s not what I want?”
“Doesn’t surprise me,” I muttered.
“What’s your story, Drake? How did you end up so isolated?”
No one knew my story. I made it a point to keep it that way. But, I’d apparently developed diarrhea of the mouth, because I heard myself starting from the beginning. “My father ran my mother and me out of the tribe when I was sixteen.”
Damn, the bitter words my father spewed that day still stung.
“I’d gotten into trouble for hunting on a neighboring tribe’s land without permission. My father was reprimanded in front of our tribe, putting his position as Alpha into question. He’d turned to me with venom in his eyes and publically disowned me. I took it like the man I wasn’t, yet. Didn’t flinch when he told me he regretted ever letting me be born.”
I heard Star gasp but I couldn’t stop. If I took a break, I’d never be able to finish.
“He broke my mother’s heart that day. She defended me, but the great Black Warrior wouldn’t have any of it. He told her if she loved me so much, she was free to go with me. With the support of the tribe’s elders on his side, he forced us to take what little we were allowed and leave without saying ‘goodbye’ to anyone.” I clinched my fist at the memory of my mother screaming, her face red and wet with tears as two warriors manually carried her off the land.
“With nowhere to go, she decided to beg her parents’ tribe to take us in. They were reluctant because they were Bears, and I was a Wolf. But the mark of the Supreme Alpha appeared on my shoulder during my meeting with the elders.”
What’s a Supreme Alpha? I heard her think, but decided to save that for another time.
“Word came to us that on the day my father disowned us, a Mountain Lions attacked the tribe. No one survived. I never cried over my father’s death. Served the bastard right for what he’d done to my mother.” I spat each word out.
“The mark of the Supreme Alpha gave us immunity in the tribe, but with her mate no longer alive, my mother’s strength left her. She died that winter. The Bears tried to convince me another shifter killed her, but I know she died from a broken heart. Despite the vile things my father did, she loved him.”
Star shifted, and I knew she thought I was finished. Damn, but I wish I was.
“The night I found her dead behind our hut, I cradled her lifeless body in my arms and cried for what felt like hours. When the Elders came to bury her, I refused to let her go. It’d taken six men to pry her from my grip.”
Even now, I could feel her cold, lifeless skin against my hot flesh.
“She’d fought for me, and I’d failed her when she needed me most.”
All my life I had to deal with the mark of death on my soul. I tried to ignore it. I tried to believe I was just as worthy and capable of love as everyone else.
But I wasn’t.
I couldn’t let Star die like the others. My heart wasn’t listening to the truth. It cried out for her. As I stared up into the nothingness of the pre-dawn listening to her soft cries on the phone, I couldn’t take in a deep enough breath. I knew I wouldn’t breathe right until I could touch her again. She was my reason for getting out of bed every morning. She was the reason I walked, the reason I breathed. She was my very existence.
And I was going to kill her.
“You were just a boy, Drake,” she whispered finally.
A hot tear rolled down my face, pooling in my ear. I was so glad no one was around to witness my weakness. It wasn’t fair, damn it! I wanted to mark her as mine. I wanted to kill anyone who even thought about looking at her. But I couldn’t love her like that.
“I stayed with the tribe until the Helena incident. After that, I was on my own.” I said it with as little emotion as possible.
Inside, I was freaking out. A world without Star’s emerald green eyes or her heart-melting laughter was a world I didn’t want to live in. It was the little things that made her special. The way she wasn’t afraid to push my buttons; her dry sense of humor; her aversion to socialization; her loyalty; the way she accepted people just as they were; the way her eyes lit up when she saw me; how she looked at the world through a different lens; how she did what she wanted rather than what others expected her to do.
I loved everything about her.
“I know people say ‘I’m sorry’ during times like this, but I’m not. If you hadn’t gone through that, we would’ve never met. So, I’m glad, Drake. Might make me selfish, but I am.”
“Makes two of us,” I chuckled, trying hard to get myself under control. “Get some sleep, Star. I’ll be there to get you before you know it.”
“Goodnight,” she yawned, and then she was gone.
As the sun peeked over the horizon, birds started to chirp and a rooster crowed ten miles away. I stayed where I was on the roof until the sun was fully in the sky before I swung down into my window and got ready for my date with Star.
I had to see her. After our conversation, I was feeling completely exposed. In spite of all the harsh realities weighing down against me, I couldn’t stay away from her.
On her porch step a little while later, I took my first deep breath the moment our eyes connected through the glass door.
“Hey,” she smiled brightly as she opened the offensive barrier and stepped out to join me.
My eyes slowly took her in from top to bottom. All the saliva left my mouth.
She was wearing a green dress with some sort of lacy sleeves that stopped just below her elbows. The skirt on the dress wasn’t very long, putting her amazing, creamy white legs on display. The belt she wore around her waist brought my attention to her chest. My eyes got stuck on that area as all thought left my brain.
Damn.
It was a good thing she couldn’t read my thoughts or she’d know just how badly I wanted to push her up against the wall and kiss her.
“Wow, Star.” It was all I could say. I couldn’t verbalize what I really wanted to say …yet.
I was growing uncomfortable. If I didn’t get her off this porch and into my Jeep, I was going to be in big trouble.
Her cheeks pinked as she brushed her hands self-consciously down her dress. “I thought it was time to pull out some of my more colorful outfits.”
“You always look beautiful, but this is definitely special.” I struggled to keep my voice calm as I led her down the steps. I noticed she was wearing brown combat boots that looked like the ones I’d worn during World War I, but she had the sides and tongue of the shoes folded down, making them look floppy. Boots sometimes made girls looked shorter, but on her they only drew attention to the impressively firm muscles in her legs.
I struggled to think of something to say once we were in the Jeep. I was used to the Star in black hoodies, dark jeans that hugged her from waist to ankle, and black converse shoes. The woman sitting next to me was an entirely new creature. And she smelled way too good for my sanity.
The entire drive to Knoxville was made in silence. I helped her out of the SUV once I’d parked and slid my fingers through hers under the pretense of helping her down the narrow stairs of the parking garage. Even when we made it to the outdoor stage, I kept our hands linked. Her touch kept me calm and my more animalistic urges under control. We spread out the blanket I’d grabbed from the backseat, but when she moved to sit beside me, I pulled her down so that she sat between my legs and used my chest as a backrest.
Heaven.
I’d traveled all over the world and experienced a lot of things, but nothing came close to how amazing it felt to have her in my arms. The actors could’ve been totally naked having a full-on orgy on stage and I wo
uldn’t know, because for two hours I watched the play through Star’s eyes. The way they pooled with tears when Ophelia died. The anger that flared in them whenever Polonius made an appearance on stage. She was so expressive. I could only imagine how she would look in my arms for an entirely different…more intimate purpose.
Her thoughts were even more endearing. I was glad she’d stopped singing Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing” in her head like she’d done the whole way over.
Hamlet’s such a drama queen.
Ugh, that girl really needs to wear a bra with that costume.
I’m not sure I could pull off insanity like Hamlet.
Drake smells really good.
I wonder if he likes sitting like this.
I sort of hope the others never come. I like us.
I’m not sure I could die for love.
I couldn’t help it. The way the sun radiated on her face, the way she bit her bottom lip when she concentrated, how she traced my arms around her waist was all too much. I gently cupped her chin, turning her head so I could claim her lips as mine. The first time I’d kissed her, she’d hesitated a few seconds. This time, she rested her head back on my shoulder and demanded more with her mouth.
So. Damn. Good.
She groaned as I cradled her head in my hand forcing myself to keep it there when what I really wanted to do was cop a feel.
A deep throat clearing brought me back to the present and I reluctantly released her.
She smiled up at me with glazed eyes. “Why’d you stop?”
“Because this isn’t the place for what I want to do to you.”
Her cheeks went adorably pink as she quickly turned her attention back to the stage. I chuckled as I placed a soft kiss in her hair. Another day, another time, I’d tell her she didn’t have to worry about us sleeping together. But for now, I was content to soak up every uninterrupted second I had with her.
When the play ended and all the applause had been given, I reluctantly let Star go so we could both stand up.
“That was perfect.” The smile Star flashed up at me was so bright I almost lost my balance as I bent over to retrieve our blanket. She wrapped her arms around my waist as I straightened and sighed. “Thank you so much for bringing me here.”
