“Slow down,” I whisper against her lips.
Sin shuts her eyes tight, and her movements grow stiff. I can feel her panic just under the surface, almost as if she’s fighting her body’s desire for me as much as she’s fighting the idea of us.
“In these four walls, it’s me and you. Don’t be scared of that. I got you.” I won’t let her down, not in this. Before, I lost my way and steered us both into shark-infested waters, and we’re still in survival mode. What we had… it was real. That’s the only plausible reason it hit us both this hard.
Her eyes crack open to bore into mine. I dip forward, bringing us skin to skin, my eyes never leaving hers as I take her lips in a gentle kiss. My hands trail down her body, gripping first one leg, and then the other. Securing them around my waist as I walk us to the bed. I lay back against the mattress draping Sin over me like a blanket.
She pushes up on her arms and the panic I only felt a couple of seconds ago is written across her face now. I know that look. She’s about to bolt. I grip the back of her stiff neck, leaning up to run kisses down her throat.
“Jake… I—”
“Don’t say it.”
She looks at me with startled eyes.
That’s right, baby, we’re not playing that game. Not tonight. I need Sin with me. Not fixated on the events of four years ago. But right here in the present with me. I suck on the skin just above her clavicle, and she arches into my touch.
“You set the pace. You make the rules.” I run my hands down the curve of her ass. Gripping her thighs, I pull them wide, so she lands with her knees on either side of me giving me access to her soft core.
“You still like it hard?” I smack the rounded flesh of her ass, and she groans from deep in her chest. “Or do you want it soft?” I trail kisses down to her breasts, moving to lick the dark skin around her left nipple before I take the stiff peak in my mouth. Sin’s hips settle against mine. She grinds her wet center against my shaft. “You can be loud,” I say dropping wet kisses on her skin. “I remember I used to make you scream. You still a screamer, baby?” I peel her body off mine and retrieve the condom from the wallet where my pants lay on the floor. I tear the foil wrapper with my teeth and roll the latex down my length. I crawl on the bed between her legs, and with flawless accuracy, I sink into Sin. All the way to the hilt.
“Ah… Jake” She licks her lips, her back bowing in a sharp arch, hips rocking in my hold to take me deeper.
I get three or four shallow strokes before my hips jack up, kissing her womb, which rips a high-pitched moan from her mouth.
“Easy, baby.”
I run a hand over the thud of her heart behind her rib cage. Her hips roll with mine, meeting me in the middle, and I need… more, now. Right, the fuck now. I want to go so deep that she’ll feel me for days. I hold her thighs to my sides.
“Let me hear you.”
I angle her hips and thrust hard, setting a languid pace that teases us both.
“Tell me how you want it,” I murmur. My hips pull back only to sink inside her even slower this time.
“I want it all,” she moans.
Yes! A satisfied pleasure bursts in my chest at her words. My hand ghosts over her beautiful face that has haunted my dreams. I tip her chin to bring her eyes to mine. I rub my thumb across her full bottom lip, and without breaking eye contact, I drop my head for another taste of her mouth.
Her eyes drift shut.
“Nah-uh, baby. You don’t get to hide. Let me see those eyes.”
She opens her eyes. They shine with unshed tears. “Jake.” My name on her lips has never sounded so good. Tears spill over her lashes, but her eyes never leave mine.
“That’s right, baby. It’s you and me. You remember that?” I underline every word with a thrust. Sin curls her legs over my hips, drawing me in deeper, closer.
Our mingled breaths grow strained as we move together. Each thrust is coming harder than the last. I’m not sure how much longer I can last. My balls are already so tight, they hurt. I snake my hand between us and work her clit as I continue to pound into her.
“Let me feel it, baby. Milk that dick.” My eyes try to close but I force them to stay open, to take in every inch of her. The deep hue of her skin, a striking contrast to my russet tone. She’s flesh and bone, and willing woman, the answer to ever uttered prayer. And she’s here. Her body joined to mine in a way that surpasses the physical. Together we’re air and stars. Our connection, deep and vast, is limitless.
Sin gives me exactly what I ask for as the first flutters of her orgasm trigger my own. I keep going, my shaft throbbing as I jettison every drop of come into the thin latex barrier that separates us. I collapse against her chest, taking in heaping breaths. Sin’s arms wrap tight around me.
The aftermath is as good, if not better, than the sex. The quiet moments where we can just be is all I want. I’m not sure how long we lay there, but Sin’s breathing gets longer and slower, and her body sags into the mattress. I raise myself up onto my elbow, my fingers sliding over her high cheekbones and the cute button on the tip of her nose. I kiss her unresponsive lips just because I can.
For the first time in what feels like forever, I’m at peace. I roll to my side, gathering Sin in my arms and tucking her head under my chin. Right here is exactly where I want to be—where I’m meant to be. I don’t know if I believe that soul mates exist, but if they do, Sin is mine. I’m hardwired to love her.
When she left, I thought this is just until I could gain her forgiveness. Until her heart was repaired. Until I could be the man she deserves, the one she needs. I messed up in the worst way a man can. I betrayed her trust and broke her heart. I know she’s scared. I’m terrified but that scared feeling in my gut? That’s how I know this is right. That Sin is the best… no, the only choice.
We lost years and I’m not willing to lose another second.
I finger the soft springy curls around her shoulder and snuggle in closer. Then I close my eyes to sleep.
Ten Years Ago
Sinclair
We’re standing at the door to Jake’s home, no his family mansion. I knew he came from money, but I didn’t expect… this. This house is big, like I couldn’t see the side walls as we drove up big. Like we had to check in with the guard at the front gate big. Like it’s in Anthem, one of the richest neighborhoods in the city, at the base of Black Mountain big.
“Babe, relax. My parents aren’t that bad.”
“I’m relaxed,” I whisper shout, wiggling my arms at my sides to dry the stress sweat already gathering at my pits.
“Says the girl having an asthma attack.” Laughing Jake wraps both arms around my waist and presses a soft kiss to my temple.
“This is me not laughing.” Even to my own ears my voice is tight with anxiety. “Don’t you have a key?”
The last thing I need is one of his parents overhearing our conversation from the other side of the that door and thinking that I don’t want to be here.
I don’t.
I really, really don’t.
But they don’t need to know that.
“Of course, I have a key, but I’s trying to do this right, formally introduce you. Not bring you home like a playmate.”
Formally? The only formal thing I have ever done in my life is high school graduation. Even then I was wearing a T-shirt and jeans under my cap and gown. I’m dressed similarly today. Different shirt, different pair of jeans, but the same me. The unwanted daughter of a Vegas call girl, who was raised by the system because my mother wasn’t capable or interested, and finally because she wasn’t alive. I normally don’t care what people think about that. But today is different. The stakes somehow higher.
I care what these people think.
I want them to like me.
I want them to choose me for their son.
“Jake, I can’t… You didn’t tell me that you… that your family is.” My words die down on a frustrated breath. “I’m not dressed, and my hair is—”
“Perfect. You are perfect just the way you are.” I twist in his arms and meet his steady gaze, and he’s looking at me the way he always does. A heat mixed of lust and something that just might be love. Like in his eyes I’m perfect.
Me—the poor girl from Pahrump whose mother made her living at the whim of men, whose father was a nameless, faceless good-time-guy, who spent more time unwanted in the home of strangers—at the home of the adored son of one of Las Vegas’s richest families.
“I’m over reacting, huh?”
“I think all this worry is for nothing. Just a little faith, babe. My parents aren’t bad.” Dropping a soft kiss on my lips, he threads our fingers and depresses the doorbell button.
The door swings open immediately.
A slender woman with golden skin, eyes and hair, wearing an all-white pantsuit that looks like it came directly off a mannequin at one of the high-end boutiques in the Forum Shops at Caesars Palace is standing there.
Her eyes move from the top of my head to my Converse-clad feet, pausing… no staring at my hair, before lowering to Jake’s fingers twined with mine. Her gaze sweeps back up to meet mine. And yeah… in a few seconds, this woman just sat as my judge and jury. Based on her grimace, I was found guilty.
Please Jesus don’t be his mother. In the pit of my stomach I know she is. Why else would she look at me like my very existence insulted her? She looks from me to Jake and real joy shines in her smile.
“Son it’s been so long I’ve almost forgotten what you look like.” A rich Southern accent pours over her words, dipping them in syrup and coating them in sugar.
She opens her arms and Jake drops my hand to walk into her embrace. I feel alone and very much like the girl that used to show up at houses with my black garbage bag in tow.
I gotta get out of here. When I left Pahrump for the final time, I promised myself that I’d never do this again, be the unwanted burden people are forced to endure.
I take a step back, but Jake reaches out, his long fingers curling around my wrist. He’s right next to me. When did that happen?
“Momma let me introduce you to Sin.” He says pulling me forward. “And Sin this is my mom, Danielle Johnson.”
“Nice to meet you.” I extend my hand, which she doesn’t take.
“I’m sorry? I must have heard that wrong. Did you just say that this child is named Sin? As in ugly acts that tarnish the soul?” Her gaze flits between us before settling on Jake.
“My name is Sinclair. Sinclair James but people call me Sin for short.” I awkwardly lower my outstretched hand as I stumble through my explanation, but she doesn’t look at me. Her eyes stay focused on Jake, completely dismissing me presence.
“Sinclair is a last name, not a first. People who have two last names cannot be trusted. Deception is weaved into their spirit at birth.”
“Really Mom?”
“You’re a grown man. Far be it from me to tell you what to do, but I will light a candle for you at mass on Sunday. Pray to the good Lord to protect you from Sin, as it were.” She waves a hand in my direction before turning around to walk into the house. Jake steps into the house gently pulling me behind him and closing the door. His mother’s retreating back is already at the other end of the massive house.
“She hated me on sight, Jake,” I whisper.
“She doesn’t know you, babe. My mom is… She can be a little pretentious, but she’ll warm up.”
He tries to walk in the same direction as his mom, but I dig my feet into the polished hardwood floors. He looks back at me curiously.
“I’m not staying. She doesn’t l—” I back up until my back hits the solid surface of one of the walls.
“Give me thirty minutes. If you still want to leave, I’ll walk out the door with you.”
“Jake. Tell me you saw that. You saw that she refused to shake my hand or even look at me, right?”
“She’s…” He looks away running a hand across the back of his neck. “I’m sorry about that. I’ll talk to her, but you’ll love my dad and my little sister.”
“Thirty minutes? That all, right?” I ask searching his eyes. “Promise?”
“Promise,” he says.
“Jacob,” his mom calls down the hall. “Don’t dawdle at the front door. Maria prepared your favorite, crab cakes for lunch on the back deck.”
We both turn our heads to watch her walk through a sliding glass door. When she’s out of sight, Jake drops a soft kiss to my neck. “How about we skip the whole meet the ’rents thing. We can go upstairs. I’ll show you my old room and the bed in that room. I’m not in the mood for crab cakes anyway.”
He drops a kiss on my lips. “But I could go for the taste of your sweet pu—”
I cover his mouth and stifle a laugh. “Oh my God, you are so nasty. I can’t believe you’d even bring that up in your parents’ house.”
“Why? You think this place makes a difference? It doesn’t. I’ll be quick. You’ll be more relaxed…” His hand drops to the button of my jeans.
“And your mom will hate me more than she already does,” I say, pushing his hand away.
“She doesn’t hate you.” His hand drops from my button looping our pinkies. “Let’s get this over with,” he says, leading me toward the open door.
His mom and a man, who I assume is his dad, sit at a table with long stem wine glasses in their hands and colored fiesta plates in front of them. Jake pulls out a chair for me directly across from his mother and takes the one across from his dad.
“Jacob,” his dad says once were seated.
“Pop.”
“Your mother told me you’d brought a friend. We weren’t expecting—”
“Sin, this is my dad, Conrad Johnson. Pop, this is Sin.”
“Nice to meet you M-Mr.—” I start but I stutter to a stop when I hear his mother.
“Did you hear that name, Conrad? Didn’t I tell you. Trash.”
I drop my head to hide the tears that immediately well in my eyes.
“Mom, enough!”
“Do not take that tone with me, Jacob Johnson. This girl”—she tips her wine glass at me—“is a girl you have fun with. Not one you bring home to your mother. I could smell the trailer park, or is it ghetto, on her the moment I opened the door.”
Jake pushes back from the table hard enough that the chair topples behind him. He pulls out my chair with a little less force.
“We’re out.”
“Son, your mother didn’t mean to—”
“Yeah, she did, Pop. And you let her do it. I won’t ask Sin to deal with this, and I’m not dealing with it either.”
He offers a hand to help me stand and without another word, we walk out of the house.
NOW
Sinclair
I’m hot. I try to kick the covers off my body when an arm around my back pulls me closer to the source of all that heat.
“Hey,” a gravelly voice rumbles under my ear.
“Hey, yourself,” I say, pulling the sheet across my chest and scooting up the pillows. Shit! For the second time in so many days, I slept with Jacob Johnson. The first time didn’t really count, but waking up in bed next to a sleep-warm Jake absolutely counts. There is no way around this one. The movie reel of last night’s greatest hits start running through my head. Oh, Jesus, I let him hit it raw. The known cheater didn’t use protection, and I…
“Stop over thinking it.” Jake runs a thumb between my eyebrows, smoothing the crinkled skin back into place. Yeah, because that was possible. It is entirely realistic to forget the way this man owned my body. Jake touches my chin, tilting my face up to his, but I jerked out of his grip. He lets out a sigh, capturing my chin once again until my eyes finally flit up to his.
“What?”
“Why all the hostility when for the first time since you got back, we’re good?” Jake frowns.
“We’re so far from good, Jake.” I let out a breath.
“But we’re not. Seriously, Sin. I was there last
night too. Hell, I’m here with you right now.” He traces a finger down my cheek. That simple touch has my pulse leaping in my veins.
Is this hell or the sweetest heaven? Jake is right in front of me. His muscled body curved around mine. His beautiful eyes focused and penetrating. Every time we kiss, he injects a sliver of hope into my soul. That one speck of light on an otherwise dark canvas. With every thrust of his hips, that anchor I tried to yank out four years ago embeds itself deeper into my heart, filling the Jake-sized hole and strengthening our few remaining ties.
Laying in his arms makes it hard to remember all the reasons why opposites don’t work. When we were together, Jake was the sky, boundless and towering. Where I was from, I had no choice but to stay grounded, a little more real. I used to think I gave him a bit more reality and he helped me shoot for the stars.
“Why can’t we just be, Sin?” he asks in a subdued voice, his arm involuntarily pulling me closer.
“Because we have so much water under the bridge that’s lapping at the sides and threatening to crush this thing into a million pieces.”
“You’re not that weak.” He lifts my leg over his hip. “We’re not that weak. What we have isn’t water under any bridge, babe. It’s just the beginning. We have so much more… so much.”
“Jake I can’t—”
“But you can. Choose me.” His hand squeezes my thigh. “Do the unthinkable, and I promise you’ll never look back.” He seals that promise with a brush of lips. Jake is all intense conviction, and me? I’m teetering on the edge of crazy. I want to believe him. I want him to fix us. Erase all the heavy clouds the crowded my blue sky but common sense and a ten-year history says that in every situation, Jake is a bad bet.
“If we do this—” I start, but he shakes his head.
“When, Sin. The word you’re looking for is when we do this. It’s already happening. Give in, babe.”
Exquisitely Broken (A Sin City Tale Book 1) Page 16
