by B. J Daniels
The picture was a familiar one that formed a knot in her chest. She missed her father. Her mother had passed when Mia and Danielle were in their teens, but she and her mother had never been close after Kate’s marriage to Daniel and pregnancy. So her father’s death had been all that more painful only a few years later.
The sander stopped again, making her start as the small woodshop fell silent. Behind her was the quiet cold of the snow and the low howl of the wind. Inside the shop was the promise of warmth. A woodstove crackled in the corner, emitting a warm heat that she felt on her cheeks. Probably why he’d left one of the doors slightly ajar, to release some of the heat.
She hadn’t realized she’d been leaning into the room until the door swung open and she stumbled in. The man suddenly turned and froze at the sight of her standing just inside the doorway, a dark silhouette backlit by the storm.
As the wind caught the door and threw it all the way open, cold and snow blew in, illuminating the man standing there in the white of the storm light. He looked startled to see her. But nothing like she was to see him. She felt a jolt as if struck by a bolt of lightning as she took in the familiar planes of his face, a face she’d given up hope of ever seeing again.
A cry escaped her lips before she said his name. “Danny.” Before everything went black.
CHAPTER FIVE
KATE SURFACED SLOWLY, blinking in the dim light. She became aware of the heat and someone pressing the rim of a cup to her lips. She jerked up, knocking the cup of water away. It pooled on the wood floor, the coffee mug lying in a pile of sawdust at her feet. It took her a moment to realize where she was.
She was sitting on a blanket near the woodstove in the man’s workshop. He’d been so quiet she hadn’t noticed his dark shape squatting next to her until he reached for the mug she’d knocked away. She flinched and crab-crawled back a few inches before memory came charging back.
He picked up the mug and quickly rose as if realizing that he was frightening her. “I’m sorry. Are you all right?” The voice was low and gravelly and...wrong.
As she struggled to her feet, he reached for her as if afraid she would fall again. But at the last minute, he seemed to realize that she didn’t want him touching her. He stepped back, holding up his hands as if in surrender.
In the shaft of bright light coming from the opened carriage-house door, she looked at him hard and felt her initial shock rattle through her once again.
This man was a dead ringer for her dead husband.
Yet something was all wrong about him.
“You took a nasty fall,” he said quietly as if he thought even his voice was scaring her. He sounded hoarse, that gravelly voice not Danny’s. “Maybe you should give it a minute before you—”
But she was already stumbling back toward the open door, wanting to run. Emotions roiled up so close to the surface that she feared she would cry. She rushed out into the storm, her mind whirling like the snow around her.
Seeing the man had come as such a shock. The resemblance so uncanny. For that moment, she’d been so sure that she’d found Danny. Until he moved. Until he spoke. Ice crystals melted instantly on her overheated cheeks as she fled from the workshop. She pushed through the snow drifting in the alley to the main road and turned toward the motel. She had to tuck her face against the snow and wind. It wasn’t until she felt her tears begin to freeze on her cheeks that she realized she was crying.
At the motel, she fumbled her key from her coat pocket, struggling to get it into the lock. Her fingers felt numb like the rest of her body. The key finally turned, the door falling open, her falling in with it.
Collin looked up from where he sat on the bed, his back to the wall, the television on some old movie involving a car chase. “Hey, I was starting to worry about you.” He squinted at her as she stumbled into the room, catching herself on the edge of the spare double bed. “Are you all right?”
She didn’t answer as she frantically began to shed her coat, ripping the scarf from her neck and dropping the coat at her feet—until she finally felt she could breathe again. She looked at him and began to cry in earnest.
Jumping up off the bed, he rushed to her. “Baby, what’s wrong?” She could only shake her head. “You have a scrape on your forehead. There’s a bump. Did you fall?” A nod. Her sobs broke from her, making her chest ache as they rose from deep inside her, one after another. She was trembling as he took her in his arms. “You’re okay. You’re here now with me.”
* * *
KATE WOKE TO DARKNESS. She could hear Collin in the bathroom. She listened. It sounded as if he was on the phone. He had the door closed as if he didn’t want to disturb her. Or didn’t want her to hear his conversation.
Earlier he’d gotten her out of her wet clothing and into a hot shower before tucking her into the bed and lying with her until she fell asleep. Before her eyes closed, she remembered telling him, “I thought I saw Danny.” She had felt him tense next to her and wished she could stop the words. “It looked so much like him...” She’d shuddered at the memory. “But it wasn’t. It wasn’t him. He wasn’t Danny.”
She’d rolled over and squeezed her eyes tightly, her emotions a roller-coaster ride of hope and loss, embarrassment and humiliation, defeat and bitterly aching disappointment. Finally she’d fallen asleep.
His phone call ended. He came out and looked surprised to see her awake. He also looked a little sheepish, so she knew what he’d done before she even asked.
“Were you talking to one of my girls?” she asked, hating the accusation in her voice. Her girls. But she reminded herself that he often would call her daughters just to chat. She knew he wanted them to like him, hoping it would convince her to marry him.
“I called Mia. I was worried about you and...” He met her gaze, looking concerned as to how she was going to take what he was about to say. “She’s worried about you, too.”
Kate sighed and, shoving back the covers, threw her legs over the side of the bed to get up. She was dressed in one of her nightgowns. She reached for her robe, but Collin had already picked it up and started to help her put it on.
“I have it,” she said too sharply, snatching it away from his reaching fingers. As she tied the sash angrily, she said, “I wish you hadn’t called her.”
He took a step back, and she was reminded of the man in the woodworking shop also stepping away from her with that same worried look. “Kate, I’m sorry. I was worried.”
She glared at him, embarrassed and humiliated all over again. He’d told Mia. Mia would tell Danielle. She shook her head. “You needn’t have called. I’m fine. It wasn’t him.”
Collin looked at her agape. “Of course it wasn’t, because he’s...”
“Dead,” she finished for him. Tears burned her eyes. She bit her lip. Now he knew her only secret. She had hoped that he’d never find out. But now that it was out... “Mia told you about the other times, didn’t she?”
He looked down at the badly worn, ugly motel-room carpet for a moment. “She thought I should know.” There was accusation in his voice now. He thought she should have told him what he was getting into.
Kate felt her anger rise at both Mia and Collin before it dissipated as quickly as it had come over her. Of course they both thought he should know. Collin was going to be her husband. It was reasonable. If Collin was going to marry her, he should know about the other times she’d thought she’d seen Danny. She shouldn’t be upset, let alone angry with any of them. They loved her. But still she hated that Collin knew. Just as she hated the look in his eyes when she met his gaze. She was pathetic. An almost middle-aged woman who still fantasized about her dead husband being alive.
“I know he’s dead,” she said defensively. “But there is always this split second when I see someone who reminds me of him and I think...” Kate shook her head. “Then I get a good look at the man, and of course it’s not hi
m. I’m not crazy.”
“No one thinks you are,” Collin said kindly as he reached for her. “We get it. We just worry, that’s all. For that split second, it has to be such a...shock and then such a disappointment.”
She nodded against his chest. She wasn’t ready to forgive him for calling Mia, and yet she let him pull her closer. She hadn’t wanted her girls to know about this. It had been years since she’d seen a man who reminded her of Danny. Her girls had been so happy about her moving on, putting the past behind her for good.
After all the tears she’d cried over Danny, she would have thought there were no more to shed. “For just that one second, it was him standing there,” she said in a hoarse voice that ended with a sob. “I know it’s foolish, but my heart has never accepted that he died that day. I would have known if he had. Instead, I’ve always had this fantasy that he’s out there somewhere and that he will make his way home.” She pulled back to look up at him and saw pity in those blue eyes.
“He’s gone, Kate. You have to quit looking for him.”
She nodded and leaned into him again, feeling the warmth of his arms and body wrapped around her. Collin was real. The life he was offering her was real. She knew it wasn’t fair to him or her girls for her to keep hanging on to what she’d lost. Right after the explosion, she’d searched every crowd, every passerby, every random crowd shot on the television news looking for Danny.
But she hadn’t done that for years. Occasionally a face would catch her eye, but those occasions were rare. She’d really believed that she could move on and put Danny to rest—if not for herself, then for her daughters and her fiancé.
She felt her cheeks heat with embarrassment. A month after the explosion, she’d seen a man on a news program. He was a farmer in Nebraska. She made her father call the television station. She’d been convinced it was Danny.
Another time, she’d seen him getting off a plane and had chased him down, terrifying the man and his family. There’d been other times, too. In Houston, she’d see a man walk in front of her car, and he’d looked so much like Danny that she’d jumped out, holding up traffic to go after him. It was only when he turned that she’d seen her mistake.
Now she’d done it again—just when she’d thought that she’d accepted the loss and was ready to move on.
“When can we get out of here?” she asked, her voice breaking.
“Soon, baby. I’m going to go get us something to eat.” He swept her up and carried her back to the bed, lying her down gently and planting a kiss on her forehead before leaving.
She crawled under the covers and turned on the television, but she was too distracted to watch anything. Collin had been gone long enough that she’d wondered if he’d stopped by the man’s woodshop to see for himself. Collin would know what Danny looked like since there were photos at her house. Their wedding picture, snapshots when the girls were born and ones of the two of them with their baby girls.
Kate stared at the engagement ring on her finger. She’d said goodbye to Danny when she’d accepted Collin’s proposal. She hadn’t realized that she’d still been holding out hope even after all these years—until she’d seen the man standing in the woodshop.
But it had been just like the other times. The man wasn’t Danny. He looked like what Danny might look like after twenty years had passed, but he definitely didn’t sound like him or move like him. So, why had she behaved the way she had? There’d been something about him. Something about his features, something about the way he was standing there...
She felt a wave of shame and humiliation. Her daughters and Collin were right. Danny was gone. He certainly wasn’t down the street in some woodshop. She closed her eyes, wanting desperately to get out of this town and put this whole episode behind her.
CHAPTER SIX
THE NEXT MORNING, Collin accompanied her to the café as if afraid of what kind of trouble she might get into if she went by herself. Last night they’d eaten the dinner he’d picked up from the café in the motel room and watched a bad movie. The whole time, she’d felt Collin stealing glances at her. She couldn’t bear the thought of his pity, let alone his concern. Was he having second thoughts about marrying her?
“Have you talked to the mechanic?” she asked as they walked down the main street toward the café. She knew Collin had to be as anxious as she was to get out of this town, even before what had happened yesterday. The sidewalks and highway had been plowed, but new snow had formed more drifts they had to navigate around.
“He didn’t answer. It’s early. I’ll have breakfast with you and then go check,” he said and reached for her arm as they came to a slippery part of the sidewalk.
She wanted to pull free. To tell him that she wasn’t an invalid. But she bit her tongue. The bump on her temple said otherwise—at least to Collin. Nor did she point out that he’d never liked an early breakfast and usually didn’t want to eat until around lunchtime.
It was obvious what was going on. He was protecting her from herself, afraid she might foolishly visit the woodworker again. Or maybe see someone else in town who looked like her dead husband?
Once in the warmth of the café, they shrugged out of their coats and took a booth. As she looked around, Kate felt embarrassed by the looks the other patrons gave her. She knew they were probably just interested in any strangers who’d arrived in their town. But she felt as if everyone knew what she’d done yesterday. She tried to assure herself that they couldn’t know. But today they seemed even more curious about her and Collin than they had been yesterday.
Excusing herself, she went to the ladies’ room. More than anything, she needed a few moments to herself. Collin had been hovering over her all morning. She took a few deep breaths and splashed cold water on her wrists. Maybe she’d lived without a husband for too long. Over the years, she’d prided herself in her ability to be self-sufficient.
Now she wondered if she was ready to lean on anyone, let alone lose her feeling of independence. She wanted a man to be her equal partner. Not someone who felt he had to take care of her.
She couldn’t help those thoughts. The engagement ring seemed to hang on her ring finger. She really had to get it sized. She found herself staring at it, questioning if she was doing the right thing for not just herself but Collin, too. He hadn’t known what he was getting into. But now he knew at least some of it. She really doubted he knew how much she still loved Danny and always would.
But she loved him, too. She wanted this adventurous future he was offering her. Just because she’d made this one mistake here in Buckhorn, it didn’t have to define their relationship.
As she came out of the ladies’ room, she saw Collin talking to a woman who appeared to be in her mid-fifties. A plaited gray braid hung along one shoulder. She wore an apron liberally dusted with what appeared to be flour. Kate caught enough of the conversation that she realized he’d been questioning the cook about the woodworker.
She felt her face flush with mortification. As if she wasn’t embarrassed enough by her behavior yesterday. Worse, the way he was questioning the woman, he made it sound as if the woodworker had done something wrong.
As she approached, Collin glanced up and shut up. He gave her a guilty look as the older woman excused herself and went back into the kitchen. Kate said nothing as she passed him and headed back to their table. He joined her. She could tell that he knew she was angry. Just as she could tell that he didn’t want to argue, especially here in front of half the town.
“If it’s all right,” he said quickly, “I’m going to run down to the garage and see what is going on. I heard on the news that a lot of the highways are closed. This storm doesn’t seem to be letting up.” He sounded nervous, and she realized it wasn’t just because he’d overstepped a few minutes ago asking the older woman about the woodworker. He was getting as antsy as she was, being trapped in this place. More so after yesterday.
&nbs
p; “Go. I’m fine,” she said, glad to see him leave, but far from fine.
He nodded uncertainly but was smart enough to not stick around and question her further.
She didn’t dare glance around to see if she was still being watched. She knew she was. She thought about skipping breakfast altogether and going back to the motel room. As she started to reach for her coat, a young pregnant waitress she’d heard someone call Lindsey rushed up to take her order.
Kate slumped back in relief. She wasn’t hungry, but eating gave her an excuse to stay. Even with people curious about her, it was better than that dark motel room.
Lindsey had just left to put her order in when Kate looked up to see the older woman Collin had been talking to earlier standing next to her table.
“Mind if I join you?” the woman asked and didn’t wait for an answer as she slid into the booth. “I wanted to welcome you to Buckhorn. I’m the café owner. In the summer I also run the bakery on the edge of town.” She held out her hand. “Bessie Walker.” Bessie smelled of yeast, sugar and cinnamon. Her smile was welcoming, just like her bright blue eyes.
“Kate Jackson.” She shook the warm smooth hand.
“I see you’re engaged,” Bessie said.
Kate looked down at her left hand. Seeing the ring on her finger startled her. “It was recent.” She thumbed the band to straighten the diamond. “I’m not used to it yet.”
“Seems to me it doesn’t quite fit.”
“Yes, it’s a little too big. I haven’t had time to have it sized.”
“That, too,” Bessie said and smiled. “Your fiancé...”
“Collin Matthews,” Kate provided.
“He was asking about Jon,” the woman said, meeting her gaze and holding it.
